Chapter 11
Sully couldn't stop smiling. He held a little girl on each hand and was heading home with them. Home to Michaela; how he loved the sound of this line! Happy to have him back, his daughters didn't stop chattering. It sounded as if they wanted to tell him about their days without him all in one go.
"And Grandpa Bray'll take us to the baby pony tomorrow. Will ya come, too?"
Hopping for joy, Hannah expectantly looked up at her daddy.
It was too late for Sully to suppress a frown. He didn't know yet that Loren had met the rest of the family. Remembering how the man had treated him all through his relationship with Abigail and that it had been because of Loren that Hannah had never met her grandparents before, Sully wasn't sure whether he wanted him so close to his daughter. Seeing Hannah's face cloud over however, he caught himself. Forcing a smile he asked, "Grandpa Bray, huh?"
"Uhuh," Katie chimed in repeating Maude's words in her own way, "He's grumpy on the outside but nice in his heart."
Sully couldn't help but chuckle. "So ya like him?"
"Yep." Hannah nodded eagerly still insecure though about her father's former reaction. "But Mr. Hank was funnier."
"Hank?" Sully didn't dare believe his ears but was more careful with his reaction this time. "How did ya meet Hank?"
"He invited us to God's Park." Hannah carefully watched her daddy's face. Would he be angry again?
His daughter's fear was clearly recognizable on her face and thus Sully stopped in his tracks. Crouching down so as to be on the same level with her, he briefly stroked Katie's blond locks, asking her mutely for understanding. Only after he gained a smile from her, did he turn towards Hannah.
"Listen to me, sweet girl. I know I've been away for a while and even might be again, but that doesn't mean that anything'll change between us. Ya can always tell me what ya think and I promise I'll never be mad at ya."
Throwing her arms around her father's neck rather than replying, the little girl tightly pressed her eyelids together. Of course she had taken in all his words but only four mattered to her. He said he might be away again.
As far as Sully was concerned, he thought that the problem was solved. So as to show Hannah how much she meant to him, he held her tight, soothingly rubbing her back.
When they were at last continuing on their way home, he carried one daughter while the other one carelessly strolled along beside him.
Of course Sully didn't want to hide his friends from Michaela but he would have preferred to introduce them himself. Aside from that, he was sure that Hank had a reason for showing up at Michaela's door. He couldn't think of any he liked.
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Although he thoroughly enjoyed having lunch together with his family and playing cards with the little girls and Michaela, Sully grew more and more restless. He was waiting for a chance to talk to Michaela in private yet this took quite a while. Caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice that Hannah grew quieter with every new minute; yet Michaela did. And she recognized Sully's expression; something was troubling him. Thus she took the first opportunity to suggest that the children draw in their room for a bit while Mommy and Daddy tidied up the kitchen.
Of course Hannah and Katie didn't mind although they were usually eager to help. But they still had to finish a picture for their daddy and so they happily scurried out of the room. As soon as the door was shut behind them, Michaela turned to Sully who already stood at the sink, averting his eyes from her.
"What's wrong?" she probed gently, approaching him.
Without taking the time to think why she asked he blurted out, slowly turning to face her, "What did Hank want?"
Taken aback by his tone which she recognized from earlier confrontations, she frowned. Was he upset because she had accepted his friend's invitation? Well, he would have to live with that. "He offered to take us to the park where he had arranged for the children to meet Robert E. and…"
Too impatient to wait till she came to the only point that counted for him, he cut her off, emphasizing every single word, "What - did – Hank - want?"
As often when she felt her temper rise, Michaela appeared all the calmer on the outside the more worked up she became. Crossing her arms before her chest as if to protect herself against the angry flashes of his eyes, she simply said, "He needed us to pay some bills."
Sully couldn't tell what it was that bothered him more at the moment – the fact that Hank hadn't stood by their agreement that he would pay him later or that he had asked Michaela. "Us?" he finally managed, his voice strained.
"Well, you weren't here and they needed the money immediately. So I paid the bills he showed me as well as the next ones that are going to be due soon."
Quietly she watched the emotions crossing his face. She didn't like what she saw, yet she still didn't show her annoyance.
"Ya shouldn't have done it," he eventually replied angrily.
"Why not?" Michaela knew they had to get to the bottom of this problem or it would only grow.
"'Cause that's my business, not yours," he shot back, incredulous that she even asked.
She didn't like that she had assumed right about the reason for his anger but didn't avoid the argument.
"Why? Because you are the man? The future husband?" Her own anger began to shine through. "Tell me Sully, have you planned this to be your house or will it be ours?"
"'Couse it'll be ours, but it's supposed to be my gift to the family, and you know that!" His voice rose a notch.
Dropping her arms, Michaela turned to make sure that the door was really closed. It was, yet she still feared the girls might hear them fighting. Looking back at him, she lifted her hand to silence him, "Not so loud, the children!"
