Chapter Five Do You Remember Me?
It's only been a week since the dream but, as every one knows, patience is rewarded.
The final bell rings and, forgoing supper, I hurry along the corridors up to hospital. Seamus is still in the same place as usual. He must be waking soon, the potion cart is near.
Dropping my book bag outside the partitions; I sit on the bed, and while I perform my daily ritual of rubbing the lotion into his feet and legs, I talk to him. I tell him all about the classes. I know that this all falls on deaf ears because he is sleeping, but I still like to think that this will help him not to be so far behind in classes when he comes back. When I finish my task, I wipe my hands off on a towel, and take my seat on my chair at his bedside.
As I absentmindedly smooth my thumb over his cheek bone, Rough…needs to be shaved in the morning, gosh men sure have to shave a lot…, he mumbles something. I look around, wondering where Madam Pomfrey is because I know from the past that this means he will soon wake. It's not as though I really need her. I think (far more confidently than I really am). I've helped with this loads of times before. On the cart beside me are a number of potion bottles, I've made it my personal goal to know the use, purpose and dosage of each one. All I have to do is give him the right amount of each when he wakes up and he'll be fine. I can handle this.
Seamus's words are not just mumbles now. He's starting to squirm; it looks like he's struggling against the bedclothes. He says "no" a lot… I was being naïve to think I can handle this by myself. Maybe it's not too late to go get Madam Pomfrey. Too late, Seamus's eyes just flashed open. God, it's good to see those brilliant blues again.
"No! --off, get off me…stay---way…" He struggled under the covers at those words, but he now lies still, looking around himself. He is breathing heavy, and had broken into a small sweat during his tussle. He doesn't know where he is, his eyes jump around the room like sparks. They stop, resting on me.
"Wh--Wh--- no… How did you--?" He isn't making much sense. I lean forwards, encouraging him and for once, he doesn't shy away. "Where am I?" He asks.
"You're at Hogwarts." I answer.
"Then none of it…" He tries to push himself, winces then falls back to the bed. Looking at his hands and arms, his eyes widen as they take in the burns and healing gashes that still cover them. There is still faint bruising around both his wrists. He has been mending rather quickly, but some injuries are taking longer than others. "I'm still here!" He exclaims, twisting violently.
"No, Seamus, you're back!" I reach out and touch the back of his hand. He freezes. He looks up at me, and suddenly his eyes are brimming with tears. Seamus never cries. He pulls his hand roughly from my grasp, and rolls over with his back to me.
Reaching out I touch his shoulder, caressing it lightly. He winces. Though he is covered to his armpits with the blankets, I know where almost every injury on his body is, and I know that my hand is not on any of them. He hurts from human contact? I sit patiently, waiting for his tears to subside, humming a bit to myself, my hand still on his shoulder so he knows that I am here.
Rolling over to face me, Seamus's cheeks are streaked with tears, his eyes are red.
"You're back." I say again, this time more softly. Seamus, resembling a small child, nods. I wait a few moments before speaking. "There're a few potions you've got to take. Madam Pomfrey will be here in no time; perhaps we can surprise her by you having drunk them all?" I ask him this slowly, not sure if he will want to drink the sordid tasting liquids, but much to my surprise he nods, his eyes still swimming.
Reaching beside myself, I take up the first of the bottles. A clear pinkish potion pours into an empty goblet. Replacing the lid, I hold out the glass.
After staring at it for a moment, Seamus tries to push himself up against the pillows but he slumps back to them as a look of pain crosses his eyes the expression doesn't disappear.
I put my hand behind his head, resting my elbow on the bed; I support his head and bring the goblet to his mouth. It takes him a moment to bring up his hand, grasp the cupped portion of the glass and drink the liquid, his eyes remain fixed on mine over the goblet's rim.
I reach for the next potion, a murky orange and continue the same procedure for each of the eleven potions, leaving behind the purple sleeping draft. Finished, I begin to pull my arm from behind Seamus's head, but he quickly puts his hand on my arm stopping me. He fingers the hem of my robe sleeve for a moment before letting go.
"Tell me this is real." Seamus whispers in a broken voice. "…please. Tell me I'm not dreaming." His hand reaches up to touch my cheek, his fingers making a brushing action but he is unable to bring himself to make contact and drops it back to the bed.
I nod. Resting my elbow back on the bed, I put my other hand on his opposite shoulder, drawing him to me. He stiffens in my embrace, but after a moment, he relaxes, burying his face in my shoulder. I rest my chin on the top of his head, my tears mix with his sandy coloured hair. Seamus sobs against my shoulder and I can feel his tears wet my front. His hands reach up, and roam over my back coming to a rest on my shoulder blades; he grasps the material of my robes in his fist and shakes with every heart shattering sob.
I hold him to me, for how long, I do not know. It does take many minutes for his tears to subside, and even longer for him to collect himself enough to pull away from my shoulder. When he does, his hand comes up between us he reaches out to touch me but still, he can't bring himself to do so.
"It's alright." I reassure him with a nod.
He reaches his hand up again, centimeters from my face and closing in when the moment is broken by a voice that makes us both jump.
"I thought I'd bring you some OH MY GOODNESS!" Madam Pomfrey drops the tray she is carrying with a loud clatter. "He's awake!"
