Here it is. If Mel's version was sad and depressing then grab a box of tissues and read what was going through Ian's mind.

DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me they belong to Stephanie Meyer's author of the wonderful book 'The Host'

Chapter 2: If you see her

Ian's POV

I looked at the golden liquid in my cup. Life almost wasn't worth living, not without her. I drank.

Mel should be arriving soon. She's such a good friend to me. She meets me for these vent sessions and though she's Wanda's sister she doesn't hate me.

I remembered when I'd first seen Mel and Wanda. I thought they'd been friends but it turns out they were sisters. It'd been odd because Mel looks so much like their mother but Wanda looks like her dad. Not that he has long luscious blonde curls and lips that are so easily kissable. No from the picture of him in High School Wanda's mom had showed me he'd been blonde, fair skinned and had lots of freckles.

Wanda had been sitting on this exact bar stool. You could tell because it had a 'WI' carved on the bottom of the seat. It was the fourth from the right. I'd been a stupid senior in college out with some buddies trolling for some chick to nail in the back of a van I borrowed from my parents because my bike had been in the shop getting painted.

My buddy Brent had been with me and pointed over at the bar, pointing out a couple of girls that were the perfect pray. A brunette and a blonde. I'd decided to take the blonde, blondes were easier, and we were getting ready to approach when two guys walked up. Jared had walked up with a ginger, Burns, who'd grown up with next to the girls.

I smiled at Brent, he always liked the girls who were hard to get. So we approached.

I slid up next to Wanda who was sitting at the bar, fourth from the right. "Hey Jeff get this girl a drink."

She'd looked at me and smiled, "'Get this girl a drink' Gee never heard that one before."

I smiled widely at her, "Well it was either that or 'come here often?' But I decided on the less of the cheesy two."

On the other side of us Brent was having no luck with Melanie. She'd laughed at his stupid jokes but Jared wasn't having it. When Bent asked if he could dance with Mel; Jared punched him in the face and took Mel to dance himself.

I'd barely registered that because I couldn't ignore the girl in front of me, "Personally I like the 'buy a drink' bit. Because I get a free drink out of it."

Jeff, the bartender that night, had got us two shots of tequila and we both took a shot.

"So come here often?" I asked acting curiously as Jeff replaced her shot with a glass of whiskey she'd ordered before I came over.

She laughed and I saw her gray eyes shine with some silver; it was beautiful. "Sometimes, I'm not really into going out. My sister is though. If I come here it's to have a chill pill drink to calm the nerves."

I ran my fingers threw my black hair feeling a bit nervous myself, "Now what would a gorgeous girl like you have to be nervous about?"

She sighed, "Exams. I'm a student at Caves college."

"What a coincidence, I too go to that same college."

She seemed really interested for the first time, "Oh really? What's your major?"

"Engineering. But I play on the college's soccer team. How about you?"

She twirled a straw around in her drink, "Art major with a minor in theater."

"Oooo an actress huh?"

She'd blushed and took a drink, "Yea. But I mostly do costume design and set design."

"I can't see you painting a set background." I said leaning on my elbow.

"No." she said giggling, "I just design and supervise. Not like anyone would let me help anyway."

"So does your boyfriend help you do set's?" I asked bracing myself for a yes.

"Oh yea he helps me do all kinds of things." She said winking at me, "Well when he appears in my dreams anyway."

"So you don't have a boyfriend?" I asked shocked.

"Nope." She said shaking her head so her blonde curls when flying.

I smelt the scent coming from her hair, it smelt like some sort of flowery scent. It was intoxicating. Once her hair stopped flying I gently grabbed a lock of it, "May I?"

"Sure." She said.

I bent down and smelled her hair we were really close and I heard her breath speed up; I smiled. "Your hair smells great what's that smell?" I leaned away.

"It's probably my Shampoo and Conditioner." She said nervously taking a big drink. "It's Aloe and Lily flower scented."

"I like it." I was more than interested in this girl. She was pretty, gorgeous the prize a sex crazed college boy dreams of. But more than her looks she was smart.

As the night went on she drank two of her drinks and when she got up to go to the bathroom she almost fell she was so tipsy. I caught her before she could hit the ground. "Thanks." She said. I helped her to the bathroom and waited for her to come out.

I knew that if I didn't help her walk to the bathroom she'd either fall over or get taken by someone else. When she was done and she came out I asked if she wanted to get out of there, I offered her a ride home. She'd accepted and I'd driven her to her place. I'd only had a shot and had my wits about me so it wasn't a problem.

