---

fourteen
WORDS

see I'm all about them words
over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
more words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive

you and I, you and I
not so little you and I anymore
and with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now

well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of, finally
well I'm almost finally, finally,
finally out of words

You and I Both, Jason Mraz

---

Shikamaru awoke as the epitome of self-loathing.

He didn't understand it. Sasuke had done all that to him, and he had let the bastard do it. And then Sasuke had lied to him- let him believe for a moment that Sasuke might've cared, and Shikamaru still didn't understand why but somehow it comforted him. Confused, when he had finally decided that it was time to confront Sasuke- the Uchiha had reverted to his normal behaviour. And even though he tried to protest, he couldn't.

There were so many things to say, but there were no words. Too many questions, but not a single answer.

This had consumed his life- and it was all his life had consisted of for the past… week. He had to get this over with. He had to move on with his life.

…but somehow, he couldn't.

…Who are you? He thought, pulling himself upright to sit at the edge of the bed.

Shikamaru knew the answer- Uchiha Sasuke. But all that was- was a name. Just who was he? Even before Sasuke practically vanished from the village for years, Shikamaru knew little of the enigmatic genius. And now, he didn't understand anything. His motives. His thoughts. His… feelings. And normally they would've been bothersome and he could just turn away- but now they directly involved Shikamaru himself.

What are you thinking? Shikamaru flicked hair away from his face and rubbed at his eyes, feeling around blearily for the black band that he knew wasn't there. What are you doing?

Shikamaru was supposed to be a genius and all, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what possible motive Sasuke might have for him. He was just a lazy, underachieving slacker- what interest was he to the great Uchiha Sasuke? The guy had to have some kind of grand, overarching plot… but what?

Where were you? He made his way down the corridor to the bathroom down the hall, tossing his clothes to the floor before stepping into the shower.

As much as he hated to admit it- Shikamaru had to know. Sasuke had vanished for five days- had returned a different person, and then reverted to normal. Okay, so Shikamaru kept on insisting that Sasuke had lied and was just a manipulative bastard- but part of him couldn't help but remember the way it felt, held in those arms- it felt genuine. It felt true. Shikamaru was a brilliant liar, and it took one to know one- and it didn't feel like he was lying. Then, logically- something happened to him, wherever he was. …What?

Why? Tossing a towel around his shoulders, he made his way back to his room, pulling his clothes back on.

Why what? Why everything.

He sat back down heavily at the edge of the bed, head in his hands- a dull headache throbbed in his temple. Damn it, Sasuke, he thought- his gaze wandered over to his window, the curtains drawn to one side. It was closed. Instinctively he reached out to open it- it was kind of stuffy in his room, anyway- but he stopped.

Someone had almost instantaneously appeared, apparently climbing up the side of his house, perched precariously on the windowsill, knocking politely on the glass windowpanes.

Shikamaru stared in disbelief for a few moments, then opened the window.

"…Kakashi-sensei?"

---

Normally Neji wouldn't be caught dead in a flower shop, but he's visited so often lately he doesn't bother now.

Normally, Neji was also rather patient. Now, however, was different. It was almost evening. "Ino!" he called out.

"A girl needs to get ready, stop hurrying me!"

Neji twitched. What Shikamaru said was true- Ino could really be very high pitched when she was screaming… What would you call her? He thought, and chuckled to himself. Troublesome. Of course.

Perhaps Shikamaru breaking up with her came as a bit of a shock to the kunoichi, but luckily Neji was there to explain things before she could explode- as she inevitably would have, the jounin was sure. But they understood now, and he needed her to come along, anyway. They were both Shikamaru's friends. Now more than ever… he needed them.

Hinata had made him realize this, whether she knew it or not. He made a mental note to thank her again- and to pay more attention to her. He had many things to teach her… but many more to learn. He knew how to be a shinobi. She knew how to be a person. Neji… Neji needed help in that area.

He wasn't sure if they would help at all. They only had so much to offer. Ino's forgiveness, and listening ears… perhaps that would be enough. And an apology on Neji's part, for being so… harsh. It might lift a weight off his shoulders. They knew nothing of the matter at hand- practically all of their knowledge on the matter was pure speculation. He wasn't sure if Shikamaru would even accept their help. Or what they would do. Really, both he and Shikamaru were completely useless when it came to such things… meaning the main driver would be Ino.

