Ah the next chapter yay.
Just so you guys know, I don't have an updating schedule, so it might be a day and it might be like 3 weeks we'll never know.
Disclaimer: I own the plot but the characters belong to the makers of Hetalia
Thanks to Mr. Puffintrash on instagram for the ideas ily! You'll be seeing that idea in the next chapter!
Totally irrelevant, but I posted another new story called 'PLANTASTIC' so yeah. It's about plants. Go read it.
Also, this story is random and messy and that's because it's in Ice's POV and his mind is random and messy (lol or maybe I'm too tired for grammar up to you to decide)
After yet another hour in front of the mirror, I throw on my coat and scurry out the door, the knot in my stomach growing. I leave the house a little nervous and arrive at the bus stop an emotional wreck. Biting my lip and hopping from foot to foot in anticipation, I flip my phone open. As I thought, I was running a minute or two behind, just enough to know that Leon will already be there if he's even going to show up; no way am I letting myself get stood up. I looked out into the area around me, everything still bleached with snow. Not a single person wandered the streets, no hint of life whatsoever except for all of the tracks where people start going somewhere and give up, so they lead to nowhere. The calm environment starts to help my heart-rate, but then it's too still and there's nothing to focus on except the intense anxiety.
Sure, Leon had been sweet and pretty but that didn't make the idea of going on a date with her any less terrifying. In fact, it made it so much worse, the stakes were higher. Dammit, I wanted this to go well.
Simultaneously sluggish and so hypersensitive it hurts, I board the bus and sit down, my mind completely occupied with possibilities and hopes. What if this isn't even a date? No, I know it's a date. But what if she doesn't want another one? What seems like an eternity's worth of questions overtook me but I sat there silently, ignoring the kids behind me and the gross couple next to me. My phone buzzes and I pull it out, sliding in my password with shaky hands.
Leon: U on ur way?
I don't answer. Am I on my way? I should bail? No way I can do this? I realize how heavy my breathing has become and close my eyes, trying to focus on that instead.
In. I forgot how horrible dates are.
Out. I forgot how horrible nerves are.
In. I forgot how many people got on this stop.
Out. I forgot how rude the people are.
In. I forgot the claustrophobia.
Out. I forgot the people elbowing my sides.
In. I forgot the lack of air.
Out. I forgot how to breathe there is no air, just people, and more people; the punk kids next to me are making out and they keep getting closer, if one more person gets on this bus they'll be on me.
In. I need to get out.
"Marketstreet!"
Oh god. My eyes flash open and I stumble up, rushing to the front of the bus. There's no time to worry about if I should really do this, I need to get off now even if I am going to just turn back. I throw myself off the bus, launching myself towards the snow. Cold, lifeless snow that's not going to drown me. Thank god. I sigh heavily, kneeling on the cold clean grass, relieved to have my mind back to myself. After less than a second of thinking, I decide to go home. Between the nerves and the claustrophobia, the day has not begun great and no way it'll get better.
"Hey, Icey, get up. I don't want you to get hypothermia on our first date."
Oh.
I look up, expecting the beautiful girl from yesterday but no. The person in front of me looks like a Hot Topic advert, not the delicate, cute girl that painted cherry blossoms at a bus stop while a stranger stared. Her hair is down like the day before, but a black beanie pushes it even farther into her face. She's wearing black skinny jeans and a shirt for Mindless Self Indulgence with about five bracelets on each wrist. She has a black jacket thrown over her arm, the other is holding a set of car keys. Another thing, the only makeup she's wearing is charcoal-like eyeliner that just looks like an emo boy's.
"Leon?" I ask, surprised.
"Yeah come on. We have a date; be a gentleman and walk me in." She says, smirking and reaching her hand down to help me up. Flushing hideously, I let her pull me up, finding her hand to be rougher and stronger than expected. I blush again when she doesn't let go and rather walks with me into the nearest shop, where the music is loud and atrocious but I mean it's warm.