It was dark, she said her parents weren't home and asked if I wanted to come in. I accepted. Better in a house than in the back of the van. She deserved better than a dirty uncomfortable van anyway.

We went in and sat on the couch in her front room, "I really enjoyed spending time with you at the bar." I said facing her.

"Yea. Who thought I'd meet such a nice guy on my break from studying." She said facing me.

I leaned forward and she did too, our lips were inches from each other before I spoke, "Wanda? Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" she breathed the smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Can I kiss you?"

She smiled, "I thought you'd never ask."

I touched my lips to hers and we kissed for a while before I leaned forward and laid her on the couch. She giggled and I started kissing down her soft neck.

"I'm not sure we should be doing this. I mean I don't even know your name."

I continued to kiss her neck. "It's Ian."

I felt her neck tense up under my lips and I pulled back, "What is it?"

"Ian? Ian O'Shea?"

I was surprised she knew who I was, "Yea." She gasped and bit her lip as she sat up and I saw moisture collect in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Your Ian O'Shea….Capitan of the soccer team. I heard from my best friend that all the captain boys on the sports teams were supposed to nail a girl tonight."

I felt heat creep up into my face. She knew. "No, it's not like that." I said. And truthfully it wasn't entirely like that. I'd become more than just sexually interested in her, I'd become intellectually interested in her. She was hard working, selfless and the nicest person I'd ever met.

She wiped the moisture out of her eyes, "Oh of course not." Her voice full of sarcasm. "It never is, is it?" I tried to grab her hand but she ripped it out from under mine. "I think you should leave."

I got up and left. The next day I bought her flowers and begged her to go out with me. It took some convincing but she accepted. I left the 'sex crazed college jock' life and became a devoted, hard working college guy who was entirely loyal to Wanda. Two years later I purposed, right on this very bar stool.

Wanda. My best friend. My wife. My lover. My world. My life. My soul. Mine…. I took a particular long drink.

My glass was half empty by the time Melanie walked in and over to me. I saw Wes, the bar tender; hold up one finger letting her know this was my first glass.

I swear she thinks I'm an alcoholic. And I had to half agree with her. Since Wanda kicked me out and I started living with Kyle and Sunny I'd been coming here more and more. Mel only knew I came here twice weekly but I'd come in anywhere from 4-6 times a week to get various shades of drunk.

I know Kyle tries not to say anything; he thinks he understands my pain. Sunny put her foot down and said that I couldn't bring alcohol into the house and that I had to be sober when I was around my adorable niece Katie.

"Hey Ian." Mel said sweetly patting my back.

"Hey Mel." He said.

"How's it going." I asked.

"Good." I said motioning to Wes for my traditional four shots; four was her favorite number.

"Sure Ian. You look like you're doing good." She said her voice full of sarcasm. Wes set two shot glasses on the counter and filled them with clear liquid.

I toasted Wanda in my head and downed my shot.

I saw her, out of the corner of my eye, staring at my unshaven face and blood shot eyes. I hadn't been getting very good sleep. Not since I was kicked out. I blamed it on Wanda, she had me get so use to her being by my side that I couldn't sleep without a person next to me.

Might as well ask, "How's Wanda?" I didn't plan it but my voice broke on her name. I'm so weak. I thought mentally punching myself.

"Oh, the usual." Mel said with an air of repeating the same thing for the thousandth time in her voice, "Pretty much just like last week. She is enjoying her work at the flower shop with Lily."

I had to know and if anyone would know it'd be Mel. So I approached the subject, "She dating anyone?" I said looking at her and run my pointer finger around the top of my whiskey glass.

"No. Of course not. She wouldn't." She sounded truly shocked.

So Wanda hadn't told her, so I knew she was moving on before Mel did. I laughed, "Looked pretty cozy to not be dating him."

"What do you mean?" she said.

"If she didn't tell you it's not my place to say anything." I knew she'd persist.

"Ian, come on. Tell me, what makes you think she's dating someone?" she said. I had to get this off my chest, it was killing me. Even if Wanda hadn't told her that she was dating him maybe she'd be able to she'd some light on the situation.

"Well," I turned my shoulders to face her, "I um…. rode by the house on my way to Kyle's. It was kind of habit." Actually I'd been riding by to try and just get a glimpse of her to get me threw my week. "Anyway, I saw a car in the driveway that I didn't recognize so I doubled back. I sat across the street and watched Wanda and Burns, you know that guy you guys lived next to when we were kids. The kid that was homeschooled." As I spoke I relived the memory although it was a bit fuzzy from the alcohol, "Yea, well I saw them sitting on the couch talking."

