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Chapter Seven: One Day of Serenity

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Usagi watched as the breeze blew her lace curtains inward. She had been doing nothing but stare at nothingness for some time now. It was, as far as she was concerned, the sanest thing to do at the moment. If she allowed herself to even remotely think of what had happened early this afternoon, she might just loose her mind…

Because thinking about what happened, also meant threading on more dangerous grounds…The echoing that had been going on her mind was now a full pledge orchestra of names and conversations.

'What do those names mean, exactly?' she thought, her lower lip caught between her teeth. She gave a huff of air, her bangs slightly ruffling at the action. "Well, for crying out loud! I just- damnit!" She threw her hands in the air, frustrated at her incapacity to make sense of herself.

A nagging voice in her mind was demanding to be acknowledged. She ignored it, her new self-control surprising even herself. A part of her felt…torn. It was as if two entities were trying to be dominant in her body-just not quite so separate.

Her actions at the temple for one, was a good point to use. She had felt in control, ready to face Rei's accusations, when normally she would have just stayed silent and cried, accepting wholly the blame. It wasn't awkward at all, being that serious girl. She had felt very comfortable saying the words to reprimand Rei. True, she would rather have not said anything remotely near what was said earlier, but she knew that to let Rei's action slip would have been an irresponsible move.

To have allowed Rei's hurt to be brushed off would be irresponsible both as a friend and as…

'As what?' she asked quietly.

Usagi went to the mirror, her face reflected in its surface. When she had woken up this morning, she had felt inexplicably happy. Twice as blessed as any other day. She had truly believed that today would end just as great. But her recent black outs was scaring her.

"Who are you?" she asked the girl who looked backed at her with her same face. She moved her head to one side, and she saw her reflection do the same. Grinning, she crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue at the image. She did this for a while, making faces at herself, until the novelty ended. "I'm Tsukino Usagi," she answered to herself.

The girl in the mirror had a sad look on her face as she said that. She looked ready to cry.

"But, is that all that you are? Are you sure you really are Usagi?" Her blue eyes filled with tears. "What if being Usagi isn't enough?" she asked the reflection again. "And, why are you so insignificant? So small…when the world is so big?"

'Would that be so bad?' a piece of her whispered…

The golden haired girl gazed at herself, peering in silence at her face, "Why would it be so bad…to simply be me?"

'It isn't." her mind said.

Her expression was still sorrowful…She wanted so badly to believe that voice, but if it was wrong...That voice in her head again, asking to be talked to. She almost gave in, her face turning slack, until a movement near the window caught her attention.

She turned in surprise, her expression wary. Then Usagi saw Luna's black body silhouetted against the white carpet of her bedroom. Her breath escaped her in a happy sigh. 'Just your cat,' her mind said, soothingly, 'nothing to be suspicious about.'

It made sense, of course. What harm could one little cat do? Certainly, it would never compare to the madness that her day had been…So why was she so wary? She didn't know.

All that was clear was she should be downstairs, where there were company in the form of her parents and little brother. Where Luna would stay as a pet…

Usagi laughed. 'My goodness! What the hell exactly did I mean, eh? That Luna is more than a pet…' Her eyes became worried. She remembered the conversation she had with the girls in the arcade. And she tried to remember exactly what they asked.

With apprehension, she turned to her company, and gave a soft call, "Luna?"

The black cat blinked, and from where she has stood, she began a stalking walk, finally choosing to stop in front of the girl. They watched each other, the girl with her fingers twirling her hair. Usagi had taken it out from its confines and now it fell down in a smooth waterfall of gold and honeyed silk. It was still damp because she had taken a shower the moment she got home.

Luna knew something was different with her young charge. Usagi's eyes held a hint of anger and suspicion, something that was never there before. There was accusation in them, too. It had taken Luna aback. She had been hell bent of finding the entire story from the ditzy charge of hers, but she stopped her line thinking when she heard Usagi ask herself aloud those things.

'What is different?' Luna thought. She looked the same…except the girl who reprimanded the Fire Senshi was someone Luna had only hoped for, never once believing that Usagi would become. Until today. Usagi had been…regal. And commanding. Everything she should have been from the very beginning since becoming Sailor Moon.

Usagi watched as Luna stared back at her. It was unthinkable, but the girl felt that her cat was gazing at her with full understanding. As if Luna, her cat, was a person instead of…a cat. This was truly insane…

-flashback-

Rei stared hard at her friend. Ditz that she was, it seemed incredible the implication of what Usagi had just said. "Usagi, did you see Luna today?"

"Ie, demo, I think she was in Shingo's room, so I didn't get a chance to see her this breakfast…"

Usagi raised her eyes and stared at Rei. "Not that I mind, but why so much fascination with my cat?"

Ami, Rei, and Makoto stared right back at her. Rei once again spoke. "Odango, in case you are still asleep, I will say this very slowly. Luna is OUR guide. You know, as", her voice dropped to a whisper, "Sailor Senshis…"

-end of flashback-

"Shall I tell you something very funny Luna?" Usagi said. Her tone was pensive, and afraid, as if she was unsure how the words would be answered, if at all. "This morning, I woke up feeling very happy. As me. No one else. Then I went to breakfast, and my parents and little brother seemed…unsure of me." Usagi looked at her cat with a sad smile before she continued.

"At school, too. Everyone was acting as I was being abnormal…I didn't get it. Because I was being as ordinary as possible. Then Ami and Makoto brought me to the arcade…" the girl paused again. She wasn't sure how to tell what happened, because it was in this part that things became vague to her. Usagi was aware that Luna had now moved. The cat had leaped to the bedspread and was now laying down, her grey eyes still intent on Usagi's face.

The blonde girl moved to her bed as well. Cradling Luna, she began petting her cat. Her mind was whirling. She wasn't sure what she was expecting. Still, she felt much lighter now, as she talked, than she did when she was looking at the mirror. 'Talking to Luna must be calming me, somehow.' Usagi concluded.

"I seem to be forgetting things, Luna," Usagi whispered. "Fantastic things, if I believe even half of what my friends have said." Her hands stilled and she gripped Luna hard, but she caught herself, and she put Luna down instead. "Things that make me more than just as Tsukino Usagi…"

Luna's face became disquieted. She gave a sigh and said, "What did you forget, Usagi-chan?"

Usagi heard the question, and almost screamed. But a part of her had been more or less resigning with the idea that Luna might possibly talk. Rei's question in the arcade and Mako-chan's comment about Luna's nagging…Only a fool wouldn't draw a similar conclusion. Incredible, but there you have it. A talking cat. Her talking cat.

The voice in her head was screaming caution now. Usagi tilted her head, as if the action will help her connect with the voice, but it became quiet instantly. Still, she acknowledged the voice when it had asked for caution. Something that Luna must not figure out. An important thing, one that could make or break her already fragile bond as a normal girl. If Luna was relentless in her becoming better…A part of her knew that if she did not play her cards, it would become worse.

That did not mean she wasn't curious. Many things had been popping up and some more important than others. Luna, her talking cat, might know the answers. Because she was not sure if she was ready to ask- well, someone else. 'Like her,' she told herself. Just who that her was, though, she was not sure.

Giving Luna a scrutinizing look, the blonde made peace with the situation and asked her cat the most important thing that she felt she had forgotten since she woke up. With a bitter voice, she said, "For one, I seem to have forgotten who Endymion is." She saw Luna looked at her blankly, until slowly, by dregs, an understanding begun filtering in. "So…You know him." It wasn't a question.

Luna stared at her charge and realized something that had always seemed out of place with Usagi. It was not that the girl was unusual…maybe only a little bit…still, her many characteristics were contradictory at most. Even central had some doubts about Usagi. The computer read out had claimed there is no recollection of a Sailor Moon among the Senshi of the past.

Nevertheless, Luna trusted the girl. Even when she proved to be less a warrior than all the other three, Usagi had proven her importance by being the only one capable of wielding the wand…And the only one with enough power to finished off the enemy. If nothing else, this proved her important, regardless of what central said.

