Sorry for the long hiatus! I am more in the mood of reading than writing, my apologies for that. Onward!
~Audriel
Chapter 8
Zero wasn't able to find the answer in the following days. During his stay, he started to notice how everything worked in the household. Baudin acted like a father to the young women and like a grandfather to the children, looking after their well-being himself, providing them everything they needed even without being asked. The man knew almost everything about the people he gave shelter in his house. Sonia worked in tighter schedule than Tanya who had more flexible schedule whose job didn't require her presence all work days, that was why most of the time it was Tanya who looked after the children when Baudin was away. When all of them busy, they opted to take the children with them, sometimes one of them took both of the twins, or two of them had one twin each, though with him around they didn't need to do so. Baudin didn't have any maids or butler, although he had a lady who took care of the cleaning and laundry in the day. He suspected it was due to his caution about his identity as a vampire servant which surprisingly went unknown to the two friends of Misaki. Baudin didn't appear like other vampires, indeed. It would rather hard to believe.
Baudin gave the guest rooms downstairs for the mother and children, not wanting to separate the two and to have the children or the previously the pregnant mother climb up and down the stairs. Most of the bedrooms were upstairs, where Baudin had the biggest room, and the other two rooms of Sonia and Tanya close by. He also made a special room for Misaki's use for her to work on her assignments and projects upstairs. The lady only took care of their cleaning and laundry because the young women had their turns to cook. It was a good system, and it had been going since they moved in to the house. Most importantly, he noticed that the system was indirectly made to support Misaki, to lessen her burden although each of them had their own lives. It made him think that he was unneeded and that was no need for him to stay any longer.
The only thing held him back was Kazuki and Mizuki. Spending so much time with them made them slowly grow on him. The two became less reserved around him, openly calling him Otousan, showing more of their thoughts and feelings, and asking him to join them in whatever they were doing. He came to know how his daughter liked to be hugged and lifted up. He came to know that his son liked to have a pat on the head and hold on his father's clothes. He found himself at ease around them, just like he felt around their mother. There were even times when he chuckled at their antics and got a childish frown or pout from them. He couldn't help but wonder what they would become when they grew up.
After their late night conversation, he and Misaki were in more comfortable terms, although she left him more often to his own devices, and he was more content in watching her. The last memory he had of her was her motionless figure on the hospital bed in a healing trance after receiving his blood. It was a great change into seeing him moving freely about, cooking in the kitchen, working on her assignments, talking and laughing with her friends, chasing and playing with the kids… He was content in watching the small gestures, how she tended to play with the stray curly strand of her hair whenever she was in thought, how she tilted her head slightly absently, how she always chose to wear simple and feminine clothes, how she arranged her hair… He even went as far as noticing how she favored to side braid her hair while letting the ends hung over her shoulder and let her hair down only when she was at home, and it made him felt delighted that not many people had the chance to see her at the most natural… and beautiful, some part of him spoke shamelessly.
It was already Saturday night, nearly a week since his stay in Baudin's mansion. There was no call from the Association or even from Yagari. He knew the man was fully capable of taking care of the matters on his own; especially the elder seemed to be hell-bent for him to get a break from work, but he couldn't help but worried. His responsibilities as the president of the Association had become a central, an integral part of his life that he couldn't help to feel something amiss when he wasn't performing his duties. He knew he would need to learn to delegate his work, but since he was just getting the hang of things, he felt no need to hurry the process. He realized that he became rather restless the longer he stayed without anything to do.
With no call from Japan that required his attention and with nothing required his hunter ability or even his president duties, he was left with too much time and too many thoughts in his mind. His work was the best way to distract himself from unnecessary, unwanted thoughts. He was a man that wasn't content on staying still, on remaining in one place for too long or he would get restless. And he knew, even how much he loathed to, it was time for him to leave.
Baudin was the first he told of this. There was a flicker of disappointment in the man's eyes, but he was mostly considerate, not failing to notice his restlessness. Zero no longer treated him as a potential threat anymore, and saw him more like he truly was. A simple doctor who wanted nothing but to help others in need, because that was who he was. The man had kept his word to a man he barely knew, to a man who in their first meeting aimed a gun on his head by giving all the help and protection Misaki and the children needed. He was a man he could trust.
"Have you told Misaki and the children?"
"No, not yet. I intend to speak with Misaki first," and Misaki would be easier to handle than the children to explain of his leaving.
"Will you come back?" The man fearlessly met his eyes. The usually kind and patient eyes were rather hard, and somehow he was reminded of Cross whenever he was getting all protective of any of his adopted children, him included. He found himself unable to look into Baudin' eyes and find his voice to answer the question. After few moments of tense silence, he could hear a long-suffering sigh from the man and a slight creak on the chair he leant on.
"Both of you need to talk about this. And when I say talk, I mean talk," there was a warning in his tone, which he could only nod to.
