Aubrey dropped her head with a groan. She had been trying to finish her calculus homework but she couldn't focus. She had bumped into Stacie on her way out of school and her dejected look had almost made her take back what she said in the morning. Almost. She knew she was being unfair to Stacie, she hadn't really done anything, but last night had reminded her of why she had resented her all those years. It wasn't because she thought Stacie was better than her, she knew she was good, but everytime Stacie won, she lost. Losing wasn't really the problem, she could handle losing, she didn't like it but she could handle it. What she couldn't handle was her dad's disappointment.
She knew she shouldn't care so much about what her dad thought but she did. And the fact that it all had happened in front of Stacie, that she had seen her crack like that, it was something Aubrey shouldn't have let happen. The only person who knew her that well was Chloe. She had let Stacie get too close too fast. She had broken down her perfectly crafted bitch facade with her kisses and her eyes, taking her on the subway and holding her hand. Aubrey hadn't noticed how far she'd let her in until last night and it scared her. And maybe if Stacie hadn't been asking all those questions this morning, she would've gotten over it, but she kept reminding her of what happened and she needed to get away.
She picked her head up from her desk and put her pencil down. She decided to go down to the kitchen to find out if there was still some of that ice cream from last night left. She was going down the stairs when she heard the elevator. It was too early for either of her parents to be back so she waited in the hall to see who it was. Chloe came out and half smiled at her. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"We need to talk." Chloe said seriously.
Aubrey frowned and motioned Chloe to go into the kitchen with her. "I was just going to get some ice cream, you want some?"
"Oooh, what kind?" Chloe smiled and then caught herself. "Wait, no! No ice cream, I'm not happy with you!"
Aubrey scooped some ice cream into a bowl and shrugged. "It's your loss."
Chloe bit her lip thoughtfully. "Okay, maybe a little ice cream."
Aubrey smirked and scooped some more into another bowl, handing it to Chloe. "Do you wanna go to my room?"
Chloe nodded and followed Aubrey up the stairs. She took off her shoes and sat crossed legged on Aubrey's bed with her back on the headboard. Aubrey sat beside her with her legs stretched out. They ate their ice cream in silence for a bit. Aubrey dropped the spoon, rested her bowl on her lap and sighed. "I know what you're going to say." Chloe looked at her skeptically. "That I should talk to Stacie, but I don't want to so you're wasting your time."
"That's not what I was going to say." Aubrey quirked an eyebrow at her. "Well, not just that, I was also going to say that you're an idiot."
Aubrey gasped. "What?"
"Bree, Stacie cares about you! And, regardless of whether you want to admit it or not, you care about her too. She challenges you and pushes back and you love that. You've smiled more this week than any other week ever." Aubrey opened her mouth but Chloe cut her off. "Even more than when we went to Disney World. She makes you happy, why would you push her away?"
"I don't know, Chloe! I just know that I need to take a break from her. I need some time to think." Aubrey looked down at her lap to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. She had avoided thinking about how Stacie made her feel but Chloe was right, she'd had more fun bantering with Stacie and riding on the subway with her than she'd had in a really long time. She made her stop thinking about being perfect and just let her be herself.
"Okay, I won't push it then." Chloe continued eating her ice cream. "Just don't expect her to be there when you finally decide you want her, you really hurt her today."
"I didn't mean to hurt her, I just needed her to back off." Aubrey put her bowl on her bedside table and folded her legs, hugging her knees to her chest.
"I know, Bree. But from what she told me, she was just trying to reach out and make sure you were okay. She doesn't know you well enough to know which things are okay to push you about and which are off limits, like your dad." Aubrey nodded and wiped her cheek on her arm. Chloe wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
They stayed there until Aubrey stopped crying. Chloe didn't say anything else, she knew that Aubrey needed to think things by herself before deciding what she wanted to do about Stacie. She just hoped she made the right choice. Aubrey wiped her face one last time and sat up. "I need to finish my calculus homework."
Chloe smiled at her. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. And if you need anything…"
"I know. Thanks, Chlo."
Beca peeked into Stacie's room. The curtains were drawn and she was blasting Bayside. Beca shook her head and walked inside, Stacie was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. Beca turned the volume down before kneeling on the bed next to Stacie. "Hey."
"Hey." Stacie didn't turn to look at her.
