Hey everyone, Sorry for the delay in the update, but I hope that you like this chapter. I had a really hard time writing this one for some reason, but would like to thank my reviewers for giving me the motivation to get through it.

The mature rating is, in my opinion, pretty light in this chapter, though there is some discussion that may upset some people, so please be aware that this story is for mature audiences.

Feedback is always appreciated and I always look forward to reviews!

Enjoy!

Sirius could feel that Remus' legs were weak and he had to wrap an arm around his waist to keep him from crumpling back down into the leaves. He tried to not look at the bloody smears that used to be puppies as he slowly lead Remus to the path that would take them back to the grounds. As they made their way to the back side of the church Remus tried to stop their progression, shaking his head deliriously.

"I-I don't want to be seen like this…" He murmured.

"It's fine. Everyone is still in Mass." Sirius reassured him. "No one is going to see you."

Even as he reassured him, he knew that the trip back to their dorm would be more difficult than he made it out to be, as he would have to avoid the security cameras as well. The weakness in Remus' body did not help, either, as he had to hurry him down halls when the cameras pivoted away from them, half carrying Remus as he went. When he finally managed to get back to their dorm he felt confident that they had made it without being spotted. He took Remus straight to the bathroom where he leaned him over the sink.

"Rinse your mouth." He instructed gently as he cupped water up to his lips for him.

Remus did as he was told and rinsed his mouth repeatedly until the water was no longer tinged red. Sirius could still feel the shaking in the small of his back where he had his free hand resting, as Remus now supported himself on the counter. When they were done at the sink, Sirius took him over to sit where he could lean against the wall near the shower. Remus immediately sunk down to the floor.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Sirius asked carefully as he began to run the water in the tub.

"I… I had a fit. When I came to…" He stopped, his body starting to shake badly again.

"You don't remember actually doing it?" He asked cautiously, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Remus shook his head and Sirius felt that curious churning in his stomach that begged him to press for more information, but his rational side was able to point out how inappropriate it would be at a time like this. He would learn what happened, and he would explore Remus' inability to recall the incident, but it would have to wait.

Remus could only barely make out the sound of the running water, and thought he heard Sirius say something to him, but it all sounded as though it came from a great distance. His eyes were fixed on the blood smeared over his hands and arms, feeling that it marked him as what he truly was. He was vaguely aware of Sirius making his way over to him, but took no notice until he felt fingers brush over the skin under the hem of his shirt. The sensation brought him out of his reverie violently and he shoved Sirius away out of reflex.

"Relax, Rem." Sirius said quietly, not seeming surprised by Remus' reaction. "Lets get you cleaned up, okay?"

Remus was clutching tightly at his own shirt now, his heart thudding painfully in his chest. Sirius knew that Remus was modest and often seemed self conscious about this body. He'd never questioned him about it but had always been vaguely curious. He thought perhaps he was self conscious of his tattoos, but found that hard to believe, as tattoos were usually something acquired by choice. He had always meant to ask him, but was otherwise occupied by other, more tantalizing secrets.

"It's gonna be fine, Rem." He said again, trying to sooth him as he reached for his shirt again, trying to be more gentle this time.

"Don't touch me!" Remus shouted at him with an intensity that surprised Sirius.

"Remus, I'm just trying to help you. Chill out!" Sirius said, trying to stay calm, though the frustration was evident in his voice.

"I don't need your help to clean myself." Remus argued, though Sirius could see that his head seemed a little too heavy for his neck to support, and it bobbed around a little more than was normal for conversation.

"Don't give me that. You couldn't even walk back here on your own." He said, trying to keep his frustration out of his voice.

"Well I'm feeling better now." Remus ground out at him.

"You're lying. You can hardly keep your head up right now."

Sirius knew that there were times when it was best to be gentle with Remus, and times to push him. And this was definitely a time to push.

"Now stop fighting me, and let me help you." He said reaching for Remus' shirt again, though he was stopped rather quickly by a fist meeting his cheekbone, and while it had little strength behind it, it was enough to interrupt him.

