A.N. To My 4 best friends: If you got to here I applaud you, but as I've attempted to tell all of you, you should really not read this chapter. You have been warned.
To Everyone else((- ignore that last comment)), HTRObsessed wanted me to name this chapter Friday the 13 (because this is the 13th chapter and I'm posting this on a Friday), however, that doesn't quite fit with the chapter. But Evelina darling, I hope this chapter wont be the death of you.
"Stevie!" Kasey shrieked, coming up behind her friend who was holding an orange pill bottle and looking at it rather apprehensively.
"What?" Stevie asked, confused.
Kasey gestured wildly to the bottle, and Stevie knitted her brow, even more confused.
"What?" she asked again.
"What are you doing?" Kasey was still shrieking, although not as loudly.
"Taking my medication." Stevie crossed her arms, "Like I do every morning."
"What medication?" Kasey questioned, her shrieking becoming more like squawking.
Stevie massaged her temples, "Kase, could you please speak normally? Its only nine-thirty and you're giving me a headache."
Kasey took a deep breath, "what medication Stevie."
"No one's told you? And you haven't asked until now?" Stevie snorted, "Wow, Alright. Kasey, I have a learning disability."
Kasey looked puzzled.
Stevie put the container down on the dresser, "Essentially I learn differently to what is considered 'normal'. So usually I have trouble concentrating and I need to be doing something with my hands all the time, and I speak without really thinking about it." Stevie explained.
She doesn't seem very concerned about it, Kasey thought.
"Those tablets help me concentrate. They calm me down, my thoughts don't go at a million miles an hour and I can actually hold on to a single train of thought."
"So you take them all the time?" Kasey asked carefully.
"I tend to. Except last week, I forgot on Monday. And then Zander gave me chocolate." Stevie giggled.
"Oh." Kasey murmured, realizing that Stevie's strange behavior had an explanation as simple as this was weird.
"And I went hyper off the chocolate and essentially had no self-control." Stevie continued, still giggling. "I didn't realize till Zander pointed it out in second period, but it's too late to take the tablet at that point- or I didn't really want to."
"Did you take it on Tuesday or Wednesday?" Kasey asked quietly, trying to get as much information as possible while Stevie was willing to talk.
Stevie shook her head. "I didn't want to. I like the feeling sometimes, although it means I can't concentrate very well in class."
"Do Zander, Kevin and Nelson know?"
Stevie nodded, "Kevin and Nelson were around when I first started taking them. And Zander is around on all the days when I don't take them."
Of course. Kasey thought, that would explain why they weren't the slightest bit worried by Stevie's behavior.
Kasey sat silently for a minute, trying to process the information. Stevie: calm, confident, well put together Stevie, wasn't so calm or well put together. Then again, hadn't she really known that? After the peculiar behavior of the last month, she really should have seen this coming. But she hadn't.
Stevie sighed and sat down next to Kasey, her hands clasped neatly in her lap, "I guess it comes as a bit of a shock then."
Kasey pulled herself together, "No. I mean kinda. But everything's sort of making sense now."
Stevie nodded awkwardly and chewed her lip, "Sorry." She whispered.
Kasey shook her head, "I'm Just glad I finally know."
The pair were jolted out of their conversation by a knock at the door. A muffled "Stevie? Kasey? We have to get going." Could be heard by both girls.
Stevie jumped up, grabbing her bag and opened the door, smiling brightly at her boyfriend. He pulled her towards him without a second thought and kissed her.
"Is everything ok?" Zander asked, as soon as they pulled away.
Stevie nodded, "Yep, I was just explaining to Kasey about my medication."
Zander let out a sigh of relief, "thank god that's out in the open now!"
Stevie frowned, "What do you mean?"
"I mean that it was hard not being able to explain things to Kasey." Zander replied, rubbing her back soothingly.
Stevie crossed her arms, "Why didn't you just ask me?" she frowned at Kasey. "I would have explained it to you!"
Kasey looked awkwardly at the three boys- which, she realized in hindsight, was probably the worst thing she could do.
Stevie pointed accusingly at all of them, "do you all think somethings wrong with me or something? What am I, some sort of basket case to you?"
Zander made an attempt to calm her down, "No Steves! Of course not! Sometimes we just get worried about you though."
