I read in a book once that people who fly their brooms over long distances get 'horizon madness', where they go crazy from the rather unstimulating view after hours of seeing the same thing. I had laughed at the idea, wondering how anyone could go crazy from something so simple. I understood it completely as we soared over the ocean. The same blue sky, the same blue ocean. It seemed as though the sun was barely moving in the sky… In order to talk to Sirius, I had to scream in his ear to be heard over the wind, and my throat was ragged after a short conversation. I was left to my own thoughts as the wind howled in my ear, Sirius' hair slapping me in the face.

I kept my mind on good things, on things that I couldn't regret or miss, which was immensely difficult. When I was being home-taught, my parents hired tutors from all over the world. However, I was a rather lazy student, and by the time that night had rolled around, my mother had given up on my education, and allowed me to quit pursuing my education altogether. I had taken the Ministry regulated O.W.L's, and managed to pass with flying colors in Astronomy and History of Magic… And nothing else.

I laughed to myself as we flew over what I assumed to be Britain. At the time, I figured that I wouldn't need to pass any exams, seeing as I was just going to marry the first Pureblood that asked for my hand in marriage and be a homemaker like my mother. Now, I knew that I wouldn't have needed to pass them because I was just going to end up a prison escapee on the run, anyway.

Buckbeak started diving to the ground, and I squeezed Sirius tightly around the middle. We landed on a rough mountain, and I thankfully didn't fall off this time, but I did slide off Buckbeak rather ungracefully. We were on a small trail on a mountain, with a rather picturesque view of forests in front of us.

"There used to be a cave around here," Sirius said. "My friends and I discovered it in our sixth year, and we used to… Erm, we used to take girls here when we would visit Hogsmeade."

"We're in Hogsmeade?" I asked, looking around the forest before me. I had visited the village a few times when I was younger, with my parents. They had the best sweets shop, and it was truly a treat when my mother and father would take Draco and me, permitting us to get anything we wanted in the shop. I ignored his reason for discovering the cave, feeling an unnatural twinge of jealousy at his words.

Sirius nodded, starting to make his way up the rocky path. "We're on the outskirts, it's 'round the other side of the mountain, along with Hogwarts."

I followed behind him, carefully climbing up rocks and small cliffs. Buckbeak followed behind me, obviously worn out. It was already late at night here, the stars and moon illuminating our path quite well for us. It was funny to think that we had been staring up at those same stars a day ago, all the way across the world.

"Aha!" Sirius said after a while, motioning for me to come closer. He pointed at a big fissure in the rock, and climbed into it. "Careful, there's a step."

I slide through the crack, stumbling. It was pitch black in here, and I blindly stepped forward, bumping into Sirius. He grabbed my shoulder, steadying me, and Buckbeak followed apprehensively, letting out a quiet and disdainful screech.

"It's dark," I said, my voice echoing slightly. There was the low sound of running water, and I could hear Buckbeak heading towards it.

Sirius laughed. "It is a cave. I hope you're ready for what it takes to live here."

"I assure you that I can handle it," I replied coolly, stumbling my way through the cave.

A few months into our stay in Hogsmeade, Sirius returned to the cave as a human, a cheeky grin on his face. "I have a surprise!" He said in a sing-song voice, brandishing a large and slightly dirty brown bag.

"What?" I said, excited. Surprises were rare, and never good as a fugitive. Not to mention, anything could excite me anymore. Living in a cave was rather unstimulating. It was always dim, and quiet except for the sound of the water that ran through a crack in the cave. We used the water for drinking, and depended on Sirius to scavenge for food. When none was available, we'd catch the rats that ran through the cave, cooking them over tiny fires we lit with the old newspapers that Sirius collected. I still had my hoard of money from when I worked at the clothes shop, but converting money would be dangerous. It was horrible, having a stack of money that you couldn't use while you gnawed on charred rat for dinner.

Sirius sat down next to me, pulling bread and various fruits and vegetables from the bag. He also pulled a bottle out and waved it in my face- Odgen's Finest Firewhiskey. A grin slowly spread across my face.

"How?" I asked, incredulous.

"Old lady was at her neighbors having tea, so I raided her kitchen," he looked slightly guilty, but he did what he needed to.

"Nice!" It was rare that people left their homes without placing security charms. I tore into an apple hungrily, relishing the fresh crunch. Next to me, Sirius had pulled the cap off the firewhiskey bottle and took a long gulp. He moaned as he swallowed and grimaced at the burn.

"I've missed this stuff," he said, waving the bottle around again.

I chuckled, my apple already down to the core. I tossed it to Buckbeak, who began picking at it immediately. "Pass it," I demanded, extending my hand. He passed it to me gently, like it was a baby.

