---

nine
CHARADES

thoughts of leaving disappear
each time I see your eyes
and no matter how hard I try
to understand the reason
why we carry on this way-

and we're lost, in this masquerade

we tried to talk it over
but the words got in the way
we're lost inside this lonely game we play-

we're lost in a masquerade

This Masquerade, the Carpenters

---

So many uneventful days passed, and they were all troublesome.

Paperwork was dull and boring work, and Shikamaru returned to it with little enthusiasm. The exams were just around the corner and soon they would be running all around the village running events and dealing with troublesome hyperactive genin and high-profile guests- the chuunin wasn't sure if he'd appreciate the lapse in routine or not. It was a little less of a drag than before, Shikamaru had to admit. He had been dragged bodily into the Hokage's office, where, as predicted, Tsunade-sama proceeded to bite his head off. About four or five seconds of relief and concern followed quickly by half an hour of threats and interrogation. And then, a proposal. A break from paperwork. Kind of.

He was still working, still with paper, only this time his intelligence was being used to torture the minds of potential chuunin in the first stage of the chuunin exams. His task? To set most vile and fiendish questions every student had nightmares about.

He still had to do some sorting, of course, but it was different. He spent his days wandering from office to office, and the late afternoons he spent relaxing. He missed his games of shougi, but it could hardly be helped that he couldn't play any now, he had no one to play with- Ino would have his head, anyway. Most of the evenings that passed he spent with the other teams training, or with Chouji and Ino, or with Ino alone. It was troublesome, but Shikamaru was just starting to see those mildly entertaining dinners as less of a chore and more of a social pleasantry. Other times he would simply waste the hours away staring at the sky. Every night he would return home, a bouquet in his hand to replenish his vase, for Ino had seen fit not to let him forget what he'd done that day not long ago. He would mill around his still-empty house (his parents would not return for perhaps a month), lazing around the couch, fixing himself food, doing minimal housework- but he always returned to the solitude of his room before the clock struck eleven.

He had to be on time, of course- it wasn't polite to keep people waiting.

Always the same time every night and there was never a change in routine. Shikamaru was always on time- and sometimes he'd already be there, waiting in the darkness with a smirk on his lips, and other days when it was Shikamaru would wait, quietly, expectantly, for him to come- and he always did. There used to be a struggle, there used to be screaming, but in the end they both knew the outcome was the same and resisting the inevitable was troublesome.

Every morning was the same. Every morning Shikamaru would wake up and notice that the weight against his back was gone, that the bed was empty of anyone but him. Every morning he would fish around for where the black band had gone, sometimes reaching for the few he kept in his drawer, to tie up his bedraggled hair. Every morning he would stare at himself in the mirror through the shower walls as the cold water rained down on him, washing away the sweat and dried blood from the night before- and every morning he would take stock of the new scratches and wounds that were added to his vast collection. Every morning his bitter tears of confusion and rage would be lost to the water, but not before they stung at his wounds. Every morning he would scream in the roar of the water, every morning he would be filled with a renewed horror and deep-reaching disgust. Every morning he would take a last glance at the vase in the corner of his room- knowing what others thought it meant, and knowing what it truly did. And every morning he would pull on his clothes to hide his scars and make his way downstairs to continue his charade.

The thing was, every morning, he knew it was all an elaborate lie.

And every morning he knew- he could do this forever.

---

"So how are things going with Shikamaru-kun?"

Half-teasing, half insult- but mostly an honest question. It was how Sakura and Ino talked, was all. The blonde kunoichi stuck out her tongue childishly, hands on her hips. "None of your business, Sakura! Now did you want any flowers or not?"

"Just some. Tsunade-senpai could use with some brightening up nowadays, she seems to have so much to worry about."

"Like what?" Ino probed curiously, handing the bouquet she was holding over to Sakura, making herself comfortable in the room. It was an office space, more or less- one that Sakura had to herself. At first Ino had wondered why one would need an office when you were the apprentice to a great medic-nin- but she soon understood that it was, after all, Tsunade-sama they were talking about, and most of her paperwork was lumped on Shizune and Sakura anyway. She sat down on a chair and squinted over the papers strewn across the desk in a semi-organized fashion, trying to make out the words.

"None of yourbusiness, Ino-pig," the pink-haired kunoichi said with a grin, snatching the paper's out of Ino's sight, grinning when she caught sight of Ino pouting. They were childish, they always acted childish- it was fun. "But I was right, right?"

"About what?"

"Shikamaru. He went to talk to you the other day- and he was so nervous... was I right?"

"He gave me flowers."

"What?!"

And in the nature of all good friends, they talked on cheerfully, sneaking in insults and teasing every other sentence. Ino told her of what Shikamaru had done- the panicking, the worrying her to death, the flowers- and how sweet was it that he was so shy? How she had to track him down- and dragged him out to dinner, just to try and settle things, but they ended up having a good time- and the next day Shikamaru appeared with an awkward invitation to dinner.

"Hah! I never thought Shikamaru would be the sweet type," Sakura laughed.

"He can be really sweet," Ino insisted, "He's a nice guy, really-"

"But a lazy, lazy genius."

"I never got what you saw in Naruto!" Ino said pointedly, jabbing the other kunoichi playfully in the side.

"But it's great, Ino," Sakura said, her tone a little more serious than before- before lightening right up again. "At least you don't have to be jealous of me anymore, ne?"

But to Sakura's surprise, Ino sighed deeply and slouched forward, arms crossed on her knees, gazing downward, brows knitted in anxiety. It was awhile later before she continued. "I don't know, Sakura."

"Eh?"

Ino shook her head slowly. How was she supposed to explain this? ...I don't know!"Sometimes... it just feels like... nothing. As though..." she paused, searching for the words, "I'm not the reason why he's there."

Sakura blinked and sat down next to the blonde kunoichi, frowning slightly in turn. It didn't make sense- why would Ino have any reason to doubt Shikamaru? Was there more to this than she knew? "I don't understand, Ino."

I don't either, Sakura! "It's just that sometimes... it feels stiff. Awkward. Not like it's a date or even an actual dinner- more like something routine that he has to go through to get through the day."

"But he's Shikamaru," Sakura pointed out. "Everything's troublesome to him."

"Yes, but..." It felt different, somehow. ...But how do I explain a feeling like that?

"It has gotten better over the days, right?"

"Yes, but- it's been more like a friendship. Nothing more, really. And..." really, it felt nothing more like the usual dinners they had together, only slightly different because Chouji wasn't with them- not to mention they usually found themselves habitually ordering far too much food.And maybe that's all Shikamaru was after, in the end, Ino wondered to herself, as she had over the past few days. A friend. Someone to support him. Only... only he doesn't know how to ask.Shikamaru was a genius, but so were other people- Kakashi-sensei, Neji-kun... all of which had some problems on a social scale, and Shikamaru was no exception. They simply... thought differently. Maybe that's all it is, after all.

Ino hadn't said a word, but Sakura seemed able to read at least the nature of her concerns from her expressive blue eyes. "Do you like him, Ino?"

"You don't need to worry about him breaking my heart, Sakura," Ino said, with a small smile. "I'm not like you. You wasted so much of your time on one person alone... I'm not going to chase after something I can't have. I'll try out what comes- and eventually the right one will come along."

There was a pause, before Ino added, "I'm more worried for his heart." She sighed in an exaggerated manner, leaning back against the seat and crossing her arms behind her head. "But then I'm probably just thinking too much, ne, Sakura?" she said, with a cheerful wink.

Sakura blinked, but understood. "Thinking too much will be a first for you, Ino-pig."

"Sakura! Tsunade-senpai wants to see you-"

"Hai!" Sakura leapt upright instinctively- Ino couldn't help but be at least partially amused by it. Shizune had only just poked her head through the door and Sakura was already ready to go- training under someone like Tsunade, Ino supposed, such habits must only be necessary. "Is she in her office, Shizune?"

"Well, yes- but not now, Sakura," Shizune said, also clearly somewhat amused by Sakura's swift reaction. "Later tonight- I'll call you, but I just thought I'd let you know. We need to wait- well, more like we need tofind Kakashi-san."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Ino repeated curiously, glancing up- but it was clear that Sakura was surprised, as well.

"A mission, I think," Shizune added.

"Hai," Sakura said. "Thank you." The pink-haired kunoichi frowned inwardly- what kind of mision, and at this time of year? The chuunin exams were around the corner- she was hoping to catch at least some of them... maybe it'd be a short mission. But with Kakashi...? Was Team 7 needed again?

---

Shikamaru was used to lying, and none of this was any different.

His feet dragged along the floor and his face bore the same bored expression he always had. He yawned and stretched, slouching against the building, gazing up at the sky. It was still in the early afternoon, and he was only taking a brief break from the tiresome nature of paperwork. He saw him in the distance, returning to the village from a long day of training- and their eyes met, and he kept moving steadily forward. Shikamaru would've turned away, but for some reason, he felt like he had to face him.

Neji paused at a distance- one between strangers sharing awkward conversation, not of friends or comrades. His eyes were laden with disgust. "Meeting Ino?" he said casually, his voice perfectly level. Their postures were both stiff and rigid, and they both noticed- but to anyone else it was simply two friends talking. Nothing more.

