A/N: Hi :D Thank you for reading and for your support.

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

In My Head

Tara was just coming back to the clubhouse after talking to Neal, who promised to come over as soon as he finished something business related.

Even though they thought they would be able to find some time for each other, that just didn't seem to work.

They hadn't seen much of each other in these two days since Tara wanted to make good use of her time with Donna, and Neal ran from town to town, arranging some businesses and whatnot.

The only time they did see each other was late at night, when Tara was already in bed, almost falling asleep waiting for him. They would just kiss and talk for a bit before Neal went to change. By the time he was finished, Tara would be fast asleep.

Also, today she noticed how hurt Jax was when she refused to talk to him, when she ignored him.

God, she thought, I'm a bitch.

She felt bad, really, truly bad. She felt like the worst person in the world. And it wasn't just about him.

Her mind kept replaying those funny moments they spent together.

Like when he took her to the cake shop, when his hand rested on her lower back, when they rode on his bike and she had to hold onto him...

That was nice, she thought. She felt his firm torso under her hands and something in her awoke in that moment and she wanted nothing more but to roam her fingers all over him.

It was so strange, what she felt. It was unlike anything she felt before with a man. The attraction was too great. It happened too quickly.

It wasn't like that with Neal.

Sure she thought that Neal was handsome and hot as hell and she loved him...

But, if she loved him, why was she thinking about another man?

Her guilty conscience nagged at her and she did all she could to stop those kind of thoughts. Which is why she started ignoring him in the first place.

She remembered that Jax's mom and brother were supposed to come today. Tara was excited to meet Jax's family. She had been wondering what Jax's brother was like, and she imagined him being just like Jax. Smart, confident, womanizer.

Their similarity must have been one of the reasons for their fallout.

When she walked into the clubhouse, she was welcomed by none other than her ex, Thomas.

She was frozen for a few moments, not believing her eyes. The last time she saw him was... She couldn't even remember when. And he was just as surprised as she was.

She ran into his arms, unable to contain herself any longer.

His familiar scent enveloped her, just like his strong arms. He hugged her tightly and spun her around.

Tara laughed, remembering all the times he would do that. He claimed he did it because he adored hearing her laugh.

When he lowered her down, Tara couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of situation.

The last time they saw each other, she wanted to kill him for causing her so much pain. And now, she was exhilarated to see him, to be near him.

She looked into his blue orbs and something in her mind clicked. His eyes were very much like Jax's.

So that's why I thought they seemed familiar.

-"You two know each other?" - Jax asked them.

She lifted her gaze towards him and could clearly see the confusion.

-"We used to date."

##############################################

Thomas and she talked about their lives and everything that had happened in the meantime.

-"How come I didn't know you had a brother? Why didn't you tell me?"

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, cupping her hands.

-"Jax and I... We were in a bad place. I was angry at him, still am."

Tara raised her brow at him.

-"Wow, you Tellers sure know how to hold a grudge. We were dating for five fucking months, Thomas. You could have at least shared something."

He gave her, what Tara was now becoming aware was, a signature Teller smirk.

-"Well, I wanted you all for myself. I was too focused on you and I didn't want to drag my... complications in our relationship."

Tara rolled her eyes and chuckled.

-"You are so full of shit. But seriously, how've you been?"

His face brightened as he started talking about his new job and how exciting it was.

Tara observed him and couldn't help but feel glad for him. In spite of what happened between them, deep down she knew he was a good person.

Yes, he acted like a total ass cheating on her, but she had to admit: back then she was too consumed with her studies and he was too energetic for her to handle.

When they first met, it never crossed her mind that they would date. Thomas was just some goofy guy who liked to flirt with her and crack jokes.

At first Tara ignored him, but over time, she realised that he wasn't a shithead like most of his friends with whom he would come to the bar were.

One night, when there wasn't much crowd, they struck a conversation and, surprisingly, behind that goofy exterior Tara saw that there was more to him than he let on.

The feelings for him were long gone now. At least the romantic ones. But she still cared for him and it pained her that they had become so distant.

However, she knew that it was supposed to be like that.

Neal and she were just getting to know each other and Thomas was way too stubborn to leave her alone. She cut all ties with him, and of course regretted it. Though at the time it was the right thing to do.

While she talked with Thomas, Tara kept glancing at the bar, noticing Jax talking to his mother.

Something inside of her just pulled her towards him. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to ask him more about him and Thomas, or just to chat.

Tara was fighting against herself.

There was no way she was going to investigate those fuzzy feelings or anything she might feel for him.

No way.

Then Neal showed up and she had to prevent a catastrophe from happening.

##########################################

Neal was kissing her and it was the most action she got in the last two days.

