Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is awesome - I don't own anything.
Chapter Eight
"We don't have to do this."
"We agreed that practising was a good idea!"
"We could change our minds, or agree to disagree."
"You can't chicken out now, we agreed! We should do this – better now than, well, whenever the opportunity comes up-"
"We said no puns! No. Puns. Besides, I'm not saying we shouldn't do this, just that we don't have to.
"You're stalling. Worried we're not so identical after all?"
"You wish. If anyone should be worried, it's you, baby brother."
"Objection, that's still unproven. Mum can hardly tell us apart now, there's no telling which of us was born first. You're still stalling."
"Hardly. You're the one that's stalling."
"I'm not the one having a panic attack about being starkers in the same room as my identical twin! Relax, it will be like looking in the mirror."
"I don't usually get off in front of a mirror!"
"You're missing out."
"... Not even going there. You are stalling though – this was your idea."
"You agreed with me!"
"Minor, inconsequential detail. Aren't we supposed to be going over to Hermione's to fall on our knees and grovel for forgiveness, instead of seeing how much 'companionable wanking' we can do without spewing everywhere?"
"Well, yes, technically, but this is an important part of the master plan to win our fair lady's favour-"
"-and 'favours'. Fine, then."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"... Five minutes starkers then we leave?"
"Someone's eager."
"Just shut up and strip."
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Having finally convinced herself that yes, she did owe Fred and George an apology of her own, and that no, she wasn't losing the moral high ground by unbending and apologizing first, Hermione was irked that the flat above the WWW shop was clearly unoccupied. Was there anything more frustrating than screwing one's courage to the sticking point only to find that the moment had been missed? Balling her fists up in irritation, Hermione stamped her foot on the doorstop. Displeasure duly registered, she turned away sharply and stomped down Diagon Alley in an effort to calm her nerves.
Like non-magical London after the Blitz, Diagon Alley bore the scars of war. Some marks had been deliberately left by shop proprietors as a reminder of Voldemort's terror, and some were the result of dark curses that couldn't be removed. Hermione absently fingered the top of Dolohov's handiwork, her steps calming as she became more pensive. Whilst living in a tent had hardly been glamourous, she, Ron, and Harry had largely been sheltered from the ugly realities of daily life under Voldemort's power. She knew that Percy still refused to speak about much of what he had witnessed during his last months at the Ministry, and Ollivander had never re-opened his shop, instead handing the whole business over to a niece. Still, the Alley bore its scars proudly, and the evidence of peaceful prosperity overwhelmed the area's few traces of violence. Though it was dusk, several wizarding couples and families strolled contentedly, and shouts of laughter rang through the clear air.
Coming to a stop near Flourish and Blotts, Hermione allowed herself a brief moment of luxurious peace, then apparated back to the street around the corner from her flat. The peaceful environs of Diagon Alley gone, she could feel her stomach tensing up again. She needed to talk to Fred and George, and soon. Life without Fred romancing her seemed oddly empty, and George... well. She missed them, and the easy friendship of Sunday lunches at the Burrow before it had all become so messy. It had been all those years of seeing them on weekends that had nurtured her interest in the first place. Particularly when her world had been consumed with training to become a healer and all the stresses entailed, the two of them had been a bright spark of fun and ease each week, helping her to laugh and just about maintain her sanity.
Hermione was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the visitors outside her flat until she nearly ran into them. At the sight of the two red heads bent over her doorknob, all nostalgic thoughts of the Burrow evaporated instantly, replaced by the outrage she'd been nursing for the past weeks.
Well, think of a devil and two will appear.
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Before Hermione could speak, Geroge hastily thrust out the now very grubby bit of parchment in placation. "We come bearing gifts of peace!" Her frown didn't lift, but she examined the offering before snatching it out of his hand. She scrutinized it carefully, and George sensed that if she wasn't so thoroughly pissed off with them she'd already have her wand out and be trying to figure out how it worked. He quashed the small smile that threatened: groveling first, reveling in Hermione's admiration later. George looked to Fred, but his twin only lifted his eyebrows and tipped his head in Hermione's direction silently. George sighed. Guess this one's on me then.
"Er, Hermione, we-" Fred kicked him, "I would like to offer you an apology. It was wrong of me to use polyjuice to trick you into thinking I was Fred. I should have trusted that you would succumb to my charms without-" Fred kicked him again. "That is, I'm sorry. Very sorry." He looked to Fred, who folded his arms and remained most unhelpfully silent. Smug git, just you wait until it's your turn. "Er, I'm abjectly sorry? Miserably penitent? Most profoundly remorseful? Modestly, yet somehow dashingly contrite? Woefully-"
"Yes, yes, you read the thesaurus. No need to show off." It was said dryly, but George caught the faintest hint of a smile on Hermione's lips. It disappeared entirely as she rounded on Fred, holding up the Reveal-o-Parchment. "And you? Anything to say, anything at all?"
