Marissa dropped me off a few blocks from Theresa's. I walked the rest of the way.

I was relieved to find that they were still out when I got there, although there was another part of me that was disappointed, because I needn't have hurried. I could have spent more time with her.

I stripped my work clothes off to shower. For the first time in a long time, as the water ran over me, I allowed myself to think about her and my hand trailed south. I hadn't even thought about relieving myself since I'd moved in with Theresa. After all, it was my dick that led me here, to this predicament. But with thoughts of Marissa filling my mind, I came quickly and hard.

I cleaned up the shower, making sure to leave no tell tale signs. The last thing I needed was for Theresa to think that I needed some sexual relief.

I dressed and had just settled down in front of the television when Theresa and her mother walked in.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked.

I hadn't turned on many lights, so it was still semi-dark. I was glad of it because I was sure I looked guilty.

"Yeah. I did," I reply, the guilt washing over me in a wave, "How was the movie?"

"Good, probably not your sort of thing, but good. Have you been home long? Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

"Thanks. But I had a burger already."

"If you don't want anything, then I'm going to head off to bed."

"I'll be in soon," I reply. I wanted to spend some time going back over the evening in my mind.

I still feel guilty. But the pleasure from seeing Marissa completely outweighs it. The guilt is worth it.

That night, I had the best night's sleep I'd had since I'd returned to Chino.

I now had something to look forward to.

---

Theresa obviously noticed my improved mood because on Saturday, she suggested that I should go with the guys from work every Friday. That it was good for me.

And who was I to disagree?

It gave me the perfect opportunity to meet up with Marissa.

That's assuming that she'd want to get together again.

I spent Sunday constantly replaying everything that happened between us in my mind.

I was nervous whether she would want to meet me again.

Maybe in the light of day, she would realize that what I could offer wasn't enough.

Waiting until Monday lunchtime to call her was nerve wracking.

I was sweating bricks by the time I'd finished my lunch and made my way to a quiet area where I could call her.

But I needn't have worried.

She answered on the first ring.

"Hey."

I can feel the smile course through my body from the sound of her voice.

One word … only one word from her makes my toes curl.

"Hey," I return.

There is a long pause, but it's not uncomfortable. It's like the connection has been made and we're savouring it.

Finally she asks, "How were things when you got home on Friday? Did she notice anything?"

"No. I was home before them. What about you? It must have been late by the time you got home. You still had quite a drive after dropping me off. Did they have the search party out?"

"No. No one ever notices anything that I do. Mom and Caleb are much too self involved. And Summer is spending all her time with Zach these days. But I did have the best night's sleep that I've had in ages."

"Me too. I slept like a ba.." I stop in mid sentence. I don't want to talk babies with her.

And what a stupid saying anyhow. Weren't babies supposed to cry a lot?

"Baby," she finishes. I can hear the change of mood in her voice.

"Yeah," I reply, now feeling guilty again.

I realise how common that is for me now.

I feel guilty when I talk to Marissa because I fucked someone else and in turn, fucked up my life and hers.

I feel guilty when I talk to Theresa because I fucked up her life and because I'm keeping my contact with Marissa from her.

I know that she wouldn't be happy about it.

So guilt has become my constant companion.

And yet for those few hours that I was with Marissa, I felt good.

I smiled without having to try.

I felt alive.

But I feel bad that she seems to think that no one cares about her.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

"I'm sorry that I can't be there for you," I say guiltily.

"I know. You're clever. But even you can't be in two places at once," she says resignedly.

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"Don't keep saying that. I hope that you're not sorry about meeting me?"

"Of course not."

"So you haven't changed your mind? We can do it again?"

I smile at the enthusiasm clearly evident in her words.

"If you want."

"Don't play all coy on me. You know that I want to. The question is whether you want to?"

"Of course I do," I can't help but admit.

"Can you get away this Friday?"

"I should be able to. Theresa wants me to spend more time with my friends."

"Good. Same time, same place?"

"Uh huh."

I couldn't help but smile, thinking about seeing her again.

---

By the time Friday came, I couldn't wait for the day to pass.

