SPN; Fighting For Nothing
By: Paraflymore
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.
A/N: Okay, this story is moving so slow for me, is it moving that way for y'all? Just want y'all to know that this whole verse will go throughout the entire series, and writing the beginning of it is becoming boring for me. But it's important so I will wrap it up in a couple of chapters.
Summary: It will never fail you...
Fighting For Nothing
Chapter Four
"Head vs. Heart"
Smoke curls around her mother's head. Janis Joplin was playing loudly on the radio in the kitchen. She had not seen her mother smoke in years, but it was a stressful time, and Arlene Dawson was always so much more pleasant when she was stoned.
It had been raining for most of the day and they had all been camped out in the house.
John had been on the phone all day, talking with other hunters and trying to find out something about this pack. Dean had been locked in the guest room, and Lila had been trying not to go fucking stir crazy.
Arlene held the joint out to her daughter and Lila stared at it for half a second before she took it.
"I know you used to sneak into my stash." She says, half smiling.
Lila rolls her eyes and takes a long draw. "You never said anything?"
She shrugs. "I figured if you were gonna smoke I should at least let you have the good shit."
The sound of the phone slamming down on the receiver made them both jump. John was standing there scratching his head, looking at them.
Arlene starts laughing and Lila rolls her eyes, handing the joint back to her mom with a huff.
"Some things never change." John says shaking his head at Arlene as Lila makes her way out of the room. She nods and walks towards the guest room. She knocks loudly and opens the door. Dean is flipping through one of her mom's cosmos. She raises and eyebrow and flops down on the bed next to him.
"My mom is stoned."
He chuckles. "I just took this quiz and it says that I am most compatible with a Gemini."
Lila laughs and snatches the magazine from him. "Can we go somewhere?"
No.
"I don't think that would be a good idea."
Lila sighs. "I am going to lose my mind if I have to stay in this house any longer."
"I already lost mine..."
"Well," she says pouting, "lets get a pizza or something. Come on, please?"
And how could he say no when she looks at him like that?
By some miracle Arlene agreed to let them go get some food, as long as they brought her hot wings back. Dean was thinking that she should smoke weed more often when Lila reached over and turned the radio station. "Is classic rock all that you listen to?"
Some twangy country music filled his car and he flipped the station back with a scowl. "Yeah, pretty much."
Lila rolls her eyes. "Are you one of those people who are uncomfortable with change?"
He scoffs. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"
She looks over at him, laughing. "Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
She adjusts in the seat so she is facing him, a smile is playing on her lips. "The other day when we were shooting my crossbow, did you want to kiss me?"
Dean almost choked.
"I mean, it sure felt like you wanted to and I can't help but wonder that if my mom hadn't come out what might have happened."
"Lila,"
"Can you please, just for like five seconds pretend that I am just a normal girl."
He sighs. And he knew that he was not going to find a way out of this conversation. It was a long time coming between the two of them. "Its way more complicated than that."
"Why?"
Dean turns the radio down. "Because it just is."
"It doesn't have to be."
"I can't."
Lila lets out a breath, she honestly felt like she was about to cry but she was not about to do it in front of him. "What are you so afraid of?" She asks, "I'm not a little girl and I see the way you look at me, I feel the way you look at me."
He turns onto the main road leading into town. It was about an hour drive into civilization and they had only been driving for ten minutes. "It wouldn't work out between us, and it has nothing to do with the reasons you think."
"Enlighten me then..."
"I'm a mess." He scoffs. "I'm barely fucking holding on, my life is in fucking tailspin."
She nods. "You don't think I get it, that I don't feel out of control too?" Her voice is growing louder. "But I don't feel like that when I'm with you. That has to mean something doesn't it?"
"I'm not that guy," he says. "I'm not some knight in shining armor, I'm not gonna save you Lila. You don't need saving. All I would do is drag you down. What could I give you? What kind of life could we have? It's just a fucking pipe dream and I am just gonna save you the trouble and heartache."
She bites her lip, looking out the window, watching the rain slide down the glass.
He was right.
She did not need saving.
But that didn't make it hurt any less.
…
They got two pizzas and Arlene's hot wings and drove back to the house in silence, the music was the only sound between them. It hurt too much to talk. It didn't really matter anyways.
What else was there left to say.
It was raining hard as they made their way up to the house, Lila held the door open for him and he slipped inside. She was close, close enough to see the raindrops on his eyelashes.
It hurt to look at him.
Dean tucks her hair behind her ear, and he regrets it immediately.
Why was it so hard?
Why did she look up at him like he was something special?
"I'll get some plates." She whispers, disappearing into the kitchen.
Arlene came down stairs smiling at him, her eyes were bloodshot red. She giggles, looking at the boxes. He was glad somebody was having a good time today. "Did you get my hot wings?"
He nods, handing her the bag.
"I am so happy that you didn't forget." She kisses him on the cheek and walks into the kitchen.
His dad was also in the kitchen, he was on the phone, his journal open in front of him. He hadn't stopped researching all day. It was giving Dean a headache.
"I got supreme," he says, patting him on the back.
John nods, putting his hand over the receiver. "Give me five minutes."
Lila opens the box and grabs herself a slice of pizza, she has a bottle of vodka in her hand and no one seems to notice it but him. She turns around quickly and leaves the kitchen.
He doesn't follow her.
It was for the best that he didn't
Dean was getting really tired of doing the right thing.
…
Some times it was nice to just get wasted. Even if she was alone up in her tree house listening to Janis Joplin too loudly. She just wanted to stop thinking, but the more she drank and the louder Janis got the more she thought about him...
It was starting to get old.
Lila was sure now that her and Dean were not going to happen. He made it pretty clear, and she was not one to keep pining over someone, even Dean Winchester. It was not her style to let a guy get up under her skin like this, she was almost embarrassed.
Almost.
Well I know that it just doesn't ever seem to matter, baby, Oh honey, when I go out or what I'm trying to do, Can't you see I'm still left here and I'm holding on in needing you...
Something about the sound of Janis' voice made her feel.
The words she was singing were hitting her hard, and she was beginning to regret her choice in music when the door to the tree house swung open.
Dean looked up at her, his face was hard to read. He was so damn beautiful it hurt, it ached all the way down in her gut. She takes another drink of the vodka and he climbs the rest of the way inside. Lila scoots over on her pallet, making room for him to join her. She hands him the vodka and he takes a long swig.
"Taste like soap."
She laughs, reaching for her bottle back. "More for me then..."
He turns the radio down. "You got a thing for Janis Joplin don't you?"
Lila smirks. "She gets me."
"Oh?"
"I love the sound of her voice, it just takes me there."
"Where is that?"
Lila shrugs and takes a long drink. "Far away from here."
He smirks.
"All my life I have wanted to get away from this place. I hate it, it makes me feel suffocated."
"You know Duke is about four hundred miles away."
"three hundred and forty eight point three miles to be exact."
He chuckles, reaching for the bottle. "You've done your research."
"I have." She takes the bottle back, taking another sip. "I thought that college would be my ticket out of here, but when I got the chance it just felt wrong."
"Because you want to hunt?"
She shook her head. "I'm not smart Dean. I got lucky in high school and I had a few good friends who let me copy off of them. I barely went to class most times. I got into Duke by some stroke of dumb luck."
"Everything happens for a reason."
Lila laughs. "Do you really believe that?"
He nods. "I wish I had that option, I wish I could just run off to school, but I'm stuck in this life."
She reaches for his hand, she laces her fingers with his and looks over into his eyes. "Everything happens for a reason right?"
He didn't know if it was true, but he knew, it never made more sense than it did in that moment.
Lila leans in slowly, her brown eyes staring right into his. He saw a thousand galaxies inside those eyes, and he wanted to get lost in them, even if it meant oblivion.