Ino in charge of anything couldn't be good.

"Alright, lets go!"

Neji turned around- but Ino walked right past him onto the road. "Are you coming, Neji!?" She called back.

The Hyuuga blinked. Neji walked calmly onto the road and followed after her. We're coming, Shikamaru, he thought. You're not alone.

---

Kakashi climbed nonchalantly through the window and into Shikamaru's bedroom, like it was the most normal thing in the world. With a quick glance, his one eye took it all in- it was after all, part of being a shinobi, to be able to take in the surroundings.

Most of the objects in the room were organized in untidy, conveniently placed stacks, and the rest of it was a mess- what one would expect of Shikamaru. The bedsheets were untidily strewn across the bed, but then again the boy had probably woken up not long before- there were small hints of bloodstains on them and on some of the walls, and Kakashi had no doubt about where they were from, judging by the pale layered scars he could see on the chuunin's skin. He could smell it, too, the blood, exceptional as his sense of smell was- and he could also smell many things. Blood. Sweat. The last, lingering traces of the scent of flowers- from the empty vase that stood abandoned in the corner. And Sasuke.

He could smell him everywhere. A lot of it, from the bed. Most of it, on Shikamaru.

The chuunin stared at him incredulously, and he beamed in return, waving cheerily- and it was a few moments before Shikamaru sat himself back down on his bed with an annoyed groan.

"Why the hell are you here, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Hm," Kakashi said thoughtfully. He could see the chuunin roll his eyes.

It was a good question, though. Kakashi himself wasn't too sure. Only that since the night before, since Kakashi had confirmed the nature of Sasuke's bizarre obsession with Shikamaru and their apparently intricately complex relations, something had nagged in the back of his mind. And, really- Shikamaru needed to know it.

"You look cute with your hair down, Shika-kun," Kakashi pointed out off-handedly.

"Tch." Shikamaru reached at the drawer with his hair bands, pulling one out and tying his hair up untidily- he looked like he was about to press his question, so Kakashi interjected.

"Sasuke seems to think so too."

Kakashi watched as Shikamaru stiffened visibly- he was so tense, really, the jounin thought. "What do you want?" Shikamaru said irritably.

"I just thought you'd want to know a bit more," Kakashi said casually. That should be enough to interest the boy- if Kakashi knew anything about Shikamaru, he would've been obsessing over Sasuke and just why he was doing this. Kakashi doubted he knew more about it than Shikamaru did- but that didn't mean he couldn't lie.

Besides, there was something he knew that he was quite sure that Shikamaru didn't. And, well- he hated to admit it, but Kakashi was-

"You're worried, aren't you?"

…worried. Yes. Kakashi tensed slightly- much less visibly than Shikamaru did, but the chuunin noticed it nonetheless, judging by that smirk. "You should know what you're getting into," the jounin said casually.

"Stop wasting my time, then," Shikamaru replied. As though you have something better to do, Kakashi thought- he knew that Shikamaru's life had more or less been consumed by this. And he couldn't blame him, really…

"Sasuke may have just made the greatest choice in his life."

"What do you mean?"

Kakashi leaned against the wall- he hadn't quite thought this through. How was he going to explain this to Shikamaru? What had happened… Kakashi still wasn't that sure. What had it been… five, six days ago?

"Well that was most troubling news, Sakura-chan."

Sakura nodded grimly, and took a sip from her drink. Kakashi watched patiently- there were always windows of opportunity, small moments in time when no one was watching, and that was when he'd actually lower his mask to eat his food. They were in a relatively quiet restaurant- the only reason they cam here was because it was far, far away from Ichiraku Ramen, or any of Naruto's favourite haunts. They were seated in the open-air area- it was far too stuffy indoors, and they couldn't help but feel uneasy with prying eyes and listening ears surrounding them. Not when such a delicate manner was at hand.

"We have to tell Naruto eventually," she said thoughtfully, lowering her cup to the table.

