First off, a big thank you to AnimeGmr101 and KhAeL for leaving me some love in their reviews. KhAeL, hun, I was expecting you to "migrate" to this new story, after you loved Haunting Past. I'm super happy to see that you like this one as well; hope I won't disappoint you! :D

Now, enough ranting, let's get on with the reading. Don't forget to give me some luv too, lovelies~ :3 Enjoy!

P.S. All YuYu Hakusho characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi~ :)

5. Learning jealousy

It was a good while later that sleep finally claimed him, the girl's face lingering a bit longer in his mind as he drifted off into that restful darkness.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The first thing Nozomi felt upon waking up several hours later was warmth, the soft texture of a cover made of youkai fur and the distinct heaviness of an arm draped over her. Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was the pure white of Kurama's yukata and the pale patch of skin the material revealed. Her body lightly jolted at the sudden realization; even if she had somehow expected him to be there, she just hadn't expected him to be that close. Trying not to move too much so as to not wake him, she instead turned her steel colored eyes to him.

It was now, being in such close proximity, that she could finally notice the wonderful piece of work nature had done when it had crafted his body. Fair, flawless skin upon his cheeks... sculptural features that reminded her of the marble statues she had seen in her so scarce walks through her family's castle... silky hair, flowing in between her fingers like liquid silver. Finally, her gaze was drawn to his perfectly defined lips; it was a strange feeling, but she found that she couldn't have resisted the urge to touch them even if her life depended on it. Hesitating for a reason she couldn't pinpoint, Nozomi finally placed a fingertip and gingerly trailed it along the outline of his upper lip then the bottom one.

'So soft... so warm...' she contemplated.

By then Kurama had already gone from a deep slumber to a lighter one, thus the sensation of something trickling along his lips was enough to bring him to full awareness. His first thought was that he had probably bitten his lip during sleep, yet he could taste no blood. Giving in to his curiosity, he parted his eyelids and for a brief second he could do nothing but stare at the sight before him. Was... was the girl actually...

'Just what in the world does she think I am? Her toy?'

He felt his brow twitch at that thought, but then his brain registered the peculiar gaze in her eyes as she followed the path of her finger. Was she starting to become attracted to him? Inwardly shaking his head at that foolish thought, he reminded himself that she had no knowledge of sexuality whatsoever. And still... the fact that his heart had twitched in a pleasant way at that idea had not escaped his keen observational ability. Was he enjoying the idea that Nozomi might have taken an interest in him? Could she even "take interest" in him when she knew nothing about that aspect of life? Then again, for all her lack of knowledge, hormones and instinct cared nothing for how informed their host was. With his focus torn between his own thoughts and the girl's relentless caresses, Kurama was sincerely surprised when he realized that he had pursed his lips and kissed her finger.

Her utterly stunned expression, when she raised her eyes to his and realized he was awake, was somewhat amusing to the fox-youkai. When Nozomi recoiled out of reflex, he tensed the muscles in his arm preventing her from moving away. Her faint resistance soon came to an end and she instead lowered her gaze, muttering an apology; for a moment he wondered what she was apologizing for. Then again, she had no way of knowing that he had actually taken pleasure in her earlier actions. Apparently, he would have to find a better way of conveying his thoughts and emotions, than a kiss. For now, however, he settled for merely digging his hand into her soft strands, allowing himself to relish in the sensation of her hair against his skin.

Just how long had it been since he had taken the time to indulge himself in such trivial actions with a woman? It was definitely longer than he cared to remember – given that he hadn't done such a thing since Amaya's death – though it did not escape him that he had somehow stopped thinking of Nozomi as a child along the way. Nor could he deny that Nozomi was quite a lot like Amaya. So much... so much...

"...I can't stand it." he muttered.

For a brief second his eyes betrayed the presence of that deep seated sorrow. Was this his punishment for being too weak to save that woman all those centuries ago? When Nozomi averted her puzzled gaze to his, the fox-youkai merely allowed a subtle sigh to trail from his lips. Once more shackling his own sadness, he finally released the girl and moved to his feet.

"In the future don't make Nari worry like this." he said gently before stepping out of the tent.

For a while, all Nozomi could do was watch the entrance of the tent where Kurama had disappeared behind the flap. What in the world was it that she had caught a fleeting glimpse of, in his eyes? It definitely wasn't anger or annoyance.

"Sorrow...?" she muttered to herself.

By now she had learned enough from Nari and the others to realize that the life they led most certainly brought about quite a lot of sorrow as well, as price for their freedom. Still... why did her intuition tell her that there was more to Kurama's sadness than just the men he had lost over the years? Her deep thoughts were interrupted, however, when Nari entered the tent with a warm smile.

"Did you sleep well?"

Sitting up, Nozomi offered a nod and a slight smile of her own in reply.

"He... did he hold me all night?"

Seating himself on the flooring just a couple of steps away, the youkai chuckled lightly.