Now, of all four Senshi, Usagi was the first to question about the Prince Endymion. Even Luna had forgotten about him. That it was the leader of the Senshi who had remembered and with the authority and leadership she has shown at the temple, she can now happily tell central that the bet was on. Both had claimed to having found the true leader of the Senshi and both refused to back down.

Now that Usagi was slowly emerging to be a worthy warrior, central can kiss Luna's ass.

The cat walked a few paces farther from Usagi. Head bowed, the cat gave Usagi a look of controlled puzzlement. Voice lowered as not to worry the child, "What do you remember?" she asked Usagi.

The blonde gave a brittle laugh. Her eyes held a quiet pain before she replied.

"Everything mundane. Everything ordinary. I remember I like the color pink. I remember loving the taste of chocolate. I know who my friends are. I know I hate school. I know, I am Usagi…And that is the most important. That I am Usagi." She gave a shuddering breath. "And now, it's all falling apart."

Usagi bowed her head and added another sentence. "I know, that I should know Endymion…and that when Mamoru kissed me, I liked it very much." A tear fell down her eye. "I also felt afraid. I felt…fear." Raising her head, she saw the cat sighing sadly.

She gave Luna a tearful wink. "I didn't know you talk."

Luna took a deep breath before answering. She couldn't understand completely what was the problem, but she had caught a few words from Ami when they were in the temple. She derived a conclusion, and decided to be more helpful instead of confusing the girl.

With an angry scowl on her face, Luna answered in a crisp manner to show the importance of her question. "Endymion was an enemy spy who caused the destruction of the Moon Kingdom. It was because of him that the princess was captured by the enemy and killed. I am glad you remembered him. By knowing about him, in case he appears, you are now equipped with the knowledge of how to fight him."

Luna's grey eyes were calm as she said the words. She ignored the feeling that she had not been fully correct with her information. Her memory of the Moon Kingdom was sketchy at best, but she knew the enemy came from earth and that Endymion was its High Prince. If nothing else, then it would be best to be suspicious.

Usagi stared at the black cat and felt herself giving in to the voice in her head again. Her eyes blanked out completely, until everything blurred, and she fell unconscious on her bed. As she did, only one sentence echoed in her mind… 'It was because of him that the princess was captured by the enemy and killed'.

'Did I –or you, or us…I…died, didn't I? And, well…how did it happen?'

'…It is odd. Ever since I woke up, I have wanted you to remember. Now that you are asking me, I am reluctant to tell you…I guess, you and me, we really are the same.'

'You didn't answer me. How did I die?'

'Horribly. Amid madness. With great pain…All those things.'

'Did I kill Endymion? When I was you, did we cause him to die as well?'

'…Yes. If it wasn't for us, if I was not selfish, he would not have died…Then, the destruction that happened perhaps could have been averted.'

'….'

'You have nothing to say? Do you still want to be me, now that you know a little bit more than before?'

'I need to think…Whatever you-me- did in the past, if it killed someone we had loved…And that by loving that person, caused a lot of people to get hurt…Maybe, it would be best, not to remember…even if it means letting go of…him…'

'And if you choose that, then I must truly disappear. Because, you see, I will never let his memories go.'

'And yet you are still here.'

'Yes.'

' And I think I know why…Because, its because I still love him…As you, or as my new self, I will always love him…And I- I'm waiting for him…to find me, again, am I right?'

'…Yes.'

'And…I love… Mamoru.'

'I am glad you are finally willing to admit it….'

'You know something, don't you? Why won't you help me out? How can I be waiting for Endymion…if it's Mamoru I love? That's- that's just…fickle!'

'Not really. Since I love Mamoru, too…Me, your memories of the past, is in love with – what do you call him? Baka? And still be in love with my Endymion…'

'….'

'….'

'Oh! No way…'

'….'

'Well, geez! You little witch! You mean to tell me Mamoru is Endymion!? Oh, for crying out loud, couldn't you have just said something!"

'Nani! You were the one who wanted to forget. And I did say something, you-you-you sissy! Besides, you were disgusted by him…as if he was a leper or someone with a contagious disease!'

