AN/ Gon and his first slip up into insanity. [Warning: Several flashbacks. Mentions of violence and rape]

You're gonna start seeing more of these flashbacks as Gon slowly starts to lose it. Like usual, it's explained as we go so more people have a better grasping of the effects of Meth use and binges, because it's never pretty in the climax. You have been warned this is going to get more graphic and bad as we go. Plenty of angst bebi. So if you can't handle it, please be advised.

I'm gonna focus on finishing this High story before I proceed with my War AU (Light in Shadows) for anybody who happens to read both, so I can focus on completing one thing for a damn change and then move to the other. With work and fair among other things coming up, it's the best idea I don't have too many projects or I AM GONNA GO NUTS AHHHH.

/end rant oops sorry.

Thanks. Enjoy.

MeowMeowChwan: THANK YOUUU AHHHH. Haha. I appreciate it. Makes me all excited.~ AND YES. Gon. Is. Gone. Come on. Pun time is fun.

"To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot."

Ivory hair swayed back and forth as Killua stared open mouthed at the wreckage of what was once a stable, sturdy wall on the 12th floor of the hospital ward. Now it was nothing but a massive hole blown through and the opening was large enough to let a strong, gusty breeze roll in. Killua felt his loose fitted trunks chill his thighs from the cold air and he snorted, patting down his shorts with a sigh.

"So, he's gone."

"Pretty much." Biscuit said from beside him, blond curls bouncing at the sides of her head, "It's only been three hours. He can't have gotten too far."

"Then why didn't you go out and find himself instead of waiting for me to return?!" Killua argued but Biscuit brushed him off with a scoff.

"It happened so fast that I wasn't able to track in which direction he ran off to. He must have used Zetsu or something to prohibit me from following him."

"Why weren't you keeping an eye on him in the first place?"

"Blame your friend, Leorio, for calling me. He wanted to talk to me about you two when Gon made his escape. I couldn't just hang up on him. That would have been rude."

Threading his pale fingers through his paler hair, Killua grumbled. "You could have been rude for once if it meant Gon was safe. Leorio would have gotten over it."

Biscuit swung and her small fist whacked him on the back of the noggin. Killua jolted forward, blue eyes blown out of proportion, then rounded back on her with his teeth bared and hissing. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Being an inconsiderate idiot. Leorio's your friend and a nice man. You should be better to your friends."

"Well being nice to my friends resulted in us losing Gon!" Killua threw up his arms for emphasis while Biscuit glared out the corner of her eye. "We're in a stupid ass game! How are we supposed to find him now? Who knows how big this place is and how long it will take for us to find him here!"

Biscuit raised a gloved hand and ruffled at his hair, making the young adolescent bristle like a disturbed cat. "Relax. I've already looked around and found us an easy way to find him. There are spell cards that allow us to magically teleport to his location, so once we secure ourselves enough money, we can get to him."

Killua narrowed his icy pupils, turned away, and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Fine, yeah, whatever. Let's just get this over and done with so we can get back with Gon."

"Somebody sure is attached to their best friend. Or should I say boyfriend-"~

"-SHUT UP AND EARN SOME MONEY OLD HAG-!"

SMACK.

"Magnetic force." Killua read off the name of the card then promptly dropped it with a scowl. "Well that sure sounds dumb."

"A card is a card, Killua. It's better then nothing." Biscuit fingered the slot in her book that one copy of the aforementioned card was placed into. But it still was not enough, not yet.

"I guess so."

"Book." The binder disappeared from sight as the blonde woman lowered her hand and smiled, "Alright. So we're going to stick to the plan, yes?"

"Yeah. I'll go and meet up with Gon, keep him in one place for awhile until Leorio arrives in-game and you get an Accompany card to join us or at least another Magnetic Force. I still don't get why you invited that cocky old man. There's no way he'd survive in a game world like this."

"Because he really wants to help you and Gon, Killua. He cares about you and during our talk I could see how much he really does want to do something. Leorio even took off time from his studies just to come here so you should be more appreciative we'll at least have back-up to deal with this situation."

