AN: I promise the angst level goes down with every chapter. That being said... this is only chapter 2.
For the next two years, Rose spent her days working with Dr. Malcolm Taylor to develop a dimension cannon, and her nights studying quantum physics and mechanics until she understood the theories behind transdimensional travel herself. But even when they had a finished prototype, the walls between the worlds remained solid. If the device worked, she'd never know it.
When Pete called her to his office for a meeting, Rose knew what he was going to say and headed him off at the pass. "I can't just stay here, Pete."
The director of Torchwood leaned forward against his desk. "But the Doctor said it was impossible to get back."
Rose straightened her shoulders and smiled at her almost-dad. "He knows better than to think I won't look for a way back to him." Pete sat back in his chair and sighed heavily, and Rose knew she needed a better argument. "I belong in the TARDIS, with the Doctor. I don't fit in this world, Pete, and you know it," she said softly.
It was a truth no one liked to talk about. Mickey and Jackie had been able to slip into the identities of their parallel selves, but there was no Rose shaped hole in this world. Her presence here jangled against her nerves, and even people who didn't know the truth sometimes looked at her like they couldn't quite figure out why she was there.
After a long pause, Rose said, "Now, I'm not gonna change my mind, so unless you're ordering the termination of the project, I'd like to get back to work."
Pete Tyler rubbed at the furrow creasing his forehead. "Your mother wouldn't speak to me for a week if I tried to stop you."
"It will work, Pete." Rose stretched across his desk and took his hand. "I know it will."
The stars started going out the next week. As the walls between the worlds dissolved, the results of the dimension cannon tests improved. The first successful test was with a stuffed horse. Mickey laughed when she told him she was sending Arthur through the window, and the rest of the team looked at them, confused. When Arthur disappeared from the lab, the team stared at the spot where it had been for thirty seconds before erupting into cheers.
They sent a drone through next, with the cannon programmed for an automatic recall. Once it came back unscathed, Pete gave the green light for Rose to begin jumping.
That evening, Rose wrote a series of letters to her family and all her friends in Pete's World and put them in an envelope. She handed it to Mickey the next morning, and when he frowned at it, she said, "After I find the Doctor, I won't be coming back to say goodbye. Make sure everyone gets those?" He nodded, and she suited up in the boots and blue leather jacket she'd chosen for her uniform.
The first time she jumped, she honestly believed she would go home that day. Instead, she ended up in a world where Germany had won the Second World War. She was stuck hiding for over an hour while she waited for the cannon to recharge. The wrongness of this future gave her a headache; her fledgling time senses were getting stronger and stronger, and she knew somehow that someone had toyed with the timelines to make this reality happen.
Rose left the bit about the messed up timelines out when she wrote her report. This Torchwood might be different from the one that had separated her from her Doctor, but if she could avoid letting them know she wasn't entirely human, she would.
When her next jump landed her in another world that was not her own, Rose resigned herself to the fact that this was going to take longer than she'd hoped. That didn't mean she didn't hope every time she pressed the button, or that it didn't hurt every time she realised she wasn't home, but adjusting her expectations meant it wasn't a crushing loss each time.
After the fifteenth failed jump, the fifteenth universe that wasn't her own, Mickey was waiting for her in the lab. "Have you tried using your TARDIS key to calibrate it?" he asked. "Because you said there's only one universe with Time Lords, yeah? So at least if you use the TARDIS key, you'll end up in the right universe. After that, we can mess with coordinates and figure out how to direct it."
The sensation of her key, warm against her chest, banished some of Rose's discouragement, and she smiled the first genuine smile in months. "That's a brilliant idea, Mickey," she enthused.
He grinned at her. "Not so bad for Mickey the Idiot, eh?"
"He'll have to give you a new nickname now."
It took time to recalibrate the cannon. It seemed to lock onto the universe without much difficulty, but they couldn't get the timing right. She jumped from Shakespeare's London to New York in the 1930s to London in her own time to rural England on the eve of World War I. Every time, the Doctor had just left.
"Would it really be that difficult to get me there before he leaves?" she growled to her dimension cannon after returning from London in the 1960s.
She learned to be careful about what she said when she landed. It wasn't a fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time—her time senses told her when to hold her tongue. But not everyone who met the Doctor loved the Doctor, and after nearly getting arrested once she decided to be more cautious.
This went on for eight months, and though Rose didn't want to say it, she was losing hope again. Still, when another set of coordinates came in, she took the cannon from Mickey and let him offer a few last minute reminders.
"We've managed to almost eliminate the cool down period," he said. "The cannon is set for an auto recall after five minutes. If we don't hear from you before then, you'll be pulled back here." He handed her the comms device.
"I know you want to see him, but don't forget there's a reason you're doing this. The stars are going out, and we need him to help us figure out what's happening."
Rose nodded curtly. "I'm aware that the fate of the universe is slightly more important than seeing the Doctor again."