Slowly night fell over the city of lights, one by one the occupants of the house returned from their workplace, but there was no sign of Misaki. There was no call that she would come home late, that she never failed to do whenever she knew that she wouldn't come home before dark. He couldn't help but worried, his eyes darting to the door more than once, expecting her to open the door anytime. He thought he did it discretely enough, but it seemed that Sonia managed to notice, the dark-haired woman casually brushed pass him,
"She's at 41, Rue du Temple. Take the Metro to Hotel de Ville."
The words were spoken in such careless manner that he had to make sure that it was meant for him. He blinked at the retreating back of the least friendly occupant of the house, wondering whether he was supposed to go there. However, realizing that as unfriendly as Sonia towards him, she wasn't one to lie or mislead anyone, so he decided to go to the address she gave him. Picking his coat on his way out, he went out to the direction to the closest metro station.
Already getting used to walking in various streets in Europe, finding an address in Paris was no difficult for Zero with the address in mind. He was surprised though when he found the board written Centre de Danse du Marais on the front of the supposed address he sought. He double-checked the address, making sure he didn't get the wrong house. When he was certain the street he was standing was indeed Rue du Temple and the place before him had the number of 41, he decided to go inside.
A woman behind the reception desk immediately greeted him when she saw him.
"Good evening. What can I help you?" Zero noticed the woman had taut and slim body that he recognized as an athlete's body, although it was more refined and less angled than most athletes, a dancer, further confirming what he thought the place was.
"I'd like to look around. Where's the way to the studio?"
"Here. Would you like for me to show you?" he might be dense at times, but he was getting used to women reacting to him the way that the girls of Day Class reacted to the Night Class to notice how she tried to get close to him. He also knew that the best way was to stay the way the prefect Kiryuu Zero was known.
"No, thanks." He gave the woman a cold look and left to the direction she pointed without looking back to see the stunned look on her face.
The dance studio was surprisingly large and lively for such late hours; he could see the lights and sounds coming from behind the doors. He wondered how he would find her here without attracting much attention to himself. He walked calmly through the hallways, passing the doors with only the slightest glance as if he was just passing by. Somehow he felt compelled to go upstairs, not only taking one floor up, but two floors and then he heard her.
"One... Two… Three…" He recognized that voice with impeccable French. He walked quietly towards the direction of the voice, hiding in the shadows. He appeared in a smaller studio than the ones he had passed on his way here. The studio had clean and smooth wooden floors and mirrors on the front sides of the studio where she was standing and currently correcting a young couple in their steps as the music from the CD player went on. He used that opportunity to move to the dark corners and concealed his presence from the people in the studio's sight, wanting to watch what was going on and not wanting his presence to disrupt the current activity.
Misaki was wearing a dark skin tight dress and skin-colored leggings that dancers often wore, showing off her gentle curves although she tried to hide it underneath the sleeves of her dark green sweater tied around her slim waist, he noted with a smile at her attempt in modesty. He watched her as she made rounds on the dancing couples, correcting them on their steps, complimenting their moves, reminding the next steps or simply conversing with them of their lives. She was kind and patient, warm and friendly, making the students feel at ease to ask for her help in some difficult moves or show them how to do it right. He always thought she would make a great teacher.
She was graceful, he always knew that, but in the studio, on the dance floor, in the middle of her students she seemed like she belonged. He saw how every move she made was flawless, there was no slightest hesitation or restraint, every step was deliberate and smooth, she was in her element. He could see the sparkle in her eyes even as beads of perspiration decorated her skin and strands of hair managed to escape the tight bun. He found himself enjoying the sight before him that showed the other side of Misaki she didn't know. He didn't know how long he was standing until she clapped her hands to signal the end of the course. Misaki started by complimenting them, even going as far as pointing out each person's improvement then reminded them of the next class and what they would learn. She ended up thanking for their presence and diligence, which was greeted by her students' appreciative claps. Some of them turned towards the back near the corner he was hiding to retrieve their things then thanked their instructor, while the others did the other way around. Noticing this, he shrank deeper into the shadows.
Slowly the people dispersed, leaving her alone in the studio, but she made no move to follow their example. Instead, she went to the CD player, replacing the CD and pressed play button on the player. A soft melody could be heard from the player, she moved to the middle of the dance floor, facing the front and positioned herself. As the tempo picked up, she started to dance.
His breath caught in his throat, his eyes couldn't leave the moving figure in the middle of the studio. He thought he had seen enough, but it seemed he didn't. He didn't even know how to describe what he was seeing before his very own eyes. She was dancing with such graceful and practiced ease, her slender fingers twitching as if she were playing an invisible strings, her feet moved so lightly as if it barely touched the ground, her slim body twisted and turned in perfect arch, her golden hair who was loosened into a pony tail swishing with her movements, her long arms and legs coordinated in perfect sync… The sight seemed so surreal that she seemed just like one of those dancing nymphs in those fairytales he read for his daughter that made him afraid if he were to speak or even breathe he would break the spell and find her gone.