"Listen, I love the whole teenage angsty thing you've got going on here, but do you wanna go out and do something?" Beca asked hopefully. Stacie shook her head. "Come on, Stace, there are better ways of coping with your crazy girlfriend's mood swings."
"She's not my girlfriend. We were never even friends apparently." Stacie said through gritted teeth.
"Okay, I won't say the g word again." She held up her hands. "We can go to the batting cages. You can hit things and wear a cool helmet. I'll buy you a sundae afterwards."
"Serendipity?" Stacie said looking at her for the first time.
"Of course." Beca smiled at her and stood up. She held out her hand and pulled Stacie out of bed.
Beca's driver took them to the batting cages. Beca paid for Stacie's tokens and waited for one of the cages to free up. Stacie kicked her bat nervously until it was their turn. Beca stood outside behind the fence and gave her a small smile and a thumbs up as she stepped up to the plate. Stacie hit the first ball. The feeling of the bat connecting with the ball making her feel a little bit better. She hit the next ball a little bit harder, focusing on the dull metallic sound and the slight sting on her wrists. She missed a couple of balls but she hit most of them. She stood there panting, her shoulders felt a little bit sore and she could feel a pressure in her chest.
Beca opened the cage door and stood next to her. "Feel better?" Stacie nodded. "Wanna go again?"
Stacie shook her head. "Can we just go get that sundae?"
Beca nodded and took Stacie's bat and helmet and returned them. Beca texted her driver and he picked them up and drove them to Serendipity for Stacie's sundae.
Beca waited until Stacie was eating. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Stacie shook her head and continued to slowly eat her sundae. After a couple of spoonfuls she started talking. "I just don't understand what happened. I thought we had something, maybe I imagined it. Maybe she never really liked me and she was just pretending because she had to work with me. Maybe she wanted me to think we had something so she could crush me."
"I don't think she was pretending, Stace, but-" Beca ran her hand through her hair. "-Chloe's gonna kill me for this- maybe you're better off. I mean, she's not a particularly nice person, do you really want to be with someone like that?"
"You don't know her." Stacie didn't know why she was still defending Aubrey after what she did today.
"And you do? Stace, you couldn't stand her less than a month ago, how well do you really know her?" Stacie shrugged. "I know you think you have this deep connection with her, but maybe it's good this happened now before you were more invested."
"Maybe." Stacie stabbed her ice cream with her spoon a couple of times. "I'm not sure I'm ready to see it that way."
"I know." Beca grabbed a spoon and stole some of her ice cream. "You're lucky you have me to distract you until then."
Stacie batted Beca's spoon away and chuckled. "Thanks Becs."
The next day at school, Aubrey and Stacie fell back into their avoidance routine. Hating each other for so long made it easy, even if they were in the same classes. They sat at opposite ends of the classroom, Aubrey always arrived early and left as soon as the bell rang, Stacie took her time. Since their lockers were in different hallways, there was little chance they met walking around the school. During lunch, Aubrey and Chloe sat at their old table. Chloe and Beca exchanged worried looks but there was nothing else they could do for now. Beca hadn't mentioned her talk with Stacie for fear Chloe would get mad at her, their relationship was still too new, but she knew she would have to soon.
Stacie fiddled with her food and avoided eye contact with everyone, she didn't want to risk looking up and seeing Aubrey. Maybe if she pretended she didn't exist she would forget she did. She didn't understand how normal could feel so wrong. Nothing had really changed from a month prior, the only difference was that now she knew what Aubrey was really like. She wished she could erase these past few weeks and go back to the time when she was happily unaware of the beautiful complexity of Aubrey Posen.
On the other side of the cafeteria, Aubrey couldn't keep her eyes off Stacie. She had spent enough time hating her to know she didn't feel that way anymore. Seeing her like this, and knowing she was the cause of it, broke her heart. Stacie was a happy person. Even when the school was buzzing with rumors about her, she had always had a smile on her face. Aubrey bit her lip. "Stop staring and just go over there already."
Aubrey looked up at Chloe glaring at her. "I don't know if I'm ready."
"I don't understand you. You clearly care about her, you look like someone kicked your puppy, except she's the kicked puppy and you're the kicker." Stacie was Chloe's friend too and Aubrey was being ridiculous. They could all be having lunch together, but she had to be here with Aubrey, who also looked like she'd rather be on the other side of the cafeteria. "Stop kicking your puppy, Aubrey!"