Mickey's expression softened. "Only slightly," he said. "Now go, Agent Tyler."
She grinned and hit the button.
oOoOoOoOo
The Doctor watched, dumbfounded, as Donna opened the boot of her car and started pulling out suitcases. "I packed ages ago, just in case. Because I thought, hot weather, cold weather, no weather. He goes anywhere. I've gotta be prepared."
She dropped one item into his arms. "You've got a, a hatbox." He wanted her to come, but Martha had fallen for him even though she'd known he wasn't available, and that had been horribly awkward.
But Donna didn't notice his hesitation. "Planet of the hats, I'm ready!"
Suddenly, the ache in his head that he'd managed to ignore for nearly three years disappeared. Donna kept talking, but her voice sounded like it was coming from a very long way off.
"Doctor?"
"What? Oh, yeah sure. Just… I'll be right back."
He shoved the hatbox back into Donna's hands and walked toward the street, his hearts pounding. The warm feeling grew stronger with every step, and finally, he dared to reach out for it. Rose?
Doctor! I'm here!
"Doctor, what are you—" Donna asked as he ran down the alley, but he didn't stop to explain. He was running flat out now, using her side of the bond like a homing beacon.
Rose's elation poured over him, and he knew she was feeling the same thing. The thought, Missed you, floated over the bond, but he didn't know who had thought it, or if they both had.
He whipped around a corner and caught a glimpse of familiar blonde hair two streets away. I can see you! she said, and they both put on speed.
They were only fifty feet away from each other when her eyes widened and he heard her cursing. She stopped dead in the street and fumbled with something at her side, and he could feel her dread.
The Doctor put on speed, but when he was ten feet away from her, Rose disappeared. I'm coming back, he heard over the bond, just before it tore again.
He tripped over his feet and dropped to his knees. Rose had been here, he'd seen her and felt her, and then she'd left again. Sobs built up in his throat, and he moved to sit with his back against the building, pressing his fist against his mouth to hold them back.
The ache this time wasn't as bad as it had been before, and he hated that, because it meant his mind had gotten used to not having Rose Tyler in it. He wanted the agony he'd felt when she'd left the first time, because it matched his grief.
The Doctor pulled his legs up and rested his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands. The passers-by gave him a wide berth, and though he was vaguely aware he was breaking the British social contract to not show strong emotion in public, he didn't care.
After ten minutes, a pair of legs stopped in front of him. He looked up at Donna. "She was here," he explained brokenly.
Donna's mouth dropped open a little, and she sat down next to him. He didn't have to tell her who "she" was; Donna had met him right after he'd lost Rose, after all.
"What happened?" she asked softly.
"I don't… I don't know," he whispered, pushing the words past the lump in his throat. "We were both so… and then I could tell she was worried about something, and she messed with something at her side." He tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. "Maybe the device she used to come back had an auto-recall on it, I don't know. But she was here, and now she's gone again."
Donna rested a soothing hand on his knee. "Let's get you back to the TARDIS, Spaceman."
"No. I can't leave yet."
"Why?"
"Always wait five and a half hours," he said, smiling painfully.
oOoOoOoOo
Donna sat with him, after getting a blanket from the TARDIS to make the concrete more comfortable. Five and a half hours came and went. The Doctor looked up at Donna. "A few more minutes?" he asked. "I know she'll try to come right back here."
"I'm sure she will, but we don't know anything about how that device thingy of hers works." Donna rubbed a hand over his arm to soften the blow. "Maybe it won't let her come back, or maybe it'll take her someplace else instead."
He looked at the spot where Rose had been standing on the pavement. "But how am I going to find her?" He jumped when he felt a smack on the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for?"
"For being a giant space dunce!" she exclaimed. "Look, I don't know where Rose is that she can't just ring and have you pick her up—"
The Doctor interrupted. "In a parallel world. And the walls are supposed to be closed… I've had scans running for three years, looking for a crack big enough to take the TARDIS through…"
They started walking back toward the TARDIS. The streets were almost empty now that the excitement of the Adipose had worn off, so they were able to move fairly quickly.
"Well maybe you should go back to the TARDIS, figure out how Rose managed to get back when you haven't, and then see if you can't figure out where she'll show up next."
The Doctor blinked. "That's… that's actually a really good idea."
"Oi! No need to sound so surprised," she exclaimed, but the Doctor ignored her.
"It's not just how she managed to get back into our world," he said, his mind now working a mile a minute. They turned the corner into the alleyway where the TARDIS was parked. "How did she land so close to where I was?" His pocket felt warm, and the Doctor reached in and pulled out his key, glowing brightly. "Oh. Oh, you brilliant girl!" he crowed, running up and unlocking the door. "Oh, you clever, clever girls."
The Doctor was peripherally aware of Donna stepping inside and closing the door behind her, but he was more concerned with getting them into the Vortex, so he could more easily run the scans he wanted.
