SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Okay; I just wanna thank everyone who is reading, y'all are awesome. I wanted to make this story only a few chapters but it has gotten away from me and developed all on its own. I am also so sorry that this chapter took so long. I am suffering from some serious writers block and as I said before, later chapters and stories in this verse are haunting me! I really want to write them. So I will be trying to wrap this one up soon.

Summary: Some things you cannot outrun...

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Six:

"Down The Open Road"

The road spilled out in front of them, dark and endless. Lila was buzzing in the passenger seat. She had done some crazy things in her life before, but never anything like this. Just taking off, not looking back. She was not running away, she was running towards something.
Towards something with him...
The radio was playing softly in the background, it was a AC/DC song that Lila had never heard before. Dean was humming along to it quietly.
She didn't expect him to really just hop up like that.
Without even so much as a destination, but it really didn't matter, as long as they were together.
"Thank you," she whispers scooting closer to him.
He smirks, letting her duck her head under his arm. She scratched slowly down his chest and kisses his jaw.
"For what?"
"Everything..."
He let out a breath. He was so new at this, at being with someone this way. He felt like a fucking idiot, like a fish out of water. He just felt like he couldn't breathe when she touched him.
"Don't get all mushy on me Dawson."
She chuckles, looking up at him. "What, are you afraid someone will see?"
He rolls his eyes. "I haven't had much practice."
"Well I haven't either really."
"You've had lots of boyfriends..." He says, looking over at her with a smirk.
Lila laughs. "Well make me sound like a slut or something Winchester."
He shakes his head seriously. "I didn't mean it like that."
She nods. "It was never really anything beyond the physical stuff."
"Physical?"
She rolls her eyes. "Don't pretend like you think I'm some saint or something."
"Neither am I."
"How many women have you been with?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
"That's a trick question."
"No," she turns the radio off and sits up in her seat. "Its just a question."
"You won't like my number."
"Seven." She says, looking up at him with serious eyes. "I mean, you know that's just the home runs."
He sighs. He really did not want to have this conversation with her, not at fucking all.
"I'm digging my own grave here but, my number is about four times that."
"Twenty four?"
"Twenty six." he coughs out, unable to meet her eyes.
Lila laughs. "You get around huh?"
"Shut up."
"I knew your number would be up there. I was honestly expecting you to be somewhere in the high thirties..."
"Well you know I only counted the home runs."
She laughs. "Can I ask you another question?"
"Sure..."
"Why haven't you tried to get me up to bat yet?"
Womp.
There it was, it was burning in the back of his mind too.
He stares out at the road for a long time, mulling it over. Lila watches the muscles in his jaw working.
"I want to, believe me. I just don't wanna jump the shark."
"The shark wants to be jumped." She tells him with a smirk.
He scoffs. "Don't say stuff like that to me,"
Her hand creeps up his leg slowly. He draws in a ragged breath.
"I just don't see why we should rush it." He's saying, but he doesn't recognize his own words.
Waiting, was not exactly in Dean Winchester's vocabulary. Especially when it came to girls; girls with their hands dangerously close to his junk.
"Because we are both consenting adults, that's why." Her lips tickle his ear, and it sends shivers down his spine.
He laughs and it is a nervous kind of laugh. Lila has never really seen him this nervous before, not many things made the great Dean Winchester twitch.
She didn't expect that she would be the thing to do it either.
"Lila." He catches her hand, gently pushing it away from his zipper.
She is smiling ear to ear when his eyes meet hers. "You're starting to give me a bit of a complex here, any other guy would have already pulled over."
He swallows the lump in his throat. "I'm not screwing you on the side of some back road Lila Dawson."
She nods, looking back out at the road. It was a sweet gesture, but it was completely beyond her. "You're sweet."
He scoffs. "Don't tell anybody..."

