Josie woke with a start. The same as she always did. She laid in bed, eyes squeezed shut as she tried to ignore reality, praying the dreams would take back over. She prayed to the Elven gods, knowing her own didn't answer such wishes but hoped the Dalish ones were more sympathetic. Tonight it seemed as though they didn't hear her. Most nights they didn't. The sky outside was still dark and with no way to gauge the time, her sense of it as skewed as her sleeping habits, Josie remained where she was.

Emotions ravaged her heart but she ignored them, attempting to keep her mind blank. Like every other night, it didn't work. Glimpses of the dream that woke her up flashed across the black of her closed eyes. It was the same dream she always had. The one that plagued her nights and preoccupied her days with longing. But tonight, the images of a perfect morning spent with her love and the magical night that the Winter Palace's ball ended as proved to be too much. Tears streamed down bronze cheeks as Josie stopped fighting and let her mind focus on what she lost.

The world was cruel to give her a taste of happiness, to give her Eleri only to have her ripped away. And with Eleri, it ripped away her love of life as well. Josie had spiraled so low that Leliana moved the Antivan back to her home country in a small estate by the sea. Leliana then took it upon herself to stay with Josie, make sure she was eating and getting by. That was really all Josie was doing. She ate when Leliana told her to, slept infrequently only to be woken up by sweet dreams that broke her heart, and the days passed. But, it was nights as tonight's that made Leliana stay with her friend.

Josie slipped out of bed and padded toward Leliana's room. She didn't knock. What waited on the other side of the door was, much like her dream, the same as always: Leliana awake and pouring over various letters. The former spymaster still had her birds and still had work. The difference was only being farther removed from it than before. As the door opened Leliana glanced over, taking in Josie's state.

"Oh, Josie." She murmured, meeting the woman midway to her bed. An arm wrapped around Josie's shoulders to guide her the rest of the way. "The same one?"

Josie didn't answer, she didn't have to. Instead she began in a different direction. "I never understood it, Leli. I never thought any of it was worth waiting around or wasting time for. It never held any weight. I had matters that were far more pressing to give my time to. I had laws to write, royal secrets to keep under lock and key. I had countries to keep together. I was much too busy to ever give anything a real chance."

Leliana nodded along as Josie spoke. This wasn't the first time they've had the same conversation and that admission wasn't something Leliana wasn't aware of when Josie was neglecting her love life in favor for work but whatever Josie needed to get past her dream was what Leliana would give her. At the moment it was her ear.

"I finally figured it all out; I worked out just what love was worth, that it was worth it but now she's gone. It's too late."

Tears fell heavier than before and Leliana pulled her friend into a hug, trying to give her some sort of comfort. Leliana knew it wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough. The loss Josie feels won't go away and it wouldn't be lessening anytime soon.

"I should have ignored her flirting." Josie had never taken that route before. Leliana pulled back slightly to look at the woman crying into her shoulder. "I never should have told her, let her see inside my heart. I wouldn't feel like this if I hadn't. I would miss her as a leader and surely as a friend but I would not be feeling as though I died that day too."

"You can't think like that, Jo."

"No." Josie pulled hastily away from Leliana. "Do not call me that, Leli. Please do not call me that."

Her eyes pleaded through the tears, mirroring how broken Josie's heart still was. Leliana nodded, not realizing the nickname would have that effect on her. Leliana had used it before. Though, as she thought about it not since before Eleri had died.

"What do you think she would say if she saw me?" Josie gave a watery laugh after a few minutes. Again, a new turn in their tired conversation. Leliana wasn't given a chance to answer. Josie talked right on the heels of her question. "She would feel guilty that she has made me this upset even though she couldn't have done anything about it. She would tell me she didn't want to be troubling my mind and to let it be, let it go, and live in the world she sacrificed herself to save."

A sob interrupted Josie and Leliana remained silent. She didn't know what to say. What Josie answered was true, Eleri would tell her to let it be. But, Leliana was also under the belief that Eleri would fight real gods or assuming ones, whatever was in her way, to get back to this cracked, broken-down version of the woman she loved in order to put Josie back together. Leliana had no doubt about that but she couldn't say it to Josie. So instead, Leliana hugged her friend tighter, ran a calming hand through her hair and said the only thing that might be true, she hoped would be true.

"One day this won't hurt so much, Josie."