Hey everybody I am back! I have finally decided how the story would proceed so the IchiRuki letter would have to wait. Sorry to all those who messaged me especially regarding that. But I will publish it. And guys honestly, still no RenRuki ships?! Have you lost it?! I love the pairing. And alright this may seem cliche but trust me it is not. Have patience. It will be worth it. And all my dearest ByaRuki supporters, don't get depressed by the upcoming chapters! I promise you I will not disappoint anyone. Alright, here we go. Do tell me how you liked it!

Ukitake's POV

The door slid back to reveal Unohana taichou's worried face. I was right. There was something wrong with Rukia and she hadn't bothered telling anyone anything about it. She was regular as always but with every passing day in this past month she had been growing paler and paler. She looked in need of sleep. But that wasn't it. It could have been normal stress or tiredness, the problem arose when I was informed of her constant throwing up and when she fainted at random intervals for no reason, even after practically snarfing down lunch.

When I asked her about it she dismissed it as a 'girl problem'. Of course, I couldn't have asked her anything else after that. But when she didn't seem to be getting better anytime soon, I had to ask Byakuya about whether she was eating properly at home or not, and about her sleeping routines. To my immense surprise, I found out that she had been avoiding being in his presence for the last month. She would ask for her meals to be served in her room and avoid all but the most necessary contact with him. He said he paid no mind to it, but after so many years with him I had learnt to read his unexpressed emotions off him. The anxiety that was lost on his outer demeanor was pretty obvious to me and there was a considerate amount of what I can only call discomfort when he mentioned how less he had seen of her. He was concerned about his sister. But of course, nothing could be taken granted for Kuchiki Byakuya.

I had managed to convince him to leave the matter alone for the time being, and convinced her to come on a visit to Unohana taichou with me. From then onwards, it was her job to compel the petite Shinigami to undergo a health check up, which needless to say, she managed very well.

I stood up as said woman advanced towards me. Her forehead was crinkled and her mouth drawn in a thin line. "Do you know of any romantic relationship she might be in?", she questioned without bothering with trivial conversation.

"I won't. But it is highly possible she is involved with either Kurosaki-kun or Abarai-kun. Why do you ask?"

"Ukitake, Rukia is pregnant."

Rukia's POV

I waited patiently as I lay on the comfortable bed in the check up ward of Squad 4 (that is Unohana's Squad, right? If not, I apologize). It had been half an hour since Unohana taichou left and I had absolutely nothing to do but think, and that was just what I had been telling myself to not do for so long.

It had been a whole month. I had had just about no connection to the Human World all this while. I even refused a mission, which left Ukitake taichou wondering just what in hell was wrong with me. How I wished I could have told him. How I wished I could have told anyone. But I couldn't.

It haunted my dreams every night, the thought that it was him. But at the same time I knew it wasn't Ichigo. I had no idea what the punishment was in Soul Society for rape but I couldn't get him punished for something he didn't do with his own accord. No, not him, not the one who risked his life for my sake, not the one who sparked life back into me. No, definitely not him.

I tried to say the word out loud. Rape. It still feels so foreign, like it was never meant for me.

I sighed. I had been acting incredibly suspicious these days. I hadn't had a single meal with Nii-sama after Renji left that night. I had asked my servants to bring my meals into my room. I woke up and left for work earlier than he did. I came home late so I did not have to see him, taking up extra work that was not in my stack. I had sensed him pass from in front of my room and stop briefly, only to leave. Of course, after how I pushed him away that day, he won't come back to see me.

I had been spending all my time jacked up in work. I didn't have an intelligent word to spare anyone. I was being grouchy to everybody and I won't bother smiling. I hadn't seen one smiling face except that of my Captain for three straight weeks.

Renji had been keeping busy these days. He always had some mission to go to or some pile to finish off whenever I went to him. He would shoo me off. It reminded me of our days in the Academy and the split in our friendship. I sighed. Maybe I hadn't really gotten him back. We were lost the day we entered the cursed place.

For a brief second, I let my mind wander off to a different side of this story. What would have happened had we entered the Academy in the first place? We could have grown up together, maybe even raised a family. Who knew what future would have had in store for us were that the case?

I gulped down the next of my thoughts as I heard the door open. Ukitake taichou walked in with a serious looking Unohana taichou behind him. The older woman secured the door behind them. I tried to sit up only to be motioned for by him to lay right back down. I sat up nevertheless. It never ceased to give me a better feeling about myself. I didn't really like lying down anymore.