Sirius felt his temper flare up and before he had the chance to think out his course of action he found himself pushing Remus face first against the tiled floor. He hadn't meant to be so rough, but he was angry. Angry that Remus was refusing to trust him after everything he'd done to prove himself. Angry that Remus seemed comfortable with Greyback touching his body, but wouldn't even let Sirius help him to clean up in a time of need. He was angry that the kiss they'd shared just the day before was still replaying in his head, but that it seemed to mean nothing at all to Remus, who had turned away from him to go to Greyback. And he was angry that thoughts of Remus now occupied every available bit of real-estate in his mind.

"Get off me!" Remus snarled against the tiles, trying to push himself up without much success, as his body was still weak.

"Just hold still!" Sirius shouted as he moved a hand to the back of Remus' head, the other hand moving to grab the back of his shirt, shoving it up under his arms.

Immediately, Sirius felt the fight drain from both the body beneath him and from his own. All the anger he'd felt instantly evaporated, leaving only that all too familiar feel of ice in his veins. He had always wanted to know what those silhouetted words tattooed across Remus' skin were, but now that they were laid out before him, he wished he could erase them from his memories.

His eyes were first drawn to the word "Monster" etched in protruding scarred tissue, written out in rough, angled letters across his shoulder blades. Littering the rest of his back he saw older and fainter lines that spelled out other words. "Killer," "Beast," "Murderer." Sirius found himself unable to stop staring, his mouth hanging open in a pathetic attempt to ask something, anything that would make what he was seeing okay.

Remus had stopped fighting. He could even feel the racing of his heart slow down, as though it no longer cared. He had tried so hard to keep Sirius from seeing him like this. When Sirius had told him that he would learn all of his secrets, the intensity of his declaration had frightened him, though he had still held onto the belief that he would have the strength to resist the dark haired teen. He didn't fight as Sirius maneuvered the shirt off of him, pushing him over to see his chest.

A queasy feeling passed over him as Sirius saw the name "FENRIR" gouged across his chest in a diagonal from his lowest rib to his opposite collarbone. Remus could see the fury suddenly bubble up into Sirius' eyes, making them look like pools of bubbling mercury.

"What is this?" Sirius asked in a low voice, watching Remus who's eyes were staring blankly at the ceiling. "Remus, what is this?" His voice had more power this time, and an edge of warning.

"I thought finding out my secrets would make you happy." Remus said vaguely.

Sirius reached a few shaky fingers out to brush over the words scarred across his chest.

"Greyback did this to you?" He said, more than asked. "Remus… why would you continue going back to him when he does this to you?" He was nearly shouting by the time he'd finished. "Why do you let him do this to you? Why didn't you tell me?" He was furious now, made even angrier by Remus' seeming disinterest.

"I let him do it because I like it." Remus said, his voice pathetically dull and void of any real interest. "I let him do it because it works."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Sirius spat out at him, still holding him pinned to the tile, though Remus showed no intention of fighting back.

"My fits… and what I did to my parents… they make it impossible for me to sleep properly." He was perfectly concealed behind his mask of apathy. He laid a hand over the letters on his chest. "When he does this to me… it distracts me. Clears my mind. It lets me sleep."

Sirius stared at him in silence for so long that Remus finally refocused his eyes onto him. The look on his face was not what he'd expected. He looked as though Remus had just told him something that made so little sense that it was physically painful. As though someone had just told him that the sun never actually set, but was going for a dip in a celestial swimming pool. It was a look of utter disbelief at the level of stupidity he'd just heard.

"Are you kidding me?" Sirius asked, sounding flabbergasted.

Remus blinked at him, shocked by his reaction. Besides Greyback, only one other person had known about this, and it had been Jona. But Jona's reaction to the news was so different. He'd been worried and extremely comforting when he'd found out. He'd drawn him up into his arms and held him, telling him that everything was going to be okay. In retrospect, and in comparison to Sirius' reaction, Remus realized how naïve Jona's comments had been.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sirius said again, raising his voice some.

