---

three.
OBSESSION

I got my head- but my head is unraveling
can't keep control- can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart, but my heart is no good
And you're the only one thats understood

I come along but I dont know where youre taking me
I shouldn't go but youre reaching back and shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky

The more I give to you, the more I die

- The Perfect Drug, Nine Inch Nails

---

And Shikamaru was sure that he was losing his mind.

It was all he could think about. He was all he could think about. Shikamaru was smart, and he knew people well- and one person he knew well was definitely himself. And he knew that he was lazy. He knew he found the world troublesome.

He knew that if he ever did care about something, that it would be important.

It was constantly on his mind. Sasuke's face was there, hovering before his eyes, when he worked with the chuunin, when he met up with Temari to confirm arrangements for the examinations with Suna, when he played a game with Neji, when he trained with the others- and as he tried to sleep, staring determinedly at the ceiling or out the window to gaze at the sky, before he eventually surrendered to the darkness and his tired body- it was always Sasuke that he saw, always Sasuke he felt pressing against his neck, Sasuke he felt scraping at his hands.

There was something wrong with him.

It had been four days since he had seen Sasuke in the depths of the forest during their harmless game of capture the flag. Five days since he went to Kakashi for help- since he waited in the field for nothing to come. Six days since the night when Sasuke fucking molested him. Seven days since their eyes met from across the room.

One week. One fucking week was all it took for him to become obsessed.

Shikamaru was mighty pissed at himself.

In the four days of Sasuke-less troublesome work and socializing and slacking, he had thought that since Sasuke had finally decided to leave him alone, his life could go back to normal- and he was very wrong. He spent days inbetween his troublesome tasks staring into shadowy corners and back-stepping to check every alley he passed by, looking over his shoulder- anyone who noticed would pass it off as the simple weariness of a careful shinobi, but Shikamaru knew, he was waiting for something- for someone. His evenings were spent with quiet meals and half-hearted conversation before trudging off to the same training field he had been six days before, to stare and wait and waste his time away waiting for something that never came.

Shikamaru was mighty pissed at Sasuke, too.

That voice at the back of his mind hadn't spoken up in four days- but Shikamaru almost felt like it's silence was smug, triumphant, like if his conscience had a face it would be decorated with a victorious I told you so smirk.

You could just nearly rape some guy, stalk him for awhile, and then vanish off the face of the Earth! You had to give him something. Anything. As long as it was something.

If he had been anyone else, he would've been worried that it was a guy he'd been molested by. But he was honest with himself. He always found all women- all women- troublesome, and the only reason why Ino divulged her gossip to him was- okay, part of it was because Ino would gossip with anything, but the other part was because he actually agreed with her (to a certain degree) whenever she went on and on of how Naruto was sometimes annoyingly endearing, how Lee was sweet- if melodramatic, how Neji's hair was more perfect than many of their own, how Sasuke was just so damn good-looking. So he was gay. He wasn't surprised.

So Sasuke was gay. He wasn't surprised either. The guy had girls falling all over him and wouldn't bat an eyelid. He was obsessed with a man- okay, admittedly for other reasons- but the only person he'd ever let remotely close to him was Naruto, in their bizarre love-hate friendship-rivalry and heated competition. Apart from Shikamaru himself, of course…

Such went his train of thought, followed swiftly by Kuso! What the hell are you thinking?

He needed help. He needed advice. Who could he go to? He wasn't about to go to Kakashi, a fat lot of help that did last time. Naruto was out of the question. Neji would know too much. Chouji wouldn't know what he was talking about. He silently cursed Asuma (and only realized later that may have been one of the few times he thought of the man without falling into depression), and went towards his only remaining option.

---

"Can I talk to you?"

Ino blinked. She looked up from the flowers she was caring for, having helped out her family at the shop today, making sure that it was, infact, Shikamaru that stood before her. And it was the same old Shikamaru- he looked uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed… but something must be wrong. Shikamaru never asked to talk to anyone. Half of the time when Ino went to talk to him he'd listen for awhile and drift off into sleep grumbling about troublesome women and their troublesome talk.

Shikamaru knew what Ino was thinking, and sighed. He didn't have time for this. How troublesome… "Can I or not?"

"Sure, Shikamaru," she replied, adjusting the blossoms slightly. And in the silence that followed, she turned towards him and quirked her eyebrow questioningly. Well, talk already! Stupid Shikamaru.

Shikamaru frowned. He wasn't about to talk about it here. In public. In a flower shop. He'd hoped they could go to the roof of one of the nearby buildings or something. "It's… ah…"

Ino tapped her foot, clearly losing her patience.

And Shikamaru sighed in mock defeat, knowing there was just one way to hold her interest now. "It's… this girl."

Her eyes widened and he swore he could see them shining, almost see the excitement starting to coil up in her body ready to explode, and sure enough not five minutes later they were at one of Shikamaru's favourite hang-outs for cloudwatching, Ino having miraculously managed to dodge shop duty for a substantial ammount of time ("Anything for a friend," Ino said).

Shikamaru settled down on his usual seat- concrete that jutted from the roof, the perfect bench, within the shade and hidden from undesirable glare, staring at the sky. Ino sat down next to him and stared at him expectantly. She coughed.

Yare yare… why Ino? He sighed. How troublesome… and he paused, trying to find he right words.

Ino jabbed him in the side. "Well?"

"Alright alright, just wait a bit!" he said irritably, brushing her hand off. "You aren't to repeat this to anyone."

"Okay."

"Not anyone."

"Okay."

"Not Sakura."

"Okay."

"No one."

"Okay!"

Shikamaru tried to keep himself from grinning, and he could practically sense Ino hanging on to his every word now- he could afford to take some time to think. He had worked her up into thinking this was some pretty serious gossip (which if he told the truth, it probably was), and she wasn't going to let it go.

"So this girl…" Shikamaru began, pausing. How was he going to lie about this in a way that he could get advice that was actually helpful? "She likes me." …what? That wasn't right!

"Really? Who!?" Ino was up in Shikamaru's face- and he had to shift away and glare at her. That she took as the glare of a confused love-struck boy who had found it very difficult to come out and talk to anyone about it- oh, and that he had chosen her to talk to! Shikamaru was a fine friend after all.

"I'm not giving you any names!" he said testily. Okay. You can still salvage this. "She was following me around. A lot."

"Oh, the shy type, is she?" Ino said thoughtfully, finger on her lips in speculation. Shy girl- Hinata? She was getting over Naruto- slowly, slowly, there was no way she was going to let such a long time crush drop that quickly, and she had always thought that the Hyuuga seemed to be hanging out with Kiba more than ever anyway.

"Ino. Ino!"

It then occurred to her that there were many genin girls that she had yet to acquaint herself properly with as their senior (they were all chuunin now after all), and smiled to herself. How sweet!

"Oy, Ino!" Shikamaru waved his hand infront of the blonde's face repeatedly. One moment trying to get her to back off, the other trying to make her pay attention. If he didn't know her so well, he would've given up long ago. "Are you going to help me or am I going to have to go talk to Sakura?"

"Hey!"

"Yeah. Right. She was following me around… and I noticed after awhile. And then she stopped." Baka! You sound like a moron!

"And… the problem… is?" Ino hadn't expected that. Maybe a how do I let her down nicely question or a I need to let her know to back off a little and actually talk to me first one.

"She stopped!" He repeated. As stupid as it sounded, it kind of was the problem, after all, and the only angle he could think of tackling this from was theI'm-just-a-boy-and-I-am-very-helpless-and-frustrated-in-these-situations-with-girls, get-it? one.

"That's a problem?"

"Yes it is!"

"I thought you wanted her to stop stalking you?"

"Well- Yes- But-"

"Do you like her?"

"What!?" Oh, damn, Ino was troublesome…

Ino grinned triumphantly. "You do, don't you?"

"No!" Shikamaru practically yelled- Ino, while amused, was slightly taken aback, as Shikamaru wasn't exactly the kind to get so worked up about anything. "But you don't just kiss a guy and-"

"You kissed!?" Her voice was shrill now, and Shikamaru glared and tried to make her quieten down- okay, calm down, calm down…

"It was not a kiss," he grumbled, "It was more like being molested-"

"What!?"

"Oh shut up!" Shikamaru cried out. Why did he say that? He paused- realized just how worked up he was and that it was probably the reason he was slipping up so much, crossed his arms and sat cross-legged and refused to speak any further.

Ino blinked and jabbed him.

And Shikamaru didn't respond.

Ino jabbed him again. "Oy, Shikamaru-"

"If you're going to scream like that, I'm not telling you anything," Shikamaru replied simply, opening one eye to watch her lazily. "I'll just go tell Sakura later."

"Don't be like that, Shikamaruu!"

"Ino, I asked you for help!" he sighed, frustrated. "And I really do want help! You're my friend. Are you going to help me or not?" And that was true.

The blonde kunoichi paused. Shikamaru was her friend… she sighed thoughtfully. That was still a horrible situation to be in, to be sure.