"A frozen yogurt shop?" I question, staring up at her and pretending I'm not. I think I like her like this, even if she looks like a guy. Seriously like a guy.
"Yeah. It's winter, so we know hardly anybody is going to be here, it's close to the stop so we don't have to be outside long, and I really like frozen yogurt." She reasons, hauling me to the counter and clinging onto my hand, although I'm not trying to let go. I notice the way her eyes flicker to the window every few minutes, the way she doesn't blush or really show any emotion at all, the way she smirks instead of smiles. "What, like, flavor do you want?" She asks me, breaking me out of my trance again. She's already ordered hers and the guy at the counter appears irritated. Was I staring? It's not my fault, she looks so amazing, a combination of beauty and mystery. I want to figure out why she keeps looking to the window. Why she likes MSI and cherry blossoms. Why she won't smile. Oh my god this is horrible what am I doing?
"Stop" I mutter under my breath, blushing. I glare at the floor and let go of Leon. "I don't know what's good. Leo, can you order for me?" I ask, my face bright red, just wanting to go back home. I rush over to the table, my hand feeling oddly cold since it's not holding hers. I stare at my palm for a minute, not knowing exactly what I was thinking about it. It's stupid and juvenile to be acting like this. Dating people I have no future with, especially just some emo scene kid that looks like a guy, isn't something that anything Berwlad or Lukas would do.
"Emil?" A soft voice asks from behind me. It's Leon again. I don't respond, still embarrassed by my thoughts. A few heavy moments pass. "Did it bother you that I called you Icey?" She sits beside me, disturbing the lack of life in the area. I hesitate.
"No it really didn't bother me. I kind of liked it. My family calls me Ice." I mutter, surprised she's not going to say anything about my intense awkwardness. I probably just ruined the date and we both know it. Instead of getting up and leaving like I expect, she leans closer.
"Did it bother you that I held your hand?" I don't even hesitate anymore.
"No." I respond quickly, reaching out to wind our fingers together again.
"Will it bother you if I embarrass you in front of the employees here?" She asks, her voice dropping an octave as mine rises about ten.
"Yes it would! What are you planning!?" Before I can continue freaking out, she has me standing and is hauling me to the section in the middle of the store with no tables. The music is tacky and generally horrible, but she pulls my hands around her neck anyways and starts dancing, her grip on me iron so I can't squirm away. Stuttering and flustered, I argue against it for half the song before giving in to the warmth of her neck and letting my head rest there.
"See this is, like, nice." She says, dancing with me slowly. Too slow for the beat, but I don't say anything. I just hold her close, my head on her shoulder. She did warn me this would be embarrassing, and she was right, but it is nice to be comfortable in a quiet place with someone like her. She keeps me close and dancing with her for the entire song, then takes my hand again and seats me at the table, smirking again.
Her eyes meet mine across the table and there's silence again, but it's not uncomfortable. It's like I gave her permission to see right into my soul, the second I let her hold me.
But these are just childrens' games. No way this comfort will last.
Our cups of frozen yogurt are already gone by the time she speaks up again. Her voice was already lower than mine, but now it's not even in my range; it's been steadily dropping as the night goes on. "You know, we just met yesterday and I already like you?"
I jerk my head up, startled, but she already looked down and I have nothing to say anyway. Because I was just thinking the same exact thing.
"Goodbye." She says, leaning forwards, her face alarming close to mine until her lips meet my cheek, sending butterflies and electric shocks from my face to my toes.
"Goodbye..." I mutter, blushing, as she turns around and leaves me in front of that bus. I hate to see her go.
And there are so many things I still don't know.
What is her middle name? Or her last for that matter? What school does she go to? Why haven't I met her before? Is that car hers? How did she get it? Where does she work? What's her dream job? Does she hold everyone's hand like she held mine?
The bus door opens and there's no more time for questions as the overwhelming claustrophobia takes me over again.
I open the door carefully, not even turning on the lights as I sneak through the house into my room, tracking snow the whole way there.