'I can't believe this! Rei was right. YOU are a drama queen!'

'HEY!'

'Mamoru was right there! Kissing me! And you had to go all 'I fear him now, blah, blah, blah'. Gah! No wonder we died young! You must have been all Romeo and Juliet, or something. If you aren't dead, I'd kill you myself!'

'You are very welcome, by the way!'

'Oh, shut up! Damn, who'd have thunk…Mamoru… Oh, geez! You think the reason why he is so ornery towards me is because I might have killed him when he was Endymion?'

'Do you honestly believe I will answer you after that insult? Personally, I liked him better when he was Endymion…Better kisser.'

'Yeah? Well its because MY Mamo-chan must have very little experience, since he was waiting for me, where in OUR Endymion must be very learned when it comes with those things…Wait-That's still worse! I hoped you whacked Endymion good for being experienced!'

'Now that you mention it, it was very hard to form coherent thought, when he kissed me, really…Uhm. So, just how much do you remember now?'

'That's about it…I still don't know how the death scene happened, or why, for that matter…I'm still not sure if I want to remember, to be honest…I have a feeling that's the part I'm trying to really block out. Why do you ask?'

'Nothing of importance…I merely wanted to find out. If you remember everything...Well, what would be the point of keeping us separate? And as selfish as this sound, I'd like to keep the memories of Endymion as mine for a while…That's one thing that's different about us. You are very selfless…'

'Huh?'

'You have Mamoru now…And, as much as I love him as well, it is you he wants. I saw it in his eyes. He knew it was me, with that first kiss…when you emerged, the kiss changed…You know, I am almost jealous of you…Before, they were both mine.'

'Huh?'

'I must say, I am very pleased with how we turned out...Even if you are a bit of a…what was that word…Oh! Ditz! '

'HEY!'

'You remember asking me where I was before this, do you not.'

'Hai!'

'Well, I have decided to answer you…You hid me, back, when you were about two or three years old…in a …boy's dream.'

'WHAT?!?'

'You promised him, you see. You told him, that you will always be with him…and that's where I've been…all this time…'

'You're not pulling my leg, are you? Can't remember the boy, though. Must have been too young… You were living in a dream? In someone else's drea—Hey! Why'd you kissed my cheek?'

'Arigatou, my new I…for sharing…even him…'

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The girl stirred in her bed, moaning a little. The headache was gone and now things were crystal clear again. Somehow, her mind had cleared the jumble and she was now back on track. She opened her blue eyes and felt a hint of panic when she saw that everything had gone dark. Then she saw the blinking light of her night clock and released her breath in relief.

She was about to open her night light, when she heard soft talking at her balcony. Curious as to what was being said, she stayed quiet and did her best to listen.

Luna had been waiting patiently for Usagi to wake up. When the poor girl had fainted she had instantly called Ami. The blue haired Senshi came running and made an excuse of needing to tutor Usagi when the girl's mother had asked why Ami was in their house. Ukiko-sama had been so pleased with the idea; she had forgotten to ask the blackened eye that their visitor was sporting.

As Ami explained her theory to Luna, the cat felt herself becoming angrier with the other three girls. "Why didn't you try to contact me? Why did you brought her to the arcade in the first place?'

Ami lowered her head and flushed pink. "I wasn't thinking straight. It was a bit overwhelming…seeing Usagi reading a book…a biology book."

The cat before her sighed. "I suppose it could have been like that to you. I might have fainted myself, if I was the one to see Usagi doing that." She patted Ami's head with her paw. "Enough of that. You did well, considering. But no one should have left her with Mamoru-san."

Ami raised her head and gave Luna a grim expression. "We didn't know! One moment they were in the back room, the next minute, he just took her!" She gave off an angry growl. "Mako-chan was ready to beat him to a pulp. And you already knew about Rei." At this, Ami's face became sad. "If Chiba-san hadn't done that…"

"I'll talk to Rei-chan…I'm sure she will listen to me."

