Chapter Eleven: Caring Cruelty

Usagi followed everyone else to the briefing room with a heavy heart, already sensing the response Manx was likely going to give her. Nothing. She should have expected something like this from her godfather but, somehow, he made her want to trust him so much. The overwhelming compassion she's always felt for him blinding her of anything else, even from the thought that he might fail her.

Rei was right; she was weak. She depended on other people too much to get what she wanted so she almost ends up hurt when they let her down. But she was inexperienced in this world her godfather seemed to be thriving in and she knew that if she really wanted any leads on Shingo, she had to stay, at least until she heard anything.

The frightening vision she had several nights ago tried to come back to haunt her but she shook it off hard before it had a chance to take control of her emotions again. She mustn't let her emotions run away with her like that again just because of a vision. She had to be strong. For Shingo's sake, she had to be strong until she found him.

Aya scowled when he noticed the little blond walk carefully down the stairs as everyone gathered in the mission room. When he cut in on her and Manx's conversation earlier, he tried to make himself believe it was because he wanted to get down to business since he was never the kind of person who liked wasting his time on inconsequential things. But as soon as he caught sight of her saddened eyes he knew he didn't do it just for that reason. He wanted to spare her from the disappointment that he already felt Manx was going to deliver and frankly, he didn't think he wanted to see her all depressed again. Or worse. He was expecting her to walk off and leave them to their mission in despair but it was apparent that she was staying, and he didn't like it one little bit.

Before she could step farther into the room, Yohji already placed himself in her way and blocked her path. "Where do you think you're going?"

Usagi stopped and blinked up at the blond for a moment, seemingly confused, until she spoke. "I'm here to find out what the mission is, Yohji-kun."

Omi and Ken stopped their progress towards the sofas and looked at each other with the same worried expressions on their faces but both kept quiet. Aya, already knowing what Yohji wanted, leaned against a nearby pole, seemingly bored and brooding. Since Usagi was added to the team, they tried their best not to get her involved in the missions other than the research aspects and so far they've succeeded since Usagi managed to be out everytime Manx came in. But this time, it was obvious that they were out of luck.

"Look, tenshi, I think you should leave this case to us," Yohji started a little bit tentatively. "You just go upstairs and watch over the little pink tenshi."

"Yohji's right, Usagi-chan," Ken joined in, his warm brown eyes worried. "I don't think this will be very healthy for you."

Usagi frowned at them. "Demo I can't. This is a part of my bargain with Persia."

"Yohji is right, Usagi-chan," Manx said from where she was standing, eyeing the blond with no little concern on her face. "Persia may have assigned you as a temporary member of Weiss but you don't have to be included in the missions. We just did that to hide your identity and location from certain people who might be looking for you to gain an advantage over your father."

Usagi frowned at that and a determined glint shone in her eyes. "Iie, I'm staying."

"Demo, Usagi-chan—"

"Just let her see the video." Aya interrupted Omi's further attempts to change Usagi's mind and everybody stared at him, surprised.

"Demo, Aya-kun!" Omi protested along with the two older men.

"Let her see the video and the mission folder and then let her decide for herself if she still wants to be involved." Aya ignored the younger man, meeting Usagi's bright blue eyes coldly.

The hint of challenge in his amethyst eyes weren't lost on the blond girl and she furrowed her brows in determination at him. "Arigato, Aya-san."

The three other men tensed and moved to protest but one look at both their faces made them slump their shoulders in defeat. They knew that Usagi was somehow looking for a lead on Shingo's location though it was obvious that Manx didn't have it. It was obvious that she wasn't going to leave any stone unturned.

"Weiss, your next case is about a doctor named Shigemi Yoko who leads a syndicate called the Kreikenhaus Gang who sells human organs to the black market…"

Aya, on the other hand, knew exactly what he wanted to happen, and he watched the blonde's face closely as the Persia's video instructions were given. The look of horror on her face as she watched and listened to every detail satisfied him no end. Maybe now she'll quit being so damn stubborn.

After listening to Manx's instructions, everyone kept looking in concern over at her, and they all felt their chests tighten when they saw her tears falling from her cheeks as she stared down sadly at the victim, Sakura Tomoe's, face.