"Kuchiki-san,", the kind looking woman began but stopped when Ukitake taichou raised a hand. I had never ever seen such a look on his face before. His eyes pierced through me, as if they could see a whole new layer of me. His jaw was set hard and his frown never ceased to exist. Being used to his warm smile alone, there was no way I could take this well.

"Are you in some kind of a relationship with anyone Rukia?"

His question surprised me. But the way his brown eyes beheld mine, they somehow managed to calm my boiling insides. I took a deep breath as I contemplated the question, wondering exactly why he would ask that. Well, was I? "No.", I said.

He took in a deep breath and even though his frown got bigger, his face wasn't set in a calculating mask anymore. He gave me a helpless look. "Just what have you gotten yourself into this time, child?"

I had no idea what he was talking about. True, trouble seemed to be following me around but I had no idea what I had done now.

"Kuchiki-san…" Unohana taichou began.

"Rukia please. And kindly forgive my interruption."

She smiled warmly. "Alright, Rukia, but if it is so, I want to ask you to put aside all formalities for now as well."

I nodded.

"Now there, Rukia, what I am about to ask might seem rather personal but since I haven't seen many of those, I need your confirmation that your case is actually what I assume. It appears so, Rukia, that you are pregnant. Have you had any intercourse with just about anyone, for I would have to inform that person of your condition?"

My eyes widened as I waited for the words to sink in. Just what… I could feel things sink out and I knew my face was losing color. My eyeballs danced about over my cornea as I tried to make sense of what she just said. I was what? I couldn't believe my ears. Wasn't it supposed to be something incredibly difficult?

Raked my brain for possible explanations for what I had been going through. I came up with none. My sickness suddenly made sense. All the vomiting, the drowsiness, the fainting, the growing hunger, the weakness.

I felt my eyes tear up. Just about why? Why me? I was at a loss for words. I heard someone call out for me and that was what broke my reverie. I blinked the tears away as I battled images after images. All the very same… no! I won't let my shields that I had taken a whole month to draw up to protect myself from the reality crumble away now. I laid a hand on my stomach. Why was it so easy to believe there was life brimming there?

It was unexpected and surprised me, but it didn't rattle me half as much as one would think. I could believe it. Hell yes, I could. I felt a smile leak through out of nowhere. Jeez, what the hell was happening?

"Rukia?", Ukitake taichou questioned.

"Yes. It is…" I stopped as I realized I couldn't tell them who the father was. No way could I do that without revealing what had actually happened. I had no idea how I should be reacting in the first place.

"It is?"

"I cannot tell you."

"I am sorry to hear that. Then I would expect you will inform him of the same yourself?"

I hesitated. Could I? No, that was beyond the point. The thing was, did I want to? I could raise the child alone. I didn't need his help. He would never have to know.

"Whoever he is, has a right to know as well, Rukia. And we are here to inform him in case you are feeling uncomfortable."

"It is Ichigo. Will you please tell him?"

Captain nodded and I breathed a sigh of relief but the moment wasn't to last long.

"And what about Byakuya? Do you want me to speak to him as well?"

Oh shit.

Till this point I hadn't even considered my brother, who clearly won't be impressed by this news, no matter how you look at it. I couldn't face him with it. After all that he had said, this would be an act of betrayal. Hell, I should have rejected him when I had the chance.

But the thing was, every time I thought of it, a dull ache entered my chest. I did not want to and I had no idea why.

Hell, I hadn't considered anything. Nii-sama, Renji, the Elders, Soul Society, my life as a Soul Reaper. I hadn't figured anything out. Panic smote me. What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

I couldn't tell Nii-sama. No way. I let my mask crumble apart as worry gripped the skin on my forehead into a tight frown. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I was aware that a nervous breakdown was on my way. The information Unohana taichou gave did not help. "Rukia, Soul Reaper pregnancies are way different than normal human ones. It is highly complicated and unstable. You are going to need all your strength to survive this. All difficult tasks are off limit from now on. There will no fighting, not even jumping around. You will eat healthy food and steer off alcohol. You will be in bed for half the day, while the rest will be spent near it. The fetus in you is most likely to start growing at an alarming rate from now on. After precisely six months from this date, it will be born, I am guessing, if all goes well. Till that time it will continue to weaken you beyond your own imagination. Any excess stress can kill both of you. This is a very delicate matter. That is, unless you choose to abort it."

Abort it?!

"No!" Even through the panic attack, the answer came almost immediately. I had a hell lot to worry about and too many obstacles, but none of them were reason enough to end a life. I had been blessed with the best of fortune, as some people would say. I won't be a bitch and kill my own child. No, no way in hell itself could I ever do that.