"He did... he may not show it, Nozomi, but he's quite fond of you."

Lowering her gaze to her hands, the girl felt all humor gradually leaving her.

"I wonder..."

The sudden change in her mood did not escape the elder youkai, who now slightly furrowed his brow.

"Did something happen?"

Had Kurama done or said anything to upset her? However, when the girl looked back at him, he couldn't help the sudden feeling that he wasn't going to like what she would say.

"How did Amaya die?"

Taken aback by her choice of subject, the youkai took a few good moments to reply.

"Did Kurama say anything about that?" he asked gently.

"No, but... I saw something in his eyes just now. It looked like a deep rooted sorrow and... I was wondering if she's the one he's grieving for."

While Nari had never spoken much of his daughter, she had understood that Amaya had been immensely important to Kurama. The heavy sigh which now left the male youkai's lips was enough to convince her of that.

"As you know, Amaya was my daughter. After I took Kurama in, they bonded faster than I'd expected. Only a few decades later, before I even knew that they'd grown up, they had started talking about making a family of their own together. My wife was delighted at the idea, of course, as was I... but it was not to be. The village we'd settled in was attacked by a band of raiders from the city of the Shiseijū. We tried to flee with the others, but we were caught... the only one I managed to save was Kurama; my wife and daughter were not as lucky. They were both killed before our eyes."

"Does he... blame himself for her death?"

"He does... ever since that day, eight centuries ago." Nari nodded with another heavy sigh. "It's the reason why he never sought to actually love another woman; it's why he decided to heed only his body's needs and desires and ignore his heart."

Falling silent for a short while, he now watched the girl who was staring at her hands once more. He wanted to believe that she would be the one to heal Kurama; that she would be the one to make him listen to his heart again.

"But you know, Nozomi... I think he started changing a bit since he brought you here."

A slight smile curved his lips as he stated that; yes, the fox-youkai was most definitely starting to change under her influence, however unintentional that was. Little did he know that Kurama had indeed changed, more than even the Yōko himself realized. However, fate had decided that soon enough he would find out... and that he would understand there was nothing he could do to stop those changes.

One month had passed since that day when Nozomi had finally learned of the weight Kurama carried. She had tried several times to let him know that he wasn't alone... that she wanted to help him shoulder it. But it seemed that the more she tried, the more he recoiled. On that particular night, sleep failed to claim her; it was one of those nights again, when she couldn't sleep due to having the oddest of thoughts... while she'd grown accustomed to the group's rather regular pattern of bringing women into their camp, recently she found that she felt quite weird at the thought of Kurama bedding another woman. Yes, by now she knew some things about sexuality... the other men had described it to her in a quick and ugly version. Both Nari and Kurama had been quite angered at that, but Nari had admitted that what they had told her wasn't too different from reality.

She didn't know what to call that feeling, but it definitely wasn't pleasant. Was it, perhaps, what the others called jealousy? The knowledge that on the previous night he'd had four women with him, as his men had stated during the day, wasn't helping in easing that emotion either. Finally slipping out of her bedding with a sigh, she briefly glanced over to Nari to make sure he was sleeping before she stepped out of the tent into the chilly night air. The full moon almost instantly gained her attention, as it was such a rare occurrence in the Makai. Her blissful contemplation of the milky orb was interrupted soon enough, when her ears picked up something rustling inside Kurama's tent.

For a moment she felt her heart cringing... had someone snuck into his tent? There were plenty of bounty hunters out to kill him and she imagined that her parents had also sent out men to find her. She knew first hand just how good Kurama's hearing was, which only served to increase her fear; had something happened to him? Inwardly shaking away those dark thoughts, she approached the entrance to his tent and pulled the flap aside just enough to be able to glance inside and see if he was alright. The sight before her eyes, however, had her heart skipping a beat and her lungs emptying of air so abruptly that she felt dizzy for a split second.

It was as though time itself had frozen in that instant in which she stared at the female youkai straddling Kurama's lap. His yukata was piled onto the flooring of his tent, baring the upper half of his toned body to her eyes. The woman was hungrily kissing him while her hands fervently tried to remove his sash. However, it appeared that Nozomi's gasp hadn't been as quiet as it had seemed to her. Soon enough, the female turned her gaze toward the entrance, apparently startled to see the girl there.

"Who's the kid?"

Before Nozomi could even think of releasing the leathery material she was currently squeezing in her hand, Kurama's eyes darted to her. The image of her slender figure profiled against the silver-toned night, and her utterly stunned gaze was enough to make him feel all blood draining from his face, and any trace of lust vanish into thin air. When she finally released the flap and vanished from his sight, he heard his own voice before his mind had even registered the word.

"Nozomi!"

He only snapped out of that stupor when the woman made an attempt at regaining his attention. When his eyes settled upon her again, he suddenly got a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had picked that one precisely because he had thought she was quite a beauty... yet now she utterly paled in comparison to Nozomi, as his mind insisted on pointing out.

