A/N: Welcome back to Oz. I hope you have all had a pleasant weekend, and are looking forward to reading this chapter. I know I'm looking forward to reading your feedback...if you didn't get that little hint, PLEASE REVIEW

I found this chapter quite difficult to write. So many short encounters. I thought it would be overkill to write the first part of this chapter in too much detail, so it was a little bumpy and jerky to write. We'll see how it reads...when you send me your reviews and tell me grins

On with the show!

Once again, SG-1 found themselves in the middle of a dancing frenzy. The citizens of the Emerald City weaved in and out, throwing themselves on SG-1 as they passed.

"Well, these folks sure know how to throw a party," Jack joked, as he was passed yet another goblet of wine.

"Indeed, they celebrate with much fervour," said Teal'c, distastefully.

"Not your style, T?" Jack asked.

"No."

Sam chuckled at Teal'c displeasure and patted him on the back. "Don't worry, Teal'c," she said. "At least these guys are closer to your height."

Barely able to finish her sentence, Sam was whisked away by a group of children, intent on showing her the moves to the Dansawarna, a highly energetic dance that involved very difficult partner work.

Teal'c was not left alone for long. A swarm of women raced toward him, giggling and shouting out to him.

Daniel, of course, was already into the swing of things, chatting to the locals and taking in as much of the culture as possible.

From one of the towers above them, a large bell sounded. The Ozzians fell silent for a few moments, then cheered, their voices ringing out louder than the bell itself.

"What's going on?" Jack asked, once he had swerved his way through the crowd to find Daniel.

"The bell of Oz has sounded," cheered a merrily drunk woman, who was holding tightly to Daniel's waist. "You have been allowed an audience with the Wizard!"

"We have?" Jack asked, staring amusedly at the woman's tight grip on Daniel. Daniel grimaced back.

"Yes," the woman answered. "You have been given permission to look upon his hallowed face. You are blessed travelers, indeed," she said, throwing her hands up in the air. She twirled around and was caught by a fellow citizen who whisked her away onto the dance floor.

Daniel sighed in relief and shook his head. "We should find the others," he said.

Sam and Teal'c had already found each other and were being hurried into one of the buildings by a group of young women.

"Where are you taking us?" asked Sam, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"You cannot look like that if you are to meet the Wizard," the young girl next to her scolded, trying to pull off her vest. "We can make you look exquisite!" she squealed, while the girls around her giggled.

"No thanks," Sam said, fighting off the many woman who were trying to undress her. She looked over to Teal'c, who seemed to be having a similar dilemma.

"You must not offend his Wizardness by dressing in such an ugly fashion in his presence," one of the ladies said, trying to remove Sam's boots.

"Stop," she yelled. "Really, that's nice of you, but I'll risk it."

The ladies looked at each other in disbelief.

"At least let us fix your hair," said one.

"And your face," said another. "There are scratches and bruises everywhere!"

"You must bathe!" called one. "You are too dirty for the likes of the Wizard."

"Ok, ok," Sam conceded, as they continued to tug at her hair and clothing. She thought briefly of Daniel. What would he do in this situation? She sighed, knowing that he would allow the locals to fulfill whatever cultural requirements were insisted upon. With a mental roll of her eyes, she conceded. "I'll bathe, if it will stop you from pulling at me!"

The women beamed and took her into a wash room.

Teal'c still stood in the doorway. The women were trying and failing to pull him into one of the salon seats.

"I will bathe, if you wish," he forfeited, heartily tired of being shrieked at. He too was hurried into a wash room, next to the one Sam was in.

By the time the women had found Jack and Daniel, it was too late for Teal'c and Sam. Both had been in the washroom for over ten minutes and had no chance of getting out of the longest primping and preening session they would ever have to endure in their lives. Before Jack and Daniel could even argue, they too were hustled into washrooms to bathe.

Almost an hour later, Jack and Daniel were finally allowed to return to the main room of the salon. They smelt altogether too much like flowers, and Jack kept running his hand down his cheek. Who knew skin could feel that smooth?

"Teal'c!" he exclaimed. "They got you too?" Teal'c nodded, the fire in his eyes showing just how much he enjoyed the experience. "Not your cup of tea either, huh?" he asked.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "No," was all he said.

"You know, I found it all quite relaxing," said Daniel, who was looking very much rejuvenated.