Some kids from the table behind them looked at them angrily. Aubrey blushed. "I don't have a puppy, it's a metaphor." Aubrey leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Can you stop yelling?"
Chloe rolled her eyes but lowered her voice too. "Can you stop acting like you don't have feelings for Stacie?"
Aubrey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't have feelings for her."
"Why not? Because she's a girl? Aubrey, it's okay if you're gay. I mean, your dad might have a hard time getting used to the idea but I don't think he'll make a big deal. His assistant is gayer than skittles." Chloe chuckled at her own joke.
"No, it's not that." Aubrey looked down at her food.
"Then what?" Chloe took Aubrey's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Aubrey sighed. "She's too good for me."
"Aubrey, that's ridiculous, you're great."
Aubrey shook her head. "She's kind and smart and gorgeous. She has a million people fawning over her, why would she pick me? I'm a mess most of the time and a bitch the rest. I practically kicked her out of my house and the first thing she did in the morning was ask me how I was. And what did I do? I acted like a total jerk. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me."
"But she doesn't. Look at her. Do you think she'd look that sad if she didn't care about you, or if she hated you? She wants you." Aubrey shook her head. "I don't understand how you can see her like that and not do anything."
"It's not that easy, Chloe." Aubrey looked up at her, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
"It is." Chloe stood up and took her tray. "I'm not hungry anymore."
"Chlo." Beca whispered in the back of the room. "Chloe!" Chloe turned and smiled at her raising her eyebrows. "I need to tell you something."
"What is it, Becs?" Beca knew the middle of lit class was probably not the right time to tell Chloe that her way of cheering Stacie up included telling her that she was better off without Aubrey, but she hoped doing it here would result in less yelling. Besides, they read Romeo & Juliet last year so they weren't actually missing anything.
"Umm so yesterday after the batting cages I talked to Stacie." Chloe nodded facing the front. "And well she was sad, you saw her, so I thought that the best way to cheer her up was to tell her that maybe she should just get over Aubrey."
"You what?" Chloe turned to her.
"Miss Beale, is there a problem?" The teacher asked glaring at them.
"No, sir, I'm sorry." Chloe straightened up and waited for the teacher to turn around. "We will talk about this later."
Beca nodded and looked down at her notebook. She didn't look up for the rest of the class. When the bell rang she got her things and waited next to Chloe. She finished gathering her things and walked out of the classroom together. "Why would you do that?"
It was their last class so Beca walked Chloe to her locker so they could leave together. "I didn't know what else to do! She looked so sad, and you know I'm not the best with feelings, so I thought that would be the most practical solution."
Chloe rolled her eyes. "Well it doesn't look like it worked so it doesn't matter."
"What didn't work?" They turned around wide eyed to find Aubrey standing behind them. They had gotten to Chloe's locker and Aubrey's was right next to it.
"Beca put salt in our lit teacher's coffee, as a prank, but he drank it all so it didn't work." Chloe said nodding.
"Yeah, maybe it was sugar. It happened really fast." Beca said scratching the back of her neck.
"Okay…" Aubrey quirked an eyebrow and turned to open her locker. "Chlo, do you wanna come watch a movie later?" She looked at Beca. "You can come too if you want."
"Oh, we kinda have plans already. Sorry, Bree." Chloe smiled at her.
"It's okay, I have homework anyway, I don't know what I was thinking." Aubrey said trying to smile.
"I'll check in on you after." Chloe said squeezing her shoulder and walking away with Beca.
"Sure." Aubrey closed her locker and walked out. She usually walked back to her apartment after school but she didn't want to go home yet. She texted her mom that she was going to Chloe's and that her driver would drop her off later and walked to the subway. She stood in front of the steps and looked at the MetroCard in her hand. It was the one Stacie gave her. She had gotten home and downloaded a map of the subway to retrace their route and she was fairly confident she could get to where she wanted to get without any problems. She frowned, she was breaking a bunch of rules by doing this but she needed to get away. She found it ironic that the person who had given her this little bit of freedom was the person she was running away from. She clutched the card and walked down the steps.
Aubrey tried to remember everything Stacie had told her about the subway. She stood on the platform and waited for the train. "Just like an elevator." She looked down the tunnel nervously. "It's just like an elevator."