Then the song ended and the surreal world was gone. He was still in the same place where he hid himself, and she was still in the middle of the dance floor. Her breathing was loud in the silence of the studio and he could see beads of sweat dripping down to the floor, but he never saw her so real and alive like this moment. Finally she moved to retrieve a towel on her bag which was placed near the player, wiping the sweat before it could linger too long. She took off her pin, letting her long hair loose before she deftly braided them into her favored style. When she bent to get her bag, she paused in the middle of her movement. He saw her eyes looking around her, as if she was sensing someone else's presence, but not enough to make her wary.
"Zero?" she asked softly to the silent and deserted studio, her eyes trying to find him.
It was like that night, he remembered how she could sense his presence although he had completely concealed his presence out of habit and he knew it wasn't due to her foresight. He remembered how her eyes darted wildly to find him, the way she did now, it was pure instinct or knowledge that it would be him.
Zero stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself to the remaining occupant of the studio. She seemed surprised to see him here, but he noticed that her surprise was more to the fact that he was hiding himself in the least likely place.
"How long have you been watching?" there was slight embarrassment in her features when she realized that he might be watching for some time.
"Since, um… the middle of the class," he felt embarrassed himself, thinking he was intruding on her personal space.
"Ah," a pause, "How do you find me here?"
"Sonia." At that, her eyes widen in pure surprise. Both of them agreed that the woman was the last person to tell him of this place. There was a moment of awkward silence, both standing in their respective places in a distance away from each other until finally the absurdity of the moment dawned on Misaki and made her laugh, breaking the silence effectively. He found himself relaxing at the sound of her laugh.
"Okay, let me change first, then we'll go home together," Misaki gave a warm smile to him, picking up the bag and gesturing the door of the change room.
"I'll wait outside," he told her, not wanting anyone to see them together. He saw the understanding in her eyes, and he turned to wait for her outside the building.
He stood in quite a distance away from the dance studio, not wanting to appear waiting for someone from that place. His mind recalled how she said they would go home together, and the warm feeling that bubbled inside of him at the rightness of those words. It was such a simple words, but somehow… it meant so much more to him.
It didn't take long for her to get changed; she emerged from the studio in fresh clothes which consisted of simple dress and stockings with the sweater once tied around her waist over it. He saw her waved to someone in the studio and walked calmly to his direction as if she wasn't seeing him. Her astuteness never failed to impress him, knowing his attempt at discretion; she made it as if they were two strangers who didn't know each other. He followed her few steps after she passed him and joined her when they reached the crowded streets, appearing as two people that happened to head into the same direction.
When they exited from the metro station, both of them wordlessly agreed to walk a less crowded streets, although it meant they had to take longer route to the mansion. As they were separated from the crowds filling the ever alive Champs des Elysees avenue into the smaller streets, safe from unwanted and prying eyes, she initiated the conversation.
"What do you think?" Misaki was already over her initial embarrassment when she found out that Zero had been watching the last dance that was meant as a reliever to her.
"I don't know what to say," Zero answered honestly, a tinge of awe laced his tone, making her blush slightly. "I don't know you're a great dancer."
"I'm not great, really," she accepted the compliment humbly, "I danced too, back home, in Japan."
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow at this, he didn't know this. Well, when he thought of it, this kind of thing wasn't really something to share with him, despite as close as they were back then; they weren't exactly going into details of their daily lives. Mostly because he didn't have any, and he suspected she refrained to because she realized this fact. But they were different people now; he was interested to know more of her.
"Yeah. There was a small dance studio in town. I used to visit there, sometimes only to dance by myself."
"You really like to dance, don't you?" He didn't fail to see the look in her face after she danced after the end of the lesson. The pure bliss and relief.
"I do," she admitted, "I've liked it since my sister taught me to dance. Akari was the best dancer I've ever seen."
"Your oldest sister," he tried to remember which sibling Akari was, and was glad he got it right.
"She was very graceful when she danced. I really wanted to be able to dance like when I grew up. Akari told me that mother was a great dancer too, and that was how mother and father met."
"Is that so?" His face softened as he saw her recalling her past fondly. He had only heard bits and pieces regarding the personalities of the members of Aruda family. Sometimes these small things mattered. Companionable silence fell between them afterwards; they could only hear the sounds of gravel underneath their footsteps, the shifting of their clothes against their body, the gentle humming of the night animals and the light breeze of the night wind.
Misaki raised her head towards the heavens, noticing the stars scattered endlessly as far as her eyes could see. It was a beautiful night indeed, even without the presence of the moon. She knew there was a reason why he was there with her and decided that this wasn't the best time to talk about whatever he sought her for. Finally the mansion came into view, and she picked up her pace slightly, wanting to see her children before they went to sleep.
The moment she and Zero came through the door, the two children came hurtling down on them, tackling their mother in a childish hug.
"Okaeri!" Misaki smiled at the Japanese greetings, patting the heads of her children affectionately. She always made sure they were able to speak Japanese as well as French, but with the presence of their father, they seemed to pick up more Japanese words. She was glad to see that they didn't have the odd foreign accent that she usually heard from non-native-born Japanese. She had European blood in her veins, but Japan had always been home to her… and to Zero. She didn't want them to feel foreign when it came the time for her to return to Japan.