She turned to him, "Worried?" She hissed, "Worried, Zander? About what?" she turned to them all, "oh my god. How many secret meetings do you have behind my back about me?" Stevie was fuming.
Nelson contemplated later that if this was a cartoon she would have had steam coming out of her ears.
"God Zander! I trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!" she was almost yelling, her eyes wild and hurt. Suddenly, she buried her head in her hands and whispered, "I trusted all of you. How did I not see this coming! This has been happening my whole life! I just really thought that you were all different. I guess I was wrong." She stepped away from them, taking off down the hall.
"Stevie!" Zander called after her.
"Don't you dare follow me!" She yelled over her shoulder, sending them all death glares.
"Excellent." Zander muttered after she'd left. "Now we go out to coffee with James without the one person he wants to see."
"How do you know she won't go get coffee with James?" Kasey asked quietly.
"Trust me," Zander responded, "she won't. She's mad so she won't want to talk to anyone."
"She used to disappear all the time when we were kids." Kevin said quietly.
"When she got mad." Nelson clarified.
"Really?" Kasey bit her lip, "and then what happened?"
"Eventually she would come back, really calm and keep going as if nothing had happened." Nelson shrugged, "she never gave us an explanation, and we just learnt to deal with it."
Kevin nodded, "Usually her Mom or one of her brothers would find us something to eat and put on a movie for us till she came back. No one ever talked about it."
Explaining the situation to James was awkward. He looked at them all with very familiar sad hazel eyes and sighed. "Why exactly did she leave?"
Zander started to explain what happened and James just nodded. "I know that bit, what happened to put her in a position to get mad over something so small?"
"Wouldn't we all love to know…" Nelson muttered.
James frowned, "you're her best friends. The only thing she ever talks about is you guys. How do you not know?"
"She's your sister!" Kasey protests, angrily slamming her coffee cup down on the table.
"My sister who I barley know anymore! I came home 3 weeks ago to find her heart broken over a breakup with a boy I didn't even know she was dating, the next week we all went out to lunch and she behaved like someone none of us knew, then we went to a gig where she was weird the whole time after, and now she's disappeared. I don't know anything about her anymore!" James had always been the most sensitive of the five siblings, and at this point he looked ready to cry.
Zander sighed. "Somethings bugging her and I can't work out what."
James exhaled, "tell me what's been happening."
Stevie scuffed the souls of her combat boots along the gravel under the bench she was sitting on. Her anger at her friends had subsided significantly and now she really just felt lonely. The collage grounds were almost deserted- it being ten AM on a Saturday morning, so Stevie had the dew covered lawn almost to herself.
It was ridiculous, she realized, to get angry at her friends for something so trivial. They hadn't done anything wrong and it made sense that they might be worried about her. She had just hoped that maybe she was doing a better job of hiding her pain, but apparently not.
In all of the commotion, she realized that she had forgotten to take her tablet, which usually would be a bad thing, but today being able to totally zone out seemed like a good thing. And besides, usually around this time she would feel the churning sick feeling in her stomach notifying her that the medication was taking over, and then would come the slight shaking of her hands for roughly ten minutes. The sick sensation that told her that she now had complete control was usually a welcome one. The clear thinking it brought with it, always informed her that not taking the medication was particularly dangerous for her reputation- she feared she wouldn't be able to calmly deliver an insult or defend her friends effectively without it.
A voice broke through Stevie's thoughts, "I haven't seen you around before."
Stevie looked up, taking in the girl clad in blue jeans and a purple jacket. She was pretty, and she was giving Stevie a friendly smile.
Stevie gave an awkward attempt at a smile, "I don't go here."
The girl sat down next to Stevie, "so you're sitting on our bench, looking sad and angrily kicking our rocks."
Stevie gave a small chuckle, "Pretty much."
"What are you upset about?" the girl looked concerned.
"I had a fight with my friends." Stevie sighed.
"Ahhh, so there are more imposters?" the girl asked with a smile.
Stevie giggled and nodded.
"So what are you all here for then?"
"We played the Friday night courtyard concert thingi." Stevie kicked another bit of gravel awkwardly.
The girl looked amazed, "You're part of Gravity 5?"