"So what is your problem?"

Troublesome women, Shikamaru thought to himself. But he realized that, really, he understood the troublesome women more than those ever-so-troublesome men. He only looked at her and raised an eyebrow, as if to say, that IS the problem, baka.

"So she molested you," she said with a teasing air despite herself- before settling down again, "And then left you alone."

"Yeah."

"And you aren't happy with it."

"Yeah."

Ino thought that if she ever found this girl she would congratulate her for her boldness. Find the target, lock on, swoop in, swoop out- wait to be missed. Worked like a charm. "And you like her-"

"No."

"But you've been bothered by her absence for that long…"

"Yes."

"Until you were driven to ask me for help.."

"Yes."

"...even though she was already gone."

"Yes."

"…you like her, Shikamaru."

"No," Shikamaru insisted stubbornly.

Ino sighed. This wasn't quite like him- this girl must really be getting on his nerves… oh, he must really like her! She surpressed a giggle. Shikamaru could be so sweet. And he was a good kisser… it was a lucky girl, whoever she was! "Either way, I can advise you on what to do."

"What?" At last. Through all those troublesome minutes and all that troublesome arguing-

"Talk to her."

"What?" Talk to her? To Sasuke? No, Sasuke was not a her! …this wasn't making any sense!

"Talk. To. Her." She poked Shikamaru playfully in the forehead, standing up. "I have to go back down to the shop, but either way, she stalked you for that long and then left- either she likes you or she used you, and either way you need to get some talking done!"

Shikamaru blinked and stared after her. She turned around and added, with a small wink, "I don't know why you just won't admit you like her!"

"…it's not her," Shikamaru muttered finally, a defeated tone to his voice. He should've told Ino sooner, really. She was a friend. …there was no way he was giving her a name.

"What?"

"It's not a her," he clarified slowly.

"...eh?"

"…it's a guy."

Shikamaru stood up and walked past her towards the stairs as Ino merely blinked and gaped, saying pointedly as he walked past, "That'swhy."

Ino watched as Shikamaru vanished into the labyrinth of Konoha streets. A guy? Ino thought, bewildered. Shikamaru was fighting off a gay stalker? …Shikamaru was gay!? She caught herself in her surprised gasp, and paused, reconsidering, and walked clamly towards the flower shop. Not much of a surprise, she thought smugly.

---

Talk to her.

Shikamaru couldn't go up and talk to her! …him! …damnit, Ino. Even he was getting confused now.

But he couldn't go up and talk to Sasuke. What was there to say?Why the hell did you rape me, you fucking emo bastard?

And he sure as hell did not like him.

No.

…No.

---

The night was spent mostly sleepless, staring at the ceiling, flipping and turning in bed and denying and thinking and trying to work things out- at least half was spent sitting, his fingers in a circle, trying to make sense of his thoughts, and the rest in restless sleep- and spaces inbetween glancing out the window, wearily watching for a silhouette that never was there.

Kakashi flicked idly through the pages of Icha Icha Paradise Volume 8. If not for the fact that he had read it so many times before, knew most of the lines by heart- he would have never done this in public (let alone outside the Academy full of little bouncing genin-to-be)- the pictures and scenes leapt from the page, wild imagery that danced through his mind til he could almost feel the touches across his own body- not that they didn't anymore. They did. He was ued to it now.

The copy-nin watched through an amused eye as the young students mercilessly attacked their flustered sensei with countless questions and flying tackles. They were vicious things, academy students- it was impossible to fight them off without harming them. The students themselves, of course, had no such limitation. He smiled- the way he did, with his eye- it was always fun watching Iruka drown helplessly in a sea of overactive children. And sometimes even more un to watch him release the his temper and snap them back into line within a few seconds.

But he was here for other reasons. He was waiting patiently for Shikamaru.

There was maybe a week or two to go to the examinations and the chuunin (as well as the few jounin involved) were everywhere- it was an effort to set everything in advance, so they could then settle diplomatic matters and nobles without the hassle of worrying about the actual organizing of the exam itself or the exam applications. Shikamaru spent a lot of time holed up in a room rooting tiredly through paperwork (of course he spent most of that time staring out the window) but he spent just as much time running back and forth between various places, delivering messages and summons and occasionally talking with Temari to confirm some details about the Sand's participation. He was currently somewhere in the academy, probably to ask for reports about some of the genin entered this year- they had to check through everything to make sure they qualified. Students died in these trials, and it was no playing matter.

How did he know this? He had followed Shikamaru, of course. Stalked him, practically.