"We don't need any back-up. We can take care of this just fine."

"No," Biscuit pinched both of Killua's cheeks, hard, "We can't. We need help. Gon needs help. And he can use all the support he can get before he does something stupid or worse."

"Yeah, like what? What more stupid things can Gon get himself into? What else can he do that isn't worse? Kill himself?"

The joke soared over their heads, leaving them in a suspended silence for a long while. Biscuit coughed to clear her throat as Killua bowed his head, felling ashamed at his own words.

Of course suicide was an option for any drug addict who couldn't sate their thirst for those potent chemicals. If Gon ran out of whatever he happened to have stashed; or even just overdosed in general, what was there keeping him from slipping under the knife into a pool of his own blood?

Nothing.

Hell, all Killua knew is that he could possibly activate a spell card that led him straight to his already-dead body, face down, wet with crimson color, eyes blotched of life. His clothes would be stained red; those coveted green cloths that Killua had grown so accustomed to painted a new color that would haunt him forever. He couldn't even imagine it, even after all the times he's lived his life made acquaintances with the scarlet glow; to think of the Gon raised by the forest, pine and leaves and made by the wood and earth alone – Red and burning, boiled and bloody.

And dead, that too.

Killua swallowed bile down and squeezed his stinging eyes shut before the tears escaped. I'm the real idiot here.

"I'm an idiot, Killua, but that's why I have you. You keep me on the right path that way I don't do any stupid stuff. So, I'm counting on you!"

"Tch." He bit down on his lip, tasting droplets laced with metal, and stepped forward so the Magnetic Force card flashed in front of his vision, glossy against the sun. "I'm going now. Just hurry up with that dumb oaf and meet me as soon as you can, Bisky."

"I will." She promised, smiling faintly at the back of Killua's white mop of hair. "Just be careful okay? Use a Contact card if anything happens."

Killua briskly nodded. Not looking back, he raised the card in the air and shouted, "Magnetic Force, on. Gon!"

The card flashed out of view in a blinding light. His body evaporated, pulling in on itself like an elastic band and snapped, similar to rubber. He was catapulted skyward and vanished in but a blink as Biscuit stood, motionless on the ground and gazing up at his retreating form, smile now a small, sad frown.

"Please Killua, be careful."

"Meth?"

Gon sat, poking the blunt end of a piece of crystal wedged between a rolled up sheet of paper. The two others sitting beside him were long since occupying themselves in smoking the foreign stuff, but Gon still hesitated, lighter in one hand and the make-shift cigar in the other.

It was the rock that threw him off guard, always imagining a cigarette as those long, white sticks with pieces of chunky black ash in them that the sailors fawned over back on Whale Island. Not a big, fat stalagmite hovering on your tongue, puffing out plumes of potent, strong smelling smoke when it's rolled up inside a scrap of cheap white paper.

He twirled it around a few times over his index and forefingers, mouth set in a thin line out of thought. "What is Meth?" He asked out loud, earning weird, blank stares from the other two. They were sitting, alone in the back alleyway behind a grocery mart so it was quiet outside the constant thuds of footfalls on the other side and voices from within the walls. Gon didn't want to admit it out loud, but hiding here in the dark, squishy space was uncomfortable.

But he wanted more of the strange tasting stuff; whatever it was, so he came back for a second go. And this is how he was here now, taking shelter in an alleyway with a joint in hand and confusion in the other. Because before, he had simply smoked a cigar; sweet and fruity like a good smoothie or a piece of fresh fruit.

Not a stone, that smelled way too strong for an average human being to stand ingesting, let alone inhaling. Yet these people were doing it like it was completely normal – completely okay – and that confused Gon greatly.

Since when did people smoke rocks? Rocks called 'Meth' no less.

"It's called Crystal Meth, moron." One girl spoke, lips puckered around the rim of her joint until they were moist with saliva. She pulled it away, exhaling a ring of gray smoke in front of her then smirked. "What are you, five?"

"No. I'm thirteen almost fourteen." Gon answered honestly and the second guy laughed, loudly.