"Just taking a break," Shikamaru shrugged dismissively. "I'm meeting her for dinner later."

"Chouji?"

"Couldn't come. S'alright. Just a dinner. "

"Must you always lie?"

Shikamaru didn't respond, and the silence stretched on.

"It must be still within you, Shikamaru," Neji said suddenly. "You must know what you're doing. Just because you're used to it... just because you're used to it doesn't make it right."

"Why would you care?" Shikamaru answered coldly. There was a slight twitch in his forehead, an annoyance in his voice. He knew he was lying- he always did. He didn't need Neji to tell him that. Not again.

"I'm not going to let you do this to your friends," Neji said quietly, eyes flashing dangerously- it sounded almost like a whispered threat. "I'm not going to let you do this to yourself."

"Then go fight Sasuke and die for all I care," Shikamaru snapped. Even Neji was somewhat taken aback by the aggressive response.

"Sasuke's hardly the problem," he replied calmly.

"Tch." Shikamaru pushed himself off the wall, turning away. "I have work to do that's not nearly as troublesome as you."

He was used to lying, he thought to himself, as he walked, not turning back to see what Neji did. This was no different.

---

I don't understand any of you.

Damn.

Kakashi was not used to not being able to read people like an open book, especially after hanging around people like Naruto and Sakura for so damn long. He didn't expect to fathom his ex-student's fascination with a random chuunin, but the fact that he couldn't understand why the chuunin seemed to allow- even encourage it... he did not like it. He was, after all, Sharingan no Kakashi, Konoha's Silver Fang, a genius among shinobi.

He went through it again, playing the memory in his mind.

"Enjoyed your visit?" he said brightly, randomly appearing in Sasuke's path not long after he left the chuunin's house. He was expecting annoyance of some form, cold ignorance, but Sasuke stopped in his tracks and replied calmly.

"Yeah," he said, with a casual shrug.

"What'd you do?" Kakashi said, not-too-subtly probing.

"Nothing much," Sasuke replied, not-too-subtly dodging.

"Where you off to now?" He sounded so casual, it was almost as thought you saw Sasuke walking around on a daily basis. "We could grab a drink. Talk. Catch up."

"Training," Sasuke answered, not-too-subtly avoiding.

"Oh come on," Kakashi pressed. "It's been so time, ne, Sasuke-kun-" and he turned around to find himself talking to a log.

At least Sasuke hadn't quite lost his sense of humour.

Kakashi couldn't solve this puzzle- it was a challenging one, that involved three (including him of course) of the greater minds in Konoha... maybe four. Kakashi liked challenges, the genius that he was- but of course, he did not like to lose.

( The fact that all this talk of how he was just incredibly childish and wanted to get his way may be true but he knew it was more a coverup for his concern and curiousity than anything. )

He went through this all now, on the way to the Hokage's office. It was not long ago when one of the messenger chuunin had appeared with summons- and it was evident that the chuunin had spent a good deal of time searching for him. Kakashi was everywhere and nowhere, nowadays more than ever. Despite the fact that he had received the summons a short time ago, Kakashi was, of course, late.

Kakashi had run into Neji on the way.

"Kakashi-sensei," Neji had greeted.

"Yo, Neji-kun," Kakashi had replied cheerfully. The Hyuuga's ability to keep their traditions was incredible- their politeness unnerved him, sometimes. Hinata downright scared him. Neji, at least, wasn't polite all of the time. It was far more natural that way- in such a ruthless world there was simply no one who could be that nice. That kind-hearted.

"Have you seen Sasuke around?"

Kakashi's single eye flashed at the question- a small smile played across Neji's lips, probably because the Hyuuga was perfectly aware of the casual tone that laced his voice- as though it was nothing but a passing remark. But Neji knew as well as Kakashi that the question was far from simple- and the silver-haired jounin couldn't help but be at least slightly amused.

"I could ask you the same thing. Did you have a good game with Shika-kun? It was rather long."

Kakashi could practically see the gears clicking into place in Neji's mind- Kakashi had known that he had played a game with Shikamaru, therefore Kakashi had followed him, and therefore had probably also seen Sasuke when he left the house in the middle of their game, since Kakashi knew enough to hint at the game's length.

"It was the first time I won," Neji replied, and Kakashi wondered if Neji could tell what he was thinking from that statement the way Kakashi read him. Neji had won, an occurrence that could be nothing, but was also troubling- and could be signs of Shikamaru's current mental state. Was he troubled? Was Sasuke doing something to him that was traumatic? He was not sure if he wanted to entertain the possibilities that popped up in his mind at the question- really, maybe he wasreading a little too much pornography. Just a little too much.