This back and forth inside his head was at a moot point.
He was done fighting it.
"Dean," her voice is hoarse, barely a whisper.
He reaches for her, catching her cheek in the palm of his hand. She brushes her hair behind her ear.
The line was drawn, did they dare to cross it?
All they heard was a gun shot.
It happened so fast and so suddenly that they both had thought they had imagined it. Then they heard another one.
Lila jumped up first, knocking over the bottle of vodka between them, she flung the door to the tree house open and slid down the rope ladder with little effort. Dean was close behind her, he missed the last two wrungs and fell to the ground gracefully.
She rushes off, grabbing her crossbow on her way back up to the house, her heart was beating so fast in her chest. Everything around her was spinning. She could not form a coherent thought other than getting into the house and making sure her mom was okay.
It was all she could think about.
Another gun shot went off and Lila tore through the back door, aiming her crossbow into the darkness.
Dean came up behind her, touching her back to get her attention.
She looks up at him, and he points towards the living room.
Lila follows behind him, trying to stay as close as possible. Everything was quiet, an eerie kind of quiet that made her sick. She knew something awful had happened, she could just sense it in the air around her.
That's when they heard the sobbing.
Arlene was lying on the living room floor, she was gurgling, choking on something. It took Lila half a second to realize it was blood.
You know that saying, the one where the floor feels like it's been pulled out from under you?
That's how Lila feels as she rushes over to her mom, her crossbow hitting the floor with a thud. John was kneeling over her, touching her forehead, talking to her softly, trying to keep her conscious. The front of her shirt was ripped, and her blood was pooling around her.
It felt like a dream, a nightmare as she took in the scene before her. The front of her mother's shirt was soaked in blood, claw marks over her abdomen.
"Mom." She breathes, sliding up to her on her knees. She tries not to pay attention to the blood, but it was everywhere, soaking the front of her jeans. She drew in a shaky breath.
Her mom's dark blue eyes met hers and Lila knew that this was the last time she would get to talk to her.
"I'm sorry." She whispers, resting her head against her cheek. "I'm sorry for everything."
Arlene raises her hand shakily, she touches Lila's face and with her last breath she said something Lila would never forget.
"Follow your heart darlin' it will never fail you..."
"No, momma, please. Please don't leave me." Lila brushes her hair out of her face and kisses her forehead. "Please. Please."
Someone touches her back, trying to pick her up off the floor but she swats them away, leaning down to bury her face in her neck.
Lila never knew that you could feel so much pain so intensely and still be breathing.
She never thought it was possible.
…
He helps her wash the blood from her hands. She is sitting on the edge of the bathtub and he is scrubbing soap over her hands. She hasn't made a noise since he got her up from the floor. She hadn't even blinked.
Dean was starting to worry.
"Lila?" He says softly, bringing the shower head over to her and rinsing the soap away. The water in the tub had turned pink and he tried not to look at it, tried not to think about who's it was.
She breathes in an unsteady breath. "Is this a nightmare?"
He didn't answer her. No answer was the right one here, so he just kept cleaning her up. He got her a change of clothes from her room, an over sized t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. Once he got her cleaned up he helped her get dressed. Looking at her was hard because she looked like a ghost.
All the color had drained from her face, leaving her pale and sickly.
Once he got her dressed she starts getting sick, which causes him to have to get her another shirt.
He almost gets her to bed before she starts crying again.
Lila clings to him, grabbing a hold of his t-shirt and screaming into his chest. "I want to wake up. I want to fucking wake up."
Dean grabs her tightly, he could feel her falling apart right there and he was powerless to stop it all from happening.
"She's dead! She's dead and its all my fault."
…
A/N: Okay so this is the end of part one. I hope I didn't end it too abruptly. I am just really anxious to get to the next part of this story. I should have it posted tomorrow after work. Thank you for reading!