The boys are marched into the Isis circus camp.
Kyle says, "Guys, how do we stop this? I don't think a pilgrim's key is going to be enough."
Eric replies, "Nuke 'em from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."
Stan suddenly recognizes the Pumpkin Spice Ark of Truth nearby and decides to try and distract Isis, "You can't kill all of us. Sooner or later our parents will come looking for us."
The Isis leader stops them and turns to face them, "We do not have to kill all of you. Phlegm. Convert to loving pumpkin spice or we shall kill you. It is your choice."
"Fuck you, I'm not converting," Stan replies.
"Such bravery for such a young age. You will lose it along with your head. And you, orange one?"
Kenny replies, "I like pumpkin spice, but not this much."
"Very well, there are swords to go all around. After all, 'have no unbelieving friend and kill them where ever you find them'. Set up the chopping block."
The other two Isis men walk off for the block.
The Isis leader looks over at Eric, "And you, the hump of a camel – which do you choose? Pumpkin spice or death?"
Eric answers, "You guys can burn all the pumpkin spice down and salt the Earth. Give me liberty or give me death!"
"Very well, we shall give you death."
"When I said 'death', I actually meant more liberty."
Stan continues slowly backing toward the Ark as the Isis leader talks.
"How about you?" he looks at Kyle, "Pumpkin spice or death?"
"Well, I … I like pumpkin spice, but…" Kyle trails off while thinking aloud.
"Come on, come on, it's a simple question. We don't have all night."
"Well…"
Eric comments, "Kyle, will you hurry your Jewish ass up?"
"What?!" the Isis leader bellows angrily. He rips open Kyle's coat to reveal a necklace with the symbol of the Star of David hanging off it.
"Oh, my bad," says Eric.
"JEW!" he pulls out his curved Arabian sword.
All the Isis members come running, leaving boxes of pumpkin spice products behind.
"Kill the Zionist infidel!" the Isis leader cries out.
Stan yells out, "Guys, the key! One potato, two potato!"
Kyle hands Kenny the key.
"One potato!" Kyle says.
"Two potato!" Kenny tosses the key to Eric.
Kenny leaps atop Kyle and the blade slams down at Kyle's neck, hitting Kenny's instead.
"Oh, fuck! Three potato!" Eric throws the key to Stan, missing the clutches of an Isis member.
Stan catches the key, "Four!"
The Isis leader lifts his sword back up and turns to face Stan, "What are you doing there?"
"I'm just making a few changes around here," Stan puts the key into the lock.
"Are we sure that's what we want?" the Isis leader asks as he approaches Stan.
Stan replies, "And live in a world with pumpkin spice? I'll take my chances…" he turns the key.
"NO!" the Isis leader slams the blade down, missing Stan, but hitting the Pumpkin Spice Ark of Truth, which falls over onto the back side, knocking the lid open.
The Isis leader quickly raises the sword again to strike Stan, but just as quickly a bright Heavenly white light shoots out, intensely illuminating the midnight sky. It flashes across town, striking the crystal in the rod on Kyle's house and then bouncing at an angle to the rod at Eric's house.
The whole town is lit up in white, shining into the windows of every home and business. Across town, all who are awake stop and look up at the light, transfixed by the enlightenment.
Randy stops sipping the pumpkin spice beer, "This tastes awful. I'd rather have a nice refreshing Zema."
Mr. Mackey stops scrubbing himself in a bubble bath, "Ah, this Mr. Bubbles pumpkin spice stuff really doesn't smell that good, um'kay."
Jimbo stops eating the Keebler pumpkin spice cookies while in a hunter's nest in a tree, "What the hell? Why am I eating this? It tastes like shit!" he tosses the cookies out.
Even cockroaches in the town's dump suddenly scurry away from pumpkin spice food crumbs.
"Kenny!" Kyle yells out.
Stan commands, "Eric, grab one of Kenny's arms and let's get the hell out of here!"
Stan and Eric run as fast as they can with Kyle, holding a lifeless Kenny up. Mean while all the Isis men stare up, eyes locked in a gaze upon the white light, and un-moving.
The Isis leader speaks, "It's like God himself is speaking to me… phlegm…". He suddenly blinks nervously and shakes his head. He grows angry and points his sword up at the Heavens, exclaiming loudly, "Fuck you, enlightenment! I kill you!"
Well away from the Isis circus, the boys stop to rest from carrying Kenny. The wind whips around violently.
Kyle cries out, "Oh my God! Isis killed Kenny!"
Stan yells back, "Stop that, do you smell? Stop it. Tears, that's what they like! My God how they like tears! Look, that's no way to save Kenny. Jump around. Whoop and holler!"
Eric says, "You want us to Jazzercise?"
Stan yells, "Look at me. I'm a great whooping crane. Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Come on, happiness makes them run!"
Eric then says, "Oh my God, it's Welcome to Whoop Whoop."
Kyle says, "Ah, they aren't running away from us!" he points at screaming Isis men running at them from the circus camp.
"Look!" Stan points.
A large circumference tornado touches down from the sky, sending the whole Isis circus camp and all the members tumbling in spirals, up heaving and ripping apart all in the tornado's path.
"Oh, man – not the bumper cars!" shouts Eric.
Every last piece and dismembered Isis member vanishes into the dark sky. The tornado suddenly breaks apart and dissipates, clearing the whole sky of clouds, mysteriously.
"Bitchin'!" Eric shouts.
Suddenly the Pumpkin Spice Ark of Truth hits the ground mere feet from them, coming to a rest top up. The lid falls shut and the key surprisingly remains in the lock.
"Wha…" says Kenny; they jolt their heads in Kenny's direction again after hearing him speak.
"Kenny!" Stan exclaims.
"Kenny, you're alive!" says Kyle, with tears in his eyes.
"But, I saw the sword…" Eric says confused.
Kenny loosens the ties on his orange hood and removes it, exposing his face and showing several layers of scarves wrapped around his heck. He replies nonchalantly, "I was cold."
"Thank God!" Kyle hugs Kenny and then helps him up.
Stan retrieves the mystical key from the lock and in the bright and big full moon of the night, they run back to Stan's house to continue the fake slumber party.
Kyle's voice speaks over the imagery of the four running, "We had freed ourselves of the pumpkin spice odor, and liberated our town. So, on that bright morning the next day we realized we had made a memory that would live as long as people warn other people about pumpkin spice."
-THE END-