"I see you've gotten changed. And brushed your teeth," she knelt before the children, playfully smelled their scent which she became more pronounced to her than before. The twins nodded in confirmation.
"Alright. Then get ready for some bedtime story." The children brightened up at the prospect of being read a story, and without further prompting, they ran to their room.
"They're sure energetic in such late hours," Baudin chuckled as he greeted them. "They aren't that enthusiastic when I read to them."
"Well, it's some sort of their nightly ritual, and I haven't read to them lately," Misaki accepted the warm mug of chocolate offered to her, while he offered a mug of wine-colored drink to the other man. Zero accepted the mug with a slight questioning look on his face.
"You look like you need it," Baudin grinned slightly.
"Doctors," she shook her head, earning a hearty laugh from the doctor himself who walked to the direction of living room where they saw a glimpse of Tanya and Sonia sitting on the sofa, most likely watching some movies through the cable. Tanya waved her hand to them when she caught them passing by, a gesture that was returned by Misaki. When Sonia caught his eye, he gave a slight nod, which was returned with a barely perceptible nod before she returned her eyes to the screen with a bored look on her face. That look reminded him of Wakaba, Yuuki's closest friend before and after she regained her memories as Kuran Yuuki, and he couldn't help to wonder how such a different people Misaki and Yuuki were, they had the same kind of friend.
Zero followed her to the children's room, where they had been waiting patiently, already on their shared bed under the covers. Misaki placed herself on the edge of the bed where two expectant faces could see her clearly and she started to tell them a story. He leant to the doorframe, standing unobtrusively, which wasn't difficult, considering that their attention was on somewhere else. Her voice wasn't exactly extraordinary, it wasn't too loud or too quiet, it wasn't too low or too high, but it was the quality of her voice, the calm and soothing quality; the tone of her voice, the way she gave the right rise and fall, or pauses and stops between her words, and the words itself.
Both of them were blunt, prudent people who would rather to speak the truth or not to speak at all, but the difference between them were that she was more gifted with words than he was. She knew how to speak of the truth without hurting anyone, or causing a chain reaction that would cause a huge impact to many people and she knew better when to speak and when not to speak at all. He didn't realize it at first, being so preoccupied with his anger to see how easily her words got through him and made him retaliate with harsher words. They were fighting against each other with words, but every time they hurt, every time they made him feel better. He never truly understood how mere words could be so liberating, but he thought it was because he never truly tried to face the problems straight on and those fights they had made him to do so and instead simply put the problems aside, he got rid of them once and for all. Maybe it was what it meant being an Aruda, but it might simply because it was Misaki. She knew what she lacked and tried to compensate in things that she was good at.
The children's eyes slowly were drifted shut as they embraced the peaceful rest offered by dreamlands. He watched her smiled affectionately at her children's sleeping faces, caressing the silvery strands before landing a gentle kiss on their temple, which earned a content sigh from them. He felt his chest constricted at the intimate sight shared between children and their mother that reminded of those moments he used to have with his own mother whenever they went to sleep. His mother was a hunter first and foremost, so she wasn't one to truly display affection even to her own children, but there were moments… when she let her motherly side shine through, just within the safety of the small room and her children. It was what his children had and what he and Ichiru didn't have.
A loving, affectionate mother.
And once again, he found himself unable to make a picture of him with them among them. He didn't think he could fit in, not him. His hand went to clutch the front of his shirt where he felt aching pain at the thought. He gave a last look at the sight before him; his eyes were sad, but determined. Quietly he turned away and left. However, this didn't escape her, who frowned at the disappearance of his presence whom she was sure had been there watching her.
Misaki looked at her beautiful, precious children, although their arrival wasn't expected and welcomed with open and easy heart, she couldn't not to love them with all her heart and soul. She wanted to give everything to them, she would give the world if she could, but at the least, she wanted them to have a family, she wanted them to have their father.
It was time.
I
I
I
Zero brought scarce belongings from Japan to get to Paris. Most of the necessities were in the pockets in his coat and the clothes that he was wearing. It became rather a habit to him to travel light as it was the most practical way for him so he could move to one place to another without needing to worry about any luggage. He could always buy whatever else he needed in his destination. During his stay, he didn't even need to spend much of his money, being lent some of Baudin clothes that were otherwise worn, but clean and wearable. He folded those clothes neatly and placed it into a pile on the sofa. He checked his wallet to make sure that he had enough to buy the ticket back and his passports and visa were in hand. He would buy the earliest flight from the counter directly, instead of booking it first, not wanting to leave any trace of his stay in Paris.
"Are you leaving?" Her voice made his movements stop. He was currently facing back to the entrance of the library where he slept at nights, so he could only see the feminine figure from the corner of his eyes. He returned his attention to his belongings, making sure he didn't miss anything.
"Yes."
"Why?" He could hear her approaching footsteps.
"I've had my responsibilities as the president."
"Then what are we?" The words were calm, not accusing, but it felt the same nonetheless. He straightened up, taking a few heartbeats to calm himself before finally turning himself towards her. She walked forward, stepping through the moonlight that shone through the windows of the library, pronouncing her features, especially those brilliant azure eyes…
"You don't need me here," he decided that being evasive wouldn't make it easier.