"Are you talking about your ship or your girlfriend?" she asked as he flung the dematerialisation lever.
"Both of them!" he exclaimed, more exuberant than he'd been in three years. "Her TARDIS key, Donna! She calibrated her device to her TARDIS key, so it'll only go places the TARDIS is, or will be shortly. Or was recently I suppose, but that's just a depressing possibility, so let's not think about it."
"So you'll be spending a lot of time looking for Rose, I guess."
The Doctor looked up sharply. He'd come to know that dejected tone very well while travelling with Martha—he'd gotten very good at ignoring it too, but that wasn't the point.He looked at Donna for the first time—really looked at her. A hint of vulnerability lurked beneath her brash exterior, and he felt a sick feeling in his gut.
"Donna…"
"What?"
"Last time, with Martha, like I said, it, it got complicated. And that was partly my fault," he admitted for the first time.
Donna pressed her lips together, and her eyes sparkled. "Right. I'm stopping you right there, Spaceman. Because I think you're about to give me the, 'I'm only interested in a mate,' speech, and believe me, that's not necessary."
"It isn't?"
She snorted. "Even if I hadn't watched you spend the last six hours all tied up in knots over Rose, I still wouldn't be interested in you. I mean, you're just a long streak of nothing." She looked him up and down, then waved her hand dismissively. "You know, alien nothing."
The Doctor grinned. "Thank you, Donna Noble." She smiled back, and he said, "So, whole wide universe, where do you want to go?"
"Oh, I know exactly the place."
"Which is?"
"Two and a half miles that way."
The Doctor looked at her blankly. "Ah. We're actually in the Time Vortex right now. Two and a half miles… from where?"
She rolled her eyes and rattled off her address, and five minutes later, the Doctor smiled while she waved goodbye to her grandfather through the open door of the TARDIS.
oOoOoOoOo
Rose ran to the computer as soon as she reappeared back at Torchwood, feverishly typing in the information from her last jump.
"Whoa, what are you doing, babe?"
She looked up at Mickey. "He was there, Micks. The Doctor was right in front of me, and then… I forgot about the auto-recall and I couldn't…" Mickey laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, and she took a deep breath. "If I can just go right back to the exact same spot, I should be able to find him."
Mickey shook his head slowly. "First, there's no guarantee you'd hit the same place. Our accuracy is improving—obviously—but that kind of precision would be difficult. Second, you know the rules. You have to rest for 24 hours between jumps. If Pete knew I sent you right back out, without even a med exam, he'd have my hide."
"I don't care about any of that! An' it's not even for me… Mickey, he could see me, and then I just disappeared. You don't know what it's like to see the person who means the most to you in the entire universe vanish in front of your eyes."
"Right. And third, you know the recharging cycle on the cannon is still well over eight hours. Even if I wanted to break all the rules and send you straight back, I couldn't. So why don't you get yourself down to medical and let Owen check you out?"
Rose opened her mouth to protest, but Mickey held up his hand. "And once you're ready, the next jump can be back to the same space-time coordinates. Remember when the Doctor told us he could have the TARDIS back just 10 seconds after taking off? With time coordinates, you could take a week off and still get back to the same point."
Mickey's words proved to be prophetic. A new alien race attempted to infiltrate the Underground that evening, and Rose and her team were assigned to take care of it. And, as these things so often are, the situation was more complex than anyone realised, and she ended up spending over a week on a spaceship in orbit around the Earth, negotiating a treaty.
But finally, all her other duties were discharged and she was able to return to the lab. She had said her goodbyes to her family the night before, making sure to play with Tony and read him a bedtime story. He might not be old enough to ever remember having a big sister, but maybe there would be some sort of residual memory left behind.
She took the cannon from Mickey and closed her eyes. "This is it," she whispered, and hit the button.
As soon as she landed, she knew it was wrong. Oh, she was in the same place, but the street was completely deserted. And the Doctor… Rose reached as hard as she could, but all she got was the vaguest sense of his presence. She was in the right universe, but he wasn't here.
Mickey was waiting for her when she got back to Torchwood. One look at her, and he offered to come by her flat that night with alcohol.
"What happened?" he asked while they waited for the pizza.
Rose swirled the wine around in her glass and took a sip. "I was too late." Mickey made a sympathetic noise, and she tightened her grip on her glass. "I miss him so much, and just for a moment, he was there. I'm so tired and I was so close, but I'm still not there."
Her eyes were burning with unshed tears when she looked at Mickey again. "Do you think this will ever work?"
His answer was immediate and unequivocal. "Yes." When she silently implored him for more, he said, "If we were talking about anyone else, I'd say no. But I've seen what the two of you can do together. Now that he knows you're trying to come back, you know he'll be working from his end, trying to make it work."
Rose thought about the sheer joy she'd felt over the bond, and the way he'd ran toward her, full pelt, down a busy street. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right," she said, her spirits rising slightly. "Thanks for reminding me I'm not doing this alone."