A/N: Hello :D

Thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favourting the story.

A reader has expressed their opinion regarding Tara, stating that in their opinion she's too needy and does everything on purpose to tease Jax (I'm paraphrasing.) Please note, you haven't been given her POV all that clearly and it is too soon to make statements like that. If you've been paying any attention, you must have noticed that in this fanfiction it's in Tara's nature to be quirky, talkative, and outgoing. Also, many of the things she does regarding Jax, is without thinking, it's almost natural.

I respect your opinion, but I just wanted to explain my thoughts on this. You will be getting more chapters with her POV so that you can see how she feels and what she thinks. And I have to say this again, she's not playing with Jax. At this point she is still in love with Neal.

Please, if any of you have any doubts or questions regarding this fic or any of my other stories (which aren't that many), don't hesitate to PM me here or on tumblr (mimi-hiddleston).

So, it's 1:25 a.m. here and I'm barely keeping my eyes open so spelling and grammar might be off. I apologise in advance.

Happy reading :3

I've Got a Lot on My Mind

Jax was sitting outside the clubhouse, talking to his mom on the phone.

-„Baby, how are you?" – asked the voice of his mother.

Jax sighed, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes for a brief moment. He actually had to think about that.

How was he?

He had won his most recent fight which boosted his reputation among the fighters. Chibs and Clay were proud of him for achieving so much in so little time. The girls were all over him now more than ever, since apparently being almost defeated by a giant and having your face and body look like you'd been hit by a truck meant you need them even more to 'nurse' you and whatnot.

Jax was overjoyed by everything. This was all he wanted since he began with fighting. People praising him, having all the attention to himself.

And still he felt odd. Like something was missing. Lately, Jax started experiencing some very strange feelings. Strange for him, at least.

Jealousy was at the very top of that list. Then came the lust, the kind he had never experienced before. Then anger, for having the first two feelings. After that, immense happiness and overall joy he felt most of the time.

And it was all because of her. Tara.

Jax just couldn't understand why. What was it about her that made him feel like this?

-"I'm fine, mom. I won that fight." – he answered after a long silence, opting not to say anything about the woman who'd been haunting his mind for the past month.

-"Oh, baby. I'm so proud of you. Are you hurt?"

Yes, mom I am, but not in the way you think, he thought as Tara's face crept into his mind.

-"Yes, but it's not a big deal. Don't worry. How's Tommy?"

Jax tried to steer the conversation in the other direction, though the last thing he wanted to talk about was his brother.

He thought about Tara's words and her advice regarding Thomas. However, Jax knew that the feelings he had harboured for the major part of his life couldn't disappear just like that. It would take an enormous effort which he was reluctant to make.

-"He's great, you know how he is."- she paused before continuing, -"You know, Tommy and I've been talking and we're coming to Charming soon."

Jax raised his brows in surprise.

His mother had never been to Charming, nor did Tommy. Jax was always the one who visited them.

Gemma excused her unwillingness to come to Charming with having too much work to do and Tommy was always blunt in his dislike for anything Jax related. Sure, it hurt Jax to know that his mother cared more for her job than seeing her son at least once a month.

What Jax didn't know however, was that his mother truly did want to visit him many times. It was just that she was always afraid to come and find her son covered in bruises. Even thinking about it gave her goosebumps. She would remember all those time she had visited Jax while he was in prison and the look of him that would clench her heart in the most painful way.

Jax was her firstborn, the apple of her eye. John adored him and Gemma would always reminisce with a smile on her face all the times that JT would come home and bring Jax some miniature toy bike that he had bought in the gift shop of the factory he worked in.

Jax already had a small collection of those bikes and he hated sharing them with anyone. Until Tommy came, that is.

Even though Jax was 6 years older than his brother and was never interested in the same things as Tommy, he would always find the time to play with him. Since Tommy was too young to remember his father who died when he was barely a year old, Tommy always looked up to Jax.

After JT died, she struggled to make ends meet, all the while fighting tooth and nail to keep her boys on the right track. But as they got older, they started fighting more and more. Jax started hanging out with bad company, while Tommy kept to himself, studying hard and wanting to have nothing to do with his brother.

A few years later, Jax ended up in prison and Gemma's world crumbled.

Seeing her son behind bars took a great toll on her. She would always put a brave face on when she went to visit him, but it took every ounce of her strength not to fall apart.

Unlike Jax, Tommy finished school and achieved so much.

With one son in prison and the other on his way to college, Gemma Teller was torn between her two boys, both so different.

Thomas became too proud and Jax too bitter. She imagined that was the reason why he left San Diego and moved to Charming; he couldn't stand being face with his brother's successes, when he thought so little of himself.

He told her once that he felt like he was living in Thomas's shadow, like he was the black sheep of their family, while Tommy was the good son everyone praised.

Gemma tried to talk to him many times, tried to convince him that was not the case. She was a mother after all and she loved them both with all her heart. It pained her to know that Jax though she loved Tommy more just because he chose a different path for himself.

Gemma knew that Jax was in a bad place, but that at some point in his life, he would make a change for better.

And he did, only that change frightened her.