"Whatever, idiot. This shit you're fawning over is called Methamphetamine or Meth. It's the best drug you'll find around these parts that will get the job done. Shit's great you know. Instantly hooked."

"So it's a rock? Aren't most drugs made from plants and chemicals?" quarried Gon, remembering all the times Aunt Mito explained what certain drugs were made out of. Either it was made from a plant or mechanically processed chemicals in a laboratory – Like the prescription pills Gon always refused to take every time he got gravely hurt. He wanted to live without the support of man-made things and live life on the edge;defiant and powerful because he felt like it might make him stronger in the end.

Aunt Mito approved of this ideal, in an odd way.

"Not every drug is made from prissy crap like that." The girl flicked a few pieces of ash from her burnt nail bed. Gon grimaced at how angry and red it glowed in the dim lighting and looked away, opting to stare longer at the crystal in his hand then the others icky states around him. "Some stuff is made by much more better means, like Meth. It's a processed crystal in it's rawest form and every other time it's made into powder, pills, and sometimes liquid but that's even harder to find unless you're dead serious. It's better just to smoke the shit. You'll get about the same effects anyway."

Powder? Pill? Liquid? The same effects? So there were different effects depending on the method? Gon wondered, wanting to ask but not daring to dig too deep. He wasn't sure he was prepared for the headaches it'd bring trying to memorize all this stuff. For now, he would settle for what he's got in his hand.

Gon sucked in a big whiff once as the flame from his lighter lit the tip of the crystal and it illuminated like a scarlet rage inside a volcano; deep and penetrating like the sweet, noxious fumes did on Gon's head.

It felt amazing, like an adrenaline rush Gon was familiar with whenever he was challenged in combat. Like how he felt fighting Hisoka, battling through the grueling tests of the Hunter Exam, of being in danger period.

If he could just get this high from doing nothing but smoke a piece of rock – Then Gon would be plenty happy.

He brought the joint to his lips and breathed in, thoroughly convincing himself that this was something okay, if it meant he could be happy for a change. Selfishly happy, at least.

Gon Freecs sat on the forest floor, stranded somewhere in the depths of the jungle he'd fled into some hours ago and he oddly didn't care that he was lost. Amber eyes were blearily focused on the empty needles lying at his feet, the swollen abscessing lumps on his arms, the crusted spaces between his fingers where some leftover powder stuck, the every bit of his being that was blanketed by this Crystal Meth.

There was nothing left of his stash. He had used it all in one go, so consumed in the tidal wave of emotion that hit him the split second he bolted upright from his bed confused and disorientated. Since when did he end up in a hospital bed? There were needles in his arms, pumping fluids that felt the least bit safe in comparison to what he remembered injecting not too long ago, prior to him slipping into a blissful sleep. And there was beeping machines that sounded more like loud, grating blows against the sides of his skull. The bright, pure white atmosphere blinded him – He wasn't used to any of this and he wanted the darkness of his quiet alleyways back again.

So this is how Gon ended up here, cut and banged up from blasting through the nearest opening he could find; a window, and running for what felt like a day (he guessed it was really hours but it still felt wrong) before he stumbled to the ground, unable to go a second longer without something familiar to ease him.

Gon had pulled out the stuff with shaky hands, a shaky body that dumped the contents of his backpack all over the grass and hastily fumbled with anything he could grab; shoving it wherever he could without thought. He swallowed all the pills he could push down his throat, he lost most of the powder to the unsteadiness in the tremor of his digits so he settled to rub it along his skin until it burned like acid and Gon still didn't care. He wanted whatever this was; whatever lay out before him calling his name in such a sweet, seductive call – That he couldn't care less however he embraced it if it meant getting the same effect.

Peace. He felt at peace with the drug, with Meth at his side, that he went as far as to press both needles to his skin and not hesitate to draw the needle back out when it was sucked dry.

Gon sagged backwards until he collapsed on the ground, eyes fluttering shut and he smiled. It was almost instant; the effect of drugs entering his body, that his mind went wayward to a heavenly dreamland, so far gone he didn't pay attention to the images flashing across his vision like a movie reel happening in real life.

