When I broke the water I saw her Jacob fighting to keep her alive. Seeing his pack all around, I knew that she would be taken care of. She would survive, and I would have to survive without her. The whole time she was smiling at me. That she had accepted death because of me...
I ran to her house, angry at myself and angry at Bella for giving up. Why was it that she had given up at the sight of me? The rain continued to fall. Did she see me as her heaven? Being with me was better than being alive? Oh lord, why had I done this to her!? Anger continued to fill me up. I was in her room now, glancing at the floor for the floorboard that held our gifts to Bella. I took it all, any little detail that was us needed to be gone. I was only going home to burn it.
And I was back to were I started sitting on my front steps. I saw my angels' happy face, full of love for me, the monster that ruined her life. I set the gift and photos on the stairs and took the gasoline. Come on Edward you can do this. Make it real, destroy it, destroy the memory, but I couldn't. My body shook with tearless sobs. My life was over, I was now truly dead. I had almost killed my very soul, my Bella, because I could not reach her. She was always to far away, always to good for me. She would always be the lamb and I would always be the lion. We would never just be.
Then it finally dawned on me. I didn't return hoping to find Bella happy and continuing on, I returned to find her in pain. I had returned so that I could tell her I was miserable without her, I was nothing without her. She was my soul, my angel, my sun, my everything. Without her in rained everyday in this so called heaven, this never ending life.
Bella, what I want to say is don't believe that everything is better when you leave everything behind. Don't believe that the world will go on without you. My world, will now forever be rainy, the sun will never shine.
I couldn't stand it anymore, I need to tell her. I need to show her everything that she is to me, and hope that I can once again live with her as my sun.
Yet, as I reached her home, her and her Jacob in his ….car. I could see she had found her own sun. Maybe I should ruin this thing they had with me coming back and telling her everything. Again I was thorn between what was right for her and what was right for me. When they hugged I gently whispered "Be happy", deciding I loved her more than destroying her. I was turning when Jacob began to shake, did he smell me? No there was someone else… Alice. When Bella fought with him to let her go, she new it was one of us, and I saw that she wanted us more than she wanted him. Could me coming back make it all better? Maybe, so i decided to watch her and Alice.
She relived it all with Alice the pain and the heartache. That night I would tell her everything. Deciding now was no better a time then never I walked into the living room, Alice glaring at me.
"Edward, now is not the time. You're only going to make it worse." She said knowing what I was doing.
"No, Alice I need to do this." Gently I woke Bella. As she saw me pain filled her eyes, tears spilled from them
"Edward…Why?" Her voice barely above a whisper.
"Bella…" I kissed her, and woke her fully. Her eyes stared into mine, her hand reached for my cheek, and I turned away form her touch.
And I told her:
"I just had to leave"
END
And so the stories over care to comment????
Thanks a bunch for reading it!!!
Aleks