Poster's notes: The reason Raelynn hasn't been quite so efficient at popping out the chapters lately, is because she's been very busy playing Second Life. She and her beefy, muscular virtual husband instead popped out a computer baby she needs to take care of. But she says the experience has improved her writing exponentially. Although I did help her a bit with spelling words and forming sentences.

On the private island in the Pacific Island outside of Forks (I checked the map, and it totally is the Pacific and all), Esme was floating around in a field of pastel-colored flowers of all shapes. Her transclucent, feather-light neglichééy was billowing in the air behind her. Whenever she took a step, gravity lifted the delicate fabric, and whenever she stopped, it fell gracefully down around her sensually feminate legs.

Carlisle stood around in an unbuttoned shirt that showed of his exploratory muscular upper body and six-pack. His upper arms were massive and rippling, and his shoulders were so wide and manly that his head looked small upon them. He now had spikey black hair, but not stupidly gelled-spikey LIKE LOGAN, but fluffy and animé-like as the fur of a Belgian Shepherd dog. It had turned that way naturally, because when you're as happy as they were on the island your inner beauty becomes outer. Sometimes you don't recognize people after a happy experience.

Esme and Carlisle were now younger and freer that they had been for centuries (Esme is also a time traveller), and they required some them-time alone from the kids, so the intelligent and mature adult son James took all the younger people out on the boat. It was very large like a house in itself, and they enjoyed a lovely tropical vacation. (They went to Spain, because I don't like Hawaii. I keep seeing flashes of 1960s surfers, and that theme-song playing in my ears!)

On a Spanish beach, Resnemee went suntanning with her less loved sister Bella, when she opened her eyes and saw the most sexy mediterranean werewolf surferboy she had ever beheld with her amber-golden eyes. But pretty eyes, not the kind of eyes Amber has. Hers are poop-brown. I hope Logan is happy with her, when he could have had me. Except not really, because he deserves to suffer.

(Raelynn, you're breaking the fourth wall again.)

"Oh, he's sooooo dreamy!" exclaimed Renmesee. "Who is he?"

"Ewwww!" putrified Phil. "It's that orphan werewolf who ran away from Esme's loving home. You're not talking to him!" and he dragged his sexy daughter away to teach her about birds and bees.

"I'm sure glad Charlie was never that protective of you," Edward expressed his opinion as he made love to Bella in the crystal sands under the golden setting sun above the palm trees rustling in the cool breeze rolling in from the crystal blue sea in which the sapphire sky reflected. Life was beautiful.

But as they approached the homely shores of Washington country, they happened to be greeted by Brianna's ex-dad on his jet-ski that he bought for when he was going to have a midlife crisis.

"Precious has run away," he lamented to his former child. "She found a photo album in our bedroom, that we kept as a reminder of our first family unit. It broke her heart to see you on your mother's lap as a six-year-old innocent girl, knowing that we loved you before we even knew she existed. So if you should see her around, would you please tell her that she's always welcome back?"

Brianna started crying and ran to her room, because she had thought that her dad had come to take her back and tell her everything had been a mistake and that they still loved their only real daughter. She didn't want to go back to Esme again, because she had become too glamorous for a mother, and Brianna missed having a motherly one. So back on land she packed her bags and took the midnight train to England to live with her caring aunt Mrs Weasley so she could live daughterly again. She forgot about Mike in all her emotional turmoil.

This was very good news for Amberlynn, who broke up with all the werewolves. Their slobbery dog-breath kisses were not as passionate as the true love she could have.