It was real life, wasn't it?

"Hey, you."

Gon turned and blinked, head cocked to the side as he was approached by another male far taller then him and much more broad. He was a built guy, stubble on his chin and dark chest hair poking out beneath the tight-fitted tank top he wore. Gon swallowed, smelling a lot of rancid, burnt chemical odors bouncing off of him and averted his nose away from the cheaper drugged smell. Since he'd tried out the stuff, Gon came to realize that the better quality Meth was much more worth it, now, if it meant getting a better dosage with better effects, anyway.

"Can I help you?" asked Gon, keeping his gaze sideways so he could both keep track of the man's movements and yet not look directly at him. "I'm kind of busy here you know. Waiting on some friends."

Which Gon was, waiting on his suppliers to show. It was somewhere between midnight and morning – Gon lost track, so they were bound to show up eventually. He didn't want to wait too much longer, less he have Killua on his trail or any other suspicious characters, so he was pushing his patience enough already. But Gon was out of Meth so he needed to restock, especially before the trials for Greed Island approached.

Better to stock up ahead of time, then scramble at the last minute.

When the burly man didn't respond immediately, Gon fully rounded in his direction and looked straight on, brow raised. "Hello, sir-?"

In but a flash, the guy was throwing his weight forward and crashing Gon into the nearest wall, where he collided with a stray trash can and falling to the pavement with a hiss and a clang of metal at his heels. He winced, rubbing at his midsection where a bruise certainly would form despite using Nen to protect himself, and Gon looked up, eyes narrowed and calculating. "Hey! What was that for?" He shouted out at the stationary male who was hovering, face dark and shadowed by the building's walls casting blackness all around. Back here, there was very little light to go on and thanks to Gon's super sensitive night vision, he was able to see, but it still wasn't enough to clearly make out the person.

His instincts, however, were screaming otherwise and a bad feeling loomed in the far cry of his consciousness. Gon wasn't privy on not following his instincts – He trusted them with his life ten times out of ten, so when the alarm bells started ringing in his head, he was seconds from springing to life and making a dash for it. If it hadn't been for the man in his way, big and brawny and packed with muscle and weight, to squash him like a bug against the wall and keep him pinned; then Gon would have easily escaped and been free.

He was too late, timing off by a few seconds and his quick step not quick enough, as the guy lunged and held him glued back first to the wall, squeezed by the throat until he was sputtering out incoherently against the restraint.

Gon opened his mouth to speak, to try and vocalize anything understandable, and then-

"Hey, did you know Meth makes the best aphrodisiac?"

Gon was then staring at the three pills nestled in the palm of his hand, then back up at the tall, blonde girl in front of him, smiling so sweet. There was a flash of teeth there and Gon rose a brow, oddly reminded of the Cheshire grin Killua sported sometimes when he was becoming mischievous.

He liked it, and staring at this girl stirred a blossoming of feelings in his chest. His heart flipped.

"What's an aphrodisiac?"

Ever so sweetly, the girl reached forward and slid her long nailed fingers along the callouses of his palm until it closed over the space where the pills lie, purring purposefully in his ear. The heat from his chest dropped downward, to his groin, and Gon felt an odd stir as she whispered into her ear in the same way he imagined Killua doing so, when trying to be flirtatious and a tease. He'd only seen the briefest amount of visuals from the television or the snippets of Killua's porn movies late at night, so he wasn't entirely sure how it was supposed to go exactly.

But it felt right, and to Gon, that was enough.

"Instead of telling you, why don't I show you, Gon?"

He was about to say something, to either accept or deny he did not know, but then-

"What's gay mean?"

Kurapika was coughing and choking in front of Gon and he rushed forward to gently rub at his friend's back in soothing circles. It was just a few days before he was planning on leaving, so Gon figured it out was about time to confront maybe the only person he knew who could help him learn what this whole 'gay' thing was about.