"Very well. Then you will have to be extremely careful from now on. Even exposure to high level reaitsu is forbidden, so your brother had to be informed."

Had to be informed?

My eyes opened in dread as I felt an incredibly familiar reaitsu snake into the room right before I fainted.

*TIME SKIP*

I opened my eyes right to his back, as he sat doing what he normally did late at night, paperwork. It was annoying how he could carry stacks of it from his office to his library and still have some left to bring back to his room at night. But he had told me one day how he did that to relieve that damned red-haired monkey, and yes, he had a heart that felt for others as well.

"Rukia."

His voice was enough to send me zooming back into reality, and memories crashed down on me. Oh man, my lower lip wobbled, how was I going to deal with this?

I tried to sit up, and realized I had been sleeping in his futon. My head was pounding for some strange reason but I managed to fold my legs carefully beneath me. He did not turn towards me and though I was sick of having to talk to his back instead of him, that relieved me.

"Why didn't you tell me straight away?"

A shudder ran down my back. "It is not how it seems to be…" I let my voice drift off. Strangely, I still wasn't willing to tell him.

"Don't give me such lame excuses. Why would you keep me waiting, if this was how it would end?"

I felt tears drip down my cheeks. I tried to speak but failed. I had nothing to say. All I could do for now was wonder how I ended up this way. Just, why? What had I wanted out of us was unknown to me, but it wasn't this.

"Don't make me repeat myself. Why is all I ask, then you may leave."

I remained silent. There was nothing to say. Silence raged in my ears and banged on my head, but I did not want to break it. My brain kept chanting a Kido spell, the only way for me to concentrate, but I did not focus my energy in anything in particular, lest I released it. I relished in the familiar cadence of the words. The spell was the only thing I now had any control left on.

That was when the literal explanation for it hit me. I was silent because my whole world had collapsed as easily as a card palace.

I had nothing left.

"I should have realized how it would end. I was being a fool. But at least you could have told me what was on your mind. I never forced you. Did you like toying with me? As punishment for how I behaved earlier probably? You are…" his sentence dissolved into silence as I contemplated what was about to come. What was I? A slut to Ichigo, what to him?

"My affections have been misplaced in you. I am ashamed of your deeds. You should not have soiled the family's name."

I felt myself break. The family's name?! Was that all that mattered?! Was that the extent of his love and trust?! Why didn't he bother asking me for what had actually happened even once?! How could he…

"You shall be appropriately punished for this shameless act of yours before you are wedded off to that ryoka…"

"That is all that really matters, right?"

He paused. "What do you mean?"

"What if this was not what I wanted?"

"Stop blaming your deeds on others, Rukia. How could it be that this was not what you wanted? Stop being so dishonorable and face what you have done with courage. What you loose from now on, is going to be your fault and no one else's." He turned his face slightly, so that I could catch a glimpse of his cold gray eye. "This is all your fault."

I raised one hand to wipe the tears away from my face. I deliberated my movements to be calm and lucid, practiced like his were, meant to annoy him more. I looked up at him and saw that he had turned his back on me again. I raised my head. Tears burned in the back of my throat. I would not, could not let them out.

"I would like to thank you for your unsuccessful evaluation of how honorable I am, Byakuya Nii-sama. At least, you spared a second to form an opinion. I am truly grateful, let me however tell you, that you are wrong. I am going to get through the punishment and then marry that strawberry like you want, I will follow what you say, like always. What you need to know is, your 'affections' were not misplaced, though my belief that they were true was."

I was out of the room before he could get another word in.

*TIME SKIP*

The wind whipped my uniform against my body. It gave me a sense of exactly how weak I was. How I could never have survived without others' help. First Renji's, then Nii-sama's, then Kaien-dono's, then Ukitake taichou's, and finally Ichigo's. I was a failure.

Tears stung my eyes but I was not willing to let them out as my eyes grazed the rough haven below. The rocks in the pit were jagged, they made me want to hug the cliff, but I had to come to embrace them. And I was not going to die with tears all over me. No way.

I heard a swish behind me, but did not care to turn as I tipped, feeling the ground come up to swallow me.

An arm grabbed my waist, yanking me back. I gasped as air shot out from along me, reminding me of the plummet I was about to make. I was now backed up against a firm chest, and a hand that held me in place with seemingly, no effort. Without further thought, I began to struggle against whoever had saved me. I wiggled and the intruder had to put one more arm around my waist in order to steady me. I tried to shoulder my way away from the person but s/he was too strong for me. I leaned down and bit hard on the person's arm. I heard a hiss but the pressure did not loosen, however the person turned me to face who I figured out was the Head Captain.

