Chapter 2

"Porch pirates," Grandma said, her voice rising to be heard over all of the neighbors who had come to surround the car. They were all talking at the same time, each telling their own stories of woe, but I could not really hear any one of them very well.

"Stop," I said, as loudly as I dared, I didn't want to upset anyone more than they already were. "Can we take this inside, out of the rain?" I asked, trying to push my way to the front porch. Grandma nodded and motioned for everyone to follow and we filed into my parents living room.

My mother was in the kitchen, and dinner smelled great, so I resolved again to listen to the problems that grandma and her friends had, so that I would have the excuse I needed to be here when mom was ready to put the food on the table.

Grandma stepped close to me and poked her bony finger into my shoulder to emphasize each word she spoke. "There are porch pirates, and they are stealing our packages, right off of our stoops."

Again the rest of the crowd started adding their observations and complaints. And fortunately, this time Grandma was the one to turn and hush them. "Let's tell her what we know," she said, pulling Lois Kerney over and pointing at her with both hands like Vanna White. "Tell her what you saw Lois," she said,

Mrs. Kerney didn't miss a beat, she started telling her tale as fast as she could. I was amazed that we could all understand every word that she said.

"My son was sending me some Christmas gifts, He called and told me to look out for the box that would be coming soon. I stayed close by my window every day after that, I didn't want to miss it, I was so excited that I would be able to put the packages under my tree, you see. And then the trucks started coming. Up and down the road I would see the big brown ones, you know the ones I mean, and there were others too, white vans, they were much smaller, even the green and yellow one was just a van." She took a breath, and I think we all did the same.

"I saw them," she said.

"You saw them?" I asked. "You saw the porch pirates?" It sounded stranger than I thought it would to say those words, but that is what Grandma had called them. "Then you know who they are?" I asked the lady.

Mrs. Kerney was nodding, and then she started to shake her head. I, however, was the only one confused. Everyone else stood firm, agreeing with everything that was being said. Apparently, I was missing something big. So I waited for them to explain.

My mother's immediate neighbor, Mabel Markowitz, was the one to step forward. Very slowly she explained it to me, as if I was still the six year old little girl she knew from next door.

"We have seen them, at least their car, I mean," she said, looking around the group for confirmation of her statement. "They follow the delivery trucks to see where the packages are delivered. Then they disappear. But before we have a chance to pick up the packages from our porches, someone has already come by and grabbed them."

Heads were nodding, and looks of frustration were mixed with the anger these poor people felt. I was in full agreement, this was not fair. No one should have their stuff stolen right from off of their own porches. But I did not see how I could help them out.

I thought that maybe we could set up a neighborhood watch thing, but I immediately vetoed suggesting that idea. Most of the neighbors could not clearly see more than 10 feet away, and with the exception of Mrs Kerney, most of them would probably not even be able to tell a UPS truck from my little Honda Civic.

That is probably one of the reasons that I got this call and not the cops. They had no real evidence that they could give them. So, even though they all thought that I was dating a cop, which I'm not and haven't been for a very long time, there was no way I would be calling Morelli to help them out.

Grandma must have been able to see the gears turning in my head, but she had an idea and took this opportunity to speak up. "We thought your friends could do something," she said. "You know the ones that come around sometimes, and are all dressed in black."

She had obviously shared this idea with the others because suddenly everyone was closing in on me, nodding and smiling hopefully. I held my hand up to stop them, and pushed my way around the crowd to get to the phone.

Mom gave me a sympathetic smile when I walked into the kitchen. I shrugged. It could get crazy around here, and I was kind of glad that I didn't get the brunt of it like she did. I imagine that she had seen it all, and yet, here she was, keeping the routine going. Maintaining some sanity in my grandmother's often insane world. Mom was a trooper.

The phone only rang once before it was picked up by one of the guys that works for Ranger. I think it sounded like Woody, he has this accent that always makes me smile, and as long as he doesn't call me ma'am I'm good.

I asked to speak to Ranger and the call was immediately transferred. It was silent for a moment, I think that I started holding my breath in anticipation. Even his voice can do some intense things to my stomach, but no matter how much I tried to brace myself, it was never enough.

"Babe," Ranger said, tangling up my nerves and making me sweat. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to remember to breathe before I passed out, and I was pretty sure that he was laughing on the other end of the line. Or at least smiling.

"Are you busy?" I asked, not wanting to interrupt anything important.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, and I told him. He was silent for a beat and then told me to come in to his office so that we could make a plan.

Turns out that being in the security business, he had actually heard about the porch pirates. And this was just the excuse he needed to expand on some plans that he'd had to catch them. When I got to his building, Ranger was waiting for me. He had Hector and Silvio with him, with a pile of boxes.

"So, here's the deal," he said. "Hector has rigged each of these boxes with tracking devices and a little surprise for our pirate friends."

Hector had a grin on his face, and I knew he was having fun with this assignment. I like Hector, we don't always speak the same language, but we think a lot alike. I wasn't quite sure if that was something that should worry me or not, but I smiled back at him and gave him a fist bump.

Silvio had some complicated looking machines with blips and beeps and lights that showed up on several screens with maps. He explained that he could follow the trackers from about one hundred yards. He would be coming out to the burg to get set up before we put out the traps.

As I helped Ranger load the boxes into a van that looked an awful lot like a FedEx truck, the guys helped Silvio load his monitors in one of their nondescript black SUVs. I looked around. Grandma may have had the best idea ever when she suggested that I call Ranger in on this. No one was better.

"Ready to go?" Ranger asked me. He put his hand on my back to guide me to his car, and without even trying, Ranger ignited all kinds of fireworks inside of me. I had instantly become incapable of speaking, so I nodded my head. Miraculously my legs started moving and I made it to the Porsche without embarrassing myself.

"Babe," Ranger said, surprising me again that he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.

No, I thought. There was no one better than Ranger!