"You would," Jack smirked.

"I've never been this clean," Daniel continued. "And my hair's so soft. I thought women were the only ones who could have hair as soft as this."

Jack rolled his eyes. It was obvious that the General thought being this clean was a problem. "So where's Carter?" he asked.

Carter was having problems of her own. The ladies who were now doing her hair and makeup were refusing to give her back her BDUs.

"You must not wear those in front of the Wizard," they had all said. "You will look like a man!"

Sam sighed, unable to stand the preening any longer. "I don't care. I need my clothes back." All thoughts of What Would Daniel Do? were long gone.

"You can have them back after you see the Wizard," said one. She smiled so innocently and reassuringly that Sam agreed. She couldn't say no to a face like that. That, and the fact that she was getting so frustrated that her nausea was returning.

"Fine," she said. "What am I supposed to wear?"

The ladies squealed in delight and raced away, coming back mere seconds later with an all-too-familiar blue and white chequered dress.

"I should have guessed," she said, rolling her eyes.

Sam dressed herself and looked in the full-length mirror. She looked positively ridiculous. She had put her ruby red slippers back on and laughed at her reflection. At least her hair was too short to be braided.

When she stepped back into the main room, it was to the sound of applause. The women who had, minutes ago, been tugging at her and bossing her around were curtseying and well-wishing her. She looked around for her team mates, finally finding them sitting at a booth in the corner of the room. She approached them, her face red with embarrassment.

"Wow Sam, they really cleaned you up," Daniel laughed. "What happened to your BDUs?"

"They wouldn't let me wear them," she said. "Apparently I look too much like a man," she said.

Teal'c bowed his head. "You look very feminine," Teal'c complimented. Sam smiled.

"Thanks Teal'c," she said.

Before Teal'c could even bow his head again in welcome, a young boy raced into the salon.

"The Wizard, The Wizard!" he cried, coming to a halt in front of SG-1. "The Wizard will see you now!" Applause erupted through the salon again. Sam shrugged and gestured for her team to move out.

"After you, Dorothy," Jack said, his eyes twinkling. Sam felt herself blush. "You know, your face is starting to match your slippers," Jack said with a grin. That only made Sam turn even redder. Jack chuckled to himself. Sam dressed as Dorothy, eh? This was turning into quite a trip. He made a mental note to cross that off his list of fantasies.

"Hurry up! The Wizard, the Wizard," the small boy yelled back at them, and led the team away to meet their fate.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

SG-1 stood in a massive room, green on all sides. Huge tapestries flanked the walls and gold pillars circled the podium on which they stood, fire scorching from the basins atop each one. Daniel looked around him. This room was one big cultural contradiction. The pillars were of Roman style, yet the tapestries were clearly inspired by medieval Europe. There was a statue in one of the corners that was clearly Roman, but the curtains behind it looked like intricately designed batik. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and turned back to face the gigantic machine that was the Wizard.

"WHO ARE YOU?" the voice repeated. SG-1 stared up at the huge mechanical head in front of them. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Hey big guy," he called. "Why don't you just come out of the broom closet, already. We know you're not really the Wizard."

"WHO DARES QUESTION ME?" boomed the amplified voice, as flames rose from two large basins either side of his head.

"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if those buggo eyes glowed right now," Jack muttered. Daniel grinned.

"Excuse me," he said, taking a step forward. "I'm Daniel Jackson, and these are my team-mates..."

"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SG-1," the 'Wizard' roared. "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! I KNOW ALL!"

"Why'd he ask then?" grumbled Daniel as he took a step back.

"Yeah?" goaded Jack. "How many fingers and I holding up?" he asked, putting his hands behind his back. Teal'c looked behind Jack's back and raised and eyebrow. Jack was clearly giving the Wizard the finger.

"I WILL NOT STAND THIS IMPUDENCE! SILENCE!!!"

The guards standing at the door were shaking in their boots. They shrunk into their boots as the gigantic head turned towards them.

"BE GONE!" he yelled to the frightened guards. "I WILL DEAL WITH THE STRANGERS!!!"

The guards bowed and practically ran from the room. The great doors slammed shut and the Wizard began to laugh, his voice bouncing off the high walls. The mechanical head revolved loudly, to reveal a man sitting on the inside of the great structure.

Jack swore.

"Maybourne?"

Ha ha! Got you again!