"Do you really think we don't need you?"
"Why don't you?" there was a note of bitterness, as he threw his face to hide it, "You have Sonia and Tanya who support you and Baudin to protect you. You've done well without me… and it might be better if it remains that way."
"Zero…" she turned towards the window, following his example, "Don't you see anything during your stay? Don't you see the look on the children's faces when they're around you?"
He was unable to answer that, because he could recall it all too vividly in his mind of the look of surprise and delight when they found out that their savior was actually their father. The look of hesitation when they wanted to get close to him. The look of curiosity when they wanted to know more of him. The look of contention when they leaned on him. The look of pride whenever he patted their heads or complimented them.
His hand clenched tightly as the images of the children whenever they were around him filled his mind. Hurting them was the last thing he wanted to do. Seeing those look disappeared from their faces if he weren't around.
"Tell me the real reason why," she spoke softly. He tried to find the right words, his mouth opened slightly only to close again; she stood patiently, waiting for him.
Instead what he came out was "Why do you have so much faith in me?" He recalled the words in her letter. His words came out bitter and derisive.
I have faith you.
Sometimes, he hated the fact there were people who placed such faith in him, especially this woman whom he had done wrong, whom he had given nothing to return her faith.
"I know you, Kiryuu," her tone gentle, "Tell if me I don't."
"You don't," he answered fiercely, although he knew that she was among the ones who knew him best, but she didn't know what happened, what he had done. "Do you what I did to those people who hurt you?" He turned to her, his face betrayed his tumultuous feelings, but she merely looked at him calmly.
"I killed them. One by one. Some swift, some not."
"Are they on the list?" she mentioned the list of hunted vampires.
"They are, but I didn't bother to check whether their name was in it or not. I just went after them. I didn't even bother with the consequences."
"Who are they? Do you remember their names?"
"How could I not?" he said bitterly, "Belmont and his underlings, Rousseau, Beauvais, Laroche."
"…You remember their names…" She stated this calmly with a sad smile on her face, looking him in the eye.
"Why would it matter?"
"Why do you bother to remember when you don't want to?" That caught him off guard. He didn't want to remember, but that was how it was, he remembered most of the vampires he killed, not necessarily their names… but at least their faces. It was the way it was.
When he told her of this, she told him that was his kindness. He might think that what he did was the right thing, and that those people deserved the punishment given to them, but he didn't forget. He didn't forget because beneath the façade, they were human and deserved to live as much as he did. He didn't agree with her, but he didn't deny, either. When he looked into her eyes, he knew it was what she meant.
"Who is his master?" Instead she queried.
"Niklós Esterházy" As he expected, she recognized the name of the most influential pureblood in Eastern Europe from the tightness of her features.
"What did you do?" Her features softened when she asked this.
"I sent him a bloodied remainder of Belmont to warn him that I was going after him…" there was a pause; his face and voice were filled with absolute hatred and disgust, "…through his family."
He didn't dare to look at her, his body was tense, his hands shook violently as he remembered what he had done. There was a tense moment of silence, before she finally spoke.
"…I see," her voice was calm and understanding, "so it was you…"
At those words, his head snapped to her who looked at him with sadness… but without hatred or anger or disgust to his confession.
"I foresaw it," she explained to him gently. "…And I wasn't about to intervene."
This time, it was him who looked at her in surprise and disbelief. Misaki took few steps forward.
"Because he would do much worse in the future, much worse than what he has done to me," she paused, sadness was evident in her features. "You did the right thing."
"But I didn't think that way."
"You did," she smiled kindly, "You might not really put more thought into it, but it did cross your mind."
"I let my emotions rule over me," he refused to be forgiven.
"Don't we all?" her tone was patient. Those clear, blue eyes looked at him with such warmth and understanding that made him feel completely undeserving. "Are you telling me that my faith in you is misplaced?"
"Yes," he stubbornly persisted. She closed the gap between them, her hands reaching out to hold his face. The warmth of her hand made him speechless.
"Then what it would make me?" Her clear blue eyes seemed to darken at this like the appearance of dark clouds in the sky.
"You're… different." It wasn't her choice, as an Aruda. There was a glimpse of disdain on her sad features wordlessly telling that it was no different, but it disappeared as soon as it appeared.
"What are you afraid of, Zero?" she finally asked the question that hit the heart of the problem.
"I'm afraid I can't be someone worthy of you… of the children…" his voice was soft and uncertain.
"What's worthy Zero?" she looked at him, searching into his silver depths, "Is worthy meant that you have to be perfect? You have to be someone that you're not?
"Let me and the children decide whether you're worthy or not," she looked at him in sad amusement.
"What do you really want Zero? We, the children and I, don't need your reasons why you shouldn't or wouldn't stay. All we need to know is whether you want to, and you're willing to try… to give a chance for everything to work out. That's all we ask of you…"
Her eyes and voice were firm and determined, but her smile was gentle and understanding as she let everything she said sink into him. Slowly she released her hold on him, dropping her hands to her side.
"You don't need to answer now. Just think about it, okay? I know you're getting restless for staying too long. Doing nothing isn't your forte," she tilted her head with a knowing look in her eyes, "You will always be welcomed here."
With a last look into his eyes to make sure he understood her words, he watched her turn and leave without trying to stop her even when he wanted to. He had to make up his mind, he realized.
I
I
I
The next morning, Misaki woke up before dawn, as usual. She checked on her children in the next room. The children didn't change much from the last time she sent them off to sleep last light. She pulled her golden hair, tying them with a ribbon. She went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the other occupants of the house as it was her turn now. She decided to make some croque Gagnet for the adults and fruits and oatmeal for the children. She was rummaging through the refrigerator to get the ingredients when she heard a deep voice spoke.
"Need help?"
She didn't hear any sounds or sense any presence nearby, making her instinctively straightened up to see beyond the refrigerator door to the direction of the voice and found the only person who could do that. She couldn't help but blink at the sight of the father of her children before her. Zero was already changed into the clothes he wore the first time they met and most likely already washed himself. She could see the remains of water droplets on his silver hair that fell over his sharp eyes, and the warm vapor rising slightly from him. She could also smell the refreshing and musky scent on him. She couldn't help but to notice all of this due to her better senses and she couldn't ignore the skip of her heart beat when she saw him.
"If it's alright with you," she smiled while inwardly hoping that he wouldn't notice the delay in her response. Zero didn't give way any indication that he noticed, to her gratitude. It was embarrassing enough to be caught staring, especially staring at Zero that way with such openness. Zero merely moved next to her to show his willingness to help.
"I'm making croque Gagnet for us," she told him, knowing the unvoiced question, "I'll cut some fruits and make some oatmeal for the children." She handed the ingredients of the croquet to Zero while she took the rest of the ingredients for the children's breakfast.
"Have you ever made croquet dishes?" She asked him as she directed him where to put all the ingredients.
"No," he was aware of the kind of dishes it was, but didn't know how to make it.
"Alright, then I'll make the croquet…"
"I'll cut the fruits," he offered before she told him to. It earned him a brilliant smile from Misaki that made his breath catch for a brief moment.
"Thanks." He merely nodded wordlessly as he reached for the suitable knife and started to peel and cut down the fruits into small pieces manageable for the three-year-olds.
Misaki couldn't help but watch from the corner of her eyes how Zero skillfully used the knife as she started to make croque Gagnet. She had only seen him in the kitchen once, when she dropped by in his apartment in Japan when she wanted to discuss the necessary precautions he should take. She noticed back then that he didn't seem awkward in the kitchen like most men were and he still didn't. She figured that his life didn't change much from the high school years, living on his own and taking care of everything on his own. The same way that she used to live after her adopted mother's death. An empty and lonely life…
The thought saddened her, but she said nothing, knowing that it might be how he preferred it, although it didn't necessarily what he wanted. It had always been that way for Zero, what he wanted didn't matter, never mattered, because wanting brought him nothing but pain and sadness. She pursed her lips as she thought of this sadly, even though he wanted to stay with her and the children, it didn't mean he would stay. Maybe this would be the last time she would see him.
With that thought, she removed all of the sad feelings away and decided to relish the reality of his presence close to her. Although she no longer tried to steal a look upon the silver-haired man, she could see what he was doing clearly. She could see how the tall figure did everything with the same proficiency and grace when he had the Bloody Rose in his hand and how that figure never failed to bring a sense of calm and security whenever he was around. A small smile graced her features; she missed these comfortable silences shared between them.
She wasn't aware that the other person in the kitchen was actually doing the same thing she previously did. Those silver eyes silently watched the young woman preparing the breakfast for all the occupants of the house. Unlike her, he never actually saw her working in the kitchen save for some instances when she made him some hot beverages and snacks. His sharp eyes noticed the small gestures that she made as she cooked: the way she tilted her head slightly to check the flame of the stove, the way she handled two frying pans, the way her slender fingers held the spatula and sprinkled the seasonings, the way she softly hummed a melody under her breath, the way one of her knees bent forward while her foot tapped the floor lightly. Somehow he found those small, insignificant things endearing.
He had long done with his part and decided to continue with the oatmeal without being asked; especially it gave him reason to watch her longer. In the end, the breakfast for the adults and children were finished in nearly the same time. Luscious aroma of freshly cooked croque Gagnet immediately filled the room as she served them on plates and gave some finishing touches that made the breakfast appeased the eyes as much as the tongue. Another habit that he found endearing, knowing that her perfectionist side played a part.
Before she could say anything, Zero took three of the plates in each hand, already serving the children's breakfast on the table. That earned a surprised and then amused looks from Misaki as she watched him easily balancing the plates on his hands.
"Hmm, it smells good." The two of them turned of them to look at the eldest in the house who openly sniffed the smell of their breakfast walked into the dining room wearing robes over his pajama and slippers on his feet, morning paper in his hand.
