He found her cabin in six weeks, a place that screamed her name from every detail on the outside. Stepping to the door, he knocked twice and waited. His heart pounded against his chest as the door opened and suddenly it stopped. A man he had never seen before stood in front of him, big and muscular. He was taller, making the Seeker feel smaller than he ever had, but the man held a sad face.

"She's asleep now, but if she wants to go through with it, tell her that this will be the one. There will be some discomfort, but it's to be expected. If she- It's not uncommon for someone who has gone through such treatment, but this isn't the only option. If you change her mind, give her this one instead." He handed him two vials and frowned. "If she's doesn't awaken in an hour, you can find me in the next town."

Without knowing what to say, Richard nodded and gave a weak smile as the man moved passed him. "Thank you."

When the man was out of sight, the Seeker walked inside, clutching the vials in his hand as he shut the door. The inside of her home was beautifully simple, just like he imagined it would be. There was a fireplace in the wall across from the door, heating the room perfectly while he took a look around. The kitchen was small, holding two cabinets and a table that had three loafs of bread, from the smell, made that morning. Pushing through the room, he noted another small, round table that stood in the doorway between rooms. There was a bouquet of flowers in a slim, green vase and he couldn't help but smile at the way it was all arranged as he sat the two vials beside it.

The next room was just as quaint, a bed in the center, a chair on the far right, just across from a small wardrobe and a single window to let in the day light. The sight of her before him stole his breath, making his heart pound in a such a way, he thought it would fly out of his mouth. She was laying above the blankets, wearing only his shirt and as his eyes moved over her body, he froze. She was, from the look of her, nine months pregnant and the first thought that came to his mind was one he was sure she would hate. Walking to the bed, he laid his hand on her stomach, trying not to smile as he felt a small movement that stole his heart.

Sitting down beside her, he pulled his legs onto the bed and stretched them out beside her. His body was suddenly warmed, comforted by the presence of hers. Brushing his fingers through her hair, he watched her face, grateful for the chance to see it again. She looked exhausted, but there was a faint smile on her lips, giving him the hope that she sensed him there. Her eyes moved rapidly beneath their shield, revealing her active dream. He wished he could enter her mind, but in truth, he wasn't sure she would want him to. She no longer wore the Rada'Han, a pleasant sight to know she was now able to be herself.

Turning his head, he noticed the Journey Book on the bed, opened to the page of their last conversation, going him the chance to read what she had written after he closed his.

'I have to tell you something, but I am afraid that it will destroy everything. You have probably already rushed off, finding yourself free and are now searching for me, but I must ask you not to. Richard, as I have begun to regain my memories, I know how you will take the news. That is part of the reason I ask you not to find me. I am slowly returning to the woman I once was, but I'm afraid I will never fully be her again, I can't. I carry a secret that I have longed to tell you, but it terrifies me to a point of silence.'

Richard sighed at the words, wishing he had held the book open and read her words and somehow encouraged her to continue. Reaching to the book, he turned the page and was surprised to see more.

'I remember everything. Richard, I know you are still looking for me and I know you will not stop until you have me in your arms, but I fear how you will feel once you see me. I am writing this in the hopes that one day you may see this and I pray it's before you find me. If seeing me is too much, I will understand. This isn't what you wanted.'

And again, beneath it was another message.

'I don't know what to do, Richard. I can't remember being so frightened. I wish I could find the words to tell you, but I can't. Selfishly, I want to hold back and hope for the moment I see you. I miss you.'

Beneath that was the final message and from the look of it, written that morning. 'I don't know how close you are to me, though at times I swear I can feel you at my side. I think I've found a solution and I know that you wouldn't approve, but it feels to be my only option at this time. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I am seeing a man this afternoon and I pray the Spirits are kind.'

Closing the book, he blinked and let loose the tears he didn't know were there. Without another thought, he moved down the bed and moved her to allow himself to lay in her arms. He clung to her, his nose pressed into her for a wave of her scent in each breath. He missed her smell and the soft lavender that always seemed to linger long after her baths.

"I found you," he whispered distantly. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. This is our child, Kahlan and I know the thought has occurred to you. I can understand why this scares you, I can, but you're not alone."

"Richard?"

His head lifted and he nearly crawled on top of her, his lips instantly connecting with hers in a passionate kiss. "Hi."

She grabbed his face and brought his mouth back to hers. With as much passion as ever before, she returned his kiss and pushed herself up against him until her stomach touched his. Breaking the contact between them, she turned away and covered her mouth to hide the cry. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Closing her eyes, she tried to stop her hand from returning his grasp. "I didn't tell you and I know how angry you must be-"

"I'm not angry, Kahlan."

Meeting his eyes, she licked her lips. "You should be."