I took a swig and nearly spit it out. It burned! It had been over three years since I'd had firewhiskey, and my mouth had forgotten the pain that came with drinking it. My body had also gotten less used to alcohol, even though it had been less than a few months, and I could feel my brain starting to get fuzzy already. I laughed to myself, remembering how I could drink an entire bottle of vodka in a single night.

"Feels nice, right?" Sirius said as he snatched the bottle away, grinning.

"Yeah," I answered.

There was only about three quarters of the bottle left, so Sirius and I decided to polish it off in one go, having a night of drunken 'fun'.

Sirius leaned against me, resting his head on my shoulder. "You're so brave for escaping with me, you know that, right?" He said sincerely, drunk.

"I guess," I responded, swaying. I rested my palms on the cool cave floor, trying to steady myself. "Being free has been really nice… Except for the eating rats part."

He laughed loudly. "I told you it would be awful, didn't I?"

"Yeah," I admitted, nodding my head slightly. Sirius sat up suddenly, staring intensely at me. I turned to him, raising my eyebrows. "What?"

"Do you remember after we escaped- being at the beach?"

"Yeah?"

"And I kissed you before I left you?" He continued.

My mouth suddenly felt dry. "Yes. Why?" I asked, staring back at him. The memory was completely vivid- it had been my first real kiss. And a goodbye kiss, at that.

He smiled at me for a moment, and then leaned in quickly to kiss me again. The feel of is lips burned against mine, and I could tell it wasn't just from the firewhiskey.

I pulled away from him, my eyes wide. "Why did you do that?!" I stared at him as though he was crazy.

Sirius shrugged. "Because I felt like it. I am rather fond of you, you know."

I bit my lip. "Well, I'm rather fond of you too," I finally said. It was the truth, if not an understatement. I'd risked everything for him. He was truly the only person I trusted anymore… If anything, it was more than a simple fondness. I loved him, I supposed, in my own way.

My thoughts were interrupted when he kissed me again, this time with more intensity. I returned the kiss, holding his shoulders awkwardly. Honestly, I had no experience with this, and I was drunk on top of that. I was probably a horrible kisser.

Sirius ran his hands up and down my back softly, his tongue slowly tracing my bottom lip. What was he doing? I opened my mouth to copy his movements and he inserted his tongue into my mouth. It was an incredibly unfamiliar experience, though not wholly unpleasant. His tongue was exploring my mouth, and darted my tongue in and out of his mouth quickly. Sirius reacted by pulling me to him and holding me against him tightly, one hand playing with the hem of my old t-shirt. My breath hitched as he reached up under my shirt, his hand now caressing my breast.

Sirius finally pulled his lips from mine, now moving them to my neck. I gasped at the sensation of the new sensation and Sirius took that as a sign that I wanted him to progress, so he gently pushed me to the cave floor, climbing on top of me.

I stopped him, squirming uncomfortably beneath him. "What are you doing? Where are you wanting this to go?" I asked him as he pulled his hand out from under my shirt.

Sirius stared at me stupidly, like he had no idea how to answer. "I don't know?"

I pushed him off of me and sat up. I suddenly felt gross and used, flashbacks to Durmstrang playing in my mind. I had promised myself that I would never let a man touch me like that unless we were married. Or at least had been together for a long time. Sirius and I had always been very strictly platonic, save for sleeping next to each other. I had fantasized once or twice about us getting together and eventually getting married while we were in Nicaragua, but it had never gone beyond silly daydreams. "We're not- not even together." I stated, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"Together?" Sirius repeated, his grey eyes glazed over from the firewhiskey.

I nodded. "Together. Like, you know, dating or courting or whatever you want to call it. I promised myself I wouldn't-" I frowned, not finishing my sentence.

Sirius licked his lips, looking deep in thought. Was he mad? Fear instantly began to creep through my veins. He didn't seem like to the kind of man to get upset over something like that.

"Marry me," he finally stated, staring deep into my eyes.

"What?!" I exclaimed, scooting away from him. There was no way that I just heard what I thought I did.

"Marry me." No, I had heard him right.

"I-" Did I want to? I was conflicted. On one hand, it had been something I thought about. I did love him in my own way, and he was all that I had… But on the other hand, we had never once stated previous romantic feelings for each other. I couldn't just say I was going to marry him- we were both drunk, anyway! "Can't," I finally finished.

Sirius blinked rapidly. "Can't?" He tiled his head, clearly confused. Not angry.

"Can't." I closed my eyes. "I mean, we've never been, you know, together. We've only kissed twice. I can't just marry you. I can't marry someone that I've never been romantic with." I finally opened my eyes.

Sirius looked at me for a split second before he pulled me into another intense kiss. I shoved him away angrily, scowling at him. "Don't." I crossed my arms again, frowning.

"This is ridiculous," Sirius said, exasperated.

"Excuse me?" I looked over at him, my mouth slightly open.

"We escaped from prison together. We've been living in a cave together for weeks. We're kind of together."

Why was he suddenly getting angry over this? "Well, I was unaware that that was all grounds for an automatic relationship," I stated coolly. Is this how he acted when he was drunk? He rolled his eyes and I was instantly pissed.

"Look, just fucking marry me," Sirius exclaimed, reaching out to grab my shoulder. I pushed his hands away roughly and stood up.

"No." I looked down at him. I could feel tears forming in my eyes; this wasn't the Sirius I knew. It was some evil version created from alcohol. "Just leave me alone, please."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "Nathascha, stop. Just marry me."

I took a tentative step towards the cave mouth. I wasn't sure what I was doing, walking towards the entrance, but I needed to get out of here. The idea of sitting in the cave with a drunken fool who harassed me and touched was the exact opposite of what I wanted. I knew it was dangerous to leave, but I needed to.

It was warm outside the cave, the moon full and bright. I hadn't gotten a good view of the outside in weeks, and being in the dim cave had reminded me of Azkaban sometimes. It made me feel trapped again, and I had hated it. Sirius followed me out, yelling my name in a sort of loud whisper. I ignored him.

Home. Sirius had been that for me, for the last three years, but not now. I needed to go back to my real home, to my parents. I was suddenly aching to see my mother. It had been entirely too long since I'd seen her.

I stumbled down the mountain, through Hogsmeade. I was as quiet as possible, avoiding being seen by anyone up this late. While I creeped through the yards of homes, I found one with a large outdoor Floo fireplace. How lucky, I thought to myself, as I made my way towards it. I tripped over Sirius, who had been following me in his dog form, and landed roughly in front of the portal. Yes, this was exactly what I needed, and I also needed to see my mother.

I stood up, not bothering to dust myself off. They had also left their pot of Flood powder on the mantle of the massive portal, and I reached for it with shaking hands. I froze for a second, a moment of sobriety making me stop and think. Was this really, really what I wanted? Yes, I decided after a moment. I grabbed handful of the glittering green powder and stepped into the portal. "Malfoy Manor," I whispered. The last image of the place was a large black dog watching me as I was whisked away.

I stumbled into the large sitting room of my family manor and started bawling. Drank and I mess, I climbed the stairs on all fours and almost got lost trying to find my parents room. Sobbing harder at the idea of getting lost in my old home, I knocked on their bedroom door.

There was a rustling and muttering, and then my father opened the door in a plush bathroom, his wand held aloft and illuminated.

"Nathascha?" He whispered, narrowing his eyes.

I barely nodded my head and then flung myself into his arms. He held me awkwardly, patting me on the head. " Narcissa…" He said slowly. My mother stirred, getting up quickly.

"What is it?" She stopped by my dad, and her mouth dropped open.

"Mum," I gasped out between sobs, moving to hug my mother.

"Nathascha!" What're you doing here?!" She pushed me off of her, holding me out and looking at me with concern in her dark grey eyes.

I spluttered for a moment, coughing and crying, before I was able to speak. "Siri-Sirius proposed to m-me!" I finally got out, wailing harder.

"What?" My father looked confused. "Sirius Black? Black proposed to you?"

"I thought you said you went your separate ways?" Mother looked even more befuddled. "Weren't you living with Muggles?"

Father choked. "Muggles?! Narcissa, you told me she was on the run!"

Mother looked uncomfortable. "We'll discuss that later." Father opened and closed his mouth a few times, but Mother cut him off once more. "Later."

He cast both of us sour glances before turning and heading back into their bedroom, slamming the door.

"You didn't tell him your plan?" I was shaking. Did he hate me now? I couldn't handle the idea that my own father would hate me over the fact that I did what I needed to survive.

She shrugged, but her face was solemn. "You know how he can be. He'll get over it once I explain it to him… So you guys found each other again?"

I nodded, stuttering out my tale of the last year and a half.

"So what you're telling me is this- you two got drunk, he proposed, and you ran away?" She said quickly. We had moved from the hallway to Mother's lounge, which was next to their bedroom.

"Ye- Well, he tried to get physical with me," I felt my face grow hot. This was not a topic of conversation often had at the Malfoy house.