"That's the picture of the girl in this tape recorder. Her name is Sakura Tomoe, fifteen years old…" Manx carried on in a steady voice though her eyes kept looking at Usagi's sad face, her face exposed for all to see.

"Usagi-chan," Ken approached her, touching her shoulder lightly. His heart felt heavy whenever he saw her cry. "Daijobou, Usagi-chan…?"

He was a little taken aback by the trembling little smile that the blond girl gave him, her eyes not reflecting horror or fear but just pure, unadulterated, heartbreaking sadness. They were expecting at least a gasp of horror from her so why was she taking all of this so calmly? She was just simply sad! Any other girl would have fainted by now in sheer fright and horror. Or hurling in disgust and going insane!

Aya knew that they were all blaming him for making Usagi cry, but he wanted to shake her out of this foolish way of thinking that she could actually fix something with her kindness. She had to wake up and see that they weren't merely playing a game make her realize that they were serious, cold-blooded killers who killed monsters like Yoko Shigemi! It was time to shake her out of her fairytale.

He was expecting her to scream, horrified. Maybe faint at the sheer hideousness and brutality of the case. Then, he expected the whining and the horrified shrieks of condemnation. Aya waited for the damning words that would make her yet another person who harbored such things as judgment and grudges and rage…

But Usagi merely shook her head and brushed her tears away delicately with the back of her hand before offering them a tremulous smile. "Iie, I'm fine, minna-san, o negai, don't worry. When do we start?"

Aya straightened and stared at her in disbelief. That was it? He waited a little longer but it was obvious that she wasn't going to give them anything else. Everyone else in the room was as surprised as he was. Was the girl just stupid or really brave? It certainly couldn't be because she felt nothing for the victims and she just accepted this like a veteran. No, she was far too emotional and transparent for that.

"A-are you sure, Usagi-chan?" Omi asked her a little uncertainly.

She met the young man's eyes with a hint of determination in hers; she made it clear that whatever fear or horror she was feeling at that moment was inconsequential. "I made a deal with Persia to join Weiss in exchange for information about my brother, I am not going to back out on that promise."

She was looking directly at Manx who took a step back at the look in the usually gentle blue depths. She had never known the Tsukino daughter could be seriously cold when she wanted to. Her eyes reflected fiery ice that rivaled Aya's iceberg cold ones. The effect on her was staggering and that in itself was a surprise since she's been working with Aya and the others, even Persia, for years so she should have been used to these looks by now but something about the serious look on the usually happy Usagi Tsukino's face made her sweat and uncertain. Usagi spoke like someone who had… power. The look so disturbed the redheaded woman that her answer became a stutter. "O-of course, Usagi-chan."

There was something else, Aya could see it, feel it around her, but he didn't know what it was. It was as if she was planning something else and it made him suspicious. The suspicion made the bitterness he felt upon learning about her engagement justified, something he was secretly relieved about. Any other reason would have been unacceptable to him. Besides that, he would have another reason to approach her, just for the mere purpose of finding out what she was scheming, of course.

So as everybody else was busy discussing what kind of vehicle they might be looking for, since the girl Sakura Tomoe mentioned remembering moving while she was sedated, he watched her. And waited for his opportunity. He waited and forced himself to be calm while intense feelings of frustration and confusion and something else he didn't care to name ate at his soul because of her.

"The vehicle we're looking for would probably look like something like… this." Omi said, showing the others a picture of a truck that was probably used during Sakura Tomoe's abduction.

"That's like looking for gorillas in the city!" Yohji groaned.

"How are we going to find something like that?!" Ken complained.

But instead of complaining, Usagi merely placed a gentle hand on Omi's shoulder and smiled at him, making the youngest Weiss member blush. "Good work, Omi-kun. If you don't mind, I would like to help too."

Cheeks still red, Omi could only nod. "A-arigatou, Usagi-chan."

At last, Aya couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't get out of there now, he'd blow up in front of his teammates and their disposition might affect the mission's outcome. "Iie, you're not going on this mission."

Everyone turned to the brooding redhead but it was Usagi who spoke. "Nani?! Doushite?"

"Because I said so, that's final." He told her curtly before turning around and walking away without waiting for any answers.

