"Didn't it hurt, to cut your wrists like that?" Zander asked as Stevie was finishing washing the dishes later that evening.

She scoffed. "Of course it hurts. It stings and burns for hours. It's messy and there's blood everywhere and then you remember for weeks after that you weren't strong enough to stop. But there's a sense of satisfaction after, like the pain got washed away and released. No matter how bad the scars look, it would always be better than having all that pain bottled up inside you."

Zander looked… almost nervous, Stevie thought. Oh god. Had she gone and scared him?

But he took her wrists gently and ran a finger over the fresh scars thoughtfully. "Have you figured out why it didn't work this time?"

Stevie bit her lip and tried to focus on his hands. They were small in comparison to most guy's hands, but they looked so big against her own small ones. She liked the way the gaps between his fingers fitted perfectly with hers and the way he could hold both of her hands in only one of his hands. She liked the way that he held on to her and the way his touch paralyzed her.

She shook her head slowly "no." she murmured

"C'mon Steves, we both know you have some idea." Zander was starting to sound a little pushy, he was gripping Stevie's wrists tighter, looking at her with a worried expression.

Stevie watched his hands closely, the pressure hurt a bit where he touched the cuts, but for some reason the pain didn't bother her. She took a shaky breath. "No I don't."

"So tell me why you did it last time." Zander wanted to tilt her head up so she was looking at him, but doing that would be like signing his death warrant. She wouldn't look at him till she was ready.

Stevie tried to start her sentence multiple times, thinking over the way to put it perfectly, "I already told you. I couldn't cope, it felt good." She finally said evasively.

Zander wanted to say that he knew that wasn't the reason she had done it. But she wouldn't respond well to that. He sighed, moving one hand so that it was gripping her upper arm and the other to her cheek. She stiffened at the sudden change of position and he could feel her take a shallow gulp of air.

"Stevie" he whispered.

Ever so slowly, Stevie removed both of his hands from her body and took a step back, finally looking at him with large hazel eyes that looked like they could overflow with tears at any moment. She took another step away from him.

"I should go." Her voice was almost inaudible, Zander had to strain to hear the words. He had mere moments to decide a course of action.

He could either let her go and hope she would talk to him later, (that was a risk, she might twist that in her mind and convince herself he didn't care) or he could make her stay and talk (also risky- what if making her talk made her current mood worse.) lastly he could kiss her and put on another movie.

Zander turned away from her and started to put the dishes away. Stevie froze, wasn't he going to stop her?

He brought the plates over to the cupboard beside her, and as he stood back up after he put them away he picked her up and carried her back to the living room.

"Shrek or Up?" Zander asked, picking the movies of the shelf once he'd put her down on the couch.

Stevie blinked, "uh… Shrek?"

Zander nodded and once the movie was on he pulled Stevie close to him, and for a moment pretended that everything was totally normal.

"Tell me more." Zander said finally. No matter how frustrating she was, Zander couldn't live without her, so he might as well try to understand how it felt for her. He'd met other people who cut, never anyone like Stevie though. Never anyone who described it like Stevie had, and never anyone who cut deep enough that she ended up with blood all over herself. From what Zander understood, most people did such things in the bathroom, and tried to hide the scars from everyone. Stevie had never tried to hide the scars, she had turned up at camp with the lines bright and clear, wearing her scars like she wore each of her many beanies. She had only worn a few bracelets then, over time more had accumulated as she bought them or found more in her bed room (The amount of times Zander had helped her clean her room and all they had really achieved was the recovery of three or four bracelets was impossible to count).

Stevie tilted her head and chewed at her lip, "about what?"

"About anything. Everything. Something. I want to try and understand."

"It hurts." She said, shrugging nonchalantly.

Zander gave her a be serious look.

"I don't know what to tell you Zander. It hurts like hell. And I feel so stupid after. And I wonder why. Every time I wonder why I did it again. Because I promised myself over a year ago that I would never do that again, and I dragged myself back down. And I feel sick every time I think of it." She clenched her fists and shut her eyes tightly. "Is that what you wanted to hear Zander?" she looked at him with a mixture of hurt and defiance in her voice.

Zander opened and shut his mouth like a gold fish. "I just want to understand." He said finally, uncurling the balls of her fits with a fierce gentleness.

"How do I even begin to explain this to you Zander? I can't even explain it to myself." Stevie said, suddenly looking very deflated.

"You made a good start." Zander said in a murmur, "I wish I'd asked you to do this earlier."

Stevie let out a huffy breath, "It wouldn't have changed anything."

"At least I might have understood a bit better." Zander reasoned

Stevie crinkled her nose at him and put her forehead on his chest. "Let's not talk about this. K?"

Zander pretended to think, gently pushing her backwards and pining her hands above her head, and starting to tickle her ribs. Stevie made every attempt not to laugh, biting down hard on her lip and trying to squirm out of Zanders warm, gentle grip. Eventually she gave in, letting the giggles take over and enjoying the smile Zander gave her when she did.

The giggles and smiles only lasted moments after he had stopped tickling her, her pale face and forlorn expression reappearing alarmingly fast.

"Where are your bracelets?" Zander asked gently, noticing her oddly bare wrists.

She shrugged, "in my locker."

Zander frowned, "In your locker? Why did you take them off at school?"

Stevie didn't see the problem, "because they were annoying me. And they felt itchy and weird."

But even after Zander had dropped the subject and put on another movie, the question still haunted Stevie, why had she taken them off? What had possessed her to take off those bracelets? Especially the ones that she had worn every day since she had received them.

The feeling that they were creating an itch might not have been a real itch.

Each of those bracelets meant something different. They came from everywhere and everyone. All the people she cared about. Like the one Nelson had brought back from Hawaii for her when they were fourteen, it was knotted, with brightly colored flower beads creating the center of every recurrence of the chevron pattern. It was fading and the flowers had turned white instead of pastel, but it still meant the world to her. Even though Nelson had thrust it at her awkwardly when he arrived on her door step the day of his return, his Mom had explained to Stevie later that he had spent ages agonizing over which bracelet to get her, because it had to be perfect for his best friend.

And the one Georgie had gotten her for her thirteenth birthday. Having matching best friend bracelets were so in then. It was a simple circle with an S engraved on one side and forever on the other side, tied to the center of a string. It was so cheesy but it was always the cheesy stuff that meant the most to her.

It made her think, taking them off was like taking off the barrier between the cold metal and her wrist. Because she couldn't do it if she felt they were all there. Holding a shaky breath in she looked nonchalantly at Zander, trying to assess if he had realized she'd figured it out. He was watching whatever show was currently on the TV. The same show that they had been watching the afternoon before they had gone to minigolf. Whatever show it was had made them laugh, it didn't look so funny now, a young girl was yelling at a good looking boy while he looked guilty.

Stevie felt like Zander should be yelling at her like the girl was yelling at the boy, wild arms and hurt eyes. But he wasn't. He hadn't. She couldn't help but wonder why. He had every reason to hate her- she wouldn't blame him for walking out of their relationship.

He senses her watching him and turns, kissing her cheek and then her lips. Stevie responds happily, pulling herself so close to him that he's sure that there isn't a millimeter of personal space between them. Zander holds on to her tightly and wishes for all her pain to be over.

Hello Darlings! I hope this has you all geared up to read the next chapter! cause thats coming really soon (I have a lot of it written). Please tell me what you think :)

Encantria