Chapter 4

The next 3 years were flying by. The days became a routine of training as well as strategic lessons. We learned everything about titans and 3DMG, we had survival training, and we learned riding a horse. The training with the 3DMG was my favourite. This feeling of freedom when flying through the air; I felt unstoppable. If only I had known how quickly this feeling would change into helplessness and fear. We became a family and everyone cared for each other. Well almost everyone. Jean and Eren were always arguing and Annie was talking to hardly anyone. But we helped each other.
We were distributed in squads of three. Our Shiganshina- team was split up. We were all in different teams. I was with Berthold and Marco Bodt, a boy with black hair and freckles. We trusted our squad members. I thought we could accomplish anything together.

The final ceremony was there quickly. I scored tenth in class, but I was surprised I made it this high. We stood in line, the best of our class. Mikasa, Reiner, Berthold, Annie, Eren, Jean, Marco, Sasha, Connie and I. We could become members of the military police. But my decision wasn't made yet. Even though I still wanted to join the scouts, I had been thinking about the Garrison too. Back in the mess hall everyone was chatting.
"In two days, I'll be outa here and say hello to the MP's!", Jean exclaimed. "And what about you, Marco?"
"Me too I guess." Marco said shyly. Berthold agreed. When I walked past their table, Marco stopped me in my tracks. "What about you, Sophie? Which corps are you going to join?"
"Still the Scouts?", Berthold asked, smiling, but he sounded worried. I wanted to nod, but then I stopped.
"I'm not so sure anymore", I said. "Got cold feet? Naaa, only suicidal people would join the Scouts anyway…" Jean claimed, but I interrupted him.
"That's not why! I still want to join them but I'm not sure anymore. I was thinking about the garrison." They all looked at me in wonder. "Why would you join them?", Jean inquired. "Everyone who isn't crazy goes there, and all the ones who couldn't do good enough. They're weak and useless."
"I know. But, you know, back in Shiganshina we knew this soldier, Hannes. He was a good guy, we liked him, but he thought the Titans would never come in. So he didn't take his job serious. He was drinking and gambeling all day long. And when the walls fell he was…. Kinda helpless. There was.. this woman trapped under a house and her children trying to get her out. He said he would save all of them by killing the Titan. But when he stood in front of that monster he was unable to move. He turned around, grabbed the children and fled. He was too scared to do anything and so were most soldiers of the garrison. I wonder how many of them were even sober…." The others looked at me in shock. They had known that I was from Shiganshina, but I guess they couldn't picture what had happened there. Except for Reiner and Berthold: They had seen the horror first hand.
"But… If you… When you saw… THAT…", Marco tried to find words." Why would you join them?"
"Because I don't want the garrison to be useless! If the Scouts are not around they are all that protects the civilians from the Titans. And if they are useless we may as well give up! I want to change them. I just doubt I can…" My voice was losing its force towards the end.
"Well, at least you have a good reason to joint them. You guys, just admit it: You're joining the MP's to live a save life in the interior!"
"You are all cowards." Eren's voice cut through Jean's words like a knife. "You don't even dare to fight them. But how can we ever get back our freedom if we don't fight them. You live in your little bubble, too scared to see the real world. Well, I am not scared, and I'm going to join the scouts."
"You Little!" Jean sounded angry. He walked up to Eren, who just said: "Bring it on!"
Marco jumped up to restrain Jean, whilst Mikasa lifted Eren on here shoulder and took off.
"Mikasa!? Put me down, I mean it! Hey, do you hear me?! I said, put me down!" Eren's voice became weaker as Mikasa went outside. I looked at my brother and we followed them.