"And that made you think she was cheating on you?" she said. She was trying to not laugh I could see it in her face.

"No. What made me think that was she had her arm on the back of the couch and he grabbed her hand." A wave of the jealousy I'd felt that night swept over me. I was always jealous over any man that had anything to do with my Wanda. I'd nearly got thrown in jail during college because of all the fights I got into over her. I'd once…. Or twice…. Beaten up a guy for checking her out. I was even jealous of Jared, he could at least still talk to her without incurring rath.

Mel smiled and put her hand over her mouth to keep form laughing.

"It's not funny. Anyway she didn't pull away. And then she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek." She was shaking with her suppressed laughter, "Stop laughing."

She took a moment to compose herself, "Did anything else happen?"

"Yea well she leaned into his shoulder. I snuck up to the window to get a better look and they were just sitting there holding hands her leaning on his shoulder. Almost got caught though. They closed the curtains after that."

I swear her smile widened, "Bet you waited outside till he left."

I turned towards the bar, she knew me well by now. "I didn't expect him to leave. Ya know what I saw was proof enough for me." Proof. Proof she was moving on. Proof that she'd forgotten our wedding vows to love each other forever. Proof that she was cheating on me. It counted as cheating since we were just separated and not divorced. "Anyway when he left she walked him to his car. She was wrapped in her favorite blanket. Ya know the one I bought her the night we got engaged." She nodded still shaking with silent laughter.

"Anyway. They said goodbye and before he got in the car he kissed her on the cheek." The jealousy flared up and I had to take a deep breath, "Then he left and she went back inside. She did some things downstairs and then she went to bed and I left."

Mel couldn't hold it in anymore. She started laughing so hard, I didn't see what was so funny.

I turned and glared at her if she thought this was funny she couldn't be trusted. "What the fuckin' hell is the god damn matter with you?"

She put her hands up in a sign of surrender, "I'm sorry. It's just you have them all wrong."

"Correct me then." If she could give me anything that made the situation not what I thought it was I'd take it.

She continued to laugh, "Burns…. Is…. Gay!"

I was stunned but I let a little smile slip and turned to the bar again, "Well that explains a lot." I muttered amused. I had to admit that was comforting. And it would explain why he goes to the gym but barely tries to work out.

It took Mel at least five minutes to stop laughing enough to talk to me again.

While she was gaining control of herself I became depressed again. If Wanda was seeking comfort from her gay buddy then that meant that she was upset and probably in emotional pain. The thought of her in pain made me want to die because I was most likely the one had inflicted it. I took two shots and drank whiskey in between. How could I live with myself for making her hurt; I love her so much.

"So found a place yet?" Mel asked taking her shot which Wes replaced with a coke.

How many times had I been asked that today? At least four times. First Kyle, he wanted me out of his house. Then my boss being curious then a couple of guys at work who knew about my being separated. "Nope." I said with more harshness in my tone then I meant.

She sipped her drink waiting for me to talk. That's what happened when Mel came, she'd sip coke and I'd talk about anything that had to do with Wanda while hitting my liver with any alcoholic beverage available.

"How's Wanda?" I asked again. Damn I wanted to see her.

She took a big drink, "Fine." she paused, "She asks about you." I knew she was watching my face I hoped that she didn't see the interest in my eyes, "She says she hopes you're well."

I smirked, that was just like Wanda. Even though she was going through a ruff time she still thought about others first. "God I love that woman." I shot myself with my fourth shot to drown the truth of my words.

I saw that she'd smiled; about now I'd be crying and I knew it was going to come up soon enough. I needed to rant about my feelings and that's what Mel was here for. I wanted to have her say something to Wanda, she'd wished me well so I should say something back.

"Next time ya see her, tell her I'm doing fine." I paused, "And if ya want to you can say I think about her sometimes."

"More like all the time." She whispered.

She waited for me to talk while she drank her coke and I drained my glass and got a refill.

"Mel." I said yawning, "d'you ever ask her where she thinks we went wrong?" She shrugged. "Because…. Cause I've been trying to figure it out."

I had been trying to figure it out. What led to this? What led to me sitting in a sentimental seat drinking her favorite number in shots and only venting my feelings to her older sister?

Wes refilled her drink even though it was only half empty and walked away. "Cause…. See Mel, I think I didn't…. show her how important she was…. To me." I looked at my wedding ring, "Maybe it was because we didn't have sex enough."

