My Biggest Mistake (Edward Elric)
Sometimes, I lie awake and think of you
I wonder how you're doing
Wonder if you've found someone
A man who will be there for you
Forever,
For always,
The very same way
That I've always wished I could be with you
The very same way
I know
That I could never, ever be with you
No matter how much I wish I could
No matter how much I shake my fists and curse,
No matter how much I kick and scream
Like a toddler demanding his favorite toy
It will never change a damn thing
We're still worlds away from each other
And I will never be able to see you again.
So, really, I should be happy
At the idea that you've found someone
I should be satisfied
Because your happiness is everything to me
Even if I'm not the one giving it to you
And I am happy
At least, part of me is
The other part of me, though,
That cruel, selfish part of me,
Wants you to still love me as I love you
Wants you to miss me as badly as I miss you
Wants you to never, ever move on
Just as I will never, ever move on.
But who am I kidding?
You've probably already moved on,
Just as I probably should
You've probably already found another man to love
Instead of me, who will never come back
That is, of course,
If you ever loved me in the first place
(Though something tells me you did
Because you are the only woman I know
Who was willing to wait for me all these years,
Putting up with my constant gallivanting around,
Foolishly ignoring what was right in front of me
Until it was far too late)
To be perfectly honest, I've screwed up too many times
Made far too many mistakes,
Enough, it seemed,
To last me a lifetime,
Enough to make me think
That karma finally came to collect its debt
The day I had to leave
(I didn't have a choice
I had to do it
Regardless of the cost)
Ultimately, I think,
You are the price for my sins
You are the price for my mistakes
Not being with you is what I get
For every time I've screwed up,
Every time I did something I shouldn't,
Every time I didn't do something I should,
And especially for
The biggest mistake I've ever made in my life.
No, it wasn't that night,
The night I screwed everything up
In desperation and pride
Although it was terrible,
Although it was unforgivable
Although I'm still suffering for it even now,
That wasn't my biggest mistake.
No, my biggest mistake was not telling you
Not letting you know that I love you
Not showing you how much you always meant to me
Not even truly realizing how much you always meant to me
Until it was too late
Until I had already left you behind
Until I couldn't have you anymore.
It's just like people always say,
"You never know what you have until it's gone"
It wasn't until after I left
That I realized just how important you were to me
Like an idiot, I forgot you
Until after the chance to tell you I love you had gone.
And now you will never know,
Will never know how I feel about you
And it's all my fault,
It's all my fault,
It's all my fault,
Because I never told you I love you when I had the chance
And now I will probably never have the chance
But even so, I spend every day wishing
Hoping against hope
That I get another chance, anyway,
That I get to see you again, anyway,
Even though I know
Deep down inside
That I already blew it for myself
That I will never get another chance.
A/N: So yeah, that's it. Once again, read and review! And if you want to see me do more poetry, do let me know and I'll see what I can do. Just as long as the pairings aren't too weird (I much prefer writing canon pairings).