A/N: After more than a year, I FINALLY got the fucking motivation to continue working on this. I edited every chapter, changed a few details/names, and now I am ready to continue this story! Major 'thank yous' to everyone who has stuck with me this long!
We flew. And we flew. And we flew. Hours passed on the back of the hippogriff as we rode roughly over the ocean. I had no idea where we were going, but the idea of going over an ocean distressed me. I kept my hold on Sirius as tight as possible, afraid that at any second I could bounce off the back of Buckbeak. Ever since I had to swim across a small sea, being around large bodies of water didn't enthuse me.
I apparently managed to fall asleep during the rough journey, for I woke up when Buckbeak landed roughly on a beach. My worst fear was realized as I was jolted roughly off the back of the beast, landing with a small thud onto the sand. It was all too familiar with me- the travelling across the sea, the rough and violent departure to land. Sirius laughed loudly, sliding off Buckbeak as though he did it every day. Hell, maybe he did. "You okay," he asked, still chuckling as he extended his hand to help me up. I grasped it and allowed him to pull me to my feet. I wobbled, my legs numb from the journey. In fact, I had barely felt my fall at all, as my ass had no feeling as well.
"Fine," I replied, looking around. It was sunrise where we were, and the beach was long and rather wild looking. "Where are we?"
"South America!" Sirius proclaimed, his arms outstretched. "Nicaragua, to be exact."
I blinked rapidly. South America? How long had we been flying? "Why did you pick Nicaragua of all places?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. It sounded nice… I read about it once, when I was younger."
I nodded. It was really beautiful- the beach had bright white sand, and with the green from the jungle behind us, it was the kind of place you daydream about. "It's pretty," I said to myself as I stepped into the ocean. It was a lot warmer than the sea that I had swum across last year, and a lot less violent.
"It is," Sirius said from behind me. We stood in silence for a couple minutes, until he cleared his throat. "We should probably start looking for food and fresh water, though."
"Yeah…" I was lost in my own little world. Yesterday I was sleeping on a park bench in England. It was funny how things changed so fast. "Are we going to live amongst the Muggles here?"
Sirius shook his head. "I've escaped from under the Ministry's nose twice. I wouldn't be surprised if they had the entire world on the watch for us." It was strange to think that it was going to be just the two of us from now on, just like things had been in Azkaban. Only this time, we were on a completely different beach, and we were happy.
And it was truly heavenly. For only about a month.
Sirius had made his way back into his godson's life since his escape, and they exchange a rare letter back and forth. It was rather strange, hearing all about how wonderful Harry Potter was, considering he had been the bane of Draco's existence. My parents had originally ordered him to befriend the famous defeater of the Dark Lord, hoping that if the child was in fact a powerful Dark wizard, that Draco's friendship with him would drag our family up to being his most trusted followers. However, Draco somehow messed up, and they became enemies at the same time that it came out that Harry Potter was a perfectly average and extremely lucky child. It seemed like every night at dinner my parents would tell me some new story about how Draco and the famous Harry Potter were bickering.
"Draco had his detention with Harry Potter. They had to wander around the Forbidden Forest!" My mother said furiously, stabbing at her steak violently.
"That's stupid." The whole thing was childish and stupid, in my opinion, but I of course never voice that. I just listened to them rant and complain about Harry and how he seemed to just be ruining Draco's life.
Sirius and I were having a dinner of roasted fish when that damn letter arrived. Harry Potter's snowy owl landed on the beach, right next to Sirius, and extended her leg with the little note attached. "Another letter! I told him he needs to be careful sending them so often…" He untied the letter, and the owl flew off quickly, as though it had better things to do. Sirius read it silently, his eyebrows furrowed and his fingers tapping nervously on the sand.
He abruptly stood up, chewing on his lip nervously. "What? What'd it say?" I looked up at him, shading my eyes from the sun with my hand.
He began pacing, something I hadn't seen him do since the night we escaped Azkaban. "Dumbledore said that something strange was going on, and this-" he shook the note. "This confirms it. I need to go back."
"Go back where?" I asked in a low voice. The idea of returning to England after having been in paradise sounded awful.
"I need to stay close to Harry, in case anything happens." He continued pacing back and forth, lost in thought.
"What happened, Sirius?" I asked frantically, standing up.
Sirius looked at me blankly for a moment before snapping back to himself. "The disappearance of a Ministry worker on a trip to Albania. There were rumors, a long time ago, that that was where Voldemort was hiding… And the Death Eaters showing up at the World Cup, and not Harry's scar is hurting… This is very troubling," he had stopped pacing, looking me intensely in the eyes.
"Are you saying that it's possible Voldemort's returned?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Not returned, per se. But something is definitely going on," Sirius waved the letter around again. "I think I need to stay close to Hogwarts, just in case anything happens."
"You mean 'we need to stay close to Hogwarts'?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but it came out shaky. Was he honestly thinking about leaving me again?
He looked at me guiltily. "You're safe here… You're happy here. Why would you want to return with me?"
I widened my eyes at him, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're telling me that I left the home I had created so you could ditch me on some fucking beach so you could go watch Harry Potter again?"
"No. Nathascha, I want you to be safe, I don't' want-"
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT, SIRIUS!" I screamed, causing a few birds in the jungle behind us to take flight. "You told me that we were going to be fugitives together. I escaped with you so that I could stay with you, not so that I could be left behind every other month!"
"It's not- I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy," he looked frantic. "Do you know what I had to do to survive at Hogwarts? I was a dog the whole time, living off of rats and rabbits. I depended on a fucking cat to catch half my meals. You don't want that," he lurched forward, grabbing my shoulders and staring me in the eyes. "You do not want that. Just stay here. Please."
"No." It didn't take any thought to come up with my answer. Yes, it would be a living hell eating rats and whatever else to survive, but I could do it. I survived Azkaban, after all. Why I would not be able to do is live on a beach completely isolated from society. I would have nothing but the excruciatingly rare letter from Sirius, and if I was lucky a message in a bottle might wash up. That truly sounded awful, to be alone with my own thoughts, abandoned once more.
Sirius shook me gently, lost for words. "Nathascha… You do not want that."
"If it means staying with you, I do. I can handle it." I had allowed Sirius to pull the strings on my life- letting him choose these major decisions. He wasn't going to win this argument.
He seemed to realize that I wasn't going to give up so easily, and he let out a defeated sigh. "You're in idiot, you know that?"
"When do you want to leave, then?"
Sirius sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know; as soon as possible. We can pack up some food and head north after we get some sleep."
I nodded, disappointed at the idea of leaving this place so soon. I had honestly imagined spending forever here, growing old with Sirius. We had just started building a small shack to call home. We could have made it magnificent, testaments to our childhood manors. Our property could have expanded into the jungle, where we had already created a makeshift garden full of various edible plants. "That's fine," I said quietly, sitting back down to nibble on our unfinished dinner. Sirius did the same, and we ate in an awkward silence.
"We should probably go to bed," Sirius said after a while, and I agreed morosely. We slept in the foundation of our house, on a bed of fresh grass that we had just made earlier that day.
The first night we arrived in Nicaragua, we slept a few feet away from each other, about the same distance as we had when we were in Azkaban. I had been curled up under my sweatshirt, using it as a light blanket when Sirius woke me up by talking quickly in his sleep and rolling around wildly in the sand. I crawled over to him and shook him awake gently. He awoke violently, swinging at me. Once he had fully woken up, he stared at me with wide eyes. "We're not in Azkaban anymore," he sighed deeply, relief spreading across his face.
"No, we're not," I whispered back. "I get those nightmares too, sometimes." I shuddered at the memory of the horrible nightmares of the dementors, always around. Nightmares of having no hope, of hoping for death sometimes.
Sirius gave me a sympathetic smile. He laid back down, patting the sand beside him. "Sleep next to me?" He asked as he yawned. I wordlessly curled up next to him and fell asleep with his side pressed against my back.
Tonight was different though. I had always lain on my side while Sirius was on his back. Tonight, however, Sirius laid on his side as well, pressed up against me. His arm rested on top of mine, and he whispered "Goodnight, love," into my ear as he dozed off. I didn't move, and was entirely too shocked to respond. Sirius had never called me anything other than Nathascha, and certainly never used pet names like that. Perhaps he found that small sign of affection appropriate after tonight's argument, I don't know. But I kind of liked the pet name, and the way he held me tightly to him as he slept. I snuggled up against him and fell asleep slowly, too sad about leaving Heaven to rest.
I awoke just as the sun was rising, the same as almost every other morning. I sat up, stretching and looking around. Sirius had taken my sweatshirt and was trying to make a makeshift bag out of it. "How long have you been up?" I asked groggily.
Sirius shrugged, impatiently trying to tie the sleeves up the way he saw fit. "A little while. I figured I'd get a good head start on packing food."
"Have you called for Buckbeak?" Now that we were mostly free, we let Buckbeak wander the jungles. He fended for himself most of the time, though he would come back every couple of days to receive attention and affection from us.
Sirius shook his head, and I made my way to the outskirts of the jungle. I was never really sure what animals could be lurking behind trees or vines, so going in along always made me nervous. I whistled loudly, the shrill noise echoing through the branches. There was nothing but silence for a moment, but then I could hear him- rustling as snapping branches as he walked.
Buckbeak stared at me expectantly as he trudged towards me, as if I had interrupted something important for him. I led him to the beach, to Sirius. He looked up. "Thanks," he muttered.
"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, watching him. He had finished his food bag, and was no standing and staring blankly at the massive expanse of water.
He didn't say anything for a while. We watched the sun rise together in silence, while Buckbeak hunted the water for fish. "I was really happy here," he finally said.
"Me too," I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
He sighed. "We have to do it for Harry though. I spent twelve years in Azkaban not able to look out for him. I have a lot to make up for."
"Yeah…" I didn't feel the same way. Ever since the escape, I had been stuck to Sirius. Hell, ever since I'd been thrown in Azkaban. I could have stayed in the Muggle world, and probably never have been detected. I was in this for Sirius, and no one else.
Sirius stepped away from me, turning to Buckbeak. "We have a really long way to go. We should probably start heading out now…"
I didn't respond to him, I just followed him. We both bowed to Buckbeak, and he immediately did the same. Sirius threw me up onto the hippogriff easily, and after he got situated we were off. I held onto him again for dear life, dreading going back. There was another horizon full of uncertainty, and it was a lot darker than before.