Alice was so happy for Emmett. She was thinking of a black and gold theme for Emmett's wedding, and also began sifting through possible choices of human husbands for Rosalie. She grinned with her own delight.

"You're doing that thing again," Jasper whispered.

"What thing?" Alice asked coyly. She knew very well what she was doing.

"Meddling! Alice, you can't just keep setting up humans and vampires! It's bound to backfire eventually."

Alice smiled again. "Emmett was human when Rosalie turned him..."

"He was being savaged by a bear!" Jasper took a very deep breath. "Awe, Alice...If I didn't know better, I'd say you were crazy!"

She hugged him. "I did live in a mental home..."

"We have to move," Rose said sternly.

"We already moved because of me killing humans damn humans before! And I can't do that to Edward. Don't you remember that last time he was away from Bella? You know he would want to come with me."

She bit her lip. "Oh. Right."

He sighed, and settled into the armchair. "I can't leave. Haven't you ever felt an odd connection to someone?"

"Um yeah, genius! You!"

He growled at her, and then savagely lifted her into his arms. But what about the damn humans...?

Meanwhile, at Forks Thriftway...

"What kind of water do you want? Aquafina?" Edward was trying to rush Bella along. It hadn't been easy, after she tripped over two runaway cans of pizza sauce.

"No, maybe the other kind. Aquafina tastes suspiciously like tap water."

"That's because it is tap water," Edward huffed.

"Oh." Bella looked down awkwardly. Showoff. Did he have to know everything?

They wandered around, and then the brown-haired girl saw them.

"Is she..." Bella gasped. "Is she the goth girl Emmett likes?"

"Not goth," Edward replied, "She prefers the term 'hard-core'."

The girl's eyes widened as she stared at them, first walking away, and then turning her head to stare as she methodically walked past.

"She knows," Edward said slowly. "She knows what I am..."

Bella crossed her arms. "How could anyone not know?"

The girl stopped in the isle and turned around, walking briskly toward them. "Um...Edward? I heard that your brother is going to be home this weekend. Could you pass this along to him?" She passed him a square of notebook paper, sloppily folded in half. Edward immediately wondered how the girl had known she would see them there.

"Sure," Edward replied, just slightly sarcastically. The girl walked away, a little bit of a skip in her stroll.

Bella poked his granite arm. "How did she know we were coming here? Or that Emmett's home?"

"It's not uncommon for the Cullens to have...stalkers." He flipped open the note, as if he didn't already know what was on it.

It read, "Emmett, would you like to hang out tomorrow? 354-2567♡"

"Oh. My. God." Bella's voice exceeded panic as she looked at the paper in Edward's hands.

Emmett was still with Rose when Edward and Bella came through the door. By this time, they had moved from the bedroom to the living room.

Edward waited surreptitiously by the piano. Obviously, they barely noticed him. It annoyed him that vampires could be so unobservant. Finally, he could wait no longer. "Emmett, I have a message for you."

Emmett stopped, looking as dead as he really was. His lips were frozen around Rosalie's. She broke the embrace.

"Honestly, Edward, I'm sure it could wait. You didn't have to intrude." Her gold hair formed a cold wave around her shoulder.

Bella shifted uncomfortably as if to say, 'We're not the ones making out in the living room...'

"I don't think it can wait." Edward assertively tossed the piece of paper to his brother.

It took Emmett a second longer than Edward to read the note. His eyes glazed over, and Edward realized what he had done by bringing this piece of the girl into the house. The paper had her scent on it.

"Oh, so that's what's going on." Rosalie's voice echoed in a way that reminded Bella of some kind of giant, beautiful, and frightening goddess. "You're planning on having a hot date with that little human. I can fix that." She cracked her knuckles threateningly.

"Now Rose, please listen!" Emmett pleaded. "I never even saw the girl before today!"

"But you did see her today." And Rosalie ran up the stairs.

Alice was watching the whole scene from the couch in the living room. She and Jasper had front row seats to the biggest fight Rosalie and Emmett had since 1976.

"I really didn't see that coming," Alice whispered into Japser's ear. It was the only thing she hadn't seen coming in a while.

"Alice! Rosalie has a long memory. She's never going to forgive him for that one. What did you say to get that human girl to ask Emmett out?"

"Well I told her that he was coming home, and looking for a date. It didn't take much convincing...I guess she already had her eye on him." She smiled sheepishly.

They got up from the couch, attempting to go upstairs and talk some sense into Rosalie. Then they realized that Edward and Bella had heard the entire conversation.

"Alice? Did you do this?" Edward leaned forward expectantly.

"I only helped it along," she defended.

Jasper took Alice's arm, holding her in place. Bella gently took her shoulders, trying to comfort her. "Not all humans and vampires work well as couples. Rosalie's already had so much trouble, and now this? This shouldn't be a game."

"Well I already picked out a husband for Rose. He's a little bit young, but you remember that little guy Mike, right?"

Bella's eyes widened so much that Edward couldn't help but stare. And laugh. But Alice needed to give this matchmaking service up before the Cullen clan got as bad as James' clan had been!

While all that was going on, Emmett just stood there, head in hands, trying to tune them all out. "Alice, it's just wrong, and you know it!" he finally exploded. Had he been human, he would have been crying, "Now Natasha wants to date me, Rosalie thinks I've cheated, and everything is ruined!"

And to make things even worse, Alice whispered, "You forgot that Mike Newton wants to date Rosalie..."

Emmett screamed as loudly as being a vampire allowed, and the police sirens sounded from all over Forks. Edward covered Bella's ears in preparation, concerned that the sound would shatter her eardrums. It probably would have, had they not been insulated by his granite hands.

And that was when Carlisle walked in through the front door.