I saw her cringed. I knew she wasn't too fond of my talking about the two of us having sex because she was Wanda's big sister and once she even threatened to kick my ass; but I didn't care. "Maybe it was because I worked so much."I had been putting in a lot of hours before she kicked me out but I'd been secretly saving to have us go on a second honeymoon. "And maybe…. Maybe it was the arguing." We did argue a lot before we split up. "She can argue, ya know, when she thinks she's right." I took a bigger gulp when I drank this time.

"And she's, ya know, still important to you?" She said casually sipping at her drink. She knew the answer to her question but she was keeping the rant going.

I felt tears start to fill my eyes blurring my vision, "More than life." I took another drink.

"Why don't you tell her that?" She said. She always said that, tell her. Tell her. That was all anyone had to tell me. "You could try to woow her again. Ya know send her flowers and cute notes like you did when you were dating."

I let out a bark of laughter, "Mel she works in a flower shop."

She rolled my eyes. "That doesn't mean you can't try. Who knows. Maybe she'll fall in love with you all over. And..." she cringed again, "Maybe it'd make sex more exciting for the both of you."

I smiled a little, "Sure was fun when we were dating." After a month of 'woowing' her she finally accepted that I wasn't just looking to nail her and we'd spent the night together at her house while her parents were away and Mel was at Jared's. I remembered her and I's make out on the couch then she dragged me upstairs into the master bedroom. It was the best sex I'd ever had. It was like our bodies were built for each other.

She put her fingers in her ears but I continued, "I mean the excitement of not knowing if we were gonna gets caught. Me sneaking up to her room threw her window after everyone went to sleep and spending the night, then having to get out before anyone woke up." I laughed, "And going to bases 1 threw 3 in privet places like that part of the college library that no one ever goes to. One time when we were supposed to be studying she dragged me back there and we went all the way. Or the janitors closet at my work. Or-"

"Yea the two of you were almost worse than Jared and I." I was glad she said almost because she and Jared were defiantly worse than Wanda and I.

I kept quiet and drank while Mel drank her drink. When she was half done with her drink I saw her check her watch. Jared always dropped her off and picked her up.

"You know.." I said, "I love her. I can't sleep at night so sometimes I drive over to the house and just sit there." I said in between taking drinks, "She still goes to bed at 10. Then she gets up about midnight and sits in the front room till she falls asleep with the lights still on."

"Sounds more like stalking to me." she muttered.

"She's not sleeping well. I can tell. And I can't sleep. It got better this weekend though. I watched the kids and Katie, ya know Kyle's four year old, she fell asleep cuddling next to me with her mountains of stuffed animal. I actually slept with that little girl at my side. Sunny has pictures. She thinks it's so cute. The way Katie was snuggled up to me." I snorted, "Little Katie asked where 'Auntie Wanna' was. I told her that she was at home." I frowned and touched my wedding ring, "And Katie asked me when I was going to go home." A tear fell and my voice cracked, "I told her I didn't know."

I wished I could have said "as soon as your mommy and daddy get home" but I couldn't. I wanted to go home so bad; with all of my soul. But she was still mad at me, I just knew it. Once we'd saw each other and she'd met my eye for a minute and I almost thought that everything was forgiven and we were ourselves again but then Aaron and Brant came back over and threw some junk food into the cart and Wanda glared at all three of us and then with a flip of her blonde curls walked away.

"God!" I said in frustration slamming the glass down a little of it spilled, "She pisses me off. She's so fine in her new job and her new wardrobe and her…. Her smile." I couldn't handle the thought, I drained my glass in one drink and Wes refilled it.

When I heard that she'd gotten a job from Sunny I was happy for her but I was also a bit upset because if she could support herself then she didn't need me. I'd walked by a couple times and I'd seen Wanda smiling and beaming, really happy. I'd seen that Wanda had gotten a new wardrobe. The shirts, tank tops and dresses were all bright and soft colors, they flattered her in every way. Once I'd come by the shop before it closed and she was closing the door wearing a light blue dress with flowers on it. Men passing by would stare at her and then look back at her when they passed her, I wanted to bash in their faces. She always looked so happy and content with life without me; while I was having to rely on a four year old to get me out of bed in the morning.

"God. I still want her. I thought the time…."

"And the alcohol." She added.

"I thought that it'd take her away. Ya know, throw her and the good memories away so I'd have so many reasons to sign the papers." I took a long drink; Damn papers, "But it doesn't. It just makes me want her more." I wanted to die. The feeling of having her hate me but me loving her so much was just more than I could bare.