"Because you didn't tell me you were pregnant or because you didn't tell me you were you again?"

"Both."

He smiled, surprising her even though she knew it shouldn't. "Kahlan, I am not angry with you. How could I be? You have been dealing with everything on your own." He began to pull his hands back, thinking his contact with her must have been too much, but she wouldn't let him go. "Kahlan, I'm not mad at you."

"Why?"

"Because I know you. I know you have been running over this again and again in your mind, trying to find a solution and I know that I cannot possibly imagine how difficult it's been for you. I read what you wrote in the Journey Book, Kahlan and you're right. You can't end this."

"You don't know how hard this is." She was staring at the opening of his shirt, at the pale skin that whispered her name. "I'm afraid of my own child."

"Kahlan-"

Sitting up, she pushed her back against the small headboard and tried to stop her tears. "You saw those men, the kind of men they were."

Laying his hands on her stomach, he turned to face her. "This child would be nothing like that. She's ours."

"Richard, you don't have to say that. You're not obligated to-"

"I'm never obligated to do anything with you. Kahlan, this is what we wanted, a family together."

Shaking her head, she pulled him to her and connected their lips. He returned her kiss in full, his hands rushing over her the way they always had, as though she was still as attractive to him as before. When they parted for a breath, she held his forehead to hers and stared into his eyes.

"How can you want to do this after what they've done to me?"

Nudging his nose against hers, he smiled. "I can ask you the same thing, though being the woman that you are, I'm sure it's because of the same reason." Switching their position, he brought her to his lap and leaned against the top of the bed, holding her against him. "Kahlan-"

"After you sent me away, I tried to... I wanted the life you said that I deserved and I went looking for it. There was a man I met at the tavern, he was kind and handsome... I thought he would be able to make me forget about everything that had been done to me. I invited him back to the room I had- Richard I-"

"It's alright, Kahlan. You didn't know who I was or what we were. If you needed comfort, you had every right-"

"I didn't lay with him," she interrupted quietly. "Every time he tried to touch me, I felt stick and then he was on top of me and I lost control." She started to move off of him, but he held her hips firmly. "I knocked him to the floor, he didn't move for a while." Meeting the Seeker's brown eyes, she melted and brought her hands to his chest. "I could understand why I didn't want him to... But I kept thinking about you. It was weeks later, after I found this place, that I started to remember everything that happened before." Lowering her eyes to her hands, she sighed. "It was only pieces at first, but I held onto them."

"Why?"

Blinking, she forced back a whimper of weakness. "I could feel it sometimes, the way it felt to be with you. I laid here, my eyes squeezed shut so tight, I could almost make myself believe I wasn't here and would dig into the memories, the images and I realized that you were right. That day in our cell, I was broken and you held me in your arms, telling me that they hadn't taken anything away from me and they hadn't. They could take anything away from me because I had already given it to you."

Richard stared at her in part confusion and admiration, always falling short to see what went on in her mind. He wanted to kiss her, to help her truly feel what she remembered so well in her mind, but he was afraid that it may be the wrong move. She sat above him with a vulnerability in her eyes and he knew she was waiting for him to dive in. In every moment, she had a trust in him that he never fully understood. After everything those men had done to her and the way he had let her go, she should be angry with him, she should want to beat him to the ground for failing her and yet, all she thought of was how much he loved her. When she had written him in the Journey Book, she told him that she knew he was looking for her.

He had told her he wanted to find his happiness and knowing he would be looking for her, she stayed. She didn't hurry to find another place to hide, but she remained because she knew he wouldn't hurt her. She spoke now of giving him something that no other could take and though he believed it firmly, it felt strange to hear it allowed. What those men had done to her was horrific, but they didn't destroy them.

Shoving the thoughts from his mind, he brought his hands to her belly and met her eyes. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"You can't let her go, Kahlan. Not because of who may have given you his seed. She's a part of you, a part of us and I don't believe she would be what you fear."

"Why?"

"Because you and I will raise her."

"Richard-"

"You're can't ask me to do that, I know, but you don't have to. I want to do this with you. And who is to say-"

"That she isn't yours anyway?"

"Exactly. Kahlan she's mine and not just because it could have been my seed that created her, but because I want her to be."

Blinking she leaned away from him with a frown. "And if I didn't want to risk it?"

"What do you mean?"

"A woman is not obligated to deliver the child after being..."

"Raped."

Touching the index finger of her left hand to his mouth, she shut her eyes and looked away. "Please don't say it out loud."

Enveloping her in his arms, he hugged her chest to his and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry."

"What am I supposed to do? I don't want to fear my own child, Richard. I was going to- Before you arrived I was with a medicine man, he was going to give me an elixir. I must have fallen asleep for too long- He was going to give me a way out."