"Hmm." Kakashi knew she was right. They had to tell him eventually. They couldn't protect him forever… and for all they knew this was doing him more harm than good. It would be best to let Naruto decide for himself. "Eventually."

A quiet, reflective silence passed between them- they had plenty to think about. Many factors to consider. But no matter what, to Kakashi- he was already decided. There was no turning this down. But Sakura… "What shall we do then, Sakura?"

She looked up and met his gaze- and Kakashi could see the determination brimming in her eyes. "Are you kidding, Kakashi-sensei?" she said, grinning boldly. "I'm not turning down a mission. Tsunade-sama wouldn't let me even if I wanted to."

Kakashi felt pride swell up in his chest, and nodded quietly, allowing a smile to cross his features- visible only in his creased eye. Tsunade-sama would let you turn it down if you wanted to, he thought. I made sure of that. But she was right. You wouldn't want to in the first place. "Then it's decided. But it won't be easy."

"I never expected it to be," Sakura said, her tone more serious than before. "They won't be there for long… another week or so at best." She tensed ever so slightly, her muscles rigid, the grip on the cup increasing ever so slightly… Kakashi was rather observant, after all.

So you've noticed too, Sakura. Slower than he did, of course, but it was hard to rival his honed sense of smell. He knew that.

"It's a long journey," Sakura continued smoothly. "Four… three days, at best."

"Gai is coming," Kakashi said matter-of-factly. "We'll make it in two."

Sakura smiled. "That may be true, knowing Gai-sensei. Who else was assigned?"

"Only Gai and his team. Tsunade-sama did say that we can request as much backup as we want, and she'll do her best to accommodate." It wouldn't be easy. The chuunin exams were still ongoing, and ever since that attack years ago… it was preferable for as many teams as possible to stay behind.

She pink-haired kunoichi shook her head. "We'll be able to handle it."

Kakashi nodded, smiling again. She really was so different from the girl who had fainted so easily on her first real test… Tsunade had turned her into… well, a miniature Tsunade. Sakura would end up surpassing her, some day. "But… ah." A more… difficult issue. "Will Naruto come along?"

Sakura paused, uncertainty in her voice. "We… do need to tell him eventually."

"Eventually," Kakashi parroted pointedly. As difficult as it was, they couldn't just keep putting it off to an ambiguous future. They had to tell him soon. This went unspoken- but Sakura understood.

"Maybe better now than never," Sakura said quietly.

"Hmm," Kakashi agreed.

"And… Sasuke?"

"…Hn." Kakashi frowned slightly- had Sakura noticed after all? He understood, he supposed- Sakura was far more attached to this than he was (at least that's what he told himself), and it must be difficult for her. Especially when it came to Sasuke.

"It would be best to not let him know?"

Kakashi nodded in silent agreement. Sakura looked down- and he took the chance to steal a sip of tea before she spoke again. "Just imagine what he'd do, Kakashi-sensei," she said with a laugh.

"…Sakura-"

"What we've found out? That he's on his way to Konoha. That we're going to stop him before he gets here… he's after Naruto. What would Sasuke do, if he found out-"

"Sakura-"

"-That we've found Itachi?"

Sakura was alarmed- she'd probably finally realized what that listening presence she identified awhile ago to be, and she leapt upright- but Kakashi was already gone. He had upset some tables along the way, but he barely noticed- he saw the world in single-minded tunnel vision, pushing his way through the crowds and leaping off the walls, darting through dark alleyways, chasing after the flash of black he always saw just around the corner. Roof to roof, building to building- and he finally saw no more, no more trail to follow, not even a scent, and found himself face to face with the forests of the village gates.

"Damn it, Sasuke," he cursed, staring at the spot where his former student had stood just moments before.

"I always thought," Kakashi said casually, turning away from Shikamaru to gaze out the window, breaking himself out of his own reverie, "That there was only room for one person in Sasuke's life."

He didn't turn around to face him, but he could catch furrowed brows in the corner of his eye. Kakashi could practically see the turning wheels and cogs in the chuunin's mind, already working and piecing together what he knew. Kakashi smirked quietly to himself, and turned to face the window, leaning his weight on his arms, gripping the windowsill tightly. "It seems he chose you."