"George used it too- ow!" Fred glared at him, rubbing at the spot where George had kicked him. George just shrugged. Hermione only raised her eyebrows. Fred sighed. "I too, would like to offer my apologies. It was wrong of me to invade your privacy by using a really cool new invention- ow! Fine, I'm sorry for reading about the really hot sex- ow, bloody hell, George!" Hermione's face flamed, but she continued to glare at Fred, who tugged at his collar before muttering, "I'm sorry I upset you by reading your diary."
Hermione gave him a hard stare for a few more seconds before nodding. "Apology accepted." She turned back to George expectantly.
"I'm sorry I read your diary without your permission and upset you." Taking a chance, he grinned and leaned forward, resting a hand against the wall so he could whisper into her ear, "I'm not sorry I read it though. Fred was right, the sex was hot." He was gratified when he heard her breathe in sharply. Leaning back, he smiled as Hermione visibly tried to regain composure, then snuck a quick glance at Fred to make sure he was all right. Fred just grinned. Maybe we can just about make this work after all.
"Well, now that the formalities have been dispensed with, why don't you two come in and explain to me how this dratted thing," Hermione waved the parchment, "is meant to work."
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Standing with Fred and George in her flat with them both just looking at her was making Hermione's pulse race. George was looking very pleased with himself, and Fred looked downright rakish. You haven't even offered your own apology yet and you're practically salivating over them, get it together, Granger! Hermione cleared her throat, trying to ignore the tingling on her neck where George's breath had caressed her as he whispered about her diary in her ear. It was infuriating that she could feel both embarrassed and aroused all at once. She also felt confused. Last time they'd been here, George's nose had been bloodied and Fred had been livid. But out in the hall, George had flirted with her, yet Fred had seemed pleased, as if... Go on, you know you want to ask, just ask!
"Tea, anyone?" Coward. The twins just looked at her again, and grinned in a way that was positively sinful. Hermione escaped to the kitchen. Ten minutes and three tea mugs later, they all sat on one of the sofas in her lounge manipulating the offending parchment with wands and discussing the complex spellwork that had gone into its creation.
"So, how do you get it to lock onto the text it's meant to mirror? I know you two have no sense of decency, but I'm certain neither of you have even seen my actual diary, let alone got close enough to charm it." I'm fairly certain, at any rate.
"Ah, that's where the beauty of naming charms enters in! You've read-"
"Glomer's The Magical Properties of Proper Names? Yes, but-"
"Then you know that to conjure a thing, one need only know its true and proper name."
"Now, if you had named your diary, say, 'Guinevere', or 'Cassandra', or 'Hermione's Book of Secrets', or-"
"-'Hermione's Naughty Book of Naughtiness', or-"
"-'Perverted Fantasies with Red-Headed Twins'-"
"-then using a remote naming conjure as a lock-"
"-would have been impossible. However-"
"Wait." Hermione held up her hand to halt the twinspeak. "Are you saying it was only possible for you to lock the spysheet onto my diary because its true and proper name is simply 'Hermione's Diary'!?"
"Spysheet!" the twins shouted together. Without warning, two pairs of lips darted in to kiss a cheek each. Hermione squeaked in surprise, and felt heat rush through her body to coil between her legs. Her eyes went wide. What did that mean? Why did they both kiss me? Was that a friend thing or something else? Doing her best to ignore her whirling thoughts, Hermione forced her attention back to the innocent-looking parchment on the table.
"Why did you create it anyway? It can't possibly be for the shop. Did the aurors commission it?"
"Something like it," answered Fred. "They actually asked for something that would allow them to read text without opening a book, so that if they acquires a bunch of grimoires or something on a raid they can read what's inside without triggering any curses that might be placed on the book itself." Hermione nodded. The twins had maintained unofficial contact with the Aurors' Department after the war, inventing items upon commission to assist in safely apprehending Dark wizards. Unofficial contact only, as the twins retained right of refusal to projects, and only communicated with former Order members.
"What do they think of it then?" When no answer came, Hermione looked up from the spysheet. Both twins looked slightly sheepish.
"Well, after, um, perhaps being somewhat over-enthusiastic during the testing phase-"
"-we thought that maybe it needs a few more tweaks before letting the aurors run loose with it."
"Testing phase? Wait, you mean I was the testing phase? Reading my private diary was your way of testing out a new product for the Ministry? You two are unbelievable!" Hermione made to rise, but four hands shot out to grasp an arm on either side.
"We didn't deliberately use your diary for experimentation-"
"-but when you mentioned you'd been writing about us, it was too tempting not to try it out."