In that split second of the clatter, Seamus's face contorted with a mixture of fear and pain. I jump up as he clamps his hands over his ears, eyes rolling. He arches his back away from the bed sending pain shooting all over his body. In an attempt to lessen the pain, he slumps against the bed, more pain.
Rushing Madam Pomfrey from the partitioned area, I exhale deeply with disappointment at what I had almost achieved.
"What happened?" Madam Pomfrey demands her eyes wide.
"He was fine." I explain. "He woke up and he was fine until you came in. I think it may have been the tray, maybe he isn't comfortable with more than one person…" I trail off as the sounds of Seamus thrashing against his bed drift through the screens.
"This is no good." Madam Pomfrey sighs in exasperation, "This isn't good for him, his body's already under enough strain from his injuries." Her eyes flash as she thinks of a solution.
"I could get him to take the sleeping draught." I suggest.
"That'll have to do." Madam Pomfrey agrees. "I'll come in once he's asleep, has he taken his potions?"
I nod. "All but the sleeping one."
She nods and smiles at me briefly. I suspect she realize the intimacy of the moment that she'd walked in on. I smile slightly, and return to Seamus's side.
He had stopped thrashing about, and now lay still though trembling under the sheets. I sit on my chair at his side, and he shies away.
"Oh Seamus, what did they do to you?" I ask softly with only a hint of the exasperation that I feel from being so blind to his torment.
To my surprise he answers with a snort of false laughter. "What didn't they do?"
I choose not to respond to this. I sit at his side for several moments as our presence fills the air.
"You ought to sleep; Madam Pomfrey is worried that you may have hurt yourself when…" I trail off as he gives me another tearful expression. "What?"
"Don't leave me---" He pleas. My heart clenches at the need in his voice.
"I've got to." I smile weakly, reaching beside me for the purple sleeping potion. "I've got to go to bed, I've class tomorrow." I pour a half a glass of the purple potion.
Seamus watches my movements with anxious eyes.
"Classes, remember? Tomorrow I've got Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Herbology and then Defense Against the Dark Arts." I measure the liquid with the scale on the side of the glass. I check my watch to verify my measurements. 9:42, gosh it's later than I thought…
"Yes." Seamus croaks.
"I'll come here tomorrow right after potions if you promise to drink all of this right now." I add a bit more potion then hold the glass out.
"You'll be here when I wake up?" Seamus's eyes lock onto mine, not even glancing at the goblet in my hand.
"I'll be here when you wake up." I confirm, finishing firmly, "I promise."
Seamus reluctantly nods, and wraps his fingers around the cupped portion of the goblet. One of his fingers brush mine and rest on the glass touching it. A muscle in his hand twitches, but he doesn't move his finger.
Propelling the glass towards his lips, I help tilt the cup as its entire contents pour into Seamus's mouth. He swallows it in two big gulps and eyes already drooping, Seamus settles himself against the soft pillows.
"See you tomorrow." I whisper.
"---tomorrow." His voice slurs as he drops off asleep.
Before his eyes are even completely closed Madam Pomfrey bustles around the corner of the screens. Immediately she puts the back of her hand to his forehead, then cheek.
"He's running a fever."
There is no need to tell me, there's a pinkish tint to his normally pale skin, and a slight sweat on his brow. Madam Pomfrey quickly pulls down the sheets that cover the motionless body.
Over the right side of his chest, Seamus has one of many injuries. It is covered at the moment with a gauze wrap, but with a swipe of her wand, Madam Pomfrey makes the gauze vanish and inspects the pink skin beneath.
When he had first arrived at St. Mungo's, there had been what looked like an overlarge paper cut on the upper right portion of his chest, about a hand's width below his collar bone. A rather large flap of skin had been seemingly shaved partially off and had to be skillfully removed by one of the hospital's healers. An infection developed within a week of his being brought to Hogwarts. Though it was healing fast, Seamus caused many backwards steps because he got too overexcited every time he woke, putting strain on his injuries, slowing his recovery.
"You should be in bed." Madam Pomfrey scolds, looking up at me briefly before turning her attention back to Seamus.
"I'll just go to bed." I say backing away from the bed.
"How much did you give him?" Madam Pomfrey asks.
"He'll wake up tomorrow, just after four." I answer, knowing that she is referring to the sleeping draught without her even saying so.
Madam Pomfrey looks up at me after applying some sort of liquid then a bandage to the wound. "You did very well."
I grin at the compliment but my smile disappears as she rolls him over to his side. My mouth dries instantly, I taste bile.
As he almost never leaves the bed except for linen exchange and to make changing the dressing on his wounds easier, there is no point in Seamus wearing excess clothes, I've gotten used to seeing him in only his boxer shorts.
The sight before my eyes, his back, though not foreign to me, is one that disgusts me above anything I've ever seen in my entire life. Turning my back to Madam Pomfrey I pick my book bag off the floor where I'd left it.
"I'll be back tomorrow before he wakes."
"You should eat something," Madam Pomfrey states, looking over briefly. "Go down to the kitchens before heading for your dormitory.
"I will." I say not looking over, making a beeline for the door.
Not feeling particularly hungry, I head up to Gryffindor tower stopping only to dash into one of the girl's toilets on the way and retch in a toilet, the image of Seamus's back and the injuries it held, still vivid in my mind.