Many of the other teens were talking nonstop about it; how it was much safer then the whole girl-boy scenario and after that last incident with Gon and the blonde girl and..

Well, a unplanned supposed 'baby' at the side; wasn't exactly how Gon imagined his life going in order, anyways; if it was even real to begin with.

Nor did he imagine how he blanked out after her ranting on him stepping up to become an appropriate father for their supposed 'child' only to find her dead at his side the next moment, brutally beaten and silent.

There was blood on her, on him, all over him; and Gon wordlessly walked away without sparing another glance, not questioning things further.

He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to know.

The only conclusion to a safer scenario was this 'gay' thing he heard so much talk over. That it was even better then the heterosexual pair; the pair he grew up believing from Mito-san that it was the right way for two people to live, to breed and marry and have a family with.

This 'gay' thing was like an entirely new side of the coin Gon had been staring too long at.

Since Leorio was busy elsewhere, that left Kurapika to take up the slack and hopefully help. And rid his mind of the Spider's incident, the very least. Gon thought it would be considerate enough to possibly help, so he took the opportunity. Which so happened to be now, as Kurapika was wheezing from the strain of breathing and Gon at his side, still rubbing soothing circles on his very tense back.

Hopefully he hadn't gone too far enough that Kurapika wouldn't answer. He hoped.

"Kurapika, are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Gon. You just surprised me." The Kurta forced out, feigning a believable smile. Gon brightened, beaming in excitement.

"Then if you're okay, will you tell me what gay means?"

Kurapika did another jerk, gag, then cleared his throat until his mouth twitched and he was staring at Gon's eager, wide-eyed gaze with a grimace. "Where did you hear the word 'gay' from, Gon?"

"Just some people. But I really want to know what it means! You've got to tell me, Kurapika! You do know what it is, right? Right?"

Gon was bouncing up and down on the couch and it took more energy then necessary for Kurapika to keep the youth from flying through the ceiling. The blonde male shook his head and let out an exasperated sigh. "I do, Gon, but I don't think it's a good idea to be learning about this so early-"

"SO YOU DO KNOW? KURAPIKA,YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. NOW! PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE!"

Gon fell into a mantra of 'please' so many times that Kurapika finally burst after a minute in the round and shouted, almost at the top of his lungs, "OKAY GON. I WILL JUST, PLEASE, STOP."

"Okay."

Gon settled down and the older one slunk back into the couch cushion, sliding his hand down his face slowly. "Gay means to like someone of the same gender, Gon. It means that a guy can like another guy or a girl can like another girl."

"But what about the guy liking a girl part?" Gon asked, head canting sideways, "Mito-san told me that when people grow up, they marry someone of the other gender so they can have kids and raise a family."

"Gay people can have a family, too, Gon. They just can't reproduce and have a child of their own so often times or not, they adopt a child."

"Then how do they have sex?"

Kurapika almost, almost , regurgitated his own lung out with how hard he was coughing and Gon apologetically patted at his back a few times, murmuring 'sorry' several times before the Kurta regained his voice and grunted. "It's complicated, Gon, I mean it varies depending on the couple and-"

"Will you tell me how two guys have sex?"

With an uncontrollably shaking fist, Kurapika bonked Gon straight across the back of his head and the younger one went lurching forward with a squeak. But as soon as he had moved forward, he sprung right back up grinning ear to ear and spoke like the hit had never happened. "Come on, Kurapika! Please tell me! Please. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE!-"

"Gon, please, stop with the asking. You're really too young for this-"

"I'm not too young for this. I've had sex before so-!"

"You had sex?!" exclaimed Kurapika and promptly slapped a hand over his mouth for being too loud, in case others heard. As if he needed Leorio or anyone else to know. Then Gon would certainly be in for it.

"Well, yeah, I did. A few times." Gon seemed to be counting on his fingers in the air, and out loud. "There was once with that one really cute blonde girl, and another time with someone who had really short, shaggy hair and blue eyes and-"

Kurapika moved his hand over his mouth to covering Gon's own and stared, wild-eyed like a deer caught by the headlights. "Gon, why are you having sex? You're barely thirteen. You shouldn't be doing something so rash like that so soon. Who even taught you what sex is?"

