I know its been forever since I updated but here it is.

Now I know that the Ian chapters were totally depressing but hey, this story is sad. But now we can see the opposite side. *drum roll* It's the Mel-Wanda chapter!

DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me they belong to Stephanie Meyer's author of the wonderful book 'The Host'

Chapter 3: If you see him

(M)

I pulled into her driveway; she'd planted some flowers out front and had Jared mow the lawn so it looked really nice, normal even. But I knew what was waiting in the house was in need of more love, care and attention than the outside. No one would blame her if her yard got neglected just so she was taking care of herself, but I guess what are big sisters for?

I knocked on the door and entered. She was expecting me or it'd be locked. Wanda was standing in the landing/foyer holding a duster and dusting a picture of her and Ian that was hanging on the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey Wanda." I said.

"Mel, you're here!" she said coming over in a short run and hugging me. The duster fell to the floor. I bent to pick it up for her, "Forget about it. I'll pick it up later."

I could tell that she was happy to see me because she was lonely. It was a Saturday and she was given the day off. Poor Wanda, all alone in the house filled with pictures and memories of the man she loved. I know it would torcher me if Jared and I split and I had to be around memories all the time.

I looked at her; that defiantly wasn't helping. "Wanda, why are you wearing that shirt again?" she was wearing her usual 'I'm at home and I'm actually not ok' outfit of sweats and one of Ian's shirts that he'd left behind.

"Its comfortable." She said blushing and looking down at the floor.

"Don't you ever wash it?"

"Of course." She said sounding a little offended, "It's just comfortable and I want to feel comfortable in my home."

I leaned in close and pulled away frowning, "It's got Ian's cologne on it. Has he been here lately?"

"He left a bottle here." She said looking at her bare feet.

I sighed. She just wouldn't admit that she went and bought a thing of Ian's chosen cologne and sprayed it on the shