A/N: Hi :D
Long time no read. I think I owe you an explanation as to why I put this story on hold. Over the course of writing this fanfic, I have succumbed to a reviewer's opinion of my story and what it should be like. Therefore, instead of writing my story as I have initially intended to, I changed my plot in order to satisfy the readers. As a result, I became dissatisfied with it, which led to my lack of inspiration and motivation to continue writing it. In fear of further ruining my idea of the story, I stopped writing it altogether.
Thanks to some friends who have been very supportive, I have come to realise that as a writer, it is on me to write the story as I want to write it, and it is on readers to decide whether or not they want to read it or not. If I can respect you as my readers and your opinions, then it is not too much of me to ask you to respect me as a writer and my ideas.
If you do not like this plotline or how I write, then you are more than welcome to stop reading the story, or any of my stories for that matter. You are in no way obliged to read them.
However, if you do read them, I ask of you to accept what I'm writing. These of course are not real people, but I'm writing of really people's emotions, as I believe they are. So, whatever happens here, is very likely to happen in real life as well. Decisions made by characters are decisions that people in real life can make too. You and I might not like them, but they are more than real and more than plausible.
So, if you want to read, cool. Thank you. If you do not want to read, that's cool too. There are tons of fanfiction that suit your criteria. And this is not me bashing on anyone. It's just me being honest with you guys and sharing my opinion.
To end this rant: I don't know when the next update will be. I'm just getting back into these characters' minds and I have a lot going on in RL.
Thanks for sticking around :*
Excuse the typos and mistakes.
Happy reading :3
This Is Happening... Or Not?
Gemma sat on one of the benches in the gym, her back leaned against a wall and her legs crossed, observing many young men sparring in the rings, punching the bags, or doing push-ups. As old as she was, she couldn't help but admire them all. They were all very handsome in their own individual way, all so dedicate and focused on the task in front of them. She saw determination on their faces, the wish to achieve greatness, to become somebodies.
However, her watchfully eye did not miss the fear that each of them tried to hide; the fear of failure, the fear of letting down people that believe in them, of failing themselves.
She talked to some of them, and it was then that she realised what all that meant to Jax. It was his world, a place where he felt most comfortable, where he felt like himself. As much as it pained her to let him do this, to risk his life in those fights, she knew that no matter what she said he would do as he pleased. And so she decided to give him her full support, in spite of her worries.
A few minutes later came Chibs, breathing heavily, his hair damp.
-"Hiya, there. Havin' fun looking at my boys? " – asked Chibs, sitting next to her and wiping his face with a small towel.
Gemma let out a small laugh, but never looking at him.
-"They're all good. I've yet to see Jax, but I bet he's just as good."
Chibs nodded, leaning back.
-"Yeah, but Jackie boy is better than most of these lads 'ere. He's got an unbelievable fire within 'im."
-"A strong desire to prove himself." – Gemma added.
-"Exactly. But it's more than that for 'im. He really wants to succeed. Not just to be praised but also for people to realise that he's more than the kid who went to prison because of one mistake. He wants to show himself that he can be more."
This time Gemma did turn to face Chibs, a small smile playing on her lips.
-"You seem to know my son better than me." – she said matter-of-factly.- "You're right. Jax's been through so much. You know, he never speaks of those years he spent in prison. But I know they changed my son; changed him in a way I'll never be able to completely understand." – pain was obvious in her voice, and as much as she tried to hide it, Chibs picked up on that.
-"Maybe with time he'll open up. Ya never know what goes on in that head of his." – he wished to console her, though he didn't know how.
That kid changed too much in such a short time since he got a sponsor, that Chibs wondered just what did went on in that head of Jax's. He became more violent, and also less focused. He was either extremely angry or lost in his own thoughts. Since he knew well how much Jax wanted to win his fights and how hard he worked all the time to make that happen, it started to worry him that Jax was often too distracted.
With what, Chibs wasn't sure. However, he had his suspicions...
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When Tara came home after her talk with Jax, all she wanted with all her heart was to tell Neal the truth. She wanted to tell him that she fell in love with Jax, and that it would be for the best for them to take a break.
She planned on going back to New York with Donna, where the latter currently resided. Tara thought it would do her good to distance herself from both Jax and Neal to clear her head, and sort out her thoughts and feelings. Maybe, she believed, some time apart, away from Charming and everyone in it would make things easier and less complicated.
But she was too much of a coward. One look at Neal and she knew that she shouldn't do it.
He was a kind, generous person. The best guy a girl could wish for. And she loved him. As crazy as it sounded, she loved him. But she loved Jax too. Breaking Neal's heart would mean breaking hers too. And breaking Jax's heart meant also breaking her heart. Her conflicted feelings didn't let her say anything to Neal about her conversation with Jax, and they also didn't let her call Jax and tell him that she had changed her mind.
She was sure that he was waiting for her to call him and say that they can be together at last. It seemed to Tara that Jax saw things differently than she did.
To him it was all 'tell him you love me and that's it'. As much as she wished for it, things were not at all that simple.
She was engaged to a man she spent the last four years with. He was her best friend, her confidant, her rock. He was supposed to be her past, present, and future.
The last thing she expected was to meet someone else and fall in love with him.
It wasn't right, it wasn't right at all for her to even think of leaving Neal for someone she barely knew; ruining something she cherished for so long for something that might not last.
Lying in their bed, with Neal sleeping soundly next to her, Tara fought desperately to make a decision.
By the next morning, however, she still hadn't made one.
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Gemma and Thomas were at the grocery store, buying ingredients for dinner Gemma wanted to make for the guys at the gym. They offered her a warm welcome and she thought it kind to at least prepare a meal to thank them.
They were walking down the aisles, Thomas pushing the shopping cart and Gemma holding a list of groceries and putting things into the cart.
-"Thomas?"
-"Yeah, ma?" – he said, holding a box of cereals and flipping it to read the back.
-"Did you notice anything weird goin' on with your brother?" – Gemma side -glanced her son.
Thomas frowned and turned to her.
-"No. Why?"
-"What did you guys talk about last night?"- she asked casually, but keenly aware of the information she sought to get out of her son.
Thomas put the cereal box back on the shelf and headed to the next section of the store.
-"We talked about my work, my research paper. He asked me about Tara and me. Apparently, it was a big surprise for him that we used to be together."
-"Oh? What about Tara? I mean, why were you talkin' about her? Why is she so important?" - Gemma asked with her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed.
Thomas sighed.
-"How am I supposed to know? I guess they're friends. She's been here for a while now. Jax's been giving her some self defence classes." – answered Thomas absentmindedly, trying to choose a good bottle of wine.
Gemma swept her bangs off her face with her index finger, her mind working like crazy.
-"How come you never told me about her? You didn't want me to know or she wasn't important enough to be mentioned?"
-"Don't talk about her like that!" – Thomas hissed. –"Of course she was important. But you're always so... So nosy and you don't play well with others. I loved her and I didn't want you to chase her away."
Gemma was silent for a moment, astound by her son's words. It's true that she tended to be like that, but she only wanted what's best for her boys.
What was it about this girl that had Thomas yell at her? What made her so special?
Clearing her throat, she managed to ask her next question.
-"So, will you tell me about her now?"
Thomas refused to talk about Tara any longer, or anything related to her and their relationship. It was hard enough to think about her and his guilty conscience. Other thoughts filled his head.
Thomas wasn't stupid. He noticed Jax's overt 'appreciation' of Tara and all things Tara related. Even though he lost touch with him, Jax was still his brother and still as readable to Thomas as he always had been. That meant that jealousy and desire in Jax's eyes and his behaviour were easily noticed by Thomas.
He no longer had romantic feelings for her. That, nonetheless, in no case meant that he wasn't hurt by the mere thought of his brother being in love with the woman he had a relationship with.
And maybe he purposely mentioned his birthday gift to Tara, just to drive Jax's thoughts away from her and possibly sear into his brother's mind the image of him and Tara together.
It was a dick move, one he was acutely aware of, but one that he did enjoy.
His mother's inquiry only furthered his suspicions that Jax indeed felt something for Tara. Otherwise, Gemma wouldn't be half as interested in her as she currently was.
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-"Wendy, she told me she loved me!" – Jax yelled over the phone, plopping onto his bed, beaming from ear to ear.
-"She did? Wow." – Wendy sounded surprised.
Truth be told, she didn't expect to hear that. She thought Tara would end things with Jax, not start them. The last thing she wanted was her friend to get hurt.
-"Yeah. I'm just waiting for her to call me. She's breaking up with Neal." – his voice was full of hope.
-"Hmm. Really? Jax, I'm not tryin' to rain on your parade, but are you sure this is the best thing to do?" – Wendy was less inclined to believe that everything was going to be as Jax expected.
-"Why not? It's better she breaks up with him than to lead him on. She loves me, I love her. That's what matters." – he was getting irritated at Wendy's insinuations.
He heard her sigh.
-"That's not all that matters, Jax. Your career's on the line. What if that guy doesn't want to sponsor you anymore? What if you lose all chances of becoming a pro?"
-"Listen, Wendy!" – he started, raising his voice and sitting up. –"I did just fine without that guy and I can do fine without him again. I love her and I want her to be with me. To be mine. If that means breaking some other guy's heart, well I don't care. I called you expecting some kind of support. I thought you'd be happy for me."
-"I am." – Wendy defended herself. –"I don't want you to get hurt if this thing with her backfires. You have to think of yourself and your career. It's what you wanted since I met you. Is she really worth it? Is she worth throwing away your future?"
Jax had it enough. He didn't want anyone questioning his decisions.
-"She's worth it. And this is happening, ok? You know what? I'll call you later." – he hung up and plopped back on the bed, letting out a long sigh. He closed his eyes and imagined Tara beside him.
He smiled.
Once she's with me, everything will be better.
(So, reviews: Your thoughts on Gemma and Thomas? Also, how about Tara's struggles? Your thoughts of the chapter in more than one word, please? Thanks for reading xoxo)