A/N: Thanks to those of you that have let me know that you're enjoying this. I know that it's quite different from anything that I've written before and from the scarcity of reviews, I gather that it's not to everyone's taste. There's only one more chapter to go after this.

Once on the freeway, we leave Chino behind and Marissa starts to head towards the coast, but not south west towards Newport. Due west towards ...

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"That's my surprise for you," she says with a knowing grin.

She seems to have put the previous conversation behind her. I'm sure that it's all an act, but at this point I'll take what I can get.

"I'm not the one with the birthday. I shouldn't be getting surprises."

"But if it makes me happy, then surely I should be able to do it. After all, I am the birthday girl."

"It's hard to argue with that logic," I reply, smiling. Her mood is infectious.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get you anything. There's not much around in Chino that you'd want anyway."

"That's not true," she says glancing at me, the meaning behind her words obvious.

"Having you here, with me is the best gift I could ever ask for," she states clearly in case I didn't pick up on her meaning the first time and I feel a lump in my throat.

How could I have been so stupid to screw this up?

We continue silently on until we reach the coast and she pulls into a mediocre looking motel.

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. I've booked us a room, but only because I know that you're usually self conscious about the fact that you come straight from work. I didn't realize that you'd have the opportunity to go home and change. They have a restaurant here that delivers meals to the rooms. I thought we could just order in and watch some movies and not have to be concerned about anyone or anything else for a few hours."

I could see that she was nervous about how I'd respond, but the idea was a good one, and she had made it clear that it, the room, was just for convenience. There were no ulterior motives.

Would I have cared if there was?

Was I disappointed that there wasn't? I didn't want to contemplate that idea, scared of what the answers might be.

"Sure. Sounds great," I reply.

The room is not luxurious, but it's comfortable.

We select from the menu, deciding to keep it simple.

Pizza, sodas and popcorn, the perfect movie watching meal.

It was like we were turning back the clock.

How many nights had we sat on the bed in the pool house and done the same thing?

But back then, we'd taken it for granted. Now being able to spend this time alone together was something special.

After ordering our meal came the time to pick a movie.

"What do you want to watch?" she asks.

"This is not my birthday treat. It's yours. So whatever you want. Although I have to admit that I'm not disappointed that 'The Notebook' is not on the list. I've seen that movie enough to last a lifetime," I point out, but with a grin that tells her that I'm teasing.

She pouts good-naturedly.

"You're just lucky that it isn't here because it would be my first choice."

"I know."

"You know all my secrets," she points out softly.

The air in the room suddenly gets heavy with emotion as our eyes meet.

"You know mine too," I reply softly, wanting to keep the connection.

She shakes her head gently.

"No I don't. You keep it all to yourself. So much of what you are thinking never reveals itself."

"That might be true with some people, but not with you. You know more about me than anyone," I point out.

"Except Theresa," she says, but without venom. It's almost as if she's resigned herself to being second best.

I feel the guilt invade once again.

"That's not true. My relationship with Theresa is friendship. That's not the way that I thought about you."

"Thought. Past tense."

"Marissa. You know that I can't …"

"I know. You say that she's just a friend and yet you're living with her. She shares your bed for Christ's sake. Don't you realize how that makes me feel?"

"I'm sorry. Sharing a bed is purely geography. There are no other spare beds in the house. Would you rather me sleep on the floor?"

"No. No," she shakes her head.

"I don't know how to do this," she admits forlornly.

"Me neither," I admit. I can't change my circumstances. I'm in too deep.

Marissa looks up at me.

"You may think that Theresa is only your friend, but she's much more than that. I'm the one that's only your friend," she says, hanging her head in resignation.

"That's not true," I state firmly and then correct myself, "Well, it's true, you are my friend, but you're more than that. You'll always be special to me."

"No," she says, shaking her head in denial. "The gap between us keeps getting wider, and you can't help but get closer to her. I'm sure she knows all your secrets."

"I don't think I have any," I point out.

"Yes, you do," she comments.

"I have no secrets from you," I assure her.

"Really?" she asks doubtfully.

"Really," I confirm.

"So if I was to ask you something that's been bugging me, then you'd answer me, truthfully?"

"Of course," I reply, wondering what's coming next.

"Did you …" she hesitates, a look of uncertainty flashes across her face.

I wait for her to continue.

When she doesn't, I debate whether to try to change the subject and move on, but this, whatever it is, has obviously been troubling her.

Better to get it over and done with.

"Did I what?" I ask.

She looks at me and then continues.

"When you … when you and Theresa … did it …"

Uh oh. Where was this going?

"Did you wear a condom?" she finished.

I looked at the sadness in her eyes and knew that I had to answer truthfully.

"Of course, I'm not stupid. I may have been thinking with my dick, but I still had a brain."

"So, the baby probably isn't yours," she says with a sigh, "But you'll stay with her anyway."

I nod.

"What about finishing school? How do you think that you'll be able to give this baby a decent life if you can't get a decent job? Have you thought about that?"

"Of course I've thought about it. But I don't know what else to do. I'm just doing the best that I can. For Theresa. For the baby. For you."

"Don't you ever add me to that list," she replies, getting angry, "There is no way that you being in Chino living with someone else can be good for me."

"But you can move on, find someone else," I suggest, even though I nearly choke on the words, the idea is so abhorrent.

She obviously picks up on it.

"Right. So the hunky pool boy that keeps asking me out … I should say sure, why not… let's do it, my boyfriend is never coming back."

"I don't see how I can," I admit, the reality of it washing over me. The thought of her 'doing it' with some other guy brings bile to my mouth. Knowing I couldn't stop it just makes it worse. If she's going to move on … and that's what I keep telling myself I want her to do … then that's going to happen at some point.

"Did you consider that Theresa may have deliberately come to Newport to get you to sleep with her? That maybe she already thought she might be pregnant and she decided that you'd be a better father than Eddie?"

"Theresa wouldn't do that to me."

"Are you sure? How do you know what she was up to? She may have suspected she was pregnant and been desperate," Marissa offered. "It's possible, right?"

I shook my head, not wanting to even consider that there was a chance that what she was suggesting could be true.

I was saved from replying by a knock at the door.

Dinner had arrived.

---

The pizza box is too big to fit on the small table in the room, so we make ourselves comfortable on the bed.

Settling back against the pillows, we turn on the TV, the pizza box placed strategically between us, acting as a no man's land.

Marissa picks Oceans 13 and we turn off the lights and watch in silence. Neither of us wanted to continue the previous conversation, so it was best to just leave it alone.

It was going nowhere…..nowhere good anyhow.

As the images flick across the room, and she seems immersed in the movie, I take the opportunity to watch her.

And once I'd started, I couldn't take my eyes off her.

She still takes my breath away.

I notice every little thing about her.

And when she moves, trying to get more comfortable, I watch like a thirsty man as her body comes closer to mine.

When the pizza is finished, she moves the box off the bed to have more room. I would swear that there's some magnetic attraction that keeps pulling me towards her.

I completely lose track of the movie as I fight against it.

It seems like the shortest movie ever and when the credits roll, Marissa glances over at me, "Do you want me to take you home now?"

I knew the answer should be yes, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Somehow I knew that these visits were going to have to stop.

They were only making things even more difficult for her.

She couldn't move on while I was still in her life.

But I wasn't ready to let go.

"Why don't we watch another movie? If we fall asleep, you can always drop me off in the morning," I suggest.

She didn't need to say anything. The smile on her face answered for her.