Before Remus could answer properly he felt Sirius take his arm roughly and yank him to his feet. Sirius could feel that his legs were still weak, so when he pushed him toward the counter he moved in close behind him so Remus was supported with the sink counter at his front and Sirius' body pressed against his back to hold him up. Planting a hand on either side of Remus's body on the counter he peered over his shoulder at their reflection in the mirror.

"Look at yourself, Remus." He nearly growled into his ear, his eyes locked on Remus' in the reflection. "You let him do this to you? You let him abuse you like this because it helps you sleep?"

Remus looked between Sirius's face and the scars spread across his chest, and for the first time thought that maybe he was stupid. The reasoning had seemed so legitimate in his mind, and when Greyback had explained it to him it seemed so caring of him. But hearing Sirius break it down the way he had made him feel foolish.

"You hate looking at them, don't you?" Sirius said, his voice quieter this time, his breath brushing over the other boy's ear. "You're ashamed to have anyone else see them. That's why you refuse to change clothes in front of me, isn't it? Why you come in late and change when you think I'm asleep."

Remus' eyes snapped back to the slate points in the mirror, shock and embarrassment evident in his face when he realized that Sirius had been watching him change late at night.

"You were faking?" Remus began, but was cut off.

"Shut up!" Sirius snarled into his ear, effectively silencing him, only to continue in a quieter voice, though it was still edged firmly. "I have a lot of respect for you, Remus. You've been through more than most people could handle and I'd always thought that you'd come out of it with at least some semblance of rationality. But this. This is not something that's okay. Not ever. No one who cares about you would ever do this to you. Ever. Do you understand?"

Remus was quiet for a long time, staring at himself in the mirror, his thought process left a little fuzzy by the heat behind him, the feeling of Sirius' chest rising and falling against his back. He tried to remember when Fenrir had first started doing this to him, but found his memory to be nebulous.

"F-Fenrir said that if he-" his weak voice was interrupted again.

"No!" Sirius insisted. "There is no excuse for this. Nothing he has to say can make this right, Remus!" Sirius stared at the other boy's dulled eyes through the mirror for a long time before bringing a hand up to splay across his chest, over the scars that spelled out Fenrir's name and continued in a much quieter, gentler tone. "When you love someone, when you truly love someone, you don't do these things to them. You take care of them. You try to make them happy. You don't hurt them, you don't possess them, you don't control them." He watched as Remus tried to process his words, then added in an even quieter tone. "Would Jona have done something like this to you?"

Sirius knew that he had struck a well of emotion as he saw tears start to pool in his eyes and his lip start shaking dangerously.

"Come on, Rem." Sirius said gently. "Lets get you cleaned up."

Remus didn't fight him this time, simply holding onto the counter for support as Sirius removed the rest of his clothing for him. His mind was so occupied on Sirius' words that he didn't even take notice as Sirius removed his own clothes, and did not resist as Sirius set him down into the tub, only to climb in behind him. It was a tight fit, but Remus was able to fit relatively comfortably between Sirius's long legs.

They were both quiet for a long time as Sirius cleaned Remus' body thoroughly, making sure to get every smear of blood off of him. Sirius was sure now that Greyback had somehow set this up. He had been shocked further when he found that the scars were not confined to his chest and back only. They were scattered about his legs and hips as well. Not all were words. In places there were little hatch marks of scarred tissue. In other places it looked as though he were carving shapes into him, though throughout, Sirius could make out disgusting words that Greyback had used to mark Remus as something evil and guilty and filthy. He was certain that he did this to keep Remus feeling like something unworthy, something deserving of punishment. With a little effort he was able to get Remus to try and justify why, if it was only the pain that helped him sleep, Greyback had to carve such horrible words into him.

"He told me that if I remain aware of what I am, that the awareness might keep the fits under control." Remus said weakly, as though he realized how stupid it sounded.

"So what are you then? A monster? He's full of shit, Remus. You're not a monster, and only a real monster would make you want to feel that way about yourself." Sirius said, his voice still edged with disgust for what Greyback had done to him. "I just cant understand why you let him do this. I mean, you had Jona, didn't you? I thought he would have shown you what real love is supposed to be like."

"And how do you know what my relationship with him was like?" Remus asked snidely, obviously not liking the subject matter.