Stevie nodded.
"You play base, right?" the girl questioned excitedly.
Stevie nodded again.
The girl stuck her hand out, "I'm Abigail."
Stevie took her hand, "Stevie."
"You guys were amazing!" Abigail grinned.
Stevie smiled back, "thanks."
"I've never seen so many people at one of those things. Everyone kept saying this week how cool it would be to have you guys play here."
"Really?" Stevie raised an eyebrow, "People actually were looking forward to seeing us play?" she gave a little laugh, and muttered "And I here I though James was just teasing me."
"Well usually the excitement level for one of those things is minimal, people only go if they have nothing else to do. But everyone was so excited this week, and the turnout was incredible!"
"Do you usually go to the concerts?"
Abigail shook her head, "I've only been a few times before, but one of the guys who I'm… I guess kinda friends with- we all hang out in a big group, so… Anyway, he kept bragging that his sister was in this incredible band-"
Stevie cut her off excitedly, "James was bragging about me?" She grinned.
Abigail stared at her, "so you really are his little sister?"
Stevie nodded.
"Wow. Cool."
For a split second they both paused, unsure of what to say next. Abigail broke the silence with a quiet question, "so why are you mad at your friends? You all did so well last night."
Stevie bit her lip, why exactly had she been mad at them? She shrugged, "they said stupid things, I said stupid things and then I just… left."
"Oh." Abigail nodded.
"And now I'm missing coffee with my brother. At which my friends are probably telling him every stupid thing I've ever done."
"I'm sure they wouldn't do that."
Stevie let out a long breath, watching it create mist in front of her in the cold morning air. "They might. I've pushed them hard enough this time."
"Wouldn't your brother already know a lot of those things?"
Stevie shook her head. "None of my brothers have been around a lot over the past few years."
"How many brothers do you have?"
"Four. All a lot older than me. I'm the 'surprise child'. So I'm the baby by four and a half years."
"When James was talking about you it sounded like he really adored you."
Stevie sighed again, "When I was cute and innocent, maybe. But now… I'm not. And they don't seem to quite grasp that idea."
Abigail nodded, "maybe you're underestimating how much you mean to them."
Stevie bit her lip and didn't reply.
"It sounds to me like you need to talk to him." Abigail suggested quietly, and when Stevie didn't reply she continued, "I bet he won't mind if you're a bit late."
It took another few minutes of Abigail's convincing to get Stevie to go to the coffee shop. Really, Stevie did want to see James, she wanted to spend time with him this weekend- that was why she'd come. But something was still holding her back. The small slither of doubt that told her to grab her stuff from the room and catch a bus far, far away. Running away from her problems may not help, but it certainly couldn't make them any worse.
She arrived at the coffee shop in time to see James throwing away his cup and saying something with a serious face to Zander, who nodded in response.
Stevie closed her eyes, took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
She could feel her friend's eyes on her, and mentally chided herself for coming. Why hadn't she just got on that bus?
James took a step forward and wrapped her in a bear like hug, Stevie clung on to him, never wanting the feeling of safety she was getting to disappear.
"Sorry I'm late." She mumbled
"I'm just glad you're here." James said, slowly releasing her from the hug and holding her at arm's length.
"How about we do something now? Just you and me?"
Stevie nodded, the last thing she wanted was to have to explain anything to her friends. James was safe. He wouldn't question every choice she'd made over the last few weeks.
For the first time in her life, Stevie realized that those who technically are safe aren't always who you feel safe around. Her first instinct wasn't to run to Zander anymore. It was to run away from Zander. And she didn't know why.
"Stevie…" Zander said a moment later.
Stevie felt her breath catch in her throat and she took a step backwards.
She looked… terrified. Zander thought, like he had done something completely horrible to her.
He took a step forward, it couldn't end like this. It SHOULDN'T end like this.
"Don't Zander. Please, just don't."
Kasey gave Kevin and Nelson a nervous look, none of them could quite fathom the change that had come over their friend in the half an hour since they'd last seen her.
James turned back to them and gave all four a discrete nod, as if to say 'I'll watch her every move, don't worry.'
"C'mon" James wrapped an arm around his sister's shoulders and led her out of the coffee shop. "Are you alright?" he asked, as soon as they got to the parking lot, bending down to look her in the eyes.