He pulled his hand away for the youth to speak and the answer was nothing like how he expected.

"Well, Mito-san told me about it when I was really young, but she didn't tell me very much before I left to take the Hunter Exam. Then I saw a few times in the porn movies that Killua watches late at night two people doing things so I kind of guessed from there. Oh, and this one time I found a few of these XXX rated magazines that Leorio had hidden under his bed and in his suitcase and sneaked a peak. There was a lot of naked women on there and-"

Kurapika slid his palm back over Gon's lips, effectively silencing him, and sighed while he rubbed his temples with his free hand. "Okay, that's enough. I get the gist of things now, Gon. Please, you can stop. I do have one question for you, however, before I say anything else."

"Okay." Gon muffled out past Kurapika's slick skin, damp from the gathering sweat of their contact.

"When you had sex, were you using any kind of protection?"

"What's protection?"

Yeah. If Kurapika wasn't going to die by the spider's hands, he would die by a Gon Freecs.

"Okay. Here's the deal, Gon. If you promise to use protection from now on when you have sex, I will tell you about how two men do the act. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure!" Gon exploded with glee, throwing up his arms and cheered. "Alright! Kurapika's going to tell me how to have gay sex-"

He muffled out the rest of his words against the hand and stopped, chuckling when it was removed to smile, lopsided and goofy like always.

"Hey, Kurapika. Are you gay?"

The blonde gazed cautiously in his path, gray eyes unblinking, as he parted his lips and started.

"I-"

"It feels so good."

Gon wasn't sure how much faster he could thrust, but he was certainly trying, and the compliant body beneath him was moving just as rapid; their breaths mingling and quick like the rough pace Gon had set, ever since they started.

A bronzed skinned hand tickled at the stark pale-white flesh nestled against his own, testing the elasticity of it as he pulled and pinched on it a few times. It sprung back to its original position in the same way his cock was when he moved forward, groaning in the process.

Who knew 'gay' sex could be so much more satisfying?

The tightness was something he had gotten used to in such a short time, but it wasn't so much the pleasure of delicious friction surrounding a part of him swollen with need and desperation – It was the fact that every single person resembled a certain other.

In his fantasies, drowned in a high of drug and smoke and pleasure, Gon imagined Killua beneath him every time; fitful in lust and need, swallowed up in his desire to be fucked in any number of positions, any number of places; anywhere.

And that's what felt so good, thinking of his best friend below him, on top of him, anywhere on him begging for more as Gon entered at a relentless pace; like a battering ram and breaking away every single wall of Killua's impenetrable fortress – So willing and wanting despite how strong it's sheer willpower is. Killua desired him, somewhere in his dreams, and Gon would comply every time and give him exactly what he wanted, wherever and however it was.

The stimulation of drugs that give him a crescendo towards heaven – Where this Killua was – was simply a bonus.

A good bonus, indeed, as Gon licked his lips and his hips snapped forward, just like his body that-

"You like that, you little punk?"

"N-no! Of course not! L-let me go!"

Gon cried out sharply, not out of pleasure, but pain as the grizzly man above him shot forward, burying himself to the hilt. Gon felt the hot pulse deep within him, right at the back end, and he flinched at how painful it was to be stretched so wide with little preparation. There was hot wetness there, dripping along the inside of his thighs, and Gon shivered knowingly at the familiar sensation of being ripped apart from the inside out.

Was this what it was like the other way around?

Blunt nails dug sharply into the cement beneath him, attempting to scrabble from under the hard-pressed weight above him, but Gon found it futile the more he struggled. It just made the agony in his rear end worse, especially when the man started moving above him, using the weight in his torso to keep Gon's upper-half pinned to the icy floor below.