The jounin heard a light gasp come from behind him- and it appeared Shikamaru knew enough to understand the severity of this choice. Kakashi continued talking. "I don't think he understands just what he's done," he said, all too casually. "Either way… I'm warning you. Be careful."

Shikamaru laughed. Bitterly. A harsh bark. Kakashi still didn't turn around. "He's a heartless bastard, he'll break your heart- I've heard all of that before. I didn't need you to tell me that."

Kakashi closed his eyes. It probably won't take him long to realize if he was as smart as you said he was, Asuma. I'll give him… ten counts? …Nah. Five..

"I never intended on giving him my heart anyway," the chuunin scoffed from behind him. "Tch. I sound like someone from a book… damn Ino," he muttered under his breath.

Kakashi couldn't help a small grin at that, but waited patiently nonetheless, basking in the feel of warm sunlight against his face.Hn. Four.

"…Wait. That's not it, is it?"

Three. It's rather sunny today. Nice day for a walk, Kakashi told himself cheerily. Oh, he is rather fast. It probably took me longer to realize, myself.

"…You aren't worried about me."

Maybe I could do some reading later, looks like good light for it. Two. Or maybe it just took me longer to admit it? Kakashi mused. Really, he could've just told Shikamaru directly, but this was much more fun. And easier, on his part.

"I don't believe it."

He's got it, Kakashi thought quietly. He pulled himself up onto the windowsill, perching there. Really- he was leaving with Sakura-chan and Team Gai on the mission later that night. He wouldn't be around for quite some time, and he had to make this fact clear.One.

"You're worried I'll break his heart?"

Kakashi turned back, with his cheerful, one-eyed smile. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he said cheerfully, and leapt through the window without another word.

---

Shikamaru felt remarkably awkward.

How could he not? He was seated awkwardly on a chair, facing Neji and Ino on the couch across the table. They had come- rather expectedly- and knocked on the door. Ino had pretty much knocked the door down and demanded that Shikamaru tell them everything that happened- because they wanted to help. He was shocked, of course- but glad. But the reason why he ended up telling them everything was probably because of his past experiences- refusing Ino never ended up well.

So he told them everything.

From he first night- when their eyes met from across the room, and that was where it all began. The haunting image of Sasuke's eyes that stayed with him wherever he went- the suddenness of Sasuke's first approach.

The memory that stayed with him, unrelenting, turning from mild annoyance to a deathly obsession- the flag and the figure in the forest, the training by the waterfall, his own advances.

The denial, the flowers, the confusion- the nightly visits, the quiet rage, the disability for him to bring voice to his words, and words to his thoughts, the moment Sasuke came. Raw desire and lust and passion. The five days of near-insanity, Sasuke's unexpected return and drastic change- his return to his normal self.

And now this.

Neji drank in every word with a sort of grim understanding. Ino was… much more animated. But she listened.

Shikamaru never expected it to be so… easy. He talked about it easily- although he detached himself from it perhaps too much, but there was no way he was going to break down in front of these two. But Ino was his friend, and Neji- Neji was too. Not to mention, when he apologized for his harshness and Shikamaru forgave him, there was something the chuunin didn't say- that Neji thought so similarly to him, his words felt like they were coming from himself. But without the denial and anger to cloud his judgement. Neji was… an outer voice of reason.

Ino eventually had to leave- her parents had decided to put their foot down, as she'd been skipping her work for extensive periods of time in the past few days- mostly to try in vain to barge down Shikamaru's door, of course. She gave him a hug- a kiss on the cheek.

Shikamaru may have blushed.

"Troublesome," he muttered as he walked back from the door- to see Neji on the couch, smirking back at him. "Don't say a word."

"Of course not," Neji said calmly.

"Hn." Shikamaru sighed and collapsed on the chair.

And the silence stretched on for what seemed like an eternity. Shikamaru kept his eyes on the clock mounted on his wall. He didn't have much time until Sasuke was due back again… in fact, he should have Neji out of the house and he should be in his room within a half hour.

He had to say that even if they couldn't help, it felt like he could breathe again. Like a remarkable weight was taken from his shoulders. Like there was a chance on the horizon for all this to make sense.