Hermione eyed them suspiciously, but they did both seem genuinely apologetic. "Hmm, say I believe you. What other tweaks did you need to do?"
"Well, we still haven't got it to read existing script, it only reads out script in real time as it's being written."
"As it's being written? You mean..." you didn't read all of my diary, just the bits that I was writing while you happened to be looking? Well that's a relief. Hermione glanced at the twins, but they only looked back knowingly and she dropped her eyes to the spysheet again. It only reads the text as it's being written, hmm... "Does replication count as writing in real time? What if you combined it-"
"With a geminio doubling charm! Hermione, you're brilliant!" Once again, Hermione felt two pairs of lips pressing kisses into her cheeks. That can't possibly be a friend thing, right? Friends don't kiss each other that much, right!? She felt herself blushing and cleared her throat.
"Someone gets very bashful when kissed." Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw Fred waggling his eyebrows in a decidedly lascivious fashion.
"About that, actually," Hermione stood and moved to sit on a sofa facing opposite the twins, where she couldn't be disturbed by any more sneak attack kisses. Not that I particularly mind... "I owe both of you an apology, Fred especially. I'm partly to blame for all the upset and drama that happened before." She sighed, and fiddled nervously with the hem of her top. "I wasn't being honest with myself when I said yes to going out with you, Fred," she addressed him directly, "as I seem to be, um, romantically attracted to George as well." Her voice dropped in embarrassment over the last three words. It felt unbearably awkward to speak about her feelings so openly, with of both of them just sitting there. "I know that it seems shallow, and insulting, like I'm unable to make up my mind, and that you probably don't even like me anymore," but they kissed me, twice! "but I just like both of you, somehow, and," you're babbling, Granger, "and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for being so cavalier with our friendship and your feelings. I just, like you both." Oh, brilliant, now they think I'm a blithering idiot as well romantically indecisive. Well done, some apology. She was so busy with her internal castigation that it was some moments before she realized the twins hadn't answered her. Glancing up at them, she saw them sharing a long look, silently communicating with one another. She couldn't be certain, but George seemed to be looking at Fred in inquiry, as if deferring to his twin's judgment. Finally Fred nodded and tension seemed to leave them both. Turning as one, to her surprise they smiled at her.
"Good."
Hermione blinked. "Sorry? How is that good?" Even as she asked, a tiny tendril of hope uncurled inside her. They can't possibly mean what I think they mean...
"Well, in the interest of full disclosure," began George, which for some reason made Fred flinch, "we had a bit of a chat between ourselves, and have concluded that we probably weren't completely honest about the situation either." He fidgeted with his cuffs, then met her eyes, "I like you, Hermione."
"I like you, Hermione," echoed Fred, "and we'd like to ask you out."
Hermione's brain derailed completely, even as something flared to life in the centre of her chest. But, both of them!? They can't... I can't... "You can't possibly be serious!"
"Hail the maurader!" both twins intoned solemnly. She smiled faintly at their reflexive gesture. They all paused, then the twins looked at her earnestly. "Yes, Hermione, we are."
"But... but the last time you were here, the two of you had just been fighting because I kissed George when I was meant to be seeing Fred! And now you're both asking me... asking me what? To date both of you? Would that be at the same time, or on alternating days, or... or using the aid of polyjuice!? I mean-"
Laughing, they crossed the room and then a hand, gentle yet firm, covered her mouth, and others grasped her arms to still her gesticulations. "Hush now," said George. "We're still working out the details, which is why we're asking you. Like I said, we talked-"
"-we did loads of talking. Those muggle theremin thingies you're always going on about would have been very proud of us." Therapist, Hermione tried to say, but the word was muffled by the hand at her mouth; whose, she wasn't quite sure.
"Yes, and we both like you, we're now both ok with it, and we have reason to believe that the idea of spending time with both of us is somewhat intriguing to you." Hermione's pulse jumped as George's voice lingered on the word 'intriguing'.
"We don't have all the answers, but can you really deny that you don't feel something when we're all together?" Fred stepped closer, and drew a line lightly with his fingertip from Hermione's collarbone to the hollow at the base of her throat. They were both standing so close that she could feel the heat of their bodies warming hers. It suddenly seemed very difficult to breathe, and a small shudder ran through her. Both twins noticed, and identical looks of satisfaction settled on their faces. "Well, we feel it too, and we'd like to explore it-"
"-if you'll give us a chance." And then they stepped back, and Hermione felt bereft.
It felt like minutes before Hermione could breathe properly again, instead of just shallow gasping. She seemed incapable of rational thought. What do you need rational thought for, Granger? They just offered you your favourite fantasies voluntarily! JUST SAY YES! "Ok, um, yes, then?"
"Ringing endorsement, Hermione."
"Way to boost a man's ego."
"Well, I've never done this – I don't know how it works!"
"Neither have we."