"You're finally acting like a teenager." A gentle voice says from inside my room, not resentful or angry like I'd expect, although it sounds so broken.
"Lukas? I mean I'm not a teenager don't-"
"Don't bother, Ice. I think its cute. I miss being a teenager. I miss being able to blame the stupid things I do on being young. But I can't anymore. Ice, it's horrible. The pressure. The expectations. I just want you to not have to deal with this. Knowing everything really is my fault." I swear there's a catch in his voice but I don't respond. "I fucked up again Ice. And it's so much worse than before." He sighs, and I hear him sliding off my bed onto the floor.
"Norge? What happened? You're not making sense." I ask, concerned rather than irritated, flipping the lights on. My poor brother; he's a mess. Tears are streaming down his face and there's a red spot on his cheek, like he'd been hit. His sweater is low and I can see the countless hickeys tracing their way up as well as how many streams are really falling from his eyes. "Norge?" I ask weakly, not wanting to move. I want to run. I want to run and never come back. I want to nuzzle my way back into Leon's neck and not deal with this.
"We fought. I- I said something I shouldn't have. He said something he shouldn't have. And it spiraled. Ice, Mathias won't be coming back." He sighs, running his hands through his hair. I half expect him to tell me Mathias is dead. "He hates me now. And I deserve it." I am not quite sure what I'd do normally, but I'm still comfortable from the date and my mind isn't on it's normal pessimistic mode. Concerned, I walk over to my brother and wrap and arm around him.
"Hey, do you need to talk about it?" I don't know what happened. I don't want to know.
"No, you're too young to hear these things... Just... try to be happy for me okay? I need to go find Mathias." Thank god. He pulls away from me and walks out, not fixing his clothes or drying his tears even as the front door slams shut behind him. I don't know why I changed so fast, but all of a sudden I want to be a kid again. I guess Norge's words got to me. I want to not know what's happening. I want to think Mathias didn't hit Lukas. I want to think Lukas probably didn't hit him either. I want to just hug Norge and then he'll smile and be okay and make me pancakes like he normally does when I'm sad. I'm so done growing up out of nowhere. But I shake that off and turn away, leaving my room, feeling tears prick in my own eyes like they had been in Lukas's. I don't want to grow up quite yet. I sit on the porch again, my jacket not thick enough to keep me warm. My hands are messing with my phone, frozen over the dial button, questioning my own actions. But I click it.
"Yo, what ever happened to the 3-days rule? We just had our first date, shouldn't you be-" Her voice knocks up something inside me and all of a sudden the tears are back, pouring so hard I don't know how to handle it.
"Leon, can you pick me up where we met? I can't- I can't stay here right now."
"I'm on my way. Like, what's wrong?"
I tell her I fought with my brother and it was bad. What was I supposed to say?
"I only met you yesterday but you and my brother made me realize that now is my time for happiness and love, plus I think I can fall in love with you; maybe I have already."
Yeah okay, I have already.
Okay okay so I know this is a little random and messy and there is an actual reason for that. Ice is panicky and bad at handling emotions. He wants to grow up and live his own life, but towards the end you can see out of nowhere he just wants everything to stop changing. I guess this is sorta foreshadowing? Idk. Really, it's just teenage hormones controlling Ice and phucking up his life. Lol if you can't relate ur probably either 10 and shouldn't be reading this or you are somehow amazingly in control of your life like wow
okay well thank you for reading! Leave a review or some constructive criticism or something ok thanks bye
Oh I forgot to say earlier so I'll say it now, I did not read through this before I posted it. It's late and I'm tired so yeah I'm just posting. Sam already looked through and fixed what they noticed but yeah it would be helpful if you pointed out mistakes. And if anyone's willing to completely beta this (that means you'd fix sentence structure and general writing flaws, not just spelling stuff) every once and a while you should say something; it would be much help.
okay now really bye I'll have the next chapter out... eventually *shrug*