AN: Once again, I must heap thanks upon CallMeAnonymous9 for the review that has birthed a revolution. Oh, yes. The Old Lady's Name.

It's Bernadette Mustang, by the way. Nice name, Bernadette. Always liked it. (Your brotp just became my brotp. Curse you, CMA9. You've corrupted me . . . in the greatest of ways.)

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, the owner of Supernatural would most likely prefer I not lie about owning it myself, thanks.

Summary: Sam's days in the cage weren't at all what Dean thought they were.

Lucifer groaned. "Bored."

"It's only been a few days, learn some patience," Sam said without looking up from his book.

"I've been here for millions of years, Winchester. Don't tell me it's only been a few days. I've learned all the patience I can stand."

Adam glanced up from where he was leaning back against Sam's shoulder. "Don't you have anything better to do than bother us?"

"No," Lucifer said bluntly. "No, I don't."

"Don't take it out on us, we wouldn't even be here if you and Michael would just get over yourselves. Hug it out, why don't you. That should do wonders."

"You want us to . . . hug it out," Lucifer repeated.

"Are you going deaf from all those years listening to yourself whine? Yes, I want you to hug it out. Don't be a dick."

Lucifer glared at him.

"Oh, have I offended you? I'm sorry, I didn't know your feelings were so fragile."

"Do not speak to me in such impertinent tones, insignificant human," Lucifer hissed. "I am the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies, the Tempter. I am Satan, El Diablo, Ba'al Zebub, I am Hell's foremost ruler and Heaven's greatest enemy!"

"What you are is a grade-A douchebag."

Lucifer deflated. "Can't we look passed that?"

"Yeah, no."

"Anyone know what Michael's doing?" Sam interrupted just as Lucifer had opened his mouth to fling an insult at Adam.

They all turned to see the other Archangel leaning in a chair, eyes closed and fingers laced together on his abdomen, completely ignoring his fellow prisoners.

Adam squinted. "Is that an iPod?"

"Michael!" Lucifer barked.

The Angel took out one of the earbuds and gave his brother a look. "Is there a reason you have called for my attention, Lucifer?"

"You are trapped inside a Cage. How can you just sit there, doing nothing?"

"Is there any possible way of escape from this cell? No? Then I shall do what I please."

Lucifer glared daggers at him and opened his mouth to lash out.

Sam settled back down and set aside his book, letting his mind drift to better times.

Lucifer swung around, eyes drilling into him. "I sense joyful memories," he declared.

"Fee fie fo fum," Adam muttered.

Sam's lips twitched.

Lucifer pointed an accusing finger at him. "It's you, isn't it? How dare you be happy when the rest of us are miserable!"

"Speak for yourself, jerk," Adam mumbled.

"That's my brother," Michael said. "Unbelievably self-absorbed."

The Devil ignored them. "What do you have to say for yourself, Winchester? Hmm?"

Sam gazed at him blandly. "All of this? Your fault. Completely your fault."

"He's right, you know," Adam added. "We wouldn't even be in this mess if you hadn't decided to end the world."

"It was prophesied!" Lucifer cried. "How can you blame me for this? I was just doing my job!"

"Well," Michael started, somewhat uncomfortably, "Father never specifically told us to begin the End of Days. And Azazel always was a shady prick."

Adam closed his eyes. "Oh, my God. Michael the Archangel just said prick. The Bible is ruined for me."

"Lucifer's a whiny brat," Sam replied. "And I was his vessel. Just think how I feel."

Lucifer scowled at them. "You're really demeaning me, you know."

"Yay," Adam said.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Gee, I can't imagine how that feels."

"What you just did is a display of blatant hypocrisy," Michael told his brother.

"Surrounded on all sides," Lucifer muttered.

Sam's patience was quickly running out. "Are you going to continue complaining, or can I get back to my book now?"

Adam looked at him curiously. "What're you reading?"

"Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen."

"I've read Terry Pratchett's books," he remarked.

Sam smiled. "How'd you like them?"

"They were actually pretty interesting. Great characters. Fascinating plots." His lips quirked. "Amazing humor."

Lucifer looked at the book thoughtfully. "Perhaps I shall try it."

"I'll bet you've read Pride and Prejudice, am I right?" Adam asked.

Lucifer averted his gaze.

"It wasn't that bad," Sam offered.

There was nothing Adam could say to that.

Well, except maybe, "Nerds."

Next up: Sometimes what kills you makes you stronger.

Weird Randomness!

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Sniff, sniff, sob. "Oh, Elizabeth!" Dean blubbered.

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