A/N: For those of you who have read my stories before, you will realise that this is quite different for me. I hope that you enjoy it.

Sleep totally eluded me….again.

Knowing that she was at 'our place' crying her eyes out made me feel even worse.

But what could I do?

I was stuck.

Here, in Chino.

I lay there wondering if Theresa had gone back to sleep.

I knew that the calls woke her, but she never mentioned them.

I was sure that she knew just as well as I did who was on the other end.

But she said nothing.

I waited.

And waited.

I couldn't get the sound of Marissa's sob out of my mind.

What if something was wrong? Other than the obvious?

I had spent too much time around Seth, thinking it had to be about me.

What if it was something else?

Something to do with her Dad?

Or her Mom?

Or her?

And she had no one to talk to about it.

The idea began to crystallize in my mind and I needed to do something about it.

I waited silently for more time to pass.

Surely Theresa would be asleep by now.

If she asked, I'd just say that I couldn't sleep and was going outside for a smoke.

I wasn't allowed to smoke inside the house, so it would be a good enough excuse.

Moving as quietly as possible, I slipped from the bed, picking up my jeans from the chair on the way past, and making my way out to the front steps.

I lit a cigarette and then glanced back to make sure that Theresa hadn't followed.

I hit the speed dial that I hadn't yet deleted, and waited.

And waited.

I could picture her, sitting at the lifeguard tower, being startled by the ringing of the phone.

I hadn't called her since I'd left.

I thought that it was better to make a clean break.

I quickly hit the end button on the call.

What was I doing?

It was better to make a clean break.

There was still nothing that I could offer her.

Nothing at all.

I shouldn't call her.

I really shouldn't.

But I only want to check that she's all right.

That's all.

Once I knew that she was okay, then, I wouldn't call her again.

I press her number on the speed dial again.

This time she answered. I can hear her small sniffle as she tries to control herself.

"Marissa?" I ask.

I waited for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few moments until I heard her plaintive reply.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

I could hear her start to whimper more, the emotions obviously threatening to boil over.

"Yes …. NO … I don't know," she finally got out.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

And I wait.

And wait.

"Marissa?" I prompt her, wondering if she's still there.

"Yes," came the hesitant reply.

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes." Her voice sounded firmer this time.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"You're in Chino," she said simply.

I hung my head. She needed to understand that there was nothing that I could do about it. I look at my surroundings and sigh. Even the dull street lighting couldn't hide the run down houses, the peeling paint and the grime that was Chino.

"I know," I say resignedly.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you," she said, apologizing, "I just needed to know that you were all right."

"I'm fine."

"I know that I'm not supposed to call you, but I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, it just gets to be too much and I need to hear your voice to know that you're okay."

How could I condemn her when I'd just done exactly the same thing? Didn't I sneak outside to call her for the same reason?

"I'm fine," I repeated.

"So I guess you have to go?" she asked resignedly.

I swallow the lump that I can feel in my throat. I don't want to say good bye.

"I can talk for a few minutes," I hear come out of my mouth. What was I doing? There was no way that I should be talking to her. The plan was to sever all contact. It was the best way to make the break.

But I didn't want to.

I wanted to sit there and listen to her voice. I didn't even care what she was talking about. Just being able to hear her and the soft sounds of the ocean in the background was like listening to something from another world, a dream world.

She spoke hesitantly at first. It was as if she was scared that she had a word count limit and if she spoke too quickly, then I'd have to go that much sooner.

She told me how hard it was for Summer without Seth.

Of course I felt that was my fault as well.

When I left Newport, I thought that it would make things easier for everyone. Instead it seemed to have made things harder.

I'd tried to call Seth but he wouldn't speak to me.

I lived with a 'friend' that barely talked to me, I had a brother that wouldn't talk to me, and the only person that wanted to talk to me was the one person who shouldn't.

How did things get so screwed up?

But listening to Marissa was great. She knew that I didn't want to talk. I never wanted to talk. Even more so now that I'd returned to Chino.

I didn't want to talk about the baby growing inside Theresa, about the shitty construction job I had, about the fact that I came back to Theresa's each night (I still couldn't think of it as 'home'), tired and filthy, and went through the motions that seemed to be someone else's life, not mine.

And so she filled in the awkward pauses by telling me about life in Newport.

I smiled as she recounted a shopping trip that she'd attempted to drag Summer on.

I knew that she was trying to prove that she was trying to move on without me.

It's just that it wasn't quite working.

"Ryan? Are you still there?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I sort of zoned out for a minute."

"I'm sorry. It's late. I should let you go. It's just that I'm scared that this might not ever happen again."

I didn't know what to say. It shouldn't ever happen again.

And yet it had given me a few moments of escape.

Couldn't I have that?

Who would it hurt?

Marissa knew that I couldn't be with her.

But surely I could talk to her.

Just as long as she didn't ask me to come back to Newport.

What could be the harm with that?

I heard the words come out before I'd really thought them through.

"I could always call you again," I offered, not sure if she'd want me to; it would be such a meagre offering.

She needed to know that was all I could do.

I was stuck in Chino now.

Surely talking to her, escaping to Newport in my mind, even if it was only for a few minutes now and then, wouldn't hurt anyone?

I'd like that," she whispered.