Considering him for a moment she at last asked, "Do you really think I could enjoy a gift when I know you can't afford it, at least not right now?"
Of course he knew that she was right in a way, yet his pride was only hurt more by her words, "No need to point out that ya got more money than me," he hissed through clenched teeth.
Now it was Michaela's turn to look incredulous. "That's not what I wanted to say, Sully. And that is something you should know!"
The hurt on her face turned into daggers that pierced his heart but he simply wasn't able to catch himself. All he could do was leave this place and calm down. Thus he started passing her, seething with frustration.
"Where are you going?" Michaela couldn't believe that he was just leaving in the middle of a discussion.
"I need to think," was all he replied and with that, he was already out of the door.
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Michaela was so angry with Sully that she was glad he wasn't there, although of course his vanishing was the reason for her being upset. It wasn't because of their argument; in a way she acknowledged that this problem was partly her fault. They should have talked about how to handle money affairs sooner. Yet she was still taken aback that he insisted on the traditional male-female roles. She had been convinced that he was above that.
However, something else was the real reason that she was mad at him. When their daughters had come back to present him with their picture, he hadn't been there and she hadn't been able to make up a reasonable excuse for his sudden absence. While Katie was simply puzzled, Hannah's eyes instantly filled with tears. That was why Michaela decided to give her part of the truth. Sitting down on a kitchen chair, she took the little girl on her knee. Gently turning the sad face to her so as to look into the child's eyes, she explained, "Your daddy and I had a misunderstanding. He was angry and left to 'work off some steam', as men like to say." Michaela tried to keep her tone light in order to take some of Hannah's anxiety away. That she didn't succeed though showed in the little girl's reaction, "He said he would go away again and…"
Hannah wasn't able to continue speaking. Throwing her arms around Michaela's neck she started to cry. Katie had only watched the scene but now she stepped closer, rubbing her friend's back the way she had seen Sully doing it. Wide-eyed, she gazed at her mother, silently begging her to make her sister's tears stop.
Michaela bent back a bit so she could see Hannah's face again. Lovingly, she brushed a dark lock from her brow. "He'll always come back to you, Sweetheart. You know that, don't you?"
Hannah intently looked at the woman she called her Mommy now. Since she had met her, she had been there whenever she needed her. She had even given her a cell phone so she could talk to her any time when she felt alone. Her dad, however, had already said he would leave, so she needed to be absolutely sure that at least her new mother wouldn't do the same. "Ya stay with me?" she asked in a small voice.
Michaela smiled reassuringly in response before she hugged the child again, "I promise."
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Roaming the woods with Cloud Dancing for more than a week had taught Sully that walking helped him to sort through his thoughts. This time he didn't succeed though; he wasn't able to shake off that feeling of deception. When he finally stopped in his tracks and perceived his surroundings again, he was taken aback. To his astonishment, his feet had carried him to the place where he and Abigail had had their first apartment. Not understanding what it was that led him to this place, he stared at the windows. He had so often seen Abby's face there when he came home that he almost expected it to appear there any moment. A sudden pang of grief pulled at his heart, making his knees weaken. Yet a boy chasing after his friend suddenly bumped into Sully, giving him a rude awakening.
Abby was gone, and he had closed this chapter of his life. There was no use dwelling on the past. He had loved being Abigail's husband; for the first time in his life he had taken responsibility for someone else. In a way one could say that his wife had kind of depended on him. He was the one who had provided for the family; he had even given up his studies to be able to do that. And he had never ever regretted it, not for one single moment. It had felt good to be needed. When he came to his senses after Abigail's death, he had taken care of their daughter in the same way. He had denied his own wishes and dreams, determined to make Hannah's life as good as possible.
This thought, however, brought him completely back to reality. What must she be thinking right now – he had left again, without so much as an explanation! Glancing at his watch he realized that Michaela would have to leave for the hospital soon. He instantly reached for his cell phone in his pocket so as to call her. He wanted to tell her that he would be back in time only to realize that he had stormed out of her apartment without his jacket. Thus without money, too, he had no choice. All he could do was run as fast as he could in order to get back to his family. At this point it hit him.
His new family was different from his former one. He was still needed but in another way. Not as the provider but as the one person they could trust and rely on. Well, at the moment, he was doing a lousy job.
As he hurried along the main road which crossed over by Michaela's side street, several things happened simultaneously. A few hundred yards before him, he saw the BMW slowly roll towards the main street. He was already close enough to recognize Michaela behind the steering wheel and the children in the backseat. At the same time, he heard a hot pursuit from behind. Turning, Sully saw a white Saturn racing in his direction, followed by a police car with wailing sirens. In helpless horror, he watched the chased car trying to turn into the side street. Of course its speed was far too high to take the narrow bend. For a split second, time stood still before the tone of screeching brakes mingled with the horrible sound of metal crashing into metal.