"Why are you looking for him?" While Kakashi typically delighted in poking around the great subtleties of conversation- he had no time. He was already late- he always was- but he knew that Tsunade could notbe in a good mood today.

"I need a word with him."

"Whatever it is, it won't work."

"I know."

Kakashi had at that point said that Sasuke spent most of his time training in the forest, suggesting a few of Sasuke's haunts, pointing out that a very angry Tsunade and Sakura were probably waiting for him at that moment- and Neji had turned away without another word- and Kakashi had continued on his way, without another word.

So, four. Four of Konoha's greatest minds...

How very intriguing.

---

"I need a word with you."

Neji resisted the urge to flinch with Sasuke looked at him. Those eyes... and everything behind them. The great power that lurked- the Sharingan, and the memories... the pain, the torment, the pure murderous intent and obsession for vengeance. Those eyes... what could they possibly see in Shikamaru?

It had taken him far less time than he expected to find Sasuke- he wasn't sure what Kakashi meant when the older jounin had said that Sasuke was practically letting himself be found nowadays, but now he knew. Some silence passed between them- Neji took the time to take in what he could of Sasuke. The same is before- but grown. Taller. Stronger- definitely, and he wondered just how much stronger... but Sasuke gave him a distinctive look of "I'm waiting", and it wasn't like Neji had much time to waste anyway. It was still difficult to believe that he was here at all... but Shikamaru was, he guessed, one of his better friends.

"It's about Shikamaru."

Neji saw Sasuke visibly stiffen- but only for an instant. When Sasuke spoke, the voice was familiar- only much colder, lower- more threatening, somehow darker. "Did Kakashi tell you where I was?"

"He had to hurry to meet Godaime-sama and Sakura- but he told me some, and you weren't hard to find."

The silence that followed was somewhat thoughtful, but Neji interrupted it again. He knew that he didn't have much time with the other jounin- he knew that the opportunity to talk to Sasuke would be there, and then gone. He wasn't going to waste it. "Do you know what you're doing to him?"

Sasuke gazed back calmly, and Neji found himself glancing away- the intensity of his eyes, it was just... Neji's fists clenched ever so slightly, his brow twitching in annoyance, both at his own weakness- more at Sasuke's cold, uncaring attitude. To think that he'd react a little more to the mention of someone he's had sex with for... who damn knows how many times. He gave up waiting for a response. He didn't need one. He'd say his piece and leave because his conscience railed at him for not trying- and once he did he would be free from the guilt and he could return and be free of this nonsense. He didn't like being used- not like how the branch family was so abused by the head family... separated by such an arbitrary line. He didn't like seeing others be used, either.

"I think he's losing his mind," Neji said simply- he waited, only briefly, for a reply, but Sasuke still stared back at him in an unbroken silence.

"He lives a lie every day simply because he can't stand up to you. Every day for him is a waking dream- every morning when he wakes up, a nightmare- for I can imagine he awakes painfully aware of what he's doing, what he's done, but forces himself to do it anyway. Denial is a comfortable place to be. And it's all because of you.

"Why are you doing this to him? Toying with him? Playing with him? I'd say you were using him- but to what purpose, to what ends? Is this just a sick game- where you're simply watching his reaction, for your own amusement?" Sasuke didn't reply- he never did, and although Neji waited now and then, the silence and look of neutrality- that lack of caring only annoyed Neji more, and caused him to ramble on, almost.

"I don't even know why he won't just stand up to you. But he's using people, to- but only half-realizing it. He's using people to escape you, to distract himself from his cruel reality- only to have it shoved back in his face whenever you... he's miserable, Sasuke. You've made him miserable."

The silence was expectant, and it stretched for far longer.

"Is that all?"

Neji was entirely taken aback. Could he not even attempt to act like he felt some form of remorse, some form of regret- was at least aware of the consequences of his actions? It was a while later when all he managed to do was nod dumbly.

"Good."

Sasuke turned and vanished into the forest without another word- leaving a shocked, confused and angry Hyuuga behind. This Sasuke... he had always thought he was arrogant, self-important, but still a respectful shinobi. But now... What on Earth have you gotten yourself into, Shikamaru?

---

Shikamaru stared quietly at the piece in his hand.

The house was always full of life and noise that he had always run from, saying nothing more but a few obligatory words to his parents before returning to the refuge of his room for the comfort of silence solitude. Somehow, now, sharp afternoon lights playing across polished wood, the shadows seemed darker, the contrasts stronger- the corners quieter, the house emptier.

