Poster's Notes: This chapter does not include the Raelynn's beautiful art of Esme giving birth, because then we'd have to give the chapter an M-rating. Neither does it include the incredibly fugly (but quite accurate) picture she drew of Logan, because when Uncle Douglas, who's a lawyer, saw it he said it was defamation.

This chapter is 100% written by Raelynn, because I had an essay about the damaging effects Liberals have on society.

Bella was a mostly beautiful vampire, and all the boys in school want to screw her a lot. She had seduced her sisters boyfriend, who was a hot werewolf but a little evil. And her sister who was Remessnee had found out because Jacob had maoned "OH BELLA" when the had sex under the full moon in the dark forest where the werewolves hunted the majestic caribou.

Suddenly Carlisle burst into room and shoutes: HELP TALLULA IS MISSING! Emse started crying, and Remesnee sobbed with grief, and Bella shrieked in agony, and Edward was reading them a story to help them feel better. Carlimpe said WE MUST CALL THE POLOICE! but not Charlie because he was in jail for domestic insubordinance. So Phil said "We should call a private detecitve!" and they did, and the dectective came over.

It was SHERLOCK! and he had a British face and didn't like people much. "You need to help us said Esme!" Jasob Black has stolen our baby, adn this is only revenge because we adopted him but he was kidnapped by the drug sect and we didn't find him because he looked like Emmett and we didn't know any better. aNd now he hates us, and that is wjhy it's dangerous to adopt children you don't know because they can turn on you even if you treat them well if you make tragical mistakes!"

"I see Madame," said Sherlock. "Jolly awful person this werewolf chap."

They all went looking in the forest and in the city and all over town and even in Canada where everyone looked the same, but they found Jasper nailed to a tree in the woods. He was run through with a lot of swords and daggers, and was dead, and a note was nailed to his forehead that said "HAHAHAHAHA now I got you for betraying me! I HAS KILLED EMMETT!"

"Oh no," said Carlisle in a bad mood. "He thought Jasper was Emmett! He will never forgive us!"

But then they saw that it wasn't really Jasper, it was a porn doll with his face painted on and a lot of blood.

"I think in my brain that the scratty blokes may be conspiring to work toegether!" Sherlock said. "Didn't Japser used to sell drugs?"

"He sold weed, crack, heroin, cocain, cannabis, granite and meth!" wailed Esme. "I thought my mother ly love had cured him of his evil ways!"

"Love has never solved a shite," said Sherlock comfortingly. Renne started crying.

Carlisle drove them home, and they went for a walk along the beach and found Tally buried to her ankles in the sand. Edward started crying. Because he was so happy they find his little sister. She was not okay.

I daresay that poor child will be scarred for life," hollered Sherlock. "I suggest you start on making another one. Chop chop, off you go. I need to catch the nine o'clock train to London. Call me if you find any more dead bodies."

Esme and Carlisle made love in consolation that Tally was smacked in the brain, and then they took a pregnazi test, and they found a baby in it! "Oh no!" said Esme and started crying. "Another baby! We need to write to my brave and mature and beautiful daughter Brianna and tell her to come home, because she's the only persnon who can handle this!"

"We take the floating house and og to Braxil," determined Carmine. "Bella and Edward can housesit the mansion, that will make them feel appreciated while we're neglecting them for a couple of years!"

"Yes, and they can have lots of parties," said Esme. "I think we should leave Alice and Jaspre with them too. We only need Emmett for body gourd, and Rosa Lee because he'll be sad without her, and Reeen and Pillh because they're our best friends and our daughter's parents, and Renesneem, but not Jacob because this is his FULT!"

On the sceneric and weather beaten island of Scottland, Brianna was very happy with her new parents, they were actually her uncle and aunt but they said on TV that whoever raises you are your parents, but Dad said that was Liberal proganda. Biolological bonds matter, my Dad says. He knows a lot about it, because he studies animals in cages all day. Sometimes he cuts them up and looks inside them. He's a scientist. You don't need to have studied in a brainwashing university to do real science, says my Dad. But the Cullens practiced being everyone's parents, and Brianna learned from them because they had been her parents when they lived in Spain.

It was very sad when Brianna had to leave yet another Mom to go off into the big, cruel world on exiting adventures, but Esme promised to be less glamorous now that she was pregnant. And they could bake cookies on the houseboat every Friday before watching Life on Mars. Mrs Weasley was a bit tired of having all the kids around when school was out, so she sent Ginny and Harry (she had adopted him, so he didn't have to live with his stupid muggles) to sea with them. The would all need lots of help looking after Tally and a new baby.

Just as the happy Cullens had left the shores of Bonnie Scottland, there was a knock on Mrs Weasley's door. It was a very skinny girl in a dirty bag, and she said "My name is Turd, and I have really mean parents, but I was adopted by some really nice loving new parents who called me Precious and gave me nice clothes and hugged me and made cookies, but those had another daughter and they had made her childhood so happy while I was suffering in my first home that I couldn't bear it! Can I live here, please?"

"Of course, dear!" said Mars Weasrly in a motherly woice.

Was Turd finally going to find a loving home? Was Brianna finally going to find a loving home? Was Esme finally going to have a natural baby (not c-sec)? Was Charlie and Jacog up to something? Was Resmee going to miss jaxob? Was Renne going to marry Phlip? Was Jacob really kidnapped?

Next chapter wull be much better, because my editor can edit again when her essay is wrote. I need to improve my grammer, but Dad says as long as I speek fine, then who cares howe I write? I'm not going to be a secretary.