"No, he wasn't," Richard whispered against her skin. "No matter how much you want this to stop hurting you, ending this child's life would not end it for you. It would haunt you, Kahlan and I think it would have ended hurting far more than you can imagine. Your heart is too great for that."

"I don't want to hurt anymore."

Nodding, Richard brought her surprisingly closer. "I know, but I'm right here with you, use me."

She knew what he wanted, what would probably make it easier on her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "I can't."

"Why not? Kahlan, it's me. I was there and I- I saw what they did to you."

"If I don't speak of it, it can disappear."

"No, it will build up within you until you can no longer breathe and kills you. I know it will be hard, but I know that you can do it and I know it will help you." Shifting beneath her, he brought his hands to her shoulders and pushed her hair over for a better view of her face. "You can talk to me about it, Kahlan."

"You were there."

"Where?"

She frowned, knowing what he was doing and partly upset that he was asking her to relive the pain. "You know where."

"Say it."

"Martella's-prison-cell." Her words blurred together as she stared at the wall behind his head.

She was shaking above him, a slight tremor that flowed through him as he ran his hands over her arms. "It's alright, Kahlan." With a blink, she was in tears and moving off of his lap. He followed her instantly, moving to stand beside her at the window. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed-"

"I can't get their faces out of my head."

"Kahlan-"

Turning, she pushed her back against the wall and slid down to the floor. "Their names, the sounds they made and when I close my eyes, it feels like they're..." She met his eyes as he knelt down. "I relive what happened every day and I just want it to stop. I want to be able to sleep without remembering the feel of their hands on me. I don't want to close my eyes and for a moment think I'm back in that room, waiting for them to come back and... Rape me again and again. Again and again! Then return again and again!" She had begun it all in a whisper, a secret she didn't want the world to hear, but through the pain of it, she began to scream louder and louder as she tried to fight the images the words brought her.

Grabbing her arms, he turned her toward him and with a forceful pull, he brought her chest to his. "It's alright, Kahlan. Let it go..."

Her teeth latched onto his lower neck, a soft bite at first, but as he nudged her closer, it grew harder to stop her cry. She hadn't said their captors name out loud in months and other than the constant memories, she never purposely brought them to her mind. Her body ached in a way she hadn't felt since she had been in the hands of their enemy, but she couldn't stop herself from trying to get closer to his. He was the only place she could remember feeling safe and she was determined to have it again. Pulling back, she grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked forcefully until it ripped open. He tried to stop her, but she refused to give in.

"Kahlan, this isn't what you need." She froze at his word choice, the soft and fragile tone striking her down. "Listen to me, Kahlan, I can't imagine how you feel, but-"

"Please, Richard."

"I'm sorry, Kahlan. I can't."

Dropping her shoulders, she pushed away from him and once again, shoved her back against the wall. Her eyes fell closed as she licked her lips, doing her best to stop crying. Her emotions overflowed her will, unable to hide behind the smile that always hid her pain.

"I need you to leave, Richard."

"No." She met his eyes in anger and he knew she was going to do something she would regret, bringing him to act quickly. "I'm not leaving you to sit here alone in the dark and remember all of the things those men did to you." His jaw locked, almost matching hers, but he continued anyway. "You shouldn't be alone while thoughts of them on top of you, their hands touching every inch-"

"Stop it!" she shouted, slapping her right hand against his cheek. "You have no right to- How dare you-" Covering her mouth with her hand, she slumped forward until she was able to lie down on the floor. "Get out."

"No." Shifting his jaw, he inched closer and laid his hand on her shoulder. "You know that I won't leave you. Kahlan, please listen to me. This pain, all of this hurt you're feeling now, you don't have to hold onto it. I know you want it to end and this isn't easy, but let me help you." Bringing his face to hers, he warmed her cheek with his breath. "It helps to talk about it, I promise."

"No-"

"What's the first thing you remember about waking up in that cell?" His voice was soft and calming, a light graze over her ear. She could feel him pulling the words to her mouth, but she refused to let them go. "Was it dark? Were you already naked?"

"Yes."

"What?"

Turning her head, she glanced in his eyes and grabbed his hand. "It was dark, but I still had my dress on."

Laying down, he pressed his chest to her back and tightened his arm around her, settling it against her breasts. She held onto his hand, squeezing as his warmth soaked into her. "What else?"

"I was cold... Then they came."

"How long were you alone?"

"I'm not sure. Hours, maybe. I must have pushed against every inch of the wall looking for a way out." Her voice was distant as she shook, waiting for the moment she realized he was right and that speaking about it would help. "I tried to fight them off, but there were too many of them."

"How many?"

"Richard, please..."

"It's just us, Kahlan. You're safe here."

