Here's chapter 4, dears!

"Dammit," she muttered, crumpling yet another paper in a ball and tossing it into the trash bin.

One year.

One year she'd been trapped in the parallel universe.

She was sitting in her office, at her desk, at 2 AM on a Saturday. She propped her elbows on her desktop and placed her face in her palms, rubbing her face, trying to wake herself up. "Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit." She continued, talking to herself.

She did that a lot these days. After a few seconds of stillness, she took a deep breath and stood up from her comfortable chair – too comfortable for 2 AM. She made her way out of her bright office into the dimly lit hall, to the staff room. She flicked the switch and blinked at the sudden light. She took yet another moment before moving to the coffee machine and starting it up.

She'd made a whole pot of coffee no more than an hour ago, but she supposed that in the small hours of the morning that was acceptable. She stayed on her feet while the machine did its magic, fearing that if she sat in the comfortable couches of the staff room she'd fall asleep.

She tried to think of anything but The Doctor, anything but the TARDIS, anything but his laugh, his smile. Anything but the way he said her name, anything but the feel of her hands in his, their fingers tangled together. She couldn't afford to think about how desperate she was to see him again, that she would do anything, give anything to be with him again.

The beep of the coffee machine drew her from her thoughts and she poured herself the largest mug of coffee she could find, not putting anything in it. She just wanted the caffeine at this point. She wished she could just take the whole pot back to her office with her, but then it would go cold, she rationalized. She wouldn't want cold coffee; she'd never liked cold coffee.

She took a sip of her coffee and hummed contently and with a sigh she walked back to her office. She put her mug on her desk and plopped into her seat, grabbing yet another research paper on the possibility of getting between dimensions.

Four months ago – four months and thirteen days ago, actually – the heads of the Technological Development, the Astrophysics Department and of the Interdimensional Physics departments had spoken to her about the creation of a device that would break through the walls locking her (well, they hadn't been speaking about her in particular, but that's how she heard it) into this universe.

A dimension canon, they'd called it.

She'd written her own paper on the topic – being in the Department of Alien Communications and Research meant she'd researched extensively on space travel done my many different kinds of species across this universe. She'd worked with physicist upon astrophysicist to contemplate the possibility of using alien technology of dematerialization to leave the dimension, and there had been many proposals worked out by several members of Torchwood.

The work had to be kept top secret, of course. They couldn't have people knowing what alien technology they had available to them on earth, or that they were working on interdimensional travel.

So when experts in black holes and gravitational space corridors were brought in, they were sworn to secrecy and not permitted to work anywhere outside of Torchwood, where all research was supervised. She knew this firsthand – all her own research had bee supervised and it had taken her two months to get used to being checked for any papers or research on her person every time she left Torchwood.

So now here she was, sitting at her office at 2 AM on a Saturday night…or…morning…or…whatever, researching these ridiculous topics that she'd never heard of before her arrival to the parallel world. She'd never thought she'd amount to anything without her A levels, and while Torchwood had had her do compressed schooling to get them as she moved through the ranks, she still felt she'd managed to accomplish more than she'd even hoped.

At one hell of a price.

"Rose!"

Rose was jolted awake by the loud voice, nearly shouting her name. She sat up too quickly, confused when her head hit the headrest on her seat. "What?" She slurred. Papers fell from her desk at her sudden movement, to which she paid not attention. She looked up and saw Mickey standing in her office and Pete leaning in the doorway, both staring at her. Mickey was holding two mugs of coffee.

Pete sighed, entered the office fully and closing the door behind him. "Rose," he started quietly, "Rose, what time did you get here?" Rose felt like this was a test.

One she wasn't sure she would pass. "Um…8." She tried.

Mickey and Pete shared a glance. "It's 7:30." Pete told her, a one sided smirk on his face. He gave Mickey a hard look until Mickey took the hint. He gave her a perplexed look and an encouraging smile before leaving her office quietly.

"Rose," Pete said as he pulled a chair up to her desk and sat across from her, resting his forearms on her desk and staring intently at her. "You were here all night." It wasn't a question.

Rose didn't dignify that with an answer. She sipped her coffee and pulled yet another paper to her, set on ignoring the inquiry.

"Rose," Pete said again, obviously frustrated. "Rose if you stay here all night again I will put on you mandatory leave."

"What," Rose sputtered, nearly spitting out her coffee. "Pete, you can't be serious. I am the best researcher on this project." Desperation was seeping through her tone and her eyes as she looked at her father.

"You are." Pete agreed, "But only when you've had a good night's sleep. You're killing yourself, Rose."

Rose starred back at him, frustrated. "Pete." She checked to make sure the door was closed. "Pete, I can't be here anymore. This universe…this world isn't for me. I need to get back to h-…to my universe." She stuttered over the word. She knew Pete knew what she'd been about to say. He knew how she felt about this universe, about being without The Doctor.