"If you're going to join the scouts, then so will I.", Mikasa said.
"What? Mikasa, you don't have…."
"I promised your mother, and were you go, I will too. And that's the end of it." Eren pouted a bit.
"And so will I", Armin said. We all looked at him. "I know I'm weak, but I promise I won't pull down the team. And I want to do something!"
"Alright then, we'll stay together. I mean.." he trailed off when he looked at me.
"I'm not sure…" I said. "And that's fine!" I looked at Eren in surprise. "What? Did you think I would call you a coward if you didn't join the Scouts? You want to change something! I know you're not afraid! And so we have backup from the garrison too." He grinned. I smiled a little.
"But I don't want to lose you guys. Never knowing where you are or if you come back… I couldn't stand that!" I looked down. "And I'm afraid too…" Suddenly a hand landed on my back and started drawing soft circles on it. My brother always knew how to calm me. "So am I!", he said. "And so is everyone! Not even Eren here can deny it. But you have to fight your fear! There are three ways: To give up, give in or give it your all. Fear is not your enemy, because without it we would be reckless. It just helps us find our weaknesses!" So take your time and do what YOU think is right. Don't let anyone decide for you, except for your heart."

But up to the day we would decide we were sent to Trost for exercise. We were standing on the wall, cleaning the canons. We were prepared, this time the Titans wouldn't have such an easy time.
We were chatting and laughing. Sasha had stolen meat from the quarters of the higher ranks and we all laughed about her antics. Eren and I stood and looked at Trost.
"There is hope", I said. He nodded.

Suddenly a flash of lightning struck the ground. We turned around. And there he was. The Colossal Titan. He stared at us for a moment. We were immobile. Then he lifted his arm and brushed it over the wall, sending us flying.
"He destroyed the canons!"
We tried to hold ourselves on the wall, as we fell, 3DMG being a life saver.
"O my god" I heard someone say. "It broke the gate."
Connie started screaming. "They will come in! They will come in again!"
Suddenly Eren Started shouting: "Come on! This is our chance! We can take him down! Come on! He is right there! The Target is the colossal Titan!"

I felt fear rushing through me. Taking on the Colossal? Did he lose his mind? Everyone looked at him as if he finally lost it. Then he turned around and looked into my eyes. He nodded. Images flashed through my mind: The Colossal in Shiganshina, the destroyed wall, Carla, the Armoured titan. All familiar images, but still they were a bit off. Or to be more precise, the perspective was off. But I had other things to worry about. I nodded towards Eren and then we flung simultaneously into the air. I felt the wind rushing through my hair and the freedom of the 3DMG training came back to me. But then we passed the brink of the wall and were face to face with the creature that haunted my nightmares. My mind froze and I was shocked. Eren and I landed and I knew I wouldn't be able to move with these eyes staring at me. I heard Eren growl: "Here we meet again."
Then my body seemed to take over. We jumped off the wall and shot the hooks of our gear. Eren on the right, I one the left. The Colossal turned to face Eren, who started running up its arm. I had to get past the shoulder and as I flung through the air, I waited for the impact of a massive, skinless hand that would crush me mid-air. But there was no impact. And then Eren and I were flying towards the nape in the neck. I screamed, a scream that I had held back since Shiganshina. The despair of what had happened, all these deaths, the loss of our home, our hope, our future. Grandfather, Carla, all the others. Here and now I would get my revenge.
But the moment we hit the nape, Smoke left the titan's body and blew us away. It was incredibly hot and I couldn't see. But I heard Eren's scream of anger next to me, so I shot the hooks forward and as they hit I followed them. I felt Eren beside me and heard him growl. We raised our swords, and then we had passed the smoke. I felt like I was falling. The wall was there, but the Titan was gone. And then I realised I really was falling. I shot the hooks up the wall and was relieved when I felt the abrupt stop, Eren next to me.
"How is that possible?", I asked. "It was right here! Where did it go?" I heard the hysteria in my voice, but I couldn't care less. All the adrenaline that had rushed through me was gone and my emotions took over. I had to pay the toll for my actions and panic struck me when looked around. The Colossal was gone but now reality showed its ugly face: Hell was back and I already saw its devils approaching. I started shaking. No. They would come in again. It would be like Shiganshina. I heard a voice in my head saying: "You're stronger now!" But I laughed at it. The Titans were walking towards the breached gate and soon they would be pouring all over the town. And if the armoured Titan appeared, then it would be the end.
"Sophie!" Eren's voice snapped me out of it. "We need to go and see the others. We need to prepare."
I looked at him with tears flowing down my face. But he was staring at the Titans. I could feel his anger and rage.
"Come!" With this he darted upwards and over the wall, aiming at headquarters. I followed him, tears clouding my vision.