He watches her with hooded eyes as she slips off her jeans, her long, tan legs were certainly a site to behold. She had on a pair of fucking lacy underwear that he was pretty damn sure should be illegal. He was not prepared for her to take off her fucking clothes in front of him.
"You look a little pale." She says, sliding onto the huge bed. She stuck her ass out and flips her hair over her shoulder.
She was teasing him.
And she was damn good at it...
"Well I've been driving for five hours."
She smirks. "I know a sure fire way to relax."
He nods, tossing his bag onto the bed. He was so beyond keeping himself in check, and honestly why should he? It wasn't like he was doing something wrong... Or was he?
His head was just so fucked up over this.
Lila wasn't just some chick, and he was so afraid that if he went there with her, he would never be able to go back.
"Dean," She says his name softly, rolling over in the bed to touch his hands. "I know that you think that you're doing me some kind of favor by being a gentleman or whatever it is your doing but..."
He touches her cheek, looking deeply into her brown eyes.
How was it possible for her to look up at him like that? Like he was something special. Because he didn't deserve to be looked at that way.
"I've wanted you for so long..."
Dean presses his lips to hers, swallowing her words. She was too good for him and he knew it. But there was something about the way it felt to kiss her, something about the way his chest opened up when she said his name, the way he wanted to spill all his fucking secrets when he looked into her dark eyes.
It couldn't be real.

But it was.

Lila pulls his shirt slowly off, sliding her hands over the muscles in his back. She pulls him in tightly, kissing down his neck. Her fingernails dug into his flesh and he let out a sigh that was almost embarrassing.

"I want you..." She breathes, her voice fluttering through his rib cage.

He wants her too.

His hands skimmed under her shirt, touching the soft skin on her stomach. His fingers crawl up her skin, and Lila's mouth finds his, surging into him like waves hitting the shore.

She starts unzipping his pants and he loses his nerve.

This was Lila.

And he was no good for her.

Hadn't he heard it half a dozen times the past month. He was the reason her world was fucking falling apart, he was the reason her mother was dead.

Without warning he pushes himself up and off of her, his head spinning the whole time. He couldn't fucking breathe and his chest hurt something awful.

But he knew that he couldn't do this.

"Dean,"

He's shaking his head, reaching for his shirt that had landed on the floor.

"Dean, talk to me."

"I need some air."

Lila raises up, but he's already grabbing his keys, already going for the door, he slams it shut behind him. "What the fuck Dean?"

He barely hears her through the door, all he can hear is the blood rushing through his ears. He needs to go, he needs to get far away from her. Far enough to clear his head.

...

Lila slides slowly down the door.

She doesn't chase after guys, even if they are Dean Winchester.

Whatever his fucking problem was he was going to have to figure it out, and she was going to let him.

Maybe, she's thinking as she's flipping through the channels on the old TV that all of this with him was too good to be true. Maybe it was just a matter of time before he realized that, and maybe that was why he bolted.

She knew he was coming back, the idiot left his bag and his wallet behind so he couldn't really go too far. Besides, he wouldn't just leave her here, he was an asshole, but he wasn't an idiot.

Hours.

Three and a half to be exact Lila waited for him to come back, flipping aimlessly through the channels and pacing back and forth on the floor. She is almost considering to go look for him when the door flies open.

He was drunk.

She could tell that just by looking at him. He staggers in the door, almost knocking over one of the chairs. She bit her tongue to keep from laughing.

"Have fun?"

He shook his head. "I'm losing my mind."

"Yeah?"

He reaches for his bag and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. He fumbles with the lid but finally manages to get it off. She watches him, half interested in what he's doing. He was acting like a fucking child and she was not going to humor him.

"I don't do this."

"Yeah..."

"I'm not this guy. I can't be this guy."

Lila turns the TV off. "Okay. Don't be him then." She pushes his chest. "I never fucking asked you to be him."

He grabs her wrist. "It's all my fault. Everything bad that's happened to you..."

She nods. "Does it make you feel any better to believe that?"

He takes another long drink.

Lila smacks the bottle out of his hand and it spills all over the floor. His eyes are full of fire when they meet hers and for half a second she thinks he might hit her, but then she remembers who she's dealing with.

He was fuming, but he wouldn't hurt her.