He had seen Shikamaru walking down from a roof with a painfully annoyed expression on his face, followed sometime after when Ino came down herself and went back to attend to the family business. Seeing Shikamaru again, he wondered to himself, just what Sasuke was thinking.

So, naturally, he followed him.

That was yesterday and Kakashi had not been able to notice anything unremarkable in the young chuunin. He was a genius in terms of logic and reasoning, anyone knew that, but Shikamaru hardly showed it in his day-to-day life. Talent shinobi-wise, however, was not completely absent, but wasn't really anything that someone like Sasuke would care about. He treated the world and the people in it with a somewhat carefree attitude, finding everything troublesome and yet not really pushing anything away. He was lazy. Enjoyed watching clouds.

At certain times Shikamaru seemed troubled by something, but Kakashi couldn't tell if he was just being annoyed at the world as he usually was.

He didn't seem to care about many things- Kakashi frowned. He wasn't sure if it was just a front.

The fact that Kakashi wasn't sure if Shikamaru was merely playing or not was a testament to Shikamaru's abilities in reading people.

It was then that it occurred to him for the first time that pondering about students and their motivations for behaviors may have been a somewhat inappropiate thing to do while reading very graphic (and very well written) porn.

"…Kakashi-sensei?"

Shikamaru blinked. The jounin looked up from his book and raised his arm in an acknolwedging salute. But Shikamaru had sworn he'd seen Kakashi hanging around the chuunin office earlier- he wasn't there when he doubled back, but he had been quite certain. The shock of silver hair that stuck out at every possible angle, mask, and the bright-orange unshamefully pornographic book he carried everywhere- unmistakable, even if for a moment.

Whatever it was, he was here now.

He managed to get the papers they were looking for, but it was alright to delay returning for a little while. He could just say he was held up- it was quite often that searching for the records took more than a few minutes.

"Are you following me around because of Sasuke?"

The question was simple, direct- and Kakashi had to say he was caught off guard. He looked up to see Shikamaru with the eyes of someone knew exactly what they just said and just what it would entail- and wordlessly he walked off to a somewhat more secluded street, and Shikamaru followed.

"Yes," Kakashi replied simply, leaning against the trunk of a nearby tree.

Shikamaru sat down on a nearby bench. Kakashi was a strange character- one of those people he couldn't read. Eccentric, unpredictable- unstable, as all jounin were. While he didn't seem to actively avoid people, he just seemed so distant, most of the time- and Kakashi got his kicks from teasing people or doing unexpected things and watching for reactions. Shikamaru wondered if this was one of those things.

Kakashi could see Shikamaru out of the corner of his eye, the younger shinobi studying him intently- Shikamaru had made no secret of his analyzing- Kakashi would notice even if it was well-disguised. There was just no hiding things from skilled ninja. Kakashi's expression was blank, as always, and he assumed that Shikamaru realized this- and he was somewhat baffled by what the chuunin would be studying, then. It was just before Shikamaru spoke that he realized he was probably just thinking and putting two and two together-

"…Because you're worried that Sasuke might be more harm that anything," Shikamaru muttered with a frown, sorting through the strands of thought in his mind. "And also… because you don't know what he sees in me."

"Hmm," Kakashi said with an unecessarily cheery tone to his voice, closing his eye in that cheerful exaggerated smile of his (there was no other way for people to tell he was smiling). Shikamaru didn't take long at all. Kakashi was impressed. "Right, Shika-kun."

Shikamaru waited, frowning lightly as he studied Kakashi's face for any hint of expression- of which it was devoid, save for the occasional movement of the eyebrow. He wondered if Kakashi was still that difficult to read without the mask on.

They both paused- and listened to the silence. Most people knew that there was an art to reading beneath the words that people said, to reading their body language and their tone of voice- but lesser known was the fact that silences could sometimes be the most telling. How long it was held, who breaks it, just the feel of the tension in the air that silence brings- intepreting silence was a great skill on it's own. And Kakashi took the quiet, expectant silence and knew that Shikamaru was simply waiting for elaboration.

If it was anyone else he might have been able to say something likeYou want me to elaborate, don't you? Just to watch the response, but he knew with Shikamaru ti was a waste of time.

"Sasuke-kun has always been notoriously… stingy, with his attention," Kakashi remarked off-handedly- watching Shikamaru carefully. "Sakura and other girls throwing themselves at him, and he didn't pay any heed- Naruto who made it his goal to beat him, and even in their friendship and rivalry Sasuke did not pay him much attention.