I was cleared with Theresa to have a drink with my friends again and she wasn't expecting me home before eight. She'd even told me to take my time and not hurry since I'd enjoyed myself so much the previous week.

Little did she know.

I hated keeping things from her, but telling her would upset her, and she needed to be calm for the baby's sake.

And the only other option, to actually not see Marissa, was not even possible as far as I was concerned.

It was looking forward to it, that had kept me going all week.

And this time I had some money with me. I didn't like the idea of Marissa paying. Even if was with Caleb's money.

Marissa told me at lunchtime that she had a surprise for me. I spent the whole afternoon thinking about what it could be.

---

I was planning on being on the assigned corner by five twenty, not wanting to take the chance of her having to wait around in the red Mustang and draw attention to herself, but she was already there.

But not in the Mustang.

She was sitting in a beat up old brown SUV and I would have walked right by if she hadn't called out.

"Wanna lift, cutie?" she teased.

I did a double take and checked out the car.

"Where did this come from?" I asked, perplexed. No one in Newport owned something this run down.

"Rent-a-Wreck. Would you believe that because I'm not twenty one, they didn't want to rent it to me? I had to leave the Mustang there as collateral."

"But why?" I ask again as I hop in the passenger seat.

"I could tell that you were nervous about it last week. I thought that this might blend in a little better. And it obviously did. You were walking right past me."

I smile in response.

How come she can read me so easily?

"It wasn't quite what I expected."

"So you'd rather I go and swap it back for my car?" she teased.

"No. I think you're right. This fits in a lot better around here. So this was the surprise?"

"A part of it. The rest is in the back seat."

I look over and see a picnic basket and a blanket.

"Last week was fun, but I get to spend so little time with you that I'd rather not have to share you with others. Plus I knew that you felt self conscious about your work clothes. So I did a little research on the internet and there's a scenic lookout not far from here. I thought that we could go there and have a picnic in the car and watch the sunset, and then the lights of the city as they come on."

I'm amazed by her thoughtfulness.

"That sounds great."

She smiles at me and I can feel my heart melt as she pulls the car out and heads west.

I had a feeling that eight o'clock was going to come much too quickly.

---

When we got there, she backed the car in so that we could sit in the back and face the setting sun. We spread the blanket out and laid out the food.

But food was the last thing on my mind.

I just wanted to be with her.

To look at her.

To listen to her voice.

Watch the corners of her mouth move as she smiled.

Hear the pure sound when she giggled.

I tried to memorize each and every nuance that was uniquely hers.

We talked about the week that had just passed.

Or more correctly, she talked and I listened.

As she ate, some of the coleslaw got caught on the side of her mouth and I couldn't help myself. I reached over to gently wipe it away.

Her tongue, pink, soft, moist, came to greet my finger and she sucked it into her mouth.

I was transfixed.

Her tongue softly stroked my finger and it was all I could do not to push her back on the floor of the SUV and take her on the spot.

But that would be so wrong. I couldn't do that.

To her.

To Theresa.

Her hand was now resting on my thigh and it was burning through the denim.

I'd swear that there would be scorch marks left behind.

"We can't do this," I hear come out of my mouth, when I really want to say, please, can we do this?

She nods her agreement, the regret clearly evident in her eyes.

She removes her hand.

"Do you want me to take you home?" she asked.

There's that word again.

It's not my home.

It will never be my home.

A home is where people love.

It's just the place where I live.

I nod.

"It's time," I say regretfully.

---

Things are quiet in the car on the way back until she finally breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped some boundary back there," she apologizes to me. "Please don't stop seeing me because of it. I promise that I won't try anything again. I know that you don't want to …"

"You don't know anything. I do want to. I want to so much it hurts. But I can't."

"I know. It's just that sometimes I want you so much, it's hard to remember why we aren't together."

I nod.

I know exactly what she means.

But I have to share a bed with Theresa every night. I know exactly why we can't be together.

She pulls up at the corner to drop me off.

"Can we still do this next Friday? I promise to behave."

I see her eyes anticipating my response. There's fear there.

Fear that I might say no. I can't do that to her.

I've hurt her enough already.

Plus I want these meetings just as much as she does.

"Sure. I'll look forward to it."