She nodded, "I'm fine."
"Zander said you didn't feel very well." James said.
"He did?" Stevie stared at him. So her friends hadn't totally betrayed her?
James nodded, "are you feeling up to doing things today?"
Stevie gave him a tight smile, "I'll be fine."
Nelson and Kevin stood awkwardly at the door of the room they were sharing with Zander for the weekend. Zander was face down and unmoving on his bed.
"I'm sure Stevie will come around eventually." Nelson said awkwardly, breaking the silence that had enveloped the room since they had walked in fifteen minutes before.
"At least we know she's safe." Kevin added. "James won't let her do anything stupid."
"But what happens when we go back?" Zander said, finally sitting up, "I'm having more and more trouble predicting what she might do next."
Neither Kevin nor Nelson had an answer.
Zander wanted to scream. At Stevie specifically. Because she was killing him.
"Why is she doing this?" Zander yelled. "Why won't she talk to me? Why wouldn't she touch me? Why did she look so scared?"
"I don't know." Nelson said quietly, taking a seat on his bed across from Zander.
Zander buried his head in his hands, "Why do I love her even more? She drives me nuts, but I still love her."
"True love." Nelson says. "It's a connection you're going to have a lot of trouble breaking."
"She's forever screwing me over, making things so hard for herself- for me. But all I want is to see her smile. No matter what. I just want her to be happy."
Zander grabbed one of the pillows from his bed and stood up, "why did she look so scared of me? What have I done?" his voice was getting louder, "why is she doing this?"
Zander threw the pillow at the wall with as much force as he could muster. "I can't deal with this!" Zander grabbed the other pillow and threw it to.
Kevin gave Nelson a pointed look, should we stop him?
But they both figured that this was probably a better was for Zander to get his anger out than if he ended up cracking when Stevie was around.
So Kevin handed Zander another pillow.
"What are you doing?" Kasey shrieked from the door way.
"Freaking Stevie! And her freaking issues!" Zander yelled, throwing the next pillow Kevin handed him at the wall.
Kasey rushed over and grabbed Zanders hands, leading him gently back to the bed.
"This isn't the way to do this Zander." Kasey said gently.
"Why is she scared of me? Why won't she let me touch her, Kase?" he whimpered
Kasey took a deep breath, "I don't know, Zander. I wish I did, but I don't."
"The only thing I really know is that she loves you." Kasey ran a hand through her hair and Nelson and Kevin nodded in assent.
"I don't get it! Everything should be ok! Her brothers are back, James was so excited to see her, and I know that she was excited to see him- even if it wasn't very obvious." Zander rubbed his hand through his hair, not caring if he messed it up. "I always knew there was something weird happening, I knew that at some point it would affect her, I just didn't think it would affect her this much."
"Wait. You knew there was something wrong? Before any of this? How?" Kasey said.
"Stevie told me she was cutting because she was bullied. Originally that's what she told me, anyway. Then she told me it was because she was bored and lonely. The story kept changing, of course there was something else. Something she was hiding." Zander said with a sigh.
"So you talked about the cutting with her?" Kasey clarified.
Zander nodded, "only a few times. After I found her the first time we didn't talk much about it for ages- she'd stopped at that point. We haven't talked about it recently, though."
"You found her?" Kasey asked in disbelief.
Zander nodded again, "On summer camp. One day she wasn't in activities, so I went looking for her. The last place I looked was the girl's bathrooms. I don't even know why I went in there. She was crying and there was blood everywhere. I took the razor and she sobbed hysterically. I'd never really thought much before that about the scars on her wrists, but I did then. That was the last time she did it."
"I can't believe I never noticed." Kasey whispered.
"Don't feel bad." Kevin moved to comfort Kasey, "Nelson and I had no idea till the last few weeks of school that year, and we didn't have any idea how to ask her."
"What happened in her childhood to put her in this position?" Zander asked, looking at Kevin and Nelson.
Both boys shrugged. "We never really asked. Stevie's family are a bit strange at times. Her grandfather has something about her being the 'thirteenth grandchild'." Kevin said.
"She hated it." Nelson added, "It was something that she always complained about. She never wanted to see her grandfather because she didn't like the whole 'prophecy' thing."
