Chapter 2: Rachel: Till Death Do Us Part

Author's Note: I honestly don't know what to say here.

DISCLAIMER: I own no part of Glee, the characters, or anything else you recognize. Lyrics from "To Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan (Adele's version).

"We understand death for the first time when he puts

his hand upon one whom we love."

-Madame de Stael

I walk into the apartment Kurt, Santana, and I share, putting my bag down and turning to see Kurt looking straight at me. His eyes are red and puffy and his face is streaked with tear tracks. He's the only one here-Santana won't be back for a while.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I immediately ask, concerned.

"Rachel..." Kurt takes a deep breath. "My dad called..." Another deep breath, this one slightly shaky. "Finn passed away last night."

For a second I don't believe him. For a second I expect him to laugh and say it was a joke. A horrible joke, but better than it being the truth. But I know Kurt would never joke about something like this. As soon as the realization hits me, the world seems to stop and everything moves in slow motion. My brain refuses to process the news, refuses to accept that it's real. I feel my body go numb with shock and disbelief. It's just me and the shock and Kurt standing next to me.

"No. No, he can't have." Tears fill my eyes, and I feel myself fall to the ground, sobbing hysterically. "He can't be gone. No." I know, deep down, that it's true. Finn's gone, and he's never coming back. All I have left is his voice in my head and his memory in my heart.

Kurt comes closer and wraps me in his arms, leading me to the couch. Once we're seated he wraps his arm around my shoulders and lets me cry into his shirt, for once oblivious to the potential stains.

"My dad didn't give me details, but...it was sudden. No warning..." His sentence is drowned in a sob, tears once more streaming down his face.

We sit there for what feels like hours, sobbing into each other's shoulders. Disbelief courses through me. I just can't believe he's gone. That I'm never going to see him again. It feels like my world has come crashing down around me; everything is suddenly crumbing, falling apart, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Everything is spinning out of control, hurtling toward some great unknown.

Finally I sit up, wiping my eyes dry of tears. "Do the others know?" I ask Kurt, my voice stuffy.

"No...n-not that I know of. I n-need to call Blaine."

Kurt hurries into the kitchen. As soon as he leaves, I pick up my phone and call my dads. I give them the news in a shaky voice.

"F-Finn passed away last night." As soon as I say the words, I know without a doubt that they are true. Now that I have spoken them out loud they are irreversible, irretrievable. Permanent.

All my dads can do is offer comfort. They can't bring him back, nobody can.

I used to believe my dads could do anything.

Now I know that's not true.

He promised me forever.

Even when we broke up last year, I knew we'd get back together one day. We were meant to be together. We were meant to get married and live happily ever after. Not this. Never this. Never dyingbefore we really had a chance to live.

I don't want to believe he's gone. I want to believe that he's in Lima, running the glee club with Mr. Schue and that we were going to see each other over the summer. That he's just a phone call or a text or even a plane ride away.

I don't say much-I can't-but my dads understand. They comfort me as best they can, but it does nothing to ease the pain in my heart. They tell me they've booked a flight back to Lima for me, Kurt, and Santana. At least I'll get to see my dads and everyone back in Lima. I want to go back to Lima, but everything there just reminds me of Finn. I won't be able to go back to McKinley or his house or even my own house without thinking about him.

I hang up a few minutes later, just as Kurt walks back into the room. He sits on the couch beside me, not speaking.

The sound of the door opening breaks the silence and Santana walks in, tears covering her face. She's heard.

The three of us sit together on the couch in silence for hours, trying to process the news. The tears rush down my face, all our faces, until I'm sure we have none left to cry. But they keep coming, fast and furious and silent.

That night, Kurt, Santana, and I book our flight back to Lima.

I can't believe I'm going back for this. I keep thinking he'll be there, waiting like always. Eager to see me and I him. Then I remember that he's gone and I can't stop the tears, not now, not when the news is so fresh and new and real. I can only clutch Kurt's hand on my left and Santana's on my right, hoping beyond hope that Finn will be waiting for us when we land. As the plane approaches the Columbus airport, the words to one of our songs go through my head.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong