Changes: August- October, 1977

Seventh year brought a lot of surprises- both good and bad, but as far as Lily Evans' and James Potter's love lives were concerned, Emmeline Vance (and to some extent Remus Lupin) was at least convinced the surprises were mostly good.

The day that the Hogwarts owl brought Lily Evans her final letter, she had already spent most of the morning digging out the previous six and sticking them up on her bedroom wall, lining them up carefully next to the O.W.L. results and band posters and family photographs. But this year she could pin an extra piece of paper up there, swelling with pride and happiness as she laid the shiny Head Girl badge on her desk.

When the news had first arrived, she had sprinted down to the kitchen, yelling excitedly, and barrelled into her father with so much force that the tea he was carrying nearly went all over poor Petunia, who, it seemed had news of her own which she had deigned to share with her family. Her sister, predictably, wasn't too pleased at having her thunder stolen, and no matter how much Lily ooh-ed and aah-ed over the sparkling new ring on her left hand, the atmosphere remained tense for the rest of her visit. But for once Lily didn't care and she soon escaped to the canal towpath and strolled along in the sunshine, in the vague direction of her old primary school. Not only Minerva McGonagall, but also Albus Dumbledore himself, thought she was Head Girl material! That was enough to make anyone giddy.

When James Potter felt the lump inside the envelope, he had immediately grown suspicious and backed away from the letter. Had someone managed to tamper with it before it arrived? Was it Sirius' idea of a joke or something altogether more sinister? But after ten minutes of circling the parchment warily, whilst Iris pecked curiously at the stiff Hogwarts messenger, he finally forced himself to take the plunge, tearing along the bottom tentatively and holding out his palm to catch the small object that dropped out.

Two minutes later he was kicking at the door of Sirius' room. "That wasn't funny Padfoot! I nearly had a heart attack!"

His best friend stuck his head around the door, bleary-eyed. "The hell, Prongs? It's like, midnight or something."

"It's three in the afternoon, you git. Here, take your badge back- I don't even want to know how you got ahold of it. Is it Moony's?"

"What badge?" Sirius' eyes widened at the sight of the small shield in his friend's hand. "No way- where'd you get that? Did Moony really get Head Boy? Is he here?"

James rolled his eyes. "Come off it, you knew all along. Now give it back to him."

"Oi, I've got nothing to do with- with whatever it is you're accusing me of. Wait, what are you accusing me of?"

"You know damn well that you put this thing in my letter." James said exasperatedly. "Alright fine, I'll admit it was quite funny. Now take it back."

But Sirius was shaking his head looking more than a little disturbed. "Nah mate, I didn't touch your letter." James scoffed and his friend added indignantly. "I didn't! Here, let me see that." He snatched the envelope out of James' hand and rifled through its contents, pulling out an extra piece of parchment that James hadn't noticed before. "Aha!"

It was only when Sirius sank back against the door frame, almost sobbing with laughter, that it finally hit James just what exactly was going on. And it was with a shudder that he realised what an awful fate he had been landed with. But, for all his misgivings, there was something about the badge in his hand that made him straighten his back and even smile as he wandered dazedly back to his room, leaving Sirius howling on the carpet. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all…

Gripped by euphoria, Lily had felt unusually daring and rushed down the street to the telephone box, punching in Mary's number. Within minutes, a pair of loud cracks sounded down by the cut and Lily found herself ambushed by two very noisy teenage girls, as they yelled delightedly and thumped her on the back.

"I kent you'd get it, I kent it!"

"Head Girl- you bloody swot!"

"Go on then, give us a look!"

"Swot!"

After all the shouting died down, the three friends flung themselves down by the canal and Emmeline plied her with questions. "Did you think you were going to get it? I mean you were bound to, all the teachers love you and you know, even I might be persuaded to admit you're not actually that bad. But did you have any idea?

Lily shook her head, blushing. She supposed she had hoped, years ago, but in recent months the possibility of becoming Head Girl had gone clean out of her mind. She'd been looking further ahead, to what she'd do after leaving school, and in a way that should have made a mere Head Girl badge look small, no matter how shiny. But instead it actually helped- if she was going to fight, she felt she'd go into it actually believing that she had a chance now, and that people thought she was worth something, rather than hoping just to survive.

Mary, on the other hand, looked thoughtful. "I wonder who got Head Boy then? D'you reckon it would be Lupin?"

Lily shrugged. "The letter didn't say. I was thinking they'd maybe ask Bulstrode- you know, to keep the other Slytherins in line. He's not a prefect but it's happened before."

Emmeline wrinkled her nose. "Bulstrode? Well, I suppose it's better than Aubrey. But really, you want someone to make those late patrols worthwhile." She dodged Lily's gentle punch, with all the grace of someone who had had a lot of practice. "Lupin's a nice lad I suppose, but I don't think he's really your type. Somebody a more adventurous- you need someone a bit more swashbuckling in your life-"

This time Lily's smack connected successfully with her friend's arm as Mary tilted her nose upwards and began in an exaggeratedly snooty voice. "Why my dear Miss Vance, one does not simply become Head Girl to- how should I put it- get a lumber. Our fine, upstanding Miss Evans is far above such disgusting proclivities…"

"Maybe, but I bet James Potter isn't." Emmeline said slyly. Lily was bewildered. "What on earth has he got to do with this? Emmie, you know full well he's over that stage-"

Mary shrugged. "Aye well maybe. But besides, do you think Lily could really get away with putting him in detention for the sole purpose of-"

"That's not what I meant," Emmeline sighed as Lily squealed at Mary's comment and aimed another smack in her direction. "It's just that a little bird named Remus Lupin let slip that Potter got his letter this morning- and guess what was inside that too?"

Lily halted abruptly in her attempts to strangle Mary, her head snapping round to goggle at Emmeline, mouth hanging open loosely. After a moment she seemed able to shake her head slightly, saying weakly. "Oh you're not serious…You can't be serious…"

"No but Black is," Emmeline said, picking at a daisy idly as if entirely oblivious to her friend's catatonic state. "He told Remus, who told me- and I've no reason to disbelieve them- that James got Head Boy. He thought it was a joke at first apparently, but well, there you are."

Mary was the first to react, letting out a howl of laughter. "I cannae believe it! Is Dumbledore mental? Or maybe- d'you reckon this is McGonagall's idea of a laugh? What the- wait, Lily are you ok- Lily stop-"

Emmeline and Mary bent anxiously over their friend as she curled herself into a foetal position on the grass, hands covering her brick-red face and groaning weakly. "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"

For all his usual arrogance, James wasn't quite so keen to share his new position with other people. Though it was impossible to stop Sirius from owling Remus and Peter (and Merlin knew who they'd told- probably half the school) he said no more about it over the rest of the holidays, despite his best friend's frequent attempts to provoke him. Eventually Sirius just gave up, except to occasionally glance over at him and shake his head sadly. In his opinion, there hadn't been seen such clear signs of insanity since they had walked in on Peter the previous Valentine's day, covered in some kind of glittering pink gunk and tearing to pieces a huge paper heart (which he had unfortunately managed to flush down the toilet before either of them could read it- a complete basket case if ever Sirius had seen one).

It was only as he was hauling his trunk down the stairs on September 1st that he finally raised the issue. Or rather he was forced to when Iris, shooting around the house like a comet, knocked him off his feet and the contents of his pockets spilled onto the floor. And, though Charlus Potter was not particularly bothered by the avalanche of old sweet packets that now littered his carpet, he was more than a little interested in the polished shield that his son was digging frantically out of the mess.

Sirius, who had been engaged in the difficult task of catching Iris and coaxing her into her cage, was all too happy to explain. "James is Head Boy!" He crowed gleefully as the owl nipped at his fingers.

James' father stared at his guilty-looking son and then snatched the badge out of his hand. "Here, let me see that."

For the next five minutes he stood scrutinising the shield, shaking it and tapping it with his wand and muttering to himself. When James finally managed to grab it back, he fell to his knees in mock anguish and raised his hands to the sky. "Where did we go wrong, oh Lord? Dorea darling, what did we do to deserve such a terrible thing to happen to our family?"

"Oh shut up." James grumbled, as Sirius fell about laughing at his father's antics. But he couldn't stay annoyed. It was the first time Charlus Potter had smiled in months.

"So who's Head Girl?" His father eventually asked, wiping mock tears from his eyes. Again, Sirius was prompt to answer, shooting James a sly glance. "Lily Evans. She's in Gryffindor too- you've probably heard about him swooning over her?"

Charlus nodded, grinning even wider, but James was aghast, goggling at Sirius with a look of utmost betrayal. "You never told me that!"

"Thought you'd have guessed. What was it you said in fourth year again? She was the most capable, beautiful creature you'd ever seen and- oi, come back- Prongs!"

But James was already pelting back up the stairs and dived in to his room, slamming the door behind him as he threw his arms over his head. "I'm not going back! You can't make me- I'm not going!"

Eventually, Sirius and James' father between them must have managed to extract the boy from his sanctuary, because as Lily hauled her trunk down Platform Nine and Three Quarters, his was the first Gryffindor face she saw amongst the sea of excited first years leaping onto the train, awkward-looking third years trying to extract themselves from their parents' tentacles, and a group of Hufflepuff seventh years attempting to hide their rather obvious pre-term partying hangovers from the Magical Law Enforcement Patrolmen who had been assigned to watch the school. Almost as soon as she caught James' eye, however, he ducked away again, his face being replaced by Sirius Black's Cheshire Cat grin and Peter Pettigrew's curious expression. Pushing it out of her mind hurriedly, Lily levitated her trunk onto the train and pushed her way down the corridor of the Hogwarts Express, looking for a compartment. Eventually, she caught sight of Mary's face in the window of one at the end of the carriage and sidled in, only to immediately wish that she had turned and fled the other way.

The fact that all nine of Gryffindor's seventh years were packed like sardines into one small space was bad enough, but, while Lily was reasonably friendly with Primrose Brown and Quinta Dunbar, she could have done without having to squeeze in next to a certain messy-haired boy who was determinedly avoiding her eye. Lily was nothing if not charitable though, and eventually Mary's unashamed staring became too much and she nudged Potter, plastering a smile on her face. "Heard you got made Head Boy."

James seemed a little taken aback by her decision to speak to him, and in such friendly tones too, and for a moment he simply opened and closed his mouth like a guppy. Luckily though, the situation did not develop in the same way as it had in a similar set of circumstances the previous year and James did not start to choke out a proposition (was she a little disappointed? No, that was silly. Shut up brain.)

"Yeah," He gave a stilted laugh. "Think Dumbledore's going a bit barmy, to be honest. Still, you deserved Head Girl. Well done."

"Well don't put yourself down so quickly," Lily found herself saying and then added in a low voice that she hoped Primrose Brown couldn't hear. "You can't be worse than McLaggen."

James shrugged, scoffing slightly. "Is that a challenge? Exploding vodka in the library's easy. I could do better than that before our first class."

"Don't you dare!" Lily warned, but a smile danced around her lips all the same. "Anyway, being Head Boy can't be that bad. I suppose we just have to make sure Avery doesn't start ducking first years in the lake again."

"My pleasure." This was said with such grim satisfaction that Lily was suddenly seized by a worrying thought and finished hastily. "But don't- you know, we shouldn't be too hard on the Slytherins."

James paused. "I'm not going to put Snape in detention without a reason, if that's what you mean." He said slowly, looking stung.

"That's not what I- I just meant-" Lily was suddenly very aware that the rest of the compartment seemed to be listening into their conversation, and cursed her mouth for betraying her. And it had been going so well too! "You're just new to this and I thought-"

"You thought I can't be trusted, I get it." He looked so uncomfortable that Lily bit her lip anxiously and tried again. "That's not- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok. Don't worry though, I'll try not to muck it up." James shrugged again, but this time with the air of someone wanting to finish the conversation and he turned to the person who happened to be sitting on his left. "So Quinta- you able to make Quidditch this year? We could do with a better keeper."

Mary was watching Lily keenly and she turned away angrily to dig a copy of the British Charms Association's monthly review out of her bag. Well that went just swimmingly.

"She bloody hates me, Moony." James hissed, as the two boys slunk into the kitchens the following evening, taking a well-earned break in their attempts to track down a mutinous band of fourth years that they had spotted lurking around the Hufflepuff Common Room, but who now seemed to have done a well-timed bunk. In a way, James was quite relieved; even Professor McGonagall found fourth years a nightmare to discipline. And, since James had been the worst of the bunch in his day, Hogwarts' current batch of mutinous fourteen year olds were even less inclined to listen to the boy who had once dared Peeves to drop dungbombs on their heads just as they were about to be sorted.

Remus Lupin rolled his eyes. This was the third such conversation they had had that day and the usually placid boy was now more than a little irritated. "You're completely over-reacting again James."

"I am not- I'm a terrible Head Boy, Dumbledore should've chosen you. Yesterday-" James shuddered at the thought. "I can't even make a simple speech!"

"Look, I think you did a wonderful impression of a dead haddock," Remus said kindly, as several obliging house elves piled crumpets and muffins into a box. "Oh come on, I actually think it might have done you a favour. Emmeline says MacDonald thinks Lily likes you better when you look, er, vulnerable."

This did not cheer James up. After about ten minutes of painful socialising with his fellow seventh years in a sweltering, packed train compartment the previous day, the new Head Boy had then to make his way, for the first time, to the prefects' compartment, where, it turned out, he was expected to give some kind of rousing speech to the troops. Needless to say, he had failed miserably, and had stood staring ahead in panic like a deer caught in the headlights for several minutes until Lily Evans had arrived and taken pity on him. The memory still produced an urge to run back to the dormitory and hide, even as house elves plied him with tea.

"Right, so either she thinks I'm a prize dickhead or I can't be allowed out without a nanny. Great." He sloshed his tea around in the mug gloomily. "What happened to me, Moony? I used to be cool."

Remus didn't bother to disguise his snort. "If you say so. Listen to me James, you seriously need to get over yourself. If you can't tell people you'll be a good Head Boy then stop moping around and show them you can be one."

"How am I supposed to do that? Nobody's going to listen to me."

"Well, apparently you used to be 'cool' so if they listened to you then, they can listen now. Being Head Boy isn't just about confiscating stink pellets off first years you know- leave that bit to the rest of us if you want. It's about being a good leader. And alright, fine, you can't make a speech to save your life whenever Lily's around but otherwise you've got leadership coming off you in spades."

"Lily's better."

His friend sighed. "Lily's got natural authority, true. And she's really very kind and means well. But she can be very- she can seem pretty perfect sometimes and that can be a bit intimidating. I mean, just look at the way you act when she's around! I'm sure she wants to help but some people are going to see her as unapproachable. Even Mulciber's terrified of her! And that's where you come in."

"Anyone can be an agony aunt. You're actually doing a pretty good job yourself, Moony." James mumbled into his tea, though he looked slightly happier.

"Well, I'm not the oh-so-cool and popular James Potter am I? Look, I was just giving you an example, you really need to figure this out yourself for once. Dumbledore's not as mad as he looks, he made you Head Boy for a reason. And Lily knows that too- she's just looking for you to prove it to her." Remus conjured a large sack and began stuffing it with food. "Ok, now we've got this little heart-to-heart over with, are you going to help or not?"

James grinned as a house elf seized his empty tea cup and brushed away a mock tear. "Have we finally corrupted you? Our little Moony, all grown up and stealing food from the kitchens!"

"Shut up, I need chocolate."

"My turn: first kiss."

"Never going to happen." Mary traced a circle on the surface of the lake with her foot, looking slightly bored.

"Don't be so negative! Alright, well mine was James Potter. We were thirteen, it was very awkward, and I never want to speak about it again." Quinta Dunbar grimaced and turned to the girl on her right. "Go on Lily, is the answer going to surprise us?"

Lily started. Her fellow Gryffindor's admission had sent her mind spinning off in strange directions and it took her a moment to clear her head. "Er, probably not. Remember when I went out with Edmund Macmillan? Yeah, him."

"Ooh, mine was with his brother Ewan," Primrose Brown nudged her elbow with a sly smile. "We could have been sisters-in-law!"

"Mm, yes." Lily gave a nervous giggle, trying to disguise the fact that, as much as she liked Primrose, she didn't think that being in-laws would have been a great idea, even if she'd had any intention of marrying the first person she kissed. Or even the second. When it happened. If it happened.

The others were all looking expectantly at Emmeline now. "I thought the questioner didn't have to answer?"

"Oh come on Emmeline, when it's you, you have to answer." Quinta rolled her eyes.

Emmeline looked stricken for a second and then grinned. "Fine, it was Esther Macmillan. So we've got the whole lot between us." And she sat back on her heels, rather enjoying the roar of laughter with which Mary greeted this statement (as well as the slightly awkward glances which passed between Quinta and Primrose).

An hour later, when the Gryffindor girls' bonding session had finally come to its torturous conclusion, Lily found herself kicking moodily at the trunk of one of the nearby beeches as Emmeline disposed of the tell-tale firewhiskey and Rhonabwy's Rum empties with a quick vanishing spell. Though she would usually have enjoyed the fact that it had been an abnormally sunny day for October, she had not been in the mood for 'girl talk' and, for some reason, Quinta Dunbar's answer continued to niggle at her brain.

"Hey, what did the poor tree ever do to you?" Emmeline called merrily, handing her some of the remaining full bottles of rum. "Here hold these for me. You alright? You're acting weird. Was it the question Mary asked about that line in 'Scales and Serpents'? Because that freaked me out too- I didn't think she even knew that book existed…"

"How come you never told us about Esther Macmillan?" Lily deflected, as she booted the tree again, swaying unsteadily. "I didn't know you'd been out with anyone."

"Woah watch out, you'll do yourself an injury. And no, we didn't go out, we just kissed."

"Is that who Rita caught you in the library with?" She countered, eager to delve into other people's problems rather than focus on her own. "How come you never said? And how come you never went out? Did she not like it?"

Emmeline paused, uncorking a bottle of firewhiskey and taking a swig before answering. "I don't know. She kissed me though, not the other way round. We never talked about it afterwards. I kind of- well, I ran out of the room. I suppose I was a bit confused back then."

"But didn't you ever say that to her?" Lily swung round to stare at her friend incredulously.

Emmeline shrugged. "Never seemed like the right time. So we just… don't talk about it."

"But she probably thinks it's her fault! And you're the one who's always saying we only live once and we should take a chance where we can!"

"I know, I'm not proud of it," Her friend mumbled, cradling the firewhiskey. "But- you wouldn't get it, Lils. And besides, it was years ago now. We're friends and that's fine for both of us." She plonked herself down on the grass and gazed up at Lily defiantly. "Anyway, I doubt that you're all cut up over my sadly non-existent love life. What's really eating at you? Come on, I told you mine."

Lily sighed and flopped onto the grass beside her friend, leaning back against the tree and breaking into the rum. "Quinta. She said she kissed James back when they were thirteen."

"That's really what's worrying you? Listen, I don't think you need to be concerned about what happened back then. Dunbar knows what James' Quidditch kit smells like after a match, she probably doesn't want anything to do with him now. By the way though, you could totally take her, you know, if it came to a duel or something…"

"That's not what I meant, I'm not that petty!" Lily whined, stabbing at the ground with a finger to make her point. "I just- you remember what he was like in third year? He fancied a different girl every week! Well, why did he settle on me? Why didn't he move on?"

Emmeline hesitated and then shook her head, hiccoughing. "I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe that's just how love works. You don't know why you keep loving someone but you do. Mind you, how should I know?"

"Love!" Horrified, Lily felt her eyes fill with tears. "He can't be in love with me, I'm too horrible. What if I hurt him?"

"Lils you're not horrible, what a terrible thing to say! And you won't hurt him if you're honest with him. Take it from someone who's never been honest. Look where it got me!" Here Emmeline sought out the warm glow of firewhiskey again and gave a small chuckle. Then, glancing at her friend, she sat up and pushed the bottle away. "Oh no wait, Lily don't cry. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's really stupid!" The redhead sobbed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I don't know why I'm crying. I just- I really do fancy James Potter, don't I? Like, really fancy him?"

"Yeah, I think you do." Emmeline said quietly and then smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "It's alright though, I'll help you make it go away and so will Mary. You just need a lot of chocolate and a hot Quidditch player-"

"But I don't want it to go away!" Lily bawled into her skirt. "One day I love him and then I hate him and it's awful but I don't want to stop- oh for heavens' sake, why am I crying? I'm Head Girl! I shouldn't be crying like this!"

"You shouldn't be consuming alcohol on school grounds, either," Emmeline giggled. "But you seem to have that in the bag so… oh come on, lighten up. So you fancy James a bit, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I might want to marry him!"

Emmeline blinked and shook her head as if trying to clear her ears. "You might want to- oh dear. Oh dear."

Luckily, Lily missed the wicked smile creeping across her face.

"Well, how are you feeling Pete?" James asked anxiously, as his friend stirred painfully.

A slow, weak grin spread across the other boy's face, barely visible under all the bandages but there nonetheless. "I did it Prongs. I beat him. I showed him."

"That you did, Wormtail," James patted his friend's leg in congratulations but leapt away at the other boy's cry of pain. "Oh shit, sorry! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Peter Pettigrew gazed up at the hospital wing ceiling in a dreamy trance. "Did you see his face? He was furious."

"Yeah I know." I had to deal with him afterwards.

As it happened, Peeves the Poltergeist was not good at being the butt of a joke, especially not if it involved him being locked in an enchanted girls' toilet cubicle. And the girls who used that particular bathroom were none too pleased either. It was only a question of who got to Peter first, and as James had been rather preoccupied keeping the latter, led by the slightly terrifying Emmeline Vance, under control, he had neglected to warn his friend that the poltergeist had been released from his prison and so poor Peter had found himself being dragged face first down several flights of stairs until Professor Flitwick came to his rescue. It was thus a somewhat guilty-looking James Potter who had turned up to the hospital wing half an hour later, nervously polishing his glasses on his sleeve and rather nervous that Madam Pomfrey was about to ambush him from the shadows.

Peter was slipping off to sleep again but suddenly jerked himself awake. "Oh wait I had something to tell you-"

"Ah, I see you found him," The Head Girl's voice cut him off and James leapt up, edging warily between Lily Evans and his friend. She gave a very un-Lily-esque high, tinkling laugh. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you Peter."

"Er, thank you?"

"No problem," Lily smiled at the injured boy and then her gaze jumped to James, who sub-consciously tried to flatten his hair into a more presentable style. The redhead looked at him curiously. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Nothing I- so what brings you up here?" James stuffed his hands in his pockets and gave her his friendliest grin.

Lily's own smile faltered however. "Actually, it's- it's quite bad. I'm looking for Pomfrey- and you probably need to know too. There's been an attack."

"An- when you say attack, you don't mean the Giant Squid finally snapped and ate a fourth year do you?" He joked weakly.

Lily shook her head seriously, and James swore. "Who? How? What the hell's going on? How serious is it?"

"Very nasty, they think he's in a coma. And it was only a second year too- you know Kingsley Shacklebolt?"

James nodded. The kid was one of Sirius' little fanclub of first and second years, though he'd always seemed a bit more sensible than the rest of his friends. But definitely far too young to be traumatised in such a way. "But he's pureblood, they don't think-"

Lily shrugged sadly. "I don't think anyone's safe anymore."

"Do they know who did it?" Peter's shaky voice broke in. "Or why?"

But Lily only shrugged again, helpless. "I just need to find Madam Pomfrey."

"Yeah, you go do that," James picked up his bag, looking determined. "I'll go and see that Kingsley's friends are alright, don't want them doing anything stupid. And we should probably make sure everyone returns to their common rooms- are there prefects on that already?"

"Well I'm not sure, McGonagall just said-"

"Alright don't worry, I'll get it," Lily shot him a grateful look and hurried off as James patted Peter's leg again. "Oh sorry mate, I forgot. Anyway look, I'll be back up as soon as I can-"

"Yeah but-"

"-it's just I'm supposed to deal with this stuff-"

"-Prongs can I say something first?"

"What?" To tell the truth, James wasn't really listening and he glanced around the hospital wing, distracted, wondering how on earth he was supposed to explain to a group of twelve year olds that their friend had been brutally attacked.

Peter was smiling again beneath the bandages. "When I was in that bathroom there was something written on the back of the door, about Lily fancying you-"

"Really, now's not the time-"

"I'm just saying, she looked pretty impressed with this whole Head Boy thing you're doing at the moment. And, well, MacDonald's not great at keeping secrets- you might want to ask her…" The other boy was slipping off again, but at least a part of James' brain was interested and fighting with his conscience to stay and hear more. "Just thought you'd be a bit happier…"

James hesitated for a second. "Look thanks mate, but we'll talk about it later." He finally decided, backing away. "Look after yourself."

But as he ran from the hospital wing, he couldn't deny that there were some very conflicted feelings fighting to break loose of his stomach. And the next day, as the Gryffindor seventh years paused on their way out of Herbology to stare at the group of grim-looking Aurors marching up from the school gates, James at least had one hopeful thought to keep him warm throughout the gloom.

It seemed silly really but, if it hadn't been for the war, Lily might never have had the determination or courage to make what would later become one of her favourite memories. With the constant Auror presence and worried shopkeepers making Hogsmeade visits a tense and unhappy business, and the weather putting a damper on any Quidditch matches or visits to Hagrid's, weekends in late 1977 had quickly become a tedious and miserable affair, school of magic or not. And this was only exacerbated by the subdued air with which most of her classmates seemed to go about their business nowadays- something which had begun with the first attack on Kingsley Shacklebolt and had not lifted. Every night, Lily watched as another familiar face entered the Great Hall in a thoughtful daze and sat down to pick at their dinner in silence. First it had been Hufflepuffs like Florence Dalziel and the Macmillans, which she had found odd but nothing particularly worrying. But soon it was spreading to her fellow Gryffindor seventh years, starting with Quinta Dunbar and Peter Pettigrew and then moving onto Remus Lupin and even Mary who, despite Lily and Emmeline's worried faces and determined questioning, for once seemed remarkably secretive about the whole affair.

"They'll get round to you eventually," Was all she could be persuaded to say on the matter. "You won't have to wait long, and then you'll find out. It's ok, nothing bad. I think."

And, eventually, Lily did find out. 'They' turned out to be Albus Dumbledore and the Auror in charge of the force guarding the school, a grizzled-looking man named Alastor Moody. Professor McGonagall had been there too, though she had left early on, lips pursed disapprovingly. And what the Headmaster had had to say had been… well, Lily hadn't been quite sure what to think at first. But her doubts had vanished very quickly, and perhaps she should have been suspicious of that, but at the time she hadn't been in any mood to be overly cautious. This was her chance at last, an offer to help make a difference. And who wouldn't seize that with both hands and damn the consequences?

It was only on her way back up to the Gryffindor Common room that the full weight of her choice began to settle on her shoulders. It meant being careful for a start, much, much more careful. Mary had grasped that even before she had. They had started with the loyal Hufflepuffs for a reason, and then, when moving onto Gryffindor, the half-bloods and the muggleborns first, the ones they thought they could trust more easily. Did that mean she was to be wary too now, even of those she considered friends? Could she really treat Emmeline- someone both she and Mary had placed all their trust in- as a possible threat? No, they would get round to asking her soon too. Emmeline was as trustworthy as any Hufflepuff. They were just holding back, to be sure. They had a right to be cautious, after all.

At the top of the stairs, Lily's eyes found another pair. Though a familiar shade of hazel, and usually dancing with merriment, tonight they held an expression not dissimilar to how she imagined her own must look- vague and ghost-like. Not quite sad, but certainly downcast, as if inside their heads they were trying to subtly rearrange the world they knew, without losing control and blowing it to pieces.

"You're the first pure-blood they asked." Lily remarked bluntly as they met on the stair. There was little cause for dancing around the subject.

James Potter shrugged. "They said I couldn't tell Sirius." He answered, with a disbelieving laugh. "It's ridiculous."

He was clearly doing his best to be blasé about the subject, but his eyes said it all. Suddenly, Lily was seized with a desire to shake him, shout at him, anything to make them both snap out of this strange humour. It was what they had both wanted, wasn't it- to fight? They should have been determined, angry, punching the air in satisfaction, maybe even laughing with false confidence. Not this awful despondence, as if someone had already died.

Instead, she heard herself echoing Mary, but in a voice much firmer and steadier. "He'll know soon enough. We'll all know and then we can-"

"-we can focus on… preparing. Yeah, I get it. It's just shit." James ran a hand through his hair, looking tired. "They haven't told Vance yet either, have they? D'you reckon they'll ask Brown?"

This time, it was Lily's turn to shrug. "I hope for Quinta's sake they do." Then, after a guilty pause, she blurted out. "Is that bad? To want your friends to be in this with you, even if they might get hurt?"

"They'd deserve to know, either way," His voice had regained something of its old stubbornness. "You know Emmeline wouldn't betray you. And Sirius wouldn't betray me."

"Nobody's going to betray anyone," Lily said fiercely, though doubts still crawled in the back of her mind. In a slightly quieter voice, and without even realising until after it was said, she found herself adding. "I can trust you can't I?"

James blinked at her incredulously for a second, the vagueness fading from his eyes as the colour rose in his face. "I er- I-" He spluttered, gulping and Lily worried that he was about to go into his usual catatonic state. But a moment later he had straightened his back and looked her directly in the eye.

"Look," He began, taking a deep breath. "I know I've been a git before. And I know you've got no reason to believe me. But I'm trying to change, really. I know I'm not a great Head Boy or anything but if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that I never want to let you down and so I'm doing my best to get better at it. Lily you're an amazing person, and I-" Here, he swallowed, but ploughed on determinedly. "I know I'm not even half that but I do know that I can't change the way you make me feel. I tried, but I can't. And even though I know you don't feel the same way, I swear I'm not going to betray you. I don't think I could ever do that. I promise. Not for anyone."

For the first time in her life, Lily Evans was lost for words.

She opened her mouth and then closed it. And then opened and closed again. Her brain was scrambling her thoughts, trying to sort through them and knit some kind of coherent answer but without much success. Quite simply, she had nothing to say.

Her silence seemed to unnerve James though and he raised a hand to his hair, finishing lamely. "So yeah, I reckon you can trust me? Sorry, I'll just-"

But the rest of his sentence was lost as Lily stepped forward, her face pale but her mind filled with a single thought. And, grabbing the front of James' shirt and pulling his face towards hers, something inside of her had decided that there was only one way to execute it.

There were no fireworks going off outside the window, no angelic choirs descending from the heavens. To all outside appearances, they were just another couple wrestling on the stairwell, and, as Lily had once quite crudely put it, 'sucking on each other's faces'. But for the actors themselves, holding onto each other in that one moment seemed like clutching at a lifeline in the middle of a tossing sea, or taking a deep draught of water on a sweltering day, or perhaps even like touching the end of a frayed wire, in that the shock the kiss sent through their minds had somehow electrified their thoughts and cleared away all the miserable vagueness of before. For a very brief time, they could focus entirely on each other, Lily resting against James' forehead and giggling softly as her nose bumped his glasses crooked, as he in turn ran a hand through her hair and pressed forward eagerly, catching her lips again.

And then suddenly, all too soon, it was over. The noise of the Common Room spilled out onto the air as someone pushed open the portrait hole and they sprang apart, stumbling backwards over the stairs.

"Mate, I've been looking for you everywhere- Moony's gone and nicked the bloody map…" Sirius Black's casual tone and easy grin cut through atmosphere like a knife, as he sauntered up behind them. "Prongs? Prooongs? You look like you've seen a ghost."

He waved a hand in front of James' face. The bespectacled boy simply flung out an arm to steady himself against his friend. Black turned to stare accusingly at the flushed redhead opposite. "What did you do to him?"

Lily coughed and turned her face away though a voice in her head was quite happily squealing the answer. I kissed him. Oh crikey I just kissed James Potter! Oh God, I- what do I do now?

Fight or flight, Another voice, that sounded a lot like Mary, was telling her. You've got a choice between those. Either kiss him again or walk away.

James didn't look like he was about to say anything any time soon. Black, on the other hand, was still waiting for an answer. Go on, where's your Gryffindor courage Lily?

But her face was flushing and her resolve wilting, and she knew that, unless James said something soon, her legs wouldn't have the courage to stand still for much longer. And, since the only thing he seemed to be doing was slipping back into his well-honed impression of a haddock, that didn't seem likely.

Black never got his answer, though not for lack of trying. It took about thirty more seconds before the knocking of Lily's knees eventually became too much for her and she rushed from the scene, pushing past them both towards the portrait hole and sprinting up the stairs to the Girls dormitories. Dismissing Primrose Brown's worried questions with a wave of her hand, she yanked the hangings around her bed shut and sank back onto the mattress, covering her face with a groan.

Half an hour later, when Emmeline returned from dinner, she was still in the same place, and, when coaxed, Lily was only able to keep repeating the same words over and over. "I kissed him Em. Shit, I kissed him and then I ran off and it's awful… I kissed him…"

Emmeline simply grimaced as she perched on the bed to pat her friend's shoulder. "You know, I might have been wrong. Maybe you do get it after all."

"Prongs, come on. It's five to six now, you're going to miss training."

Sirius Black sighed heavily and folded his arms. "Jaaames." Still receiving no answer, he scrunched up a ball of parchment and flung it at his friend's head. "Oi, Potter!"

This finally seemed to do the trick (luckily too, because Madam Pince had been hovering in an extremely forbidding manner) and James jerked out of his thoughts and turned to face his friend. "Er yeah, it's a really simple wand movement. Stabbing."

"Thanks mate, but you can keep your sex life to yourself," Sirius smirked. "I was saying you'll miss Quidditch."

James waved his hand in a distracted manner. "Nah, I cancelled it."

"You-" Sirius' eyes nearly popped out of his head. James Potter had never once cancelled a team training session- bad weather, tests, or otherwise. It was one of his worst faults. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I just- I need to be here, you know?"

Sirius blinked. As far as he had been aware, they were in this godforsaken place to work on human transfiguration- not that they really needed to, and that had been suspicious enough in itself.

"No," He began slowly. "I don't know. So is this the plan? We're staying here until- until when exactly?" Once again, James ignored him and he swung his legs off the library desk, leaning forward to peer after his friend. His shoulders sank at the sight which greeted him and he let out a groan. "Oh bloody hell, I thought we were past this stage? Prongs."

"Huh? Oh er, no it's not like that Padfoot. I just- it's hard to explain."

Sirius frowned seriously at him. "Look mate, it was funny two years ago, but now it's just sad. Besides, apparently I owe Evans one, so I'm not going to back you up if you start stalking her."

Over the summer, the news of Regulus Black's induction into the world of muggle-slaughtering had prompted quite the reaction in his older brother. Eventually, James had had to take him aside and go over the circumstances of a particular incident in their fifth year involving a werewolf and a nosy Severus Snape, and it had only been then that Sirius had found out of Lily Evans' role in the affair. Now that he knew, he often wondered how he could have believed for so long that James- who had all the observational skills of Professor Binns on a rant- had been capable of working out, from an article in the Daily Prophet, the reasons behind Sirius' temporary loss of control that night. And, while he was reluctant to show it, he couldn't help but feel somewhat grateful towards the Head Girl for effecting the reconciliation with his friends. If James was about to ruin all his good behaviour by sliding back into his old methods of trying to win her over… well Sirius would have to put his foot down.

But, thankfully, his words seemed to shake James out of his trance, looking horrified. "You don't think- that's not what this is about. Well it is, but not like that. It's- look, just give me a break ok? I need to think."

"Well, cheers. Don't get your knickers in a twist, I was only saying." But it would take a lot more than that to shut Sirius Black up permanently, and after a moment of swinging on his chair thoughtfully, he began again. "So come on then, what's the plan? Vance and MacDonald left ages ago, she's all alone if you want a chat."

"I don't want to- I mean I do but I don't-"

"Bleeding hell James, just tell me what's going on!"

"She kissed me, alright? Happy?"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, right." But, as James continued to stare at him blankly, he dropped back onto all four legs of the chair and leaned in, grinning widely. "Get away, really? Nah she didn't. Rubbish, I don't believe you. Fuck off."

Eventually though, James' earnest expression convinced him and he recovered himself enough to choke out. "When was this?"

"Last night. Then you stuck your nose in and we never finished it."

Sirius shook his head in awe. "You jammy bastard, how d'you swing that?"

"Dunno, we were talking and then she- well she just went for it." James gave a slightly dazed laugh as if thinking back. "I- I mean it was good but then she just- left."

"You never said!"

"Well I tried to say something to her but- bloody hell, it's all my fault, I should have said something. I just didn't know…it was such a shock, you know?"

"Yeah I get it, I saw your face," Sirius was almost as happy about the whole thing as James and couldn't stop grinning. "I'm telling you though, this is wicked. Your Dad owes me ten galleons."

"You bet on me?"

"Only on the chances of you getting your kiss at least once, you know, a peck under the mistletoe or something. But she actually full on snogged you?"

James nodded and Sirius howled with laughter, much to the displeasure of Madam Pince, who shushed him angrily from the other end of the room. After making a rude two-fingered gesture behind her back, Sirius leant in again. "So then, you here to ask her out?"

"No I-" James floundered. "I, er, I don't think that's such a great idea, actually. Maybe we should just go-"

"What?! You dragged me all the way down here to stare at Evans for an hour and now you're not even going to ask her out?"

"Look Padfoot, I've wanted to kiss her for three years, and then she did it first. Maybe if I just wait-"

"I thought you were just going on about how you should have said something. Don't you think she'd like you to ask her out, you plonker?"

"What if she didn't like it though- the kiss I mean? I bet that's why she left, I didn't live up to the expectation or something…"

"She went out with Ed MacMillan once, you can't have been worse than that mug," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Just get it over with, or I'll do it for you."

James hesitated for a second and then stood up, taking a deep breath. "Right. Right, this is it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to- shit, she's coming this way. Shit, shit, shit, move Padfoot."

"James-" Sirius threw his hands up in the air as his friend pushed past him to dive under the table. Lily Evans was indeed heading in their general direction, having gathered up her homework and on her way to the exit. Sirius was fairly convinced that she had spotted them out of the corner of her eye, because her pace seemed to quicken and she ducked her head to hide behind a curtain of red hair as she escaped. Glancing back at his cowering friend, Sirius swore and then hurried after Lily, but upon reaching the door, found that she had disappeared from sight. Wandering back to the table, he placed his hands on his hips and shook his head at James. "You bloody pansy. What the hell's wrong with you two?"

"I told you, she hates me!"

"Look Prongs, pull yourself together. I reckon Evans is feeling exactly the same way you are, so if you both stop mucking around, we might actually get somewhere."

"Really?" Sirius swallowed his laughter at the pathetic look on his friend's face and nodded. "Yes, really. Tell you what, I'll ask Moony what he thinks you should do. Or maybe MacDonald could put in a good word for you-"

"No," James shook his head adamantly as he climbed back onto his chair. "No, don't tell anyone, because then if it goes wrong... This is it, Padfoot, the final push. I'm going to do it myself. I just- I just need to work out how…"

"You need to grow a pair of balls, mate," Sirius observed with a snort. "But fine, we'll get this sussed out ourselves. Endgame, right?"

"Yeah, endgame. Tell anyone and you're dead."

But even as the words were spoken, neither was aware of the fact that, four floors above, a small group of students sat contemplating exactly the same conundrum, and were already hard at work trying to solve it…

Ok, well first of all thank you to SkylarkAincrad for reviewing- I'm glad you enjoyed it and hope I haven't outstayed my welcome by adding another chapter (it had been planned all along that there would only be seven but I couldn't fit everything in and so we have eight). Hopefully this doesn't seem like too much of a wasted chapter- it's all build-up and hopefully it will all fit together neatly eventually.

Also, first kiss here, so I hope I didn't ruin that bit and it came across as reasonably realistic.

Lastly, as ever, I like to hear people's views, so please tell me what to improve :)

Chapter title from David Bowie's 1971 song of the same name.