She would go to sleep dreaming of phone calls telling her that her son died due to the injuries sustained in one of those goddamn fights.

She couldn't take it. She wished nothing more but to see Jax safe and sound, away from that world. But alas, he wanted to earn his living that way and there was no one who could talk him into doing something else.

-"You serious?"- -Jax asked in disbelief.

-"Of course, baby. Tommy has some vacation days left and I really want to see my two boys together. It's been a while since we've been together as a family. I miss it." – her voice broke, and Jax could hear her sob.

His own voice was croaky when answered: -"I miss it too, mom. I'm glad you're coming."

He heard her sniff and no doubt she was wiping the tears off her face.

-"I'll let you know the exact date. I can't wait to see you."

Jax sighed, smiling.

-"I can't wait to see you too, ma. I'll call you." – he paused, before he added- "Say hi to Thomas from me."

-"Will do, baby. I love you."

-"Love you too, ma. Bye."

They ended the call and Jax felt like crying. He missed his mom more than ever. He missed his dad and the smell of motor oil and cigarettes that followed him everywhere. He missed his hugs and his gravelly voice.

He missed his brother and those better times when there were just the two of them against the world.

When did it all go to hell?

Jax heard footsteps and seconds later, Opie sat beside him.

-"What's up, brother?"

Jax chuckled shaking his head. Opie always knew when something was wrong.

-"I just talked to my mom. Tommy and she are coming soon."

Opie frowned.

-"Here? Seriously?"

Jax nodded, playing with the phone in his hands.

-"My words exactly. But, yeah. She said she would let me know when exactly."

Opie observed his best friend, noticing the pensive look on his face.

-"Somethin' botherin' you."

Jax let out a long breath, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees, looking at the cigarette bud someone had tossed earlier.

-"I just... I keep thinking...What if my dad hadn't died? What would our lives be like? Would I still be in this beef with Tommy? Would I have ended up in prison? I have these moments when I can see him. Like actually see him. And he is always shaking his head in disappointment and telling me how this is not what he wanted. That he didn't want his family to fall apart. And I always feel like it's my fault, like I'm the one who destroyed us."

Jax wasn't done but Opie interrupted him before he had the chance to continue. He raised his voice, drawing Jax's attention to himself. Jax lifted his gaze to his friend.

-"You stop right there. Listen, man, I get it, it's hard. But, we've all been there. We all have somethin' we would like to change. It's just not how the world works and you have to accept that."

-"I know, Ope but-"

Opie cut him off. He put his hand on his back and said:

-"You've made some stupid mistakes. You've paid for that. You've moved on. You got your shit together and look at you now. Just because your brother's finished school and does whatever is that he's doin', doesn't make you any less worthy."

Jax licked his lip chuckling.

-"What?" – Opie asked.

-"That's what Tara told me."

Opie looked at him with a puzzled expression. Jax leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes for a second.

Opie knew there was something happening with Jax, and it was all because of that girl.

-"What's goin' on between you two?" – Opie asked him, already afraid of the answer.

Jax looked at him and Opie noticed how he gulped before he answered.

-"Nothin' s goin' on."

Raising he brow, he gave his friend the you-re-shitting-me look.

-"I swear, there's nothing there."

-"You keep forgetting that I know you, man. You're lying. So spill it."

Sighing, Jax ran his hand through his hair.

-"I don't know, man. I feel like a complete idiot. I barely know her. And yet, I keep thinking about her. Like, all the time. I feel like I'm goin' insane."

Opie shook his head.

-"Fuck, that's not good. She's someone else's girl."

Jax rolled his eyes.

-"Don't you think I know that? I have to keep reminding myself of that. If it wasn't the case... But it is. And I can hardly control myself around her."

Opie laughed throatily patting him on the back then standing up.

-"Shit, you've got it bad. Just, watch what you're doin'."

Jax nodded as Opie went back to the gym.

He knew that what he felt wasn't right, but he had a hard time fighting it.

He was all right when she wasn't around. The thoughts that came to his mind then weren't all that bad. They were mostly related to her curvatious body and what she did with it, like bending over or swaying her hips.

But the minute he would catch a glimpse of her, it was like his body and mind raced as to which of them would react first. His heart, that would start beating like crazy, his lips that would curve in a smile just by looking at her, his dick that seemed to have a mind of its own, his brain that would come up with all sorts of scenarios involving her and him, his hands that would start shaking, craving to touch her just once.

And he hated it when other guys touched her, even if it was just involuntary. He hated seeing her kissing her fiancé.

He loved when she would focus her intention solely on him. He loved seeing her roll her eyes at him just before she would crack a smile. He loved her innuendos and her teasing.

Was he really going insane? Or was he already insane?

He didn't know the answer. The only thing he did know was that he wanted to see her ever day, if possible. But he couldn't since she had a life outside their lessons. I was stupid of him to even think of her.

Jax shook his head and did his best to push the thoughts of Tara out of his mind as he went back to the clubhouse.

(I'll try to write the next chapter form Tara's POV so you get her side of the story and her thoughts regarding everything that's been going on. 'Till next time, leave me some love in the form of a review xoxo)