"G-get off!" Gon yelled, thrashing until he found his face smashed so hard his front teeth chipped and the bones in his nose crunched like they may have been broken. Blood slid down to touch his upper lip and he licked it away, shivering. The man kept his grip held tightly, pulling on his ebony locks without remorse so his scalp stung, and Gon shimmied back and forth in a vain attempt to wiggle through an escape route. With his shredded shorts and undergarments tangled around his boots, it was hard to get them free enough to do anything let alone weasel out of the barest space left between the bigger man's body and his own.

When the hell did he even end up in a situation with another grown adult raping him, anyway? Gon had put up quite a good fight, fast and steady on his feet and throwing in a couple of good punches. The man's busted nose, cut cheek, and broken shoulder may have been a compliment. There was bruises on his back and scalp where Gon managed a few nice kicks until he was thrown like a weightless rag doll around so many times his head spun and he wasn't sure any of his rattled bones would ever start shaking after this for a long time the least.

There was crevices in the walls of buildings and caved in parts of steel trash bins and dumpsters that Gon would be feeling for days at least, even with his speed healing.

But when the man initiated his Nen, Gon knew he was screwed in more ways then one.

Spitting out another globule of blood in front of him, Gon pinched his knees in, trying to alleviate some of the pressure of the man's groin grinding against his rear, and hissed. It hurt; it hurt worse then any pain Gon had ever felt assault his well being before. He never experienced such agony as it radiated up and down his spine, from the tips of his toes back to his fingertips and straight to his head. He grit his teeth, wanting to scream, to cry, to wail and beg and yell for help or freedom, but all that came out was a strangled gasp when his face was mashed until he could do nothing but mumble out a slur of words in plea.

It was hopeless. This entire situation was hopeless.

And as Gon was all but prepared to give up, lie here and take what he certainly did not want (but maybe deserved for all the crap he's pulled this past month or so); he heard something. There was a rush of voices from up above suddenly, chorusing all sorts of jumbled things, and Gon's head snapped up in realization of who those voices belonged to.

There was four of them; three boys and one girl, all tall, all lanky with the lead character defined by ample muscle and a boldness that extended his chest outward with pride. Gon beamed, for once, feeling that sliver of hope come back to him, expecting his suppliers-turned-friends (?) to come to his aid.

But his heart dropped in his chest, like the weight of the man moving and grunting above him did, squashing him into the pavement as the four teenagers gaped openly, then laughed as they ran off.

And Gon was alone, again. Utterly and hopelessly alone.

Idiot.

There was a low, deep-throaty moan and the squelch sound of something wet between his thighs that Gon winced at, shifting to avoid it to no use. It slid down his skin, dripped onto the ground, and felt like ice inside his legs so he shivered. The man pulled off of him and Gon was thankful for the release in pressure. He made a move to get up himself when a thick, fat hand grabbed hold of him by the back of his head and abruptly his world came flying face first into gray then black. The cement met him half-way and he didn't see nor hear anything else but total pitch darkness thereafter.

Hopeless and an idiot.

"I'm so stupid-"

"I'm so stupid."

Repeating his own words, Gon's eyes flew open in the same way his spine did, shooting his body upward into a seated position with vision blown out of proportion. His dilated pupils took a moment to adjust to the faint lighting of the shaded trees around him and the nausea built in the recesses of his abdomen hit like a ton of bricks, throwing him to the side so he could hurl out whatever was in his stomach, keep it from getting any on himself.

Shaking and on all fours, Gon wheezed and spat out a few wads of saliva mixed with bile after what could translate as an hour into only a few minutes. There was a sheen of sweat gathered on his face like a second mask and honeyed eyes were transfixed by the way they slid off the tip of his nose, the angled corners of his jawline and into the pile of foul-smelling gunk mixed into the grass, remnants of his panic-induced state.

And although Gon wanted nothing but to throw up more, he could only manage another small dry heave before he pushed himself backwards and onto his sore rump, blinking dazedly at his surroundings.

Where am I?

Gon had been so lost in his daydreaming that he couldn't even remember where he was let alone how he got there. It appeared to be a forest and everything prior to coming here was just a big, gaping blank.

Where was somebody when he needed them?