"Good morning, Francis," Misaki greeted the doctor warmly; unwarily made Zero had a brief look of displeasure. Only Baudin seemed to notice this from the slight raise of his eyebrow. Zero tried to ignore the interested look on the aged man's face as he composed himself.
Not long afterwards, the older occupants of the house showed up in the dining room and seated themselves around the dining table. Misaki went to wake up the children while he chose to remain at the farthest corner of the table as usual while Baudin sat at the head of the table and the two girls sat close to him in one side of the table, Sonia at his right. After few days in the mansion he got used to the morning activities around the house, included around the dining table. Baudin and Sonia would discuss of the recent news on the paper and any topics related to it. Tanya would sometimes join in but most often she had the eye on the food. He was surprised to see how much appetite the petite woman had and how she managed to keep her figure unchanged while she wasn't a vampire was surprising.
Misaki who noticed this had laughed at the look he gave to the red-haired friend of hers. Meanwhile Sonia was the one who really paid attention to the food she ate, only eating healthy and nutritious food. That was why her croque was different, the ham was replaced by salmon and the sausages were lesser than the others. Misaki herself was not a picky eater; she could be like Tanya at one time and Sonia at the other time although she usually ate more in the mornings because of her busy schedule.
Footsteps could be heard louder as it approached the dining table, signaling the arrival of the youngest members of the household who were still half-awake in their sleeping clothes, their mother walking behind them to make sure they didn't stumble on the way. Mizuki chirped her greetings first, followed by the quiet greeting of her brother which was returned by the older people. And now that no one was left behind, the breakfast was started.
The twins had yet learned to feed themselves, although they had learned to hold the fork. Fortunately both of the twins were rather calm compared to most children who needed to be chased to get some food to eat, so Misaki could still eat her own breakfast while feeding them. Sometimes Mizuki sat on her mother's lap, but it seemed today she liked to move around the room. He was calmly sitting on his seat while drinking a glass of dissolved blood tablets, already done with his own breakfast when he felt a light tug on his clothes. He turned to see clear blue eyes of his son looking up at him.
"Kazuki?" Zero raised an eyebrow in question. The little boy seemed to slightly shrink when he gained his attention, but he looked between him and his lap as if asking for permission. He blinked few times, making sure that he didn't mistake his son's request. However, Kazuki was very much his father's son, Zero perfectly understood his request.
Wordlessly, he pushed back his seat far enough to give some space which made the boy's chubby face brightened up that was such a reminder of his mother. Kazuki shifted his plate so it would be in front of his father's seat before he finally climbed up to his lap. Zero pushed the seat a little more so the boy could reach easily his plate, which Zero had switched with his own empty plate. His son was incredibly small against him, although the boy was rather heavy compared to his frame. He just realized that this was the closest he got with Kazuki.
Being the more reserved one, Kazuki shied away from open display of affection and rarely initiated direct contact unlike his sister who didn't hesitate to ask for hugs from him. He never expected Kazuki to actually try to follow Mizuki's example, and to him instead of to his mother. He was still processing this when a piece of apple dropped on the table. He could see a glimpse of frown on the childish face and was about to reach for the fallen apple when he stopped the child from taking and eating it. He knew his child had his excellent health, and wouldn't have any kind of illness other children had from eating dirty food, but it wasn't a good habit. Thus Zero shook his head lightly to Kazuki, telling him that he shouldn't eat it and directed the small hands in his gentle hold to the plate. Kazuki seemed to understand this and he took the still clean piece of fruit on the plate with his fork and with his guidance, brought it into his mouth successfully. The boy turned to look at him proudly as he was munching the piece of food. He couldn't help to let a smile appear on his face, and nodded to show his approval.
Then his son continued to finish his breakfast without moving an inch from his place from his father's lap although his legs moved endlessly as if he didn't want to sit still. There were some failures in between, some more pieces of fruit or drops of oatmeal on the table, but Kazuki learned. Zero could see the stubborn streak of independency in Kazuki and recognized it as his own, although his son was better than him in knowing when to ask for help. Hopefully it would remain through his adulthood.
Zero leant on his elbow on the table, so he could see the progress his son doing while sometimes helping Kazuki to hold his fork tighter or direct the food to his mouth. So absorbed with the boy, he wasn't aware of the silence of the others and the looks directed toward him. Misaki's features softened at the intimate moment between father and son despite the lack of words and open emotions. No one could deny their relationship to each other. Her daughter suddenly tugged on her clothes, trying to pull her down. She knowingly leaned down as Mizuki whispered to her ear,
"Kazu sits on otousan's lap!"
"He does," she confirmed her daughter's words.
"He doesn't with okaasan…" the little girl pouted. Misaki merely smiled and gave an affectionate pat on her silver-haired head. Kazuki took his role as an older brother seriously, she thought, sometimes he let his sister did what she wanted first. If both of them wanted the same thing, he usually was the one who retreated first. Mizuki was the first one to claim their mother's lap, and despite he didn't seem as sensitive as his sister, he was worried that his twin wouldn't like it if he also did the same. Good thing it didn't happen often. Mizuki usually insisted to share stuff with her brother. Mizuki didn't try to do the same with Zero, so he felt safe to try. That, and maybe because the little boy simply wanted to get close with the person he admired so much.
