Poster's Notes: This chapter took several thousand re-writes. Or maybe not, but it feels like it. I think it's OK for uploading now, if Raelynn has followed the suggestions I wrote on her last revision. I've read like 74 different versions of this chappy, so I can't bring myself to actually look at it.

Now the Cullens had so many children that they needed a bigger house. Mike had also moved in, because he was Brianna's true love. And unlike Brianna's first set of parents, Esme and Carlisle loved their daughter so much that they didn't want her to be separated from her love. Because they had like increddibly much money, because Carlisle was 200000 years old and a time traveller (thanks to Savanna for the idea and for editing) who had been president and emperor many times over, they bought a scenic island out in the sea and built a manor house with many rooms.

They had 10 miles of beach where everyone else in the world had to ask for permission to swim, but they usually said yes because they were nice like that. And they also had an incredibly nice luxury boat, but enough with the domestic bliss, because there was shit going down.

Amberlynn Masters was cheating on all the werewolfes with all the other werewolfs, and it was really hard for her to find enough time to date them all so they wouldn't be suspicious. She had made a wize decision to break up with Paul, because he was so ugly that she couldn't stand kissing him. And it was also more important that Brianna wouldn't want to date him anyway, and if she did that would be like a punishment because Paul was so gross and uggg.

But she also broke up with Jacob, because she was tired of his addiction to Hawaii 5-0. I mean, who seriously watches that in the 21rst century? I only know it exxists because my grandparents made me watch it when they babysat us when we were kids. It's for old people, OK?! I bet Logan likes it, though.

Jacob always got really depressesive when some girl dumped him. He had a fragile yet enflated ego that hurt from rejection like a beesting on somewhere the sun never shines. Except possibly if you're from Sweden. Mr Lombottomby says they are really liberal up there. You can marry your car and a cow and such. That's where his grandfather is from. So in conclusion, maybe in Swe3den the sun sometimes shines on those places.

So Jacob teamed up with Charlie for revenge, because Charlie now had to live on his own because Bella had walked out on him to live with the Cullens. It was always her who did the housework for him, and now all his clothes were pink from the wash, and he was sniffing around in the forest for edible berries and roots, cause there was no money left from buying enough booze. They both had plenty of reason for hating the Cullens perfect family.

But I have forgotten to tell you why Jacob hated them so much. You see, he was originally their adopted kid too, when he was a baby. But he was kidnapped by a secret cult of bikers when Esme stopped to fill gas at a Seven-11 in Tesco. The police did a really searious mistake for the investigation, and gave the Cullens back Emmett instead, who they had found tied up in a doghouse in Wisconsin. It had been a really long time, so Esme and Carlisle didn't think it was weird that he didn't look the same as before.

While it was really nice that Emmett was rescued from his abusive family situation, it did nothing good for Jacob who was being kept in a secret lab in a garage in Arkansas and had to learn to make heroin and cocain for his new "daddy". (Rae, you need to break this sentence up. It's too long.) After many years the police finally caught the bikers during a drug bust, and the nice undercover cop who he had come to know as "Uncle Gary", and who had been the only person never to beat him up, had testified in court that it was Jacob who had supplied all the bikers with drugs. So Jacob, who was 14 by then and old enough for prison, was sentenced to 300 years in the slammer.

All the rage he felt because of this betrayal, turned him into a wherewolf for the first time ever. He ate the police men who were taking him to jail, and stole the prison wan. Then he lived in the secret forests like a savage animal. This was how he came to find Charlie one night, passed out in a cranberry bush, intoxicated on moonshine and wild toadstool. Charlie knew the police had messed up the investigation because he'd been there, (tahnks to Savanna for this plot!) and he told Jacob that he had once been adopted by the Cullens, and could have grown up filthy rich and spoilt.

Jacob never forgave them for thinking that Emmett was really him. They came up with an evil plan, muahahahaha!

So Jacob's life was pretty miserable, until one day he saw a really sexy girl sunbathing on the beach of the lake in the forest where Alice one washed up. She was so beautiful that he lost his mind and nothing in the world mattered anymore. It was… REMENSNEMEE!