"Because you're not willing to let her go." She said putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Willing? Willing! If it'd talk the pain away I'd beg her to go. But that's the thing. No matter how hard I try…. She won't go away." I chugged the rest of my glass, "When I look at other girls with Brant and Aaron, all I can see is the parts of the girls that remind me of Wanda." I put my head in my hands.

"Like what?"

"Lots of things; Like one girl with curly hair, her curls bounced just the way Wanda's does. And a girl who was walking past walked with her purse the way that Wanda does." I knew I was going to cry and I knew it came out in my voice. "And a couple; the girl kissed her man with the same look that Wanda used to give me."

I remembered all those things in such great detail. I knew Wanda, I knew her better than I knew myself and I remembered every little moment that we spent together. Those memories just wouldn't go away and they're all I can think about.

I broke down crying and Mel patted my shoulder soothingly, "What's the problem with these girls? Besides the one that already had a guy." I didn't respond, "I'll tell you what's wrong with them, they aren't Wanda. What you and Wanda have is special. It doesn't just go away in two months with twice weekly alcohol drowning."

"That's hardly enough to drown in." Wes said.

"I know that the minute I leave he'll have way more than enough to drown himself."

I would. I'd drink until Wes said I'd had enough or Kyle would come to drag me out. "Mel…. I.. I can't go on. Not without her. If I can't hold her in my arms and hold her hand, sleep next to her, kiss her lips. Life isn't worth living if I can't come home to the woman I love and make love to her like an animal."

I knew she cringed again but I didn't care. "Then tell her. Tell her you love her. Tell her that you need her. Tell her that you want to stay."

I straightened up, I want to but.. "I can't. She hates me. You didn't see her face. The night she told me to get out. I've never seen such hatred in a person. I never thought she could hate anyone." I raised my empty glass in my left hand towards the wall like he was making a toast my wedding ring shone reminding me of the night we'd become man and wife. "But I'm the luckiest man alive."

A direct quote; that night I'd made a toast to my Wanda and told her and the entire world that I was the luckiest man alive. I heard Mel sighed. I really wanted to go back to my wife but I can't talk to her, not when she's mad at me and so happy where she is. If anyone deserves to be happy it's her.

I took a deep breath and hiccupped, "You know sometime when you see her you should tell her that I still love her and 'the lights still on for her'. At least that's the way Sunny said I should say it." Sunny had this little book of fancy ways to say things and she'd told me to say that to Wanda.

I felt a vibration and I saw Melanie look down at picture of her and Jared. He was here to pick her up.

Mel stood up but wasn't going to leave without the last word. "I gotta go. But Ian." she grabbed my chin and made me look at her. "Think about it. If you don't ever tell her you're irreversibly in love with her; and you sign those papers. She'll be gone and you won't be able to go back."

I didn't plan on signing that terrible document. When Sunny had given them to me I'd cried for hours and then put them under the duffle bag with my clothes. I hadn't touched them since and I wouldn't sign them until Wanda and I talked and she begged me to sign them. Begged me with those big gray eyes with the splash of silver. Her big long eye lashes. Her soft pink lips.

I spoke when she got about four steps away, "You know sometime when you see her you should tell her that I still love her. And even if it takes forever tell her I'll still be here."

She smiled at me, "sure thing Ian." And walked out.

Wes walked over, "You want another?" he asked, I nodded, "She's right ya know."

I looked up at him, "I'm not signing the papers."

"No." he said pouring the drink, "You should tell her, it's not fair to her and its not fair to you."

I looked at my wedding ring again and picked up the cup, "No offence man. But I don't really wanna talk about her. I just want to drink."

And I did. I drank and drank. After a while Wes said I'd had enough and I called Kyle to come and get me. On our way to his house I typed a text.

I STILL LOVE YOU!

I saved it as a draft and didn't send it.

When I got to Kyle's I went to my room and laid on the bed and tried to see straight that was a lost cause to I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting off. "I love you Wanda." I whispered and fell asleep to dream of her.

*offers a tissue* I'm sorry about that. Of course it's to be expected if Wanda kicked him out he'd be totally distraught. To answer questions; No-Ian is not an alcoholic. No-he doesn't attend AA and Yes-he's gonna continue drinking till she takes him back.

WANDA TAKE HIM BACK ALREADY! WE, THE FANDOM, CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE!

Well maybe Mel will talk some sense into her next chapter.