Holding her eyes closed, she swallowed hard. "The first time, there were six."

"What happened?"

"What do you think happened?!" she snapped, pushing her elbow into his ribs as she tried to move from his hold.

"Kahlan..." The way he spoke her name sent a wave of calm through her veins, bringing her body to relax against his.

"They laughed," she said so quietly, he was grateful his ear was so close to her lips to hear. "He had me first."

He hated hearing the horrid pain in her voice, but he had to push just a little further. "Who?"

It was quiet for a moment, as though she was trying to remember, but he knew that speaking his name while discussing this particular moment would be far more painful than almost anything else she could say. "Martella." It was quiet again, Richard wanting to give her a moment to breathe before he said anything else, but to his surprise, after a few heartbeats, she continued. "He laughed. I lost track of time while he was... Rough." The Seeker swallowed hard, but hoped she couldn't hear. "I just wanted it to end and after a while, I stopped trying to stop him."

There is was. Something he knew haunted her more than anything else. She had stopped fighting and now she felt like she had caused it all to happen. "What happened next?"

"He finished," she whispered distantly through a cold chill. "I hoped it was over, but... They played some kind of game, the winner went next and... It felt like it went on for years."

"Kahlan-"

She couldn't stop herself, suddenly her mouth wanted to spit out what they had done in the hopes of it never entering her mind again. "One moment I was on my back, the next- against the wall and on my stomach. I moved so much, I couldn't tell which arms were mine. Then... I don't know what I did, but they grew angry and all I saw was darkness."

"I-"

"They didn't return for a while, but I don't know how long or what happened while I was... But I could smell them, every moment that scent was a reminder of what they did to me and... That's why I asked you if I could keep your shirt," she added, almost shamefully. "No matter what they did, it didn't smell like them."

"What did it smell like."

Her voice was barely louder than a leaf touching the ground, but he heard her clearly. "Hope."

"And now?"

"I don't like to take it off. I had to sew extra panels on the side to fit into it again, but..."

"It looks good on you."

"Do we have to keep doing this?"

"No, not today."

Nodding, she blinked through another set of tears and sighed. "But this isn't the end of it, is it?"

"No."

"Where's Cara and Zedd?"

"Waiting for me to tell them if you're alright with having visitors. I didn't want to push you too far."

"I don't have anywhere for them to stay."

"They won't mind the floor," he told her through a quiet voice.

"He's going to make me go back to Aydindril."

"I don't have to send word to them, Kahlan, not yet. If you will promise me one thing, I won't tell them where we are."

Her head turned slightly, the blue of her eyes standing out from the red of the rest. "What?"

"I need you to promise me that you will take a little while longer to think about what you will do with this child. I know that this must be hard and with the day of her birth coming rapidly, I can understand you wanting to hurry into it, but... I can't imagine you've hurried into this, but you're you again and I am here with you, I want that to be apart of your choice."

"I can't let you be," she told him sadly. "If I was to have this child, how could I ask you to stand by us?"

"You aren't asking, Kahlan and you know that I would stand by you no matter what. If you decide to keep this child, I will love her."

Nodding, she turned her head away from him for a moment, looking at the wall across from her. "Can I ask something of you?"

"Anything."

"If I give birth to a son, I need you to allow me to kill him."

"Kahlan-"

"I cannot have a son like this, Richard." Looking back to him, she rolled onto her back and touched his cheek with her left hand. "If I knew him to be yours, there would be no doubt in my mind that he would be a wonderful man, but there is a chance that he is theirs and I cannot bring that upon the world."

She was crying again, her body slightly shaking against his and he could, for an instant, feel her fear. "Alright."

Brushing her thumb across the stubble of his chin. "I'm sorry to ask you to do this, I know how you feel about it."

Tilting his head, he kissed her thumb and gave a slight smile. "I know you wouldn't ask me if you didn't feel it was necessary."

Closing her eyes, she pushed her face into his chest. "I'm sorry, Richard."

He held her for a moment, letting the silence surround them for a chance for her to think. "Do you want to lay in the bed?"

"I don't think I can get up yet."

"I'll take you."

"I don't think you can lift me from the floor."

"Come here," he had her in his arms as he stood, almost effortlessly carrying her to the bed. Laying her down gently, he crawled onto the bed beside her and held her close, hoping it would stop the shiver of her body. When she didn't stop, he pulled one of the blankets over them. "Does that feel better?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, sometimes I can't stay warm."

"That explains the blankets on the floor beside the fireplace."

"I think I've slept there more than I have here. It may not be as comfortable, but it was warmer." Snuggling as close as she could, Kahlan pushed herself forward with a low moan. "Not quite this warm, though."

"Then, I suppose I should keep you like this."

"If you wouldn't mind," she whispered sleepily.