Then the breakfast was finished, Misaki who didn't have morning class gathered the plates and the glasses with the help of Zero to be brought to the kitchen to be cleaned by the Madam Pacquet, the housemaid. When it was done, she herded her children to clean up, leaving Zero with Baudin alone in the dining room.
"You're going to wait for them before you leave?" The doctor asked the younger man.
"Yes." Baudin inwardly thought it was better than leaving without seeing them, if it didn't work out. He was walking out from the dining room when he suddenly stopped and turned to look at the unmoved Zero.
"What you did with Kazuki was great," Baudin gave Zero a smile, "You'd be a good father."
Then without looking back to see his reaction, Baudin merely continued his exit as if he was simply commenting of the weather, leaving a surprised Zero at the unexpected remark.
Misaki helped the twins dressed with their favorite clothes without telling them why they wore it. She wanted them look their best if it would be their last time to see their father. She managed to hide her feelings in front of her children well, not wanting them to see her distress, although it was rather difficult with the mental link she had with them.
"Let's go see otousan, shall we?"
He was waiting for them near the entrance, already donned his coat, prepared to leave. The children didn't fail notice this, so they immediately pestered their father when they reached him.
"Otousan, you're leaving?" Mizuki was the first one who spoke. A little frown on her childish features.
"Yes, I am," Zero went to kneel on the floor so he would be at the same height with his children.
"…Can we go with you?" This time the question came from Kazuki. His blue eyes looked at him with such hope that made him feel bad for not being able to answer it with a yes.
"I'm afraid not." Zero answered, his heart was aching that he couldn't take them with him.
"Where are you going?" Mizuki asked inquisitively.
"Back to Japan. I have a lot of work to do." Mizuki knew that whenever her mother had work, she had to finish it. She couldn't forget to do it, or someone would be sad or disappointed. It was no good not to do work; especially Mother said that Father's work was important for many people. She didn't want them to be sad or disappointed, especially to Father just because he didn't work.
"I understand, Otousan. Your work is important," the unexpected display of understanding greatly reminded him of her mother and it only made his heart felt heavier than before.
"Are you coming back, Otousan?" Zero turned toward his son at the question.
The question Misaki asked last night. The question that everyone silently asked to themselves but was left unsaid. The question that he kept asking to himself. He raised his eyes to look at the mother of his children who said nothing throughout the exchange; her face was completely neutral, giving away nothing of her feelings. However, he knew her feelings towards his leaving through a glimpse of her expression in their late conversation. She didn't want him to leave, but she wouldn't make him stay if he didn't want to.
Zero looked at the faces before him, the faces of the people he held dear in his heart. The mere thought of leaving them without being able to see them again, without being able to be close to them made his heart clench so tightly and painfully that he wasn't able to breathe.
He was getting closer to his children whom he used to only know through their photograph. He was getting to know their habits and personalities. He was getting to know how it felt to be a father for two amazing children. He was just getting to regain the comfortable feeling Misaki brought to him whenever she was around him. He was just getting to know more of her than he did before.
For once in his life, he felt actually needed by someone. For the first time, he truly felt that he belonged. And for one moment, he actually thought he could have something that was his alone. And he was reluctant to let go.
It never occurred to him that he would be someone worthy of them, of this brilliant woman and of these wonderful children before him… But he would be damned if he didn't at least try and spent the rest of his life thinking what could be. He had enough of that. He had enough of second-guessing himself.
Steeling himself, already making up his mind, Zero looked to the identical faces of his children who were waiting for his answer.
"I'll come to visit as often as I can," he promised them, "And I'll try to call when I'm not busy."
"Really?" The three-year-olds in front of him immediately brightened up at the promise, fortunately able to see the bright side than not seeing their father anymore.
"Really." He found himself smiling slightly at the look of pure happiness on their faces. He knew children never lied, so he could quash the feeling of doubt that usually came. And he was glad that he was the cause of that look on them, instead of the sad and disappointed look that he knew he would see if he did the wrong thing.
Zero slowly straightened up and stood up straight to meet her eyes, inwardly fearing of her reaction the most. However, when he mustered the courage to look at her, his breath was taken away with the warmth and tenderness in her smile that reached her eyes, making her appear to glow in his eyes. He found himself at loss with words; all the words he had prepared seemed to evade him. But as always, she waited patiently, her eyes gentle and encouraging.
"I've made my decision. I will give it try," he paused uncertainly, suddenly felt vulnerable as he was stepping into a whole new and foreign area that he was completely oblivious about. "Will you help me?"
The look in her eyes never changed even as he indirectly admitted his shortcoming. There was only understanding. And that moment he truly realized why he felt comfortable around her, because he knew that she accepted him as he was, him with his flaws.
"Of course… We'll do it together. You… Me… And the children. Together."
The fact that he wasn't going to be alone in this path he had chosen eased his heart and for once he let himself hope for the future where he wouldn't be alone anymore, where he would see himself with her and their children.
Finally, progress! Please read and review!