Turning side to side, Gon surveyed his surroundings. Nothing but forest. How long had he been in a forest? He turned over, clutching desperately at all the scraps of needles and baggies lying scattered around as disheveled as his hair and clothes were, stuck to his skin in a plaster of painted sweat. He felt itchy all over, thousands upon thousands of bugs crawling their way through his skin and Gon started to frantically scratch at every part of his exposed body he could reach. Dull nails clawed, raw, pulsating lines throbbed in a crimson glow past the tanned color and Gon hissed, tearing away to pick up whatever was around him and examine it.

Drugs. They were his drugs weren't they?

His fingertips touched the bags and he breathed in deep the smell of fragrant bleach and chemicals but to him it was as close to his home land as he could imagine and that made Gon giggle with pleasure.

He wasn't smelling drugs. He was smelling laundry fresh from the line hanging outside of Aunt Mito's home. He was smelling her newly home-cooked meals, piled high upon the table and neatly set on cleanly washed plates and utensils. He was smelling the pungent odor of her apron, her homely clothes, her cherry-top hair. He was smelling grandma, what with her soft, distinct scent that oddly reminded him of flowers and honey, just like bee's might remember it. He was smelling the home, his room filled with oak and cedar and all kinds of nature's inhabitants. He was smelling Whale Island all over again and to Gon, this was his addiction.

Home. This is home.

Gon pulled the baggies cradled in his arms closer, squeezing them in his embrace, and moaned softly. Oh, what he would give to be back home with Mito and Oba-chan, enjoying the small talk, the big meals, the comforting scenery. Gon would give anything to experience it again and this was like the closest thing to him to bring him home. How someone managed to create something that strangely smelled exactly like his homeland, was beyond Gon, but all that mattered was that it was here and no place else.

Wait. There's something off.

His nose twitched. Gon glanced down and realized that the smell was fading, just as whatever was in the baggies was also subsiding. He pulled it to his face, inhaling deep, and noticed how empty the plastic was. Shaking it a few times down, nothing but prickles of dust fell just like Gon's heart did.

No- No- No!

Quickly, Gon leaped forward and scrabbled to get a good grip on the needles, his hands so jerky everything drifted away. Farther and farther they were getting out of reach – like that smell – and Gon felt the panic in his chest pumping loud in his head, a toll of drums orchestrating his lamentation.

Please- wait- come back!

Gon grabbed the needle, pushed on the lever, and pressed it to his skin in a familiar gesture he barely could remember. Nothing but the dry prick of his arm.

No- NO! Please-!

Tears welled in his eyes, fat droplets falling to his scrapped knees, and Gon stared empty and hollow down at the things that carried that scent he longed so much for. All gone. There was nothing left of the odor. It hurt, incredibly so, and Gon felt broken and lost without them.

I- I have to get more.

His shadowed thoughts spoke up, lighting Gon's eyes with an hysterical fire, and he squealed out with glee at his own solution. That's right- If I get more then- then I can smell that smell again! I'll be reminded of home. I won't be alone anymore!

Gon pushed off on his first leg, rising to his full height and vision blurred as his head swung side to side out of indecisiveness. Which way should he go? Where was that stuff that made Whale Island return? Where did his home go? Gon tensed his leg, about ready to sprint off in some random direction, when a flash of light exploded out in front of him. He was thrown backwards in the powerful blast, falling flat on his butt again, when the light eventually cleared and whiteness faded from his vision; clouded and glossy.

Amber eyes blinked several times, trying to clear the substantial amount of brightness from his sight, before he dropped both hands and stared dumbstruck at the halo of silver standing in front of him, a pair of sapphire hues making direct eye contact with himself.

Gon's heart back flipped.

The other person – this other boy – twisted towards him and took one step closer, then opened their mouth to say in a quiet, hushed voice that was oddly reminiscent of Whale Island, yet not the same.

"Gon?"

Gon flapped his gums a few times over with a response on his lips, but surprisingly, all he could muster was a small, "Who are you?" and nothing more.

Because in all honestly, he didn't have a clue who this person was, so what else was Gon supposed to say?