Chapter 5

"From the frying pan right into the fire! Well, cadets, seems like you're gonna have to prove yourself! Form squads as you did in training! We have three guards! The front, the middle guard and the rear guard! You will be middle guard! The defensive line has been wiped out, there is no more outer gate! So prepare yourself!"
I remembered our squad training. I was with my squad members Berthold and Marco as well as Marie, Nina and Jonas. They were good fighters, not outstanding, but definitely good. Jonas was a bit bossy at times, Nina was quiet. I think she thought of herself as a burden. Marie wasn't much of a talker, but she was good at teamwork, what surprised me. I looked for them.
'The mission. Just think about the mission. Make a list: Find the others, make sure you have your gas filled up, go see the captain, get your orders, say goodbye to Armin, Eren and Mikasa. Just don't think. Don't panic. It'll be alright. This Is an opportunity to prove yourself. It's like training. And you are not weak anymore. You are strong now. Humanity has developed in those five years! We won't lose to the titans again! We will crush them, and once we did that, we gat wall Maria back. We will expand our territory. And we will erase the Titans from the earth. Then I can see all the things mum and dead went to see! We can all go! Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Marco, Berthold, Krista, Ymir, Reiner, Annie, Jean, Thomas, Mina,…
My thoughts were racing as I left to find the others. I saw Marco talking to Jean. I waved and he lift his hand and smiled.
"Have you seen the others?" I asked.
"I think Berthold is over there", Marco said pointed at the gate that led to the outside wall of Headquarters. "The others should be here soon; we'll meet at the entrance to the refill hall, right?"

I ran towards the gate and felt a breeze. The light blinded me for a second, but I could see Berthold's figure at the rail, looking at the town. I walked up to him.
"Hey! We need to meet up with the others and refill our gas! And we need to get the orders. I can't believe the front had been wi…" I stopped and gasped. My knees started shaking and my stomach felt like it was now resting in my feet. Lead seemed to fill my veins, my heart beat increased but I seemed to consist of ice. An un-natural cold surrounded me. Whilst I walked up to the rail and leaned against it, I had just looked at Berthold, but with my last words I had turned my gaze towards the city. I had thought I could take it, but I had been wrong. I fell to my knees and Berthold looked at me. I saw fear in his eyes, grief, concern, but also determination. Not fanatic like Eren, but a strong will. But I felt helplessness. My fear was not just directed at the Titans. They were a part of it, yes, but mainly it was the fear of falling into that abyss again, that I had just climbed out of. The grief, the helplessness, the anger and hatred, the chaos, cruelty, the loss. Everything I had felt after he fall of Wall Maria came back and I felt like I was drowning in memories. Memories I had tried to escape, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to forget them. Despair overcame me.
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. "It won't be a second Shiganshina. I promise."
Berthold's words and his low, calm voice soothed me. It helped, even though it didn't wash away the feelings. But it was reassuring and I knew I could rely on my comrades. My Friends. My family. We would make it through here. And the Titans wouldn't get Rose too. I nodded. He held his hand out to me and pulled me up when I took it. His hand was warm, and mine vanished completely in it. The warmth brought me back to life. I was not alone. I looked up to him and smiled lightly. He smiled back. Suddenly I heard steps and we saw Marco walking towards us, the usual happy expression on his face.
"Am I interrupting something?" He pointed at our hands, which were still intertwined. We let go and I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks. Then Marco's seriousness returned.
"We need to go and refill out gas. The others are already there. We shouldn't wait."
We nodded and followed him. The inner yard was again filled with cadets, forming groups, receiving orders and saying goodbye. I wondered how many of them I would never see again. Or at least not alive. I turned away and caught up with Marco's words
"… just talked to one of the Captains and they said we will probably be one of the non-static groups. Meaning we will first be put in the rear and then move forwards, to support the middle and front. Also we are allowed to split up in case we see squads that lost too many. I just hope the three of us can stay together. I trust you guys the most." He turned around and gave us a sad smile. I felt my throat becoming tight and just nodded. I knew if I started crying now, I wouldn't be able to stop. And I needed to be strong! Or at least seem strong…
We encountered Jonas, Marie and Nina at the entrance to the gas hall. We just nodded at them, no words necessary. When we filled the cylinders, I noticed that my hands were shaking. It was hard to put the flask on, but I tried. Jonas next to me just took it, put it on for me and then walked away. I looked after him. That was different to his usual behaviour. I quickly refilled my gas and followed the others outside. They were talking to the others. I walked up to them and when they heard my footsteps they turned around. No word was spoken when Krista hugged me. Sasha joined us and we just stood there for a few minutes.
"Sophie" Armin's voice was right behind me and I turned around. "Stay alive"
He didn't need to say anything else. I knew what he was thinking, what he wanted to say, but I just looked at him, my dark blue eyes meeting his lighter blue and I nodded. I felt something went on my cheek and realised it was a tear. My tear. Armin hugged me quickly and said: "I'll see you later!" Then he turned away and joined his squad. Then I heard Eren's voice. "He'll be fine. I mean this is what we trained for, guys! We will take the Titans out and seal the hole somehow. I know we can do it!" He looked at me. "We will all meet here later, when we finished our mission." He flung an arm around my shoulder and pressed me against him shortly. Then he left too. I hadn't seen Mikasa, and I didn't have time to look for her, so I just said myself that she will be fine. As long as Eren is okay, she will be. I ignored the voice in my head and concentrated on the words of the Captain in front of us. I couldn't remember his name, but his voice calmed me and it seemed familiar. Marco had been right, we had been assigned as one of the mobile squads.
"Patrol in lines parallel to the rear wall and keep moving forward. You can distribute over a larger area, but always at least in pairs. And don't leave too much space between you! We lost good soldiers, because they tried to cover a too large area and couldn't help each other when they needed to. Also, only split up the squad if necessary. I hope it won't come to this, but if only 3 or less are left, join another squad. Don't try to take them on alone! Good luck for all of you. We'll get out of here." His last words touched something in me and suddenly I knew where I knew him from. It was the soldier who had saved me in Shiganshina!
"I still have to repay my debt", I muttered quietly. The others looked at me as if I had lost it. But Samuel smiled.
"Maybe you will get a chance. But stay alive, so my effort wasn't for nothing back then." He grinned and I smiled back. He had given me hope. I couldn't believe I would see him again after 5 years! Fate is a strange thing…
"Okay you guys, get going!" The order of the Commander was heard on the yard and we left.
"Good luck, everyone!", I yelled when we jumped onto the roofs of Trost. Our battle had begun.