"I was the fucking idiot who let that guy into my life. For God's sake Dean he had dinner at my house! I was the one who killed that pack, I was the one who put her in danger." Her voice is shaking, but she does not falter. "I was the one who was pouting because you didn't want to be with me. I should have been there to help, I should have been there to protect her..."

He shakes his head. "I started it all."

"Who's to say that Dean?"

He shakes his head. "You'll be next. I will screw up again and next time it will be you. People around me, they get hurt. That's why I don't get close to people. Why I don't stay in one place too long."

She grabs his face between her hands. "Please don't do this..."

"I'm just trying to spare you."

"From what?"

"The inevitable mess that comes along with being close to me."

She slaps him across the face because she's mad and he's fucking breaking her heart.

Silence feel between them, Lila stared into his eyes and tried to will herself to look away. What was it about those eyes that drew her in? What was it about him that refused to let her look away?

"You're not bad." She whispers, pulling his face towards hers. "I know you feel like you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but you don't have to do that with me..."

He doesn't pull away from her, but he shakes his head.

"You want to go? Go. But just say it, just tell me. Don't bring up all of this bullshit because you're afraid."

"You don't want me..."

She brushes his hair back, his green eyes are filling with tears and it scares her because in all the time she has known him he has never seen him cry. "How do you know what I want?" Her fingers curl around the back of his neck. "What makes you think that I don't want you? God Dean, you're all I have wanted since I was eight fucking years old. It's always been you for me, always."

His forehead dips to hers. "Lila,"

He makes her name sound like a prayer, like something holy and good. It's never sounded so right coming out of anyone else mouth before. "Stop talking..." She presses her lips to his, and his hands tighten on her hips. He tastes like whiskey and salt but she doesn't care. She just wants to kiss him. Even if he doesn't remember it in the morning.

He takes his shirt off this time, stepping closer to her with a grunt that lands somewhere in her lower stomach.

She can feel his heart beating in his chest, wild beats that jump when she draws her hands up his chest. Frantic flutters against her fingertips when she kisses down his neck.

Dean's hand bunches at the fabric on her waist, practically ripping the buttons of her shirt off. His hands were so warm on her skin, and she melted when he touched her, into a puddle right there at his feet. He was all heat and warmth and sunshine.

How could someone so wonderful ever believe they were something awful?

I love you. I love you. I love you. Was fluttering in her chest as he brought her off of her feet and they came crashing down on the bed. Her ribs hurt with the words that she could never say.

Her lips were frantic against his, kissing him sober. She wants him to feel the way she feels when she looks at him, she wants him to know that he is something fucking magical.

Fingernails slide down his back, and his lips skim over her collar bone.

Lila hooks her leg around his bottom and pulls him in closer, bringing her hips off the mattress. She wants him so badly and she was done hiding it, done tiptoeing around it. She was three seconds away from begging.

And she had been her so many times before with guys, and yeah, it was good. Lila was a huge fan of sex, but it never felt so desperate before. She never wanted anyone so badly before.

This was nothing new, when it came to Dean Winchester and her.

Her stomach was in knots as he slid her shorts off, his fingertips trailing down her legs and then back up them. He kissed across her stomach, below her belly button, and she sighs despite herself.

She was never more hungry; never needed something so badly.

"Dean," her hands find his head, bringing him back up so she can kiss him.

He pushes inside her with a grunt, his hand tightening on her arm. He breathes deeply into her shoulder and then his eyes meet hers.

The world was on fire, burning around them and searing up her stomach.

If Lila had to describe heaven this is the example she would use.

Lazy green eyes gazing into hers, that beautiful smile playing on his lips. He was so fucking beautiful that it hurt. It hurt to fucking look at him.

"You okay?"

She nods, unable to form words.

If she opened her mouth she was afraid that she would say something stupid, something to make him run away so she just kisses him, nails digging into the back of his neck.

Its the longest five minutes of her life. Biting her lip to keep the words from tumbling out. Holding on to him for dear life. Burning a hole into the ceiling because she can't look at him.

She doesn't realize she's crying until he wipes a tear away with the pad of his thumb.