Pheh. A fat chance, he scoffed at himself.

"So this relationship of yours," Neji said suddenly, breaking the silence. "Is it driven only by… desire?"

So matter-of-fact and direct. Only Neji, Shikamaru told himself. He shrugged. "Probably." Probably. He could never bring himself to say yes.

"Then what's the problem? It's… technically a win-win bargain."

"What the hell do you mean what's the problem?" Shikamaru snapped. Absurd. What kind of insensitive dickhead was he?

But Shikamaru had thought about it before. That if the relationship was driven by lust alone, there really wasn't much downside to it. They could both just get what they wanted and go on with their lives. But somehow he had let it consume his life. Somehow, Shikamaru had too many questions…

"You say you want to know… why."

The chuunin nodded.

"…Why what?"

"What do you mean why what?" What a ridiculous question. It was why… why… why everything. He couldn't quite pinpoint it, but it was why everything.

"You say you want answers," Neji said thoughtfully. "But… maybe you aren't asking the right questions."

"Wouldn't I know what questions I'm asking myself?"

"Not if you won't admit to them."

Shikamaru didn't reply- he kicked back on the chair and gazed up at the ceiling, and thought of Kakashi and how the jounin couldn't quite admit to what he was really trying to say- and relied on Shikamaru's analytical skills to get his point across. That Kakashi was afraid to admit that he cared.

Worried I'll break his heart? Pheh. It still made no sense to him at all- then again, none of this did.

Ten minutes of silence later, Neji made his way to the door. Shikamaru stood up and followed him, standing awkwardly at the door.

"Ah… look. I know this is weird and all, but…"

"I'm sorry we couldn't help you more," Neji interrupted- he was already outside of the door, his hand on the doorknob.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Thanks. You… you didn't have to."

Neji paused for a moment, as though uncertain of what to say- and then he smiled. Truly, genuinely, smiled- and for the first time Shikamaru could clearly read emotions off Neji's face. Gratitude. Concern.

"You're my friend, Shikamaru," Neji said, and he closed the door behind him.

Shikamaru stood behind the closed door for awhile, as though taking in everything that had just happened. Without so much as batting an eyelid, he walked towards the stairs that led to his bedroom. Sasuke would be arriving soon, and this time… he wasn't alone. There were always things he had to say, things he had to do, but every time- every time, he'd always stopped. Things got in the way. Fear. Awkwardness. Confusion. Hatred. Lust. Things always got in the way…

But not this time.

---

A/N: Okay, here's the deal-

I love you all! This came out much faster for a few reasons: one, inspiration attack, two, because it's shorter, and three, to make up for possible chapter 15 delay. Due to complications of family and reality, my internet access my be limited or cut off entirely for some time. I may not even have access to a computer.

Either way, I'm planning to take my time with the last chapter and make it a worthy ending, and hopefully one you won't expect, but one you'd enjoy. As I said before, I believe that the ending fits the story, though I'm afraid of how it might go down with the readers because of it's nature. I am a writer, though- and that means I write to tell a story, and I write for myself. I'm not about to change the story to please people, so I'm sorry for that, if the ending ends up not being what you expect, but I hope you can respect what I was trying to do.

Hugs to all of you who have reviewed, and a big shout out to Dolphyana, Timberfox (Welcome to xD), Split Persona, Silver-eyed, Vilde0806 and Leneypoo - all reviews are awesome, but yours really made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and helped me understand what I was doing right and where I could improve. Thank you!

(If any reader wants to contact me, my AIM is Ilkanta. Love to hear from you guys!)

Hopefully this issue doesn't turn out to be anything at all- in which case you might be able to expect our finale very, very soon. It may actually be quite short- short but powerful, so I hope. Seriously, it's incredible how far this thing has gone... it's a novel. A fanfic!novel!

Thank you all again! I'll leave you with this overdramatic textual movie trailer! Who's in it? I'M NOT TELLING D Fear the lame. xD

---

So many questions, but no-

"No."

"No?"
(he never said no before)

"I… I can't."

"Why not?"
(he never asked why before)

"…There's something I must do."

- answers,

but the answer
may be something
you've always known.

fifteen.
ANSWERS

It's about time you got some.

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