Words still echoed around the place from what felt like so long before, accusing whispers and narrowed eyes- he resisted the urge to flinch and shy from them as they flew past. Everything that the Hyuuga had said-

The bastard had no right to say anything- he doesn't know anything. He was-

He was right.

Every word had stabbed at him like cold steel- and each hit deeper simply because they rang true. He had been hiding. Always hiding. Using his panic and anger as an excuse to hide behind- even as he might've hurt his friends, when he tried to shove everything towards Ino, all he did was flee.

And Shikamaru knew that if Neji had not come, he would've continued pretending, continued running- to have built up layer after layer of lies and deceit to make sure no one expected that Ino was nothing more than a distraction, that something was eating away at his very soul each day- and when the day came when it all came tumbling down, even then he would flee, even then avoid the blame. It was... it was the way he acted. The way he was. A coward.

Your nature is not an excuse.

He could practically hear Neji- and he knew that that was what the Hyuuga would've said, and he also knew that it was true. Neji had resigned himself to fate, the curse of the grand legacy that was the Hyuuga. That he would forever be a caged bird. Even now his fatalistic beliefs were hard to shake- but he had finally learned at the hands of defeat that fate was a chosen path, and a destiny was one's own to make. That you could not blame nature for making you the way you were- for even if nature did, it is in your power to change it. To resign to the helplessness of one's own life would be to experience the freedom of the clouds- a false freedom, for they were trapped within the sky, forever following the current of the wind with no will to choose their own path. To refuse to make use of the... of the blessing of free will... was nothing more than sloth.

Dear God, he was pathetic.

But it didn't matter. Neji or no Neji, he went through this same thought process every night. Went through the same overwhelming guilt and self-hatred and disgust, only to abandon it the moment he saw those eyes.

Those eyes, he realizes. Since that night that felt so long ago now- the night he had seen them bleed, turn blood red... the Sharingan. And it's hypnotic abilities. Could it be that... maybe that was why? Maybe Sasuke was simply literally fucking with his mind- that that was why he felt such overwhelming hate for it, yet he craved it- almost needed it? And even as the answer gained some form of lodging in his mind, as it fed the anger that he already felt for Sasuke- he knew that it couldn't be the answer. Simply because... simply because it was too simple.There had to be more.

There had to be.

But every night it was the same struggle, and every night the same outcome- and he had more or less resigned himself to it. He glanced at the clock- it was already fifty minutes past ten. He slips the pawn into a drawer in the living room- because ever since that day he somehow hadn't been able to keep his shougi set properly. He made his way up the wooden stairs, and hesitated with his hand on the doorknob, as he always did, before pushing open the door- as he always did. He already saw the figure in the darkness but clicks the door shut behind him first, and makes a slow task out of closing the curtains to his windows, which were always blowing defiantly in some late-night breeze- a deliberate sign of the other's method of entry. Because, Shikamaru knew, even if he closed the windows there would be no stopping him from coming in each night- but the point was, he always opened the windows, before he left in the morning.

It may be part of his daily troublesome routine- but this- this was always different. And this- this... it was what he looked forward to. The familiar sensation of slender fingers working at his vest, the familiar shudder as he feels a lick against his ear- and he looks into those eyes, and notices, that tonight, they were dark.

He hated the way he craved that touch, hated the way he needed that soft yet savage caress- he hated it, all of it, and yet...

If only you would just leave, Shikamaru thought- closing his eyes and groaning lightly as pale hands travelled around his now bare chest, pushing him forcefully back. Then I could just forget about you... but... But. But so many things... and most of all... Right now... stay with me.

---

A/N: This chapter feels so... disjointed?

I'm quite happy with it- happy with certain parts of it, at least, and not so much with others. I'm glad I managed to up it by today, anyway, it was taking a little longer than I expected... see, the Chinese New Year holidays are coming up soon over here (and a good year to all who celebrate it), and I was hoping to finish this up before then so that I could enjoy it properly and finish up one or two chapters within it's span.

Thank you so much for your reviews, and there seems to be quite abit of a splosion over on chapter 8, but I don't mind. If I haven't replied to yet, I'm sorry, I've been busy with work and writing and all- feel free to jab me forcibly with a stick until I do. Sadly I can't reply to anonymous reviews. Darn it, Anon, you should get yourself an email.

I've re-done my profile, sorta. Now it actually has stuff on it of vague relevance. Yay!

Enough rambling. Thank you again for reading, drop me a message/review/email, and I'll be sure to get back to you (feedback is 3). On towards the next chapter- and poor Shika. I'm sure more than a few of us know all too well how easy it is to fall into the trap of denial and guilt.