"Did I hurt you?"

Of course he fucking thinks he did something wrong.

Fucking martyr.

She shakes her head and buries her face into the crook of his neck. Talking is still beyond her at this point, the room is still spinning and her heat beat is still pulsing wildly in her ears. How was she ever going to catch her breath?

Her mother was right, Dean Winchester would be the death of her.

…

She wakes up in his arms. He's breathing soundly, still asleep. The TV is playing softly in the background, some old black and white movie that Lila doesn't recognize. She would be so very content to stay wrapped up in his arms but she really has to go to the bathroom.

She replays the moment again in her head, how gentle he was, how soft his hands were against her skin. Lila thinks, as she listens to him breathing that she never really made love to anyone before. All those other times were just sex, and they paled in comparison to that moment.

They paled in comparison to him.

And in that moment she realizes that she just doesn't love him, but she was wildly in love with him. So much so that it hurt. It broke her heart when he looked at her. It burned when he said her name. Her chest ached when he smiled.

All that pain, all that hurting, was it really something good?

He stirred and pulls her in closer, his nose poking her cheek. "I'm hungry."

She scoffs. "You still drunk?"

"Maybe."

"How about a shower and I'll order some takeout."

He nods, fingers pulling hips closer. "Don't wanna leave you..."

Lila kisses him, breaking something inside her chest when she did.

She lets him lead her towards the bathroom, lets him sit her up on the counter and kiss down her neck. It was like he knew all the right spots, all the places to kiss to make her squirm. He was a fucking expert.

Dean paused only to turn the shower on, then he was back to kissing her. He unsnapped her bra with one hand and she had to laugh because he smiles proudly afterwards like he just decoded a bomb or something.

He swings her around, her feet landing on the tile floor.

Those pretty green eyes stare into hers and everything is set right in the world.

The bathroom is full of steam and she is wondering, as he slides the shower curtain back, how much of it is actually from the shower.

…

They spent the entire week in that motel room, ordering takeout and pizza and watching shitty movies and daytime TV shows. It was as if the outside world ceased to exist, and nothing beyond that room mattered to them.

He talked a lot; more than she had ever heard him talk before. Dean told her things that she was pretty sure he never told anyone before, stuff about his childhood, about his mom. And Lila had never heard much about Mary Winchester besides that a demon killed her.

But Dean was there and he remembered that night his mother died with perfect clarity.

She held his hand, played absently with his fingers as he told her about that night twenty years ago.

"My dad told me to run and not look back, but I did and I saw her. She was on the ceiling of Sam's nursery and fire swept her away. It all just happened so fast..."

Lila presses her lips into his knuckles. "I'm sorry."

"I used to want to forget her, because all the things that I remembered hurt so bad. I couldn't talk about her to anyone, my dad just shut me down and Sam never really knew her so I just kept it all inside." He let out a ragged breath. "I think about her everyday, even now, its weird because you would think that eventually I could just move on with my life but it's always haunting me."

It all made sense to her then, why Dean was the way he was.

"I wish you could have met her..."

Lila leans up on her elbow to kiss him, and she rests on his chest. "Me too."

"I think that she would've really liked you."

"She might be nicer to me than my mom was to you."

He squeezes her arm. "She just wanted to protect you."

She nods. "I know." Biting her tongue to keep from crying she scoots closer to him. "It doesn't seem real," Lila whispers. "I honestly keep waiting for her to call me and cuss me out for running off and not calling her. I mean I keep picking up the phone and realizing that she isn't there anymore."

Dean brushes her hair away from her face, he presses his lips to her forehead. "Its an uphill climb. I've had twenty years to learn how to live without my mom and I am still struggling. But I just try to honor her in a way, I try to do right by her."

"People really don't give you enough credit."

He rolls his eyes. "Shut up."

Lila starts laughing and his cell phone starts ringing in his bag.

Both of them knew who it was, to be honest they had both been waiting on the damn thing to ring and break up this little vacation from the real world that they had going.

And how did that saying go?

All good things must come to an end...