Pete's eyes softened. "I know. I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel, but I know how hard a time you're having. And we're trying to help, your mother and I, we really are. We just don't know what to do anymore."

"I know. I'm doing the best I can." Rose told him, begging him to understand. She rubbed her face, much like she'd done at 2AM, but not for the same reason. She needed him to understand her loneliness, her frustration, her heartbreak. She started the stress, to panic. Her hands started to shake.

Pete noticed. He started to stand watching her with wide eyes. "Rose, are you alright?"

"Shit." Rose muttered. "Are the blinds closed?" she asked her father quietly. He glanced at them briefly and nodded, his motions quick and nervous. Rose sighed in relief, still shaking. "I'm really sorry about what's going to happen."

Her gaze lifted upwards and Pete stumbled back when he saw her eyes glowing gold and the rest of her body following suit. Words that came from no one but sounded suspiciously like Rose rang out in the room, quietly and double toned.

I can see all that was, all that is, all that ever could be.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Rose told her father in a hushed tone.

Pete had ambushed Rose at the door as soon as she'd arrived for Sunday dinner. He'd dragged her into his office, out of Jackie's earshot, with a tight smile at his wife and a short explanation of, "it's a work thing. Won't take a minute." To which she'd muttered something about leaving work at the office to spend some quality time with family.

"You were glowing." Pete's voice was equally hushed, though much harsher than Rose's. His eyes shone with worry, and Rose felt bad, making him worry like that, but she stood her ground.

"It's no big deal," she insisted.

"No big deal?" Pete repeated. His eyebrows shot up so high they could have been a part of his very short hair. "Rose, there was a voice…"

"It's no big deal." Rose confirmed, watched as her father began to pace around the dim office. "It's happened before, and it passes. It's not like it lasts very long, or hurts me, or hurts anyone around me."

"It's happened before." He was just repeating everything she was saying now, it seemed. "Rose, what would happen if someone saw you? You were gold, your eyes were gold, and a voice that sounded like you but wasn't you came out of nowhere."

Rose sighed. "The first couple times it happened, I had no idea what was going on. I thought exactly what you just said, and I was scared of being taken for experiments. Torchwood might be better here but it's still not perfect. But now I know when to expect it, and I can hide until it passes."

"What is it?" Pete demanded.

Rose's face hardened. "It's Bad Wolf. I'm Bad Wolf. I created myself to save the universe and to save The Doctor."

Pete made his way behind his desk and sat in the leather chair, leaning forward to cross his arms on the large mahogany desk. "Tell me everything."

Just as Rose opened her mouth to speak (she hadn't decided whether to actually explain what she remembered or to tell him once again that it was not big deal), Jackie's voice echoed through the walls.

"This is not what I'd consider spending quality time as a family," She called to them. Rose could hear plates being set down much to harshly.

She gave a sigh of relief and annoyance. "We'd better go before she breaks one of the plates." Pete opened his mouth, about to protest, she assumed. She raised her hand and shook her head. "I'll explain another time."

Pete continued to stare at her, deciding whether or not to protest, and then tapped the desk with his palms in defeat. He stood, saying nothing, and he and Rose made their way down to the dining room.

Tony was already sitting in his high chair, a bowl of…something… in front of him, smearing it on his face cheerfully, eating very little. Jackie fussed over him, "Tony, come on then, eat your food." She looked up to her daughter and husband. "It's about time. Grab a plate and serve yourselves." She said, sitting down at her usual place at the table with a plate that already contained her meal.

"Sorry mum," Rose muttered, taking the plate and heading to the kitchen.

Jackie's eyes softened. "Always at work, the pair of you." She said with a small smile.

Dinner was a quiet affair, except for Tony, who was bubbling out incomprehensible sounds and still smearing his food on any and all surfaces within his reach. Jackie questioned them about work, to which Rose and Pete gave monosyllabic answers. When they'd finished eating, the father and daughter pair gathered up the dishes and moved to the kitchen to clean them.

Pete said nothing the whole time, still shooting Rose suspicious glances every once in a while. They washed the dishes in tense silence.

Once they'd finished, Rose patted her hands dry on her pants, to Jackie's displeasure, and announced that she had to head out early to continue some work that she was behind on. Jackie protested and Pete rolled his eyes at her, but they let her take off in her small Toyota.

It took only seven minutes for Rose to arrive at her own building, three minutes to get up the stairs, and twenty seconds for her to get her key in the lock and open her door. She breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the door closed behind her and removed her runners and jacket, putting them both in the closet. She stretched briefly and then moved to the couch, sitting down with a huff. She rested her elbow on the armrest and her chin on her fist and looked out the window.

She didn't really have to work – she couldn't work, considering how she couldn't bring any of her research home with her. But she couldn't spend another second with her mum jabbering on, her father staring at her intently, questioningly.

She sat for hours, simply staring out the window.

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