That surprised her. "Oh? I thought maybe... well, I mean, who knows what happens in the quidditch changing rooms."
Fred wrinkled his nose in a look of profound distaste. "If you had ever even set foot in there you would understand why the idea is so very, very foul. No, we've never, um, offered ourselves to anyone in quite this manner before."
Hermione felt just the teensiest bit smug about that little revelation. "Really? Not even Angelina or Alicia? Did anyone ever ask you before?"
"No and, well, no one that we would have entertained seriously," said George, "although it's amazing what some people will think it's perfectly reasonable to ask us just because we're twins."
"Oh," Hermione's glee faded a bit at that. "I didn't – I'm not interested just because you're twins, you know, I-"
"We know." Fred grinned at her. "So that's a yes, then?" He looked so sweetly earnest, and she felt an answering grin spreading on her face.
"Yes, though I think there's a lot we should really think through before we get too involved. It would be ridiculous to have some silly falling out just because we- oof!" The breath was knocked out of her as she was wrapped in two embraces. Heat covered every inch of her body, and she felt a strange sense of homecoming in their arms. They stood silently, and Hermione tried very hard to not speculate about just what bits of Fred and George her hands might be near.
"So, Fred, our cunning plan worked, and she agreed to go out with us."
"Excellent, what should we do now?" Hermione smiled as the buzzing of their voices reverberated through her body.
"Well, if the lady is amenable, I believe we might bestow a kiss or too upon her sweet lips."
"But George, surely it's too soon! We wouldn't want to be precipitous."
"No, it wouldn't do to be hasty. Perhaps a long courtship is in order. We could serenade her-"
"-send her flowers-"
"-buy her perfume-"
"-write sonnets to her eyebrows-"
"Ack! Stop!" She fought her way free of their arms. "No serenading, no perfume, and definitely no poetry! However, kissing would be nice," two pairs of eyes lit up, "but this is where it gets problematic. I will have to kiss one of you first and the other second." She gave the words deliberate emphasis so they caught her meaning. "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but nor do I want to just toss a coin." The twins shared another long look. This time it seemed as if Fred was deferring to George, but she wasn't sure just why it seemed so. Again, they turned as one and grinned.
"Do you trust us?"
"With my life, yes; with my diary, no." Both sets of ears went slightly pink. "But with this, maybe just enough."
"Well, if it's enough, then close your eyes." She studied them thoughtfully. This is it, this is really it. If I do this now, then we really are leaping off into the deep end and starting something.
"Ok." She closed her eyes.
Everything seemed louder and more present with her eyes closed. It was as if she could feel individual molecules of air pressing down on her skin, and she shivered in anticipation. Though she couldn't quite hear them, she could sense Fred and George across the room. Even if she hadn't had the evidence of her eyes a moment ago, she would have known that she wasn't alone, and the feeling made her nerve endings tingle. Nothing happened for several seconds, and Hermione could feel the anticipation building into tension, low and tight in her stomach. Then came a faint rustle, and lips, warm and soft, closed over her own. Hands came to rest on either side of her face, cradling her gently, thumb pads rubbing slow circles on her cheeks. Pressure was applied on her lips as if in question and she answered with a small involuntary sound. The grip became firmer, and she found herself being pulled deeper into the kiss, a tongue being thrust against hers. Then it was broken, and small kisses were tenderly pressed to her nose and eyelids. "Keep your eyes closed," was murmured into her ear. Then the hands and lips were gone, but only for a moment before being replaced with other hands winding themselves into her hair and a hot open-mouthed kiss pressed to the base of her neck. She moaned, and the hands in her hair tightened. The lips left her neck to move to her mouth and then she was being kissed fiercely, her head pulled back to allow greater access. She could feel the heat pooling between her legs and her clothing suddenly seemed far too restrictive. Her hands twitched at her side – nothing had been said about her keeping them to herself, but the twins seemed to need to give this to her, to strengthen the still delicate balance between themselves, and she didn't want to upset the trust that was being established between the three of them. Too soon it ended, and she was left panting for air, her heart thumping wildly against her ribs.
She opened her eyes dazedly. Two very satisfied grins met her somewhat unfocused stare. "Well, that was-"
Her fireplace roared to life with green flames, and Anaxos' voice called through, "Hermione, it's an emergency and we're calling all hands! There's been another botched shrinking sweet case."
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Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for all the lovely reviews! It is so cool that people are reading and liking this story!
I'm still not quite happy with this scene – it's just not quite doing what I want. I think it's close enough though, so I'm posting it to keep the momentum going. I was trying to make Hermione a bit more panicky and flustered, but couldn't quite make it work. Ah well, plenty of moments for her to get all flustered later on! Next time, back to St Mungo's!
(Wow, so many exclamation points, sorry y'all)