"Turned into hiding."
"Where's Gon?" Leorio asked, sitting before Killua in the small, compact restaurant table they shared, sipping coolly at his piping hot coffee. "Isn't he with you today?"
"No." Killua didn't look up from his plate full of sugary treats that surely would have his teeth and gums hurting by the day's end, rotting in the near future. Unfortunately, they still remained untouched and were probably long since cold and starting to harden with how long he had just been staring at it, not moving, not eating.
"Why not?" pressed Leorio anyway, not swayed by the detached, emotionless expression Killua wore the entire time they were seated. He'd never seen Killua like this, but he wouldn't admit it to his face just yet. Safety reasons.
"'Dunno. Don't care."
Leorio's dark eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's gotten into you?"
"Good question." Killua responded mechanically, pupils shrinking slightly in recognition, "What has gotten into me?"
"I'm the one who just asked you that, Killua."
"Did you now? Liorio."
"It's LEORIO! Come on, Killua! Answer me. Now's not the time to be funny!" Leorio barked and for a brief moment, Killua snapped from his daze and looked up, startled. But as soon as it came, he went limp and lifeless again, staring at his food with the same empty facial expression. "Killua, I'm serious. What's wrong with you? Did something happen between you and Gon?"
"Would it matter if something did?"
"Of course it matters. You two are my friends. If something happened, I want to know so I can help." Leorio offered, reaching out to brush Killua's bone-white fingers with his own. The ex-assassin hissed and withdrew his fingers automatically, hiding them under the table and away from prying eyes and unwanted touches. The bruised and bloodied knuckles didn't go ignored by the soon-to-be-doctor, but he kept his mouth shut for now. "Is it about Gon?"
"Fuck Gon."
"Killua!"
"What?" Killua's head snapped up, eyes glowing with rage that had even the suit-clad man shrinking in fear. "What is it?"
"What is your problem? Gon is your friend. Don't cuss at him."
"My friend?" A laugh; a cold, heartless, unforgiving laugh. "As if. He can fuck off for all I care."
"Is this about before? When Kurapika and I commented on that smoky smell on you two?" Leorio tried, changing tactics before it got any uglier then it already was.
"That's the least of our problems, honestly."
"What do you mean by that?"
"It means exactly as I say it, old coot. That's the least of anybody's problems."
"Killua-"
"May I refill your drinks?" The waitress interrupted, her frilly apron just distracting enough to draw Killua's eyes away from his filled plate in front of him.
She shrunk back at the look the Zoldyck shot her as soon as his gaze went up, grinning like the devil himself. Even Leorio could only gulp, shake his head, and sip at his coffee sadly. Another lost cause.
"Yeah." Killua's voice broke when he talked, never once dropping eye contact the entire time, "You can. Get me all the strongest alcohol you got. Stat."
Killua was not one for drinking, but he considered this his first time turning to alcohol for a quick fix. Anything, to ease the pain and drown in his new found misery. Hand in hand.
Later on that evening, Killua stumbled his way into an empty hotel room; not a bit of Gon in sight, and he managed his way straight towards the bathroom in a world of spinning lights and blurry images. He must have drank enough alcohol to place a whale into a coma and even Killua was surprised he was still walking normally; albeit all the protests from an extremely angry Leorio.
It had taken a lot of convincing not to have the annoying older male trail him to the hotel; assist him through his semi-drunken state he had left the restaurant with. Now, it was full-blown, which was shocking to Killua who had grown up on an incredibly tolerant alcohol-level.
Maybe his binge-fest was a mistake.
Numbly, he slumped to his knees at the foot of the bathroom doorway and crawled his way in and to the toilet, flipping up the lid so hard it broke off and clattered to the floor. The loud crash hitting the floor made him wince, ears too sensitive, ringing too much, to deal with all this noise. Leaning over the seat, Killua propped his chin on the edge and hugged it until his already milky-white skin turned bone-white, clutching it for dear life as his stomach began to rumble and churn. At least his gut was giving him a warning; he knew he'd be throwing up soon, so he had plenty of time to prepare.
Blindly flapping his hand out, he grabbed at some toilet paper and ripped off a giant chunk to swab at the sweat gathering on his face; itchy and irritating on his clammy skin. As he sighed against the wet sheets pressed on his cheeks, he spared a glanced to the side and noticed the waste bin filled with a bunch of empty plastic baggies.
Mostly empty, actually.
The totally recognizable white, chunky powder clinging to the corners like that annoying piece of gum in your hair you can't rid of; made the acid in Killua's mouth burn. When he stared, hypnotized by the sheen of chalky white in those bags, on Gon's mouth, face, hands, body; Killua begun to shake from the dwelling anxiety he hoped the alcohol would have pushed aside for the time being. That's what booze was supposed to be for - To temporarily save you of your pain.
His bile and the bitter taste of alcohol and sweet, smelling poisonous, leftover drugs hit him like a wrecking ball would. It crashed into his system as he leaned into the empty space to cough and vomit and Killua was glad his gags covered up his screams of horror and disgust because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself once it started. All his emotions smashed into him from all sides, all angles, beat at him every which way like millions of fists, knives, and guns and Killua was thankful for the momentary reprieve.
If alcohol wasn't his temporary relief, then the traumatic vomiting would have to do.
And, strangely enough, Killua held no regrets, either. Not with his blue eyes trained on those horribly tasteless baggies filled with all his nightmares and biggest fears; the entire time he threw up.
Nope. Not one bit.