"With his current mental state, I was afraid that if he was showingany form of interest in anyone… it would be harmful, more than anything.

"If he was interested in you, there had to be a reason. And if I knew the reason, maybe I could tell if it was safe or not- but I'm afraid I don't see any reason, Shika-kun."

Shikamaru took it in easily- they were mostly along the lines of his thoughts, questions he had asked himself. He didn't like the way Kakashi emphasized any form of interest- it was almost as if he knew, or was prying to confirm a suspicion- but his face mantained a blank, distantly interested expression. He wasn't entirely sure why it seemed that keeping his actual reactions hidden from the jounin would be to his benefit, but it was clear that Kakashi was holding back information as well- and that was something to be noted.

"…his current mental state, Kakashi-sensei?" He allowed his brows to knit into a frown. Two possible outcomes- one, Kakashi would take it that he was reacting as any normal student would in this situation and pick out the most ambigous of all the clues he had dropped, two- the more likely- Kakashi would come to a further realization that Shikamaru was more than capable of faking his way around.

The second, of course, was what happened.

Kakashi watched the student- significantly impressed. So this is what you've always gone on about, Asuma… I've only ever seen him use his brain in board games. He straightened himself and smiled- Could that analytical nature be what Sasuke sees?- turning to leave.

"Revenge is a tragic obsession, Shika-kun," was all he said.

---

This was the last thing he needed.

Shikamaru stared through the branches and forest foliage- he had decided to go into the forest for awhile. He enjoyed watching clouds, but really he liked watching anything with that similar quality to it- he loved watching water trickling down streams, the spots of shifting light and shadow on the forest floor… there was a small waterfall he knew of, a peaceful sight, and he had come by to spend time watching the water and the shadows and listen to the roar of the river as it cascaded over the drop, splashing into the pool below. He came here, to get away from things.

There were shuriken and kunai embedded in the trees, and some of them were clearly scorched. A sweat-stained shirt lay across a rock, forgotten, removed for relief from heat and ease in training. Sasuke stood in the clearing, kunai in hand, taking deep, slow breaths, sweat trickling down his bare skin, plastering his soft black hair to his head.

As Shikamaru noted, he was very, very shirtless.

He had been watching for hours now- somehow, it was far more captivating than the clouds had ever been. The way that well-built chest heaved with every breath, the way those muscles rippled beneath the skin- the way Sasuke's movements were so fluid yet so strong, how they seemed to complement the roar of the nearby waterfall, a deadly dance of beauty and fatal grace-

Oh dear God, he was obsessed.

Talk to him. Talk to him? Damnit, Ino, he cursed inwardly, eyes tracing those well-muscled arms, He never says anything. All he does is smirk. And I never know why.

Sasuke was thin but cut, not like those bodybuilder muscles that he had seen on other fighters- he was far sleeker in build. That hair was so soft- reflecting an almost silken sheen- and those eyes. They were closed now, but he could just imagine them. Intense. Frightening. Captivating…

And it was then when Shikamaru finally noticed. Sasuke had more or less been standing still, focusing quietly, for the past few hours. It was something many ninja did- find a space, simply stand still, close their eyes and tune into their environment, honing skills of detection and shinobi's famed almost sixth sense. Sasuke's eyes were closed, and his lips- the sides of them, twitched ever slightly into a knowing smirk.

Sasuke knew he was there.

Shikamaru leapt off the tree- walked into the clearing. He tried not to think about it too much. He knew if he did, he would turn back- run. He focused only on one thought. Sasuke knew he was there. No point hiding. Might as well.

Shikamaru stood in the clearing- frozen, almost panicked- outwardly calm and uncaring, as always- not sure what to do. His brain was working, trying to formulate a plan of action, but all it could ever think of was what Ino had told him, and talking to Sasuke was useless- and the only other thing that ever appeared was Kakashi's off-handed warnings.

Sasuke straightened and turned around to face him, their eyes met, and-

Fuck this.

Shikamaru stepped quickly forward in long, delibrate strides, grabbed Sasuke by the shoulder and pushed him back- pausing just for a moment to register the amused surprise apparent on the Uchiha's face before pressing their lips together.

---

NOTES: Yeah, this took a little longer than expected. The first few days of school had lengthy investitures (in which the skits turned out to be yaoifests) and shirtless genuine Japanese taiko (not like I was complaining). To everyone who reviewed or favourited me, thanks- I hope you liked this chapter, it took awhile to write. To everyone who read this and liked it, drop a review, I'd love to hear from you!

A/N: Yepyep, on an updating spree...