Ami's face didn't lose its sadness. "What if she never comes back? Do you really think that Usagi will pull her out?"

Luna gave Ami a level look. "I don't know how we are going to deal with Usagi's memory lapse. But is she should remember, and Rei still insists on not giving in…I will step in for Rei. Even if Usagi is leader, all four of you are needed to look for the princess. Rei is serious as a Senshi and she won't give it up just like that."

Luna leaped from the railing to the balcony floor and began pacing. "Usagi has shown arrogance in that part. She had no right to say whom, or who is not a Senshi. Only the princess can do that."

Her companion's eyes became wide. "Luna…Usagi sounded sure. She was not being arrogant. Even Makoto thought this. And believed it...I did, too." Her voice held a tremor as she said the next words. "I still do."

The cat stopped pacing. Slowly shaking her head, she huffed, irritated. "Unbelievable, but even when she is finally acting leader, she still makes it hard! Sometimes, I just wish I knew what Usagi is hiding in that head of hers."

From her bed, Usagi heard Luna's reaction. Her mind was still unhappy of being an owner of a talking cat, since normal girls don't own such things. But in her heart, she knew Luna was special. Not just because the cat talks-that part freaked her out- but also because…Luna was a friend. The fact that she had not screamed to high heaven when Luna started saying things in an understandable language was enough proof that she must have known about this ability somehow even if all she remember is that Luna was just an average cat.

'Senshi,' Usagi thought. 'That's one more thing that's bugging me. They mentioned that in the arcade, too. About me being Sailor Moon…'

She frowned as she heard Luna and Ami still talking. She had blanked them out and now her mind was full of half-answered questions. With determination, she mentally listed out all things that were now crystal clear in her mind.

'Luna talks…I don't know how, but apparently all my three friends know this. Who else? And why they?' she counted in one finger. 'My friends seem to see me as leader. Of what? The Senshi?' her fingers counted to two. 'I want to be normal. This has been going around my head, like, gah! Since I woke up! But I'm not. Why is today so important to stay so normal, anyway?'

Usagi very silently burrowed deeper in her blanket. 'I woke up today, thinking I'm lucky I'm me. But something else, too. Giddiness…because I felt—alive? But that doesn't make sense. Like I've been let out…and am experiencing life again.' She frowned, her fingers now to four. 'And then there is Mamoru…One moment, I don't know him…the next, well. I love him…'

She stilled her counting. 'I love Mamoru…But how? And why?' She shivered even though she was covered from head to toe. 'How can I forget that? And how come it just became clear to me?' She sat up abruptly, her eyes huge in the surrounding darkness. 'How come I can't remember such things? Things that is so obviously important. Why did I forget such details that point out I'm not just an ordinary girl?'

She almost called out to Ami and Luna then, ready to start crying, but a loud beeping from the balcony beaten her to it. Ami, startled herself, punched her communicator and the screen opened up showing the bruised face of Sailor Jupiter. "At the public bath, now!"

Ami bit back an oath and gave Luna a worried look. "How are we going to do this without Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars?"

Luna was just about to formulate a plan when another face appeared on the screen. Rei's eyes were still puffy, but the steely determination in them was the same old Rei's. "You can tell the Odango she can keep her Baka, is what you can tell her. And that if she is not by the bath house by the time I get there, I'll scream her ears off for being late." Rei's face flashed out the moment the message was over. Ami breathed a sigh of relief and turned toward the bedroom.

She was a little surprised to see Usagi already walking towards them, but she schooled her expression and gave Usagi a happy smile. "I'm happy you are awake now, Usagi." 'Please let her remember,' Ami said to herself. Behind her, Luna was watching with hope in her eyes.

Usagi saw and felt their worry. Though she still have no recollection of being Sailor Moon, she knew better now than to trust her memory. Something had happened to alter it somehow. And while it was not entirely bad, the picture her mind had projected for her the moment she woke up had been…illusions. An altered state meant to be enjoyed for one day. 'Because that is all that it is going to have,' Usagi promised in quiet. 'I'm taking my life back. I don't care how troublesome it is. It's still my life.'