"Move." he ordered after that one second of being in shock.

When she failed to comply, being too busy to stare at him in disbelief, he grasped her arms and shoved her aside.

"You're in my way, woman."

Fortunately for her, his reputation as a cold-blooded killer was enough to keep her from arguing even if she understandably disliked the idea of being cast aside for a child. Ignoring her angry gaze, the fox-youkai darted outside, once more calling the girl's name; he even ignored the fact that several of his men had left their tents at the sound of his voice, to see what was wrong.

"What happened?" Nari asked, having awakened from all the commotion.

Even he, however, found himself staring at the sight of their leader half naked and the female which had by now stepped out of his tent, adjusting her clothing.

"For your sake, be gone by the time I get back." Kurama warned, before he vanished in his speed to track the girl down, not even bothering to retrieve his yukata first.

Trailing a hand over his face with a sigh, Nari shook his head; it was much too obvious now that Nozomi had seen Kurama with that woman. Watching as the female made her way toward the entrance to their camp, he grumbled something about young people being too much trouble. Ultimately he seated himself outside his tent and took to polishing his daggers as he waited for Kurama to bring the girl back. At the same time the fox-youkai was searching the forest, arriving at the lake soon enough. It seemed his intuition had not failed him, when he saw the girl seated near the water's edge.

He was just about to approach her, when his fine hearing caught the distinct sound of her crying. For some reason it gave him a bad feeling to know that she was crying because of him. Finally he moved out into the clearing, only stopping precisely two steps away from her.

"Nozomi..."

"Go away." she muttered.

With the way her voice trembled there was no doubt that she was indeed crying. Lightly sighing, the fox-youkai instead settled next to her.

"What's wrong?"

His own words sounded so stupid in his ears... of course he knew what was wrong. Having spent so much time in the company of women, he could recognize jealousy even with his eyes closed. When the girl failed to give him an answer, he fixed his gaze upon her.

"I won't say I told you so. But you knew about this..."

His voice died in his throat when Nozomi suddenly looked up at him, a deep frown darkening her features, the wet trails left by her tears along her pale cheeks glistening like diamonds in the moonlight.

"I knew... but I never actually saw you with any of them!"

For a brief moment, his eyes betrayed amusement at her angry tone.

"Nozomi... are you jealous?"

His question had the effect he had been hoping for, when her frown vanished and left behind a puzzled expression on her face. His relief was short lived, however, when Nozomi lowered her gaze and sighed.

"I... don't know... I don't even know what jealousy feels like."

"If you felt like you wanted to tear that woman apart earlier... that's a pretty good description of what jealousy feels like."

And why wouldn't it be? He'd seen plenty of women killing others over him.

"...Why am I jealous?"

Though her question had been directed at herself, rather than at him, Kurama felt his left ear twitch almost against his will due to the suddenness of her admitting it.

"When a woman is jealous of another, with a man caught in the middle, it's often for one of two reasons... love or lust."

He did have to admit that he was curious which one it was in her case. And if it was indeed love... could he cope with that? Lust would be easy to satisfy, as he had recently found the thought of bedding her to be quite attractive. Love, however, was an entirely different story. He didn't know if he could bring himself to actually love a woman again, no matter how similar she was to Amaya. Keeping silent, he watched the girl's expression which betrayed just how deeply she was thinking on his words.

"What... what do those feel like?"

She could tell that he wasn't talking about the kind of love she had for her parents, as what she felt whenever she was near him lately was entirely different, although similar in some aspects.

"Love isn't something you can explain in words." he replied in the end. "But lust... is basically the desire you have for someone else's body."

When the girl looked back to him with that puzzled shade in her eyes, he knew it wouldn't be easy to make her understand. And with her limited knowledge on what sex meant and what it implied, he didn't quite want to show her what lust was... it felt like he would be abusing her lack of knowledge, which to him was more or less the same as rape, and he didn't want that.

"Why would I want someone else's body? I'm happy with my own..."

"It's not easy to explain lust either, it seems..." he sighed, despite the amused shade in his tone.

"Is it... related to that sex that the others told me about?"

His brow twitched at the mention of that incident, which had nearly had both him and Nari tearing their hair out while trying to explain to her what sex was about. Ultimately they had failed back then... so how the hell was he supposed to explain it now?

"Yes, lust plays an important part in that." he admitted. "It is lust that drives you to desire another's body."

"You know... you never told me... what this sex is."

Inwardly Kurama felt like actually screaming in despair. How was he supposed to explain something which he only knew how to do? For a few moments he silently stared her down, as though he was hoping that she would somehow just read it in his eyes, without him having to torture his brain into coming up with an explanation that she could understand. When she only stared back at him with that expectant gaze, he finally gave in to his annoyance. Reaching out with one hand, he pressed his fingers to her cheeks until he forced her to purse her lips, his voice mixed with a faint growl in the back of his throat.

"You want to know what lust feels like? Very well... don't blame me if you don't like it."