My eyes widened as I flew further into panic. I clawed at his chest to no avail. I wiggled and slammed hard on his side but I had almost no effect on him. I tried to remove my hands which were pinned to my sides by his arm that went around my waist.

He removed one arm to land a hard slap across my face as he grunted roughly. It jarred the side of my face.

But it also sent realization racing to me. I looked back at the edge of the cliff, and down at my stomach. What was I about to do?

Seeing I had subdued, he released me. My knees were too weak to support me though, and I fell onto the muddy ground. As if on cue, thunder roared above us, and rain drops began to cascade around me. I was infinitely glad. They would hide my tears.

He just stood there for a few minutes, watching me as I cried. His reaitsu flared around us. As curious as I was as to his appearance here, I dared not ask him why he was here. His presence scared me. He was too powerful and I didn't seem to have an affinity for powerful males.

After about fifteen minutes, he asked me, "What were you about to do just now, Kuchiki? As much as that Kurosaki had risked for you and you would waste all that? And seeing as how you are pregnant, what were you thinking?" His voice was rough and low and sent shudders through me. Of course, he knew I was pregnant. I was positive he could sense the double aura. I leaned my head back to gaze into his age-wizened face. The Head Captain had just saved me from committing suicide. Just how bad could it get?

"I…" I told him all that had happened. I picked up the story from scratch and narrated everything. He did not interrupt, and listened. His eyes grazed my face but they had lost that roughness. He nodded once I had finished my narration.

"You landed in some deep trouble this time, didn't you Kuchiki?"

"You mean, deeper than being under the threat of execution?" I couldn't help biting at him. He snorted again, all in good humor this time. He said nothing and just gazed at my face, like he could read volumes off of me. I stared back, having nothing to do or say. Looking at him did not make me hesitate, like looking at my brother usually did. It was easier, somehow.

"You didn't even try to explain it to him." I was confused as to whether it was a question or a statement. Either way, it made me laugh harshly. I was amazed by how much easier it was to be rash around him. It was easy to gaze into his eyes and register the length of his now-dripping-with-rainwater beard, that somehow left the impression that it was showcasing his strength and still stand my ground. To be able to rebel and express discontent. It took me a moment to realize why that was so, because he was open to views. He might be insanely strong and all, but he was nowhere next to condescending.

"How would it help? How would it undo what has already happened? I don't see no reason to… and even if I did, he won't care to pay me an ear."

He just sighed and motioned at me to stand up. I did and he turned away, starting to walk, "I will be taking you back to your house. You may do as you please from then onwards, it is your choice." The decision did not startle me and I did not protest. What else was I expecting? I would have had to go back, and I knew it.

My steps were weighed down by my soaked uniform and mud clung to my slippers. I wondered if it had rained earlier recently, cause I hadn't been paying attention.

We reached the gates in no time, which the servants held open for us. One of them escorted us inside and the Head Captain requested for me to be whisked away while he spoke to my brother. That is all I really remember of the night, before well deserved sleep engulfed me in one of those lonely corridors of my cage.

sw8Rukia: Thank you! I am half way through reading your works and lol you are a big fan of angst XD. Well twinsyy fist! Anyways, emotions have always been a weak point in my narration. That was a reason I started on this fic, to strengthen my hold on the emotionality. And what better way than to experiment on pre-defined characters who are already set in their own feel-frame? To be able to shatter that and make it believable was the biggest challenge. Lol I am an extremist and I know that. Well, I am glad you like it. Now I can finally get back to my novels *sigh*

Guest: I know right! This pairing is all drama and fun and no shitty fluff at all. I love it! One of the reasons I ship it! Though to be honest, my favorite is RukiaxChappy lol.

JoTerry: Nice to see that really. Rukia is amazing! It is hard to not like her. Are there any ShuuRuki fics around? I never knew. I will search for them just now. Really I love how you are a constant reviewer. I always look forward to what you would have to say. Like I said, I love RenRuki. Initially, I was not that supportive of it but after that brief look into their history and the way Rukia's face lit up when she saw Renji running towards her at the execution... even Ichigo couldn't do that. It made me start reading RenRuki and that was what set me to it. I whole heartedly ship it. Though, tbh, I can relate to the best friends/lovers arc which is one of the main reasons behind me supporting this one. Ichigo and Renji can not be compared according to me. Maybe you should try to read some RenRuki yourself. It is nice take my word for it. But I hate how most of the fics deal with sex. I mean, what? There is way more to that couple than vain physical needs and a giant dick!