"Well. She never said anything to me about that." Zander muttered.
"No one talks about it now." Kevin said, "The second you came in to the picture all talk of her fulfilling this prophecy thing was gone."
Zander frowned, "why me?"
Kevin shrugged. "No idea."
A moment later Kasey pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Zander. "I found this just now on the floor of our room."
Zander opened it and looked shocked.
"What?" Nelson asked.
"I wrote this letter to Stevie months ago. After we fought. She wouldn't talk to me. So I wrote her this. But it's a photocopy of the original."
"How do you know?" Kasey asked.
Zander gave her a weird look, "different paper for starters and you can see it's on an angle, it's obvious she's photocopied it."
He showed them the paper.
"You write each other love letters? That's so sweet!" Kasey exclaimed, grinning madly at Zander.
He nodded, "we started when you guys didn't know we were dating. We don't write them very often now. This one is different though. Usually their really soppy and ridiculous. But this one's dead serious. It's the only one that really matters."
"And she has copies of it! How romantic!" Kasey said with a giggle.
"We still don't know what to do." Nelson reminds them all slowly.
"I guess we wait." Zander says quietly. "She's not thinking straight. When she realizes what's happening she'll talk."
"How are you so calm?" Kasey explodes. "How are you always so calm?"
"Did you not see me ten minutes ago?" Zander retorts, "There's nothing we can do. Theres nothing much I can do. Except love her, I guess. When she comes back later and refuses to touch me, and refuses to talk to any of us, I'll still love her. When she cries hysterically over nothing, I'll still love her. And when she absolutely breaks, I'll keep loving her. Because I can't help it. And I'll know at the end that staying calm prevented her from thinking I don't."
Kasey can't help but wonder how it's possible for Zander to love Stevie so much. It's unconditional. Love like that doesn't happen very often.
"I keep reminding her that I love her because I know if I don't that she'll think I don't. I know this isn't her right now."
"It's not." Kevin agrees.
Zander nodded, "My Stevie is smart, confident, very un-dramatic and very sensible. When she comes out of this she'll go back to normal."
There's an eerie quiet in the room before Zander mutters again, "she'll go back to normal."
Kasey rubs his back, and wonders if things ever really will be normal again.
Suddenly Zanders muttering, "She'll go back to normal." Over and over again and Kasey looks in alarm at Kevin and Nelson. It's interchanged with, "My Stevie will come back."
And then he's crying and Kasey just hugs him. Kevin and Nelson joining in moments later.
But it's not a proper group hug without Stevie. It's never a proper group hug without Stevie.
TADA! I hope you enjoyed me continuing to rip their lives apart :)
There's still quite a bit of this story left (chapter wise, not in terms of the characters actual lives), so hold tight and I promise I'll continue to explain things. If you do have any questions, pleas feel free to message me or leave as many reviews as you see fit and I will answer you as directly as possible.
HTRobsessed and I are discussing a sequal (I know, this ones not even finished), but I have a lot of ideas. So if you have any ideas of what you'd like gravity 5 to be doing in 6 years, tell me!
Now, my reviewers:
Guest: Stevie and Kasey still do need to talk, I'm so not done with their friendship. That sounds like a good playlist! I'd love to make Stevie and Zander sing together, but we will see :) ((at this point in your review I know who you are I just cant think of your ff name... so message me and annoy me :) ))
ZevieFTW: I'm sorry to hear that! I hope that it gets found. The rest of the story will focus more on the band, so not to much of Stevie's brothers (except maybe James, cause I like him). I'm sorry that this took so long, this chapter was a little complicated to write, as are a lot of the future ones. Sorting out Stevie's issues is, unfortunately, extremely complicated as they don't always exist anywhere but her head.
HTRobsessed, Devils side kick, notyoursidekick: wow. I laughed so hard at all of these. I love your cover names, very creative! (I hope you see what I did there). I'm so glad to see your selling spoilers, I knew I gave them to you for a specific purpose. ((excellent reference by the way, I think I may frame it)) I'm really looking forward to your album BTW.
((send me a picture of your ukuele...))
Until next time!
Encantria 3 (I'm not going to stop doing this sidekicky!)