Tara missed him.

Or was it sex that she missed?

The connection they had?

It was nice.

Was it normal to describe a passionate kiss with your boyfriend as nice? Surely not.

The spark wasn't there.

That feeling you get when you kiss the person you love. But that couldn't be true.

She couldn't have fallen out of love with Neal.

That was ridiculous. It had only been what? Five weeks since they came to Charming. What in the world could have happened in such short span of time?

Jax, her conscience whispered.

No, Tara responded.

No. It's not about Jax. It has nothing to do with him. Nothing at all.

She pulled Neal closer, pretending like she wasn't trying to deceive herself.

I just met the guy. It can't be because of him. It just can't.

Her hand glided down his torso, but her mind was telling her that it wasn't it. His body didn't feel right.

What is wrong with you Tara?

Then, from the corner of her eye she saw Jax looking at her and Neal.

You have to push him away, Tara. For both of your sakes.

Neal was kissing her neck and the only thing she could think of was how to make Jax go away.

She was trying to prove something to herself. And so she did the one thing she knew no guy liked to see.

She pushed her hand in Neal's pants. He said something and she faked a chuckle. From the corner of her eye she watched as all the colour drained from Jax's face.

The pain in his eyes cut her heart.

And it was then that she realised that Donna was right. About everything.

Jax went away, and Tara felt tears pricking in her eyes. She immediately withdrew, and Neal frowned.

-"They'll be wondering where we are." - she gave him the most honest smile she could muster, all the while feeling like her insides were burning.

How could you?

I needed to push him away. I can't have him thinking that anything is possible between us.

Neal was obviously disappointed but he kissed her one more time then led her back into the clubhouse.

Jax wasn't there.

The knot in her stomach prevented her from enjoying the rest of the evening.

Her thoughts kept returning to Jax and the look on his face, and she felt like the worst person in the world.

Then some curly haired blonde came, greeted them all and asked about Jax. No one knew where he was and so she said she would go look for him.

Tara wondered what the blonde's connection to Jax was, but deep down she knew. It was too obvious. She must have been one of his groupies.

She turned her head and tried for the rest of the night to focus on Neal and Donna. They talked, laughed, and had fun. Thomas joined in, along with Juice, and Opie.

Clay and Chibs were talking Jax's mom.

Tara still didn't greet her properly. The cordial 'hello' was exchanged, but that was about it. Nevertheless, Tara was aware the look Gemma gave her when she walked back into the clubhouse hand in hand with Neal.

There was something about that woman that scared Tara.

She continued her talk with Dona. It was something about the food. But her thoughts were elsewhere.

-"I'll be back. I'm just going to the ladies' room."

...

Tara splashed some water on her face, as if trying to wash off the guilt she felt about Neal, about Jax, about herself.

She took a deep breath, wanting to calm her nerves and raging thoughts. Her head was already pounding.

Dammit, dammit, dammit! I didn't need this!

The door opened and she quickly looked up to see who it was. It was the blonde that was looking for Jax earlier.

-"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." – Wendy said apologetically.

-"It's ok. I had my mind elsewhere." – Tara smiled weakly.

Wendy came around her, standing on her left as she opened the tap and started washing her hands.

-"Are you ok?"

Tara nodded feebly, blinking a few times.

-"Yeah. I just have a lot on my mind."

Wendy finished washing her hands and grabbed a paper towel to dry them. She turned towards Tara. She looked like she wanted to say something.

-"Is something wrong?" – Tara frowned.

"You seem like a nice girl. I don't know you, but I'm a good judge of character."

-"Thank you?"

Tara had no idea what the girl was trying to say to her.

-"What I want to say is, I hope you don't hurt him."

Tara gulped, her palms already sweaty.

-"Hurt who? What are you talking about?"

Tara sensed where this conversation was going and she didn't like it one bit.

Wendy propped her hand on her hip.

-"Look. He and I've been friends since forever. And I can see when he's hurting. And right now? He is hurting. And I know that you know whose fault that is."

Tara mouthed to say something but Wendy just continued talking.

-"He's a good guy. He might seem like a douche at first, but he's not. And I'm not used to seeing him like this. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him like this. So, as his friend, I'm asking you to talk to him."

-"But I-"- Tara began, but Wendy cut her off.

-"Just don't give him false hope. I saw you looking at him the night of his fight. There wasn't anything innocent about it. Just talk to him. Do it for him and for yourself. Don't lead him on."

Wendy patted her arm and left, leaving Tara more confused than she was before. This whole situation was suffocating her.

She ran her shaking hands through her braid.

She was sick and tired of everything.

(Let me know what you think of it all :D)