The train arrived and she went in. Thankfully, it wasn't rush hour yet so she found a place to sit. She focused on counting the stops to keep herself from thinking about Stacie but every time the train jolted she closed her hand, expecting her hand to be there to keep her steady. She got off the train and stood on the platform for a minute getting her bearings. She changed trains without an issue and almost smiled, but it made her think about Stacie again.
She got off the train and walked up to the street. Everything looked vaguely familiar but she wasn't completely sure where she had to go next. She remembered it wasn't a long walk but she hadn't been paying much attention. She decided to go once around the block, and if she didn't find the place she'd go home. She found the unmarked door on the second block and smiled. She didn't know why she'd decided to come here, but it was one of the first places she'd really felt her connection with Stacie, maybe it would help push her in the right direction. She ordered a cup of coffee and sat in one of the couches. She took out a book from her backpack and started reading, tuning out from the rest of the world.
Stacie almost crashed with Beca when she exited her apartment. "Hey, Stace, I was just coming over to find you. Chloe's here and she wanted me to show her how I mix a song but I need some backup vocals, could you help?"
Stacie rolled her eyes smiling. "I know you're just trying to distract me, and I appreciate it, but I'm good. I was just going out, I need to be alone for a bit."
Beca nodded. "Okay, I get it. Well text me if you change your mind, we'll be here."
"Sure." Stacie smiled and went out. She went down to the subway and remembered she needed to get a new MetroCard. She didn't know why she gave hers to Aubrey, the chances of her using it were slim to none. She got on the train, it was pretty crowded but she stood in the corner next to the doors and turned her music up, drowning out the world.
She hurried up the steps and out into the street. The sun was still out but the air was chilly. She buried her hands in the pocket of her hoodie and walked down the street. She looked at the door of the coffee shop and smiled. She had always felt safe here for some reason. Whenever she needed to get away she would come here, drink some coffee, maybe read a book, or just sit and watch the people who came in and out.
She pushed the door open and froze when she saw her. She could only see the back of her head and part of her leg but she was still in her uniform. She thought about walking back out but this was her place, she had no right to be here. She walked to where she was sitting. "What are you doing here? You can't be here."
Aubrey whipped her head around when she heard Stacie's voice. "Stacie? Why are you here?"
"This is my place!" Stacie pinched the bridge of her nose. "You know what? It doesn't matter, I'm leaving."
Stacie turned and walked out. Aubrey hurried to gather her things and run after Stacie. She caught up to her at the corner. "Stacie, wait!"
Stacie turned around throwing her arms up. "What, Aubrey? What do you want? Are you gonna yell at me again? Or maybe you wanna make a snarky comment about how easy I am."
"I want to apologize!" Stacie's brow furrowed. "I didn't mean what I said. I wanted you to leave me alone so I said the worst thing I could think of. I'm sorry." Aubrey got close to Stacie. "I don't expect you to forgive me, I know I've been a bitch more often than not, I just wanted to tell you that I didn't mean to hurt you."
Aubrey looked at Stacie and waited. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. Stacie closed her eyes and lowered her head. Aubrey exhaled and shook her head. "Okay… I'll leave."
"Wait." Stacie's voice sounded hoarse. Aubrey turned around. "What do you want?"
"I…" Aubrey shook her head confused.
"Say I forgive you, then what? Because I think you were right, we've never been friends, not really." Stacie held her elbow and looked down.
"We can try being friends, I don't know! You don't want to be friends?" Aubrey felt tears coming but she managed to keep them back.
"No, I don't want to be your friend, Aubrey, I want to go out with you." Stacie looked up slowly
Aubrey's mouth opened and closed a couple of times. "You want to go out with me? Like on dates?"
Stacie ran her hand along the back of her neck. "I mean, if you want. We can just be friends."
"I don't want to be your friend!" Aubrey took Stacie's hand. "I just don't understand why you'd want to go out with me."
Stacie smiled and took a step closer. "Because I like you, I like you a lot and I want to spend time with you." She turned her hand and laced their fingers. "I want to hold your hand, I want to know everything about you, I want to kiss you." Aubrey bit her lip and blushed. "Would you like that?" Aubrey nodded. Stacie smiled widely for the first time in over two days. "Good."
A/N: This is the end! I want to thank ACamp-toner for all her comments and support and general awesomeness and for letting me use her gay as skittles phrase. There's going to be an epilogue because they never kissed and I can't write a fic where they don't kiss, that's ridiculous. Thanks everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, read, you're all awesome.