Mother raised her eyebrows. "He tried to hit you. I'm not saying that it's okay, but it is a Black family thing- insanity. Look at your Aunt-"

"No, Mum," I interrupted. "I mean, you know…"

She burst out laughing. "What?" I was growing agitated very quickly.

"He propositioned you for drunken sex?" She put her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her stupid grin.

"No!" I huffed. "We got drunk, he tried- you know- with me, and when I said he asked me to marry him."

"Oh…" Mother looked thoughtful for a moment, a ghost of a grin still on her face. "Well, it's not like either of you are being pardoned anytime soon. And he has kept you alive all this time, Nathascha…"

I blinked. "Are you telling me to say yes?"

She paused, looking at me carefully. "I think it's best for you."

"I got along just fine without him when I was in the Muggle world."

"But did you miss him desperately?"

"But we're not together," I retorted, ignoring her logical statement.

She frowned at me, recognizing what I'd done. "Then take it slow. Don't throw him away because you're afraid of marriage, or physical relations with him."

But what if it didn't work out? At this point, we were together in every way but title, and it had seemed to be working… "Maybe," I finally said, chewing on my bottom lip thoughtfully.

"You look awful. Go mull it over with a hot bath, and I'll have the house elf prepare some food." My mother stood up, grabbing my arm and dragging me into a standing position.

I swayed dangerously, still drunk. "I don't think… I don't think that that would be a good idea. If I take too long, we might leave our hiding place." I frowned. The idea of a hot bath sounded absolutely heavenly, but alas; such things are not permitted to fugitives.

"Very well. At least let me get some food packed up," Mother raised her wand and shook it, a tinkling sound coming from the end. Their new house elf appeared, her name lost to me. Mother issued her orders and the elf bowed, disappearing with a loud crack.

"So… How's Draco?" I asked quietly. I had wondered how he had been, how he had taken everything. I hadn't seen him since I had gotten to say goodbye to him.

"Fine. One of the most popular Slytherins, of course," Mother replied, prattling on about his various accomplishments and adventures. I tried listening, but I was trying my best just to not pass out.

The elf appeared, struggling with a large wicker basket. I took it from her hands and glanced inside; deluxe cheese, smoked meats, and various produce. We would be eating well for a while.

"Zippy, take Nathascha wherever she tells you, immediately return home, and tell no one," she emphasized the last two words ferociously, "not even me, where you take her."

Zippy nodded and Mother pulled me into a hug. "Good luck." She kissed my cheek.

"Yeah, thanks," I said quietly as she retreated from the room. Zippy looked up at me expectantly. "Erm, Hogsmeade, at the base of the mountain," I reached out to take her tiny outstretched hand.

It had been well over three years since I had last Apparated. I fell to the ground, vomiting. Zippy made sure I was fine (going so far as to hold my hair) before she disapparated, this time with a much louder crack.

I stood shakily, picking the basket up, and I began the long ascent to our cave. The Apparation was a rather sobering experience, and put a magnificent hangover into effect. I threw up at least four times on my way up the mountain, a headache forming as the sun rose.

Finally, I reached the entrance to the cave and entered it cautiously, afraid to find it empty. I could hear growling for a second, and then "Nathascha?"

"Hi," I said sheepishly, feeling like I wanted to die from embarrassment and the hangover. "I brough foo-"

Sirius rushed forward, and pushed the basket out of my hands. It clattered across the cave, stuff spilling, Buckbeak let out an indignant shriek, and Sirius pulled me into a tight hug. "I thought you'd run away for good," he whispered in my ear, holding me close to him.

I gently pushed him away, last night's transgressions not quite forgotten. "I almost did."

Sirius looked at me with solemn eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't've-"

"It's fine," I cut him off. I wasn't into emotional, tearful conversations. I'd had my fill of that with my mother earlier.

He nodded. "So what now?"

I shrugged. "Were you serious about marrying me?"

Sirius froze, lips parted slightly. "Nathascha, look-"

"Just answer the question," I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Fair enough," he said, unsmiling. "You're significantly younger than me, but at the risk of sounding like a dirty old man- I do love you. I have since we were in Azkaban, when I felt like I needed to protect you. And I've done my best to do that… Even if you think I did the wrong thing by leaving you…" He sighed. "But I do love you. So, yes, Nathascha, I was serious about marrying you."

I stared at him, blinking. He just said he loved me. Sirius just said he loved me! "Um, yeah, okay then." I let out a breathy laugh.

"Are you saying yes to marrying me?" He looked shocked.

"Erm, well, I-" I stuttered. "I think we should take it slow, but-"

"Deal," Sirius said, a slight smile, pulling me into a hug. I reciprocated the hug, grinning into his shoulder.