To Remus' surprise, Sirius actually laughed a little, though it was more of a scoff.

"Are you kidding? It's obvious by the way you talk about him that you were in love with him." He tilted his head to try and get a look at Remus' face, and saw his mouth drawn into a tight line, though his eyes looked full of uncertainty and something Sirius could only describe as longing. "Do you want to tell me about him?" He added softly.

Remus was silent for a long time, before Sirius felt his body twitch a little with a slight chuckle.

"Do you really think it would be appropriate to talk about him while I'm sitting naked in a bath with another man?" He asked with the hint of a smile in his voice.

Sirius smiled, glad to see that Remus had relaxed a little. He brought a hand up to run from Remus' forehead all the way through his hair, pulling his head back to rest on his shoulder as he did so.

"I want to hear about him." Sirius said genuinely.

"Mm." Remus hummed a little, seeming to enjoy the hand in his hair. "He was nothing like you."

Sirius felt a small pang in his chest at the comment, but knew that this wasn't about his own feelings right now.

"He was very gentle, and never showed any signs of a temper." He said, raising a brow as he turned his head just slightly to look at Sirius' face. "He smelled like violets." He leaned his head back again, staring at the ceiling, his fingers swishing around in the water slowly. "Sometimes when I would wake up I would think someone had left violets all over my bed, then I'd realize that Jona was just holding onto me, and I would always think… 'thank god it's not violets.'" Remus shook his head, snorting at himself. "Sorry. That's really stupid. I never even told him I thought that."

"Its not stupid." Sirius said, leaning his head over to rest on Remus'. "A little corny, but not stupid. He sounds like a nice guy."

"He was." Remus said solemnly. "Until…"

Sirius could feel his body begin to tense, and knew where his mind was going.

"You're innocent, Remus." Sirius reassured him quietly.

"You're so arrogant." Remus said, his temper flaring a little again. "How can you say things like that with such certainty when you don't know anything about them?"

"I know more about it than you think, Remus." Sirius said, his voice surprisingly calm in the face of Remus' argumentative tone. "I know that Greyback is 'in love' with you, and that you were in love with Jona, which would probably make him quite jealous. I know that he wants to keep you for himself and wants to make sure that none of the other boys will be brave enough to get close to you." Sirius raised his voice a little, in order to talk over Remus who was trying to argue his point. "And I know that you don't have any real memories of killing Jona, or those puppies. I also know that he is the one who gives you your medication, and so it would be extremely easy for him to slip you something that would knock you out, giving him time to do the deed and set you up to think you'd done it. Then he could swoop in and be your savior, leaving you feeling even more indebted to him."

Remus was quiet for a long time, and Sirius watched as he went between seething with anger, to wallowing in confusion.

"He… He wouldn't do that to me." Remus finally said in a weak voice.

"Remus! He carved the word "monster" into your fucking chest! What more evidence do you need?" Sirius asked, frustrated that Remus was still being so stubborn about this.

"It helps me sleep…" he argued weakly.

"So, if I can come up with a way to help you sleep that doesn't involve body mutilation, will you let me help you cut your ties with him?" Sirius asked, only barely concealing his anger.

"There isn't anything else that helps." Remus said quietly.

"How'd you sleep after you and Jona had a good romp?" Sirius asked, quirking a brow and then grinning when he saw color break out over Remus' face.

"What?" Remus tried to sit up in the tub, wanting to turn around and glare at him, though Sirius' arms had snaked around his chest, holding him close.

"If you're just looking to exhaust yourself, and distract yourself," Sirius said quietly, a hand moving up to his chin, turning his head toward him, "there are much nicer ways of going about it."

Remus felt his body going numb, just as it had when Sirius kissed him in the woods the day before. He still felt that sensation of panic, the need to get up and run, to put as much distance between himself and Sirius as he could. He had loved Jona, but when they kissed he didn't feel this way. With Jona it had been soft and comforting, with Sirius it felt as though he were going to be devoured. As though Sirius was going to truly possess everything that he was, and what scared him the most about it, was that he wanted him to.