Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl
Facing The Truth
Days passed. They were meaningless. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. Eric went through the motions. He woke up, went to school, did his homework, then went to sleep. Nothing else. Everyday was the same. Except when we would cut himself several times as the day progressed. He would not even give his cits a chance to heal before cutting again. One morning, Eric had woken up after a nightmare, so upset he had taken a razor to his arm and hadn't been able to stop until he had cut himself thirty times. He cut in the bathrooms at school, in the back of the limo, in his room, pretty much everywhere. His mother and Rufus were never home and the servants knew better than to comment on Eric's behavoir.
Dan was right. He was a terrible person. He completely screwed Jenny over. He just took everything from her, just to be betrayed in turn. But then again, that's what he got for being such a slut. He had slept with Asher for the first time at fourteen, for God's sake. His own father didn't care about him. He tried to kill himself and still his father stayed away. He had always tried to be storng, to pretend having a father didn't matter to him. But it did. He used to hope his father didn't come back because he didn't know, but Dan forced him to face the truth. His father hadn't cared. His father probally had wished Eric had died. He would have been happier. Serena didn't care about him. Eric had started to wonder whether she had even come back from boarding school for him or just to ease her guilt. Serena never even stopped by to visit anymore. And as for Chuck. He had just screwed everything up with his brother. Once upon a time, Chuck had been everything Eric wanted to be. Chuck was Eric's role model. Chuck was his brother. And he loved Chuck.
Eric started to cry again. He had been crying a lot. He spent half his days wanting to cry. He spent the other half in a state so numb that he felt as if he was watching it from a distance. It was like he was watching it on TV and he could see and hear everything, he just couldn't opperate his body. He read online his body did that to protect itself from the pain. Great! He was even a pain to himself! He really did hurt everyone.
Eric wanted his brother. He wanted Chuck. Chuck would make it okay. Chuck would help him. But how could he call Chuck. Not after what he had known to Chuck. Chuck probally wanted nothing to do with him. And Eric couldn't blame him. He didn't deserve Chuck.
Eric's crying increased and he went to pick up a knife from the kitchen. No one was home. No one would see. Eric sliced across his arm and a wave of happiness went through him. He read it was because of eundorphins. That's what was making him so happy. Eric thought that was stupid. To him, he was cutting little holes in his skin to let the pain out. When he was in pain, it gave him something physical to focus on. When he was feeling numb, it shocked him out of the numbness. It kept him sane.
Unfortunatly for Eric, not every servant in the penthouse could be bought.
"Mr. Chuck. This is Vanya. You must come to the van der Woodsen penthouse immediately. It's Mr. Eric. You were right about what you said. Mr. Eric was lying."
Author's Note: This was my weak attempt at some angst before that drama. Tell me how it went. REVIEW!
-Lydia