He climbed upstairs and started walking on the corridor that led to his room. He heard her footsteps as she ran after him, he knew she was following; he just didn't care to stop. Somehow, he didn't want to explain any of his decisions to her at the moment.

"Aya-san!"

Damn it, what was this feeling bubbling inside him whenever she called his name? Why did hurt so much?! Damn it, this is all her fault! He quickened his pace and was already in front of his room when she came between him and his sanctuary.

"Why?!" she snapped at him, blocking the door. "Why won't you let me go?! I'm a member of Weiss, I have as much right to—"

"Get out of my way."

"Iie! Not until you give me one good reason why you won't let me help even when you allowed me to see the case—"

"Because I wanted you to run!" he finally snapped at her. "Can't you see? This isn't a game!"

Silence enveloped the both of them as they stared at each other, emotions between them running higher by the moment. He saw the anger and disbelief in her sapphire eyes as she stared back at him. "You think that this is all just a game to me?!"

Aya didn't know how she did it. She made his hard won control snap like a very brittle stick. The only person he knew that could've ever done that to him would've been Takatori but this little slip of a girl got under his skin like an unscratchable itch he wanted to get rid of. Deep inside, whenever he saw her, he felt unworthy. Tainted. Empty! She made him want something he didn't even have a name for and the wanting, needing, longing feeling was something he really didn't need! And since he heard of her engagement, all he wanted to do was to punch a hole into something that would've satisfactorily broken under his fist.

He wanted something, something, something… And yet he couldn't understand just what the hell it was. And lashing out at her was the only way he could think of to relieve him of his frustration.

"Look, hime, this isn't some kind of game you can just join in and call it quits when you get scared or tired of it!" he snapped back at her. "We're playing with life and death here. Anything you do here will stain you for the rest of your life, don't you understand that?!"

For a moment, her eyes widened at the word 'hime', before her brows furrowed and she stood before him in anger. "Playing?! You think I don't know that a part of you dies when you kill a person with your bare hands?! You think I don't understand what you feel when you see their blood on your clothes and face the consequences of the aftermath after you watch them die?!"

Aya was taken aback, his heart stopping for a moment. Her words surprised him and they felt like a slap in the face and worse, she was so close he could smell the soothing scent of the lavender she was trying to arrange earlier in the shop and it teased him in a frighteningly sensual way. It made the empty, hungry feeling in his gut expand. It made him want to touch her and breath her in up close. Bury his nose in her hair and drown himself in all that warm, soft skin… But someone owned her already. She belonged to someone else.

He clutched her arms and pushed her against his door violently, his spiking, confused emotions making him cease to care about anything anymore aside from the fact that this girl was literally tearing him apart using a power he didn't know how to defend himself from. "How could you understand?! You live a perfect life until recently so how could you possibly understand what I feel?!"

She ignored his half mocking, half bitter questions and stared him in the eye, the impact of her back hitting the door undoing the loose ribbons that tied up her pigtails in buns and releasing her hair to ripple around her face and shoulders and down Aya's hard hands, but she didn't flinch. "I may be sheltered, Aya, but I'm not blind. I can see all of you hurting. You're all good people and doing what you do must hurt you too. Because you couldn't have always been this way…"

There was no anger or hurt in her gaze but he saw something flit in her eyes when he asked her how she could have known what it felt like to kill someone. It was that mystery, that veil around her that frustrated him the most and, before he could stop himself, his voice took a mind of its own. "What is that?"

Heavenly blue eyes looked up at him in confusion. "Huh?"

"That something in your eyes when I mentioned something about you not knowing how it feels to kill people? What is it?"

This time, it was her that was taken aback. Her eyes were the ones that widened in surprise and her breath seemed to have stopped. For a moment, they stared at each other before thick, dark lashes shielded half of her eyes as she looked away. "Nothing."

Aya couldn't stand it. All the secrets, all the lies! Somehow, he felt that it was important that he knew everything about her. Somehow, something inside told him he needed to know everything she knew, to get into her skin somehow until he was in so deep she would never be able to remove him.

He started to shake her. "Answer me!"

Usagi started pushing against him to get free. "If you really don't want me to go, then fine, I'll stay and help Omi-kun with the research. I'm going to bed."

Aya merely tightened his hold on her arms and shook her again, trying to ignore the silky softness caressing the back of his hands that were covered by her hair as he did so. "Tell me!"

She refused to look back at him. "I don't know what you're talking abou— Ah!"

Aya let go of one of her arms, buried his hand in the thick tresses behind her head and pulled harshly, ignoring the pained expression on her face, forcing her to look back into his eyes. His breath blew her bangs away from her eyes as he breathed heavily, the emotions he'd kept inside for so long seemingly too much for his lungs to take. "Quit lying to me, damn it!"

She winced in pain but she couldn't flinch. He had her hair so tight she couldn't even close her eyes. She was forced to look into a pair of pained amethyst eyes that gleamed brightly with a fire that had her heart thumping an uncontrollable rhythm. But his words, his questions pulled her out of the whirlpool of his gaze and she asked quietly instead, "If I told you, would you be able to do anything about it?"

"How would I know unless you tell me?" he growled back.

His anger was blown away when he saw her defiance turn into a deep, resigned sadness that told him in no uncertain words that, whatever it was she was hiding, it was not some simple adolescent problem. But what could it be? How could she face a problem like that when she had everything to make her life perfect? A complete family, devoted friends, and a fiancé with a bright future. What more could she possibly ask for?

But then he remembered the bathroom incident. The mark, her eyes, her aura. Yes, there was something unusual about Usagi Tsukino. Something that no ordinary person had any access to. Something that imprisoned her in this sadness that only the sheer strength of her indomitable will kept tolerable to keep her from suffocating under it.

"Please let me go, Aya-san," she pleaded quietly, her head turning a bit at the loosening of his hand on her hair. "Please let me go…"

Aya looked deep into her eyes, his jumbled feelings focusing on one emotion as he stared at this puzzling, mysteriously alluring young woman. Want. It was then that he'd noticed that he was practically crushing her against his door, her soft body molded tightly against his, her warmth and scent filling his lungs and, before he could stop himself, he breathed her scent into his lungs. Her warm breath brushed his wrist and the feeling sent the want into such a spiraling level that, before he could even think about it, already had him pulling her face up again, his lips descending over hers with a violent passion he never knew he possessed. But inches away from the kiss, a small, squeaky voice stopped him from his goal.

"Chibi?"

Aya's hands tightened around Usagi for a moment as though reluctant to let her go but knew he had to when he saw the confused and pained expression on her delicate face. It was apparent that she was too fogged up in pain to realize he was trying to kiss her. "Fuck."

"Chibi?" the damned little tick was almost beside his leg and Aya glared at it before filling his lungs with Usagi's scent for one last time before finally letting her go.

He brushed past her without another word and shut the door. Locked in the safety of his room, he finally allowed himself to shake and stare at the hands that held her a few moments ago. What the hell had he just done? What the hell did he almost do? She was engaged, damn it. Engaged.

He listened to her cooing over the little brat from the other side of his bedroom door and waited until her light footsteps have gone away before finally giving in to the urge to hit the nearest solid object he could find. His dresser. His fist went through the plywood and was cushioned later on by his shirts resting on the other side. But even after tending to his bleeding knuckle hours later he still couldn't find any satisfaction. He had a feeling that he would've found what he was looking for had he kissed Usagi but he forced his thoughts away from that. She was engaged, damn it. What she had, he could get from any other woman, all he had to do was look.

But when he lifted his hand to comb through his hair, he got a whiff of Usagi's scent from it and remembered the intensity of the want only she seemed to make him feel, and it turned into a longing that made him suffer more. Like an addict deprived of his opium.

Lifting both hands to his face, Aya breathed them in deeply again and again until her scent on his skin faded. Wishing he could live in a world where would be simple again. Like it was before when her parents were still alive, when Aya-chan was still laughing around and teasing him. He longed to live in the perfect world behind Usagi Tsukino's bright, jewel blue eyes…

A.N.: My apologies that this is taking too long, I'm currently addicted to my Ghost Hunt fic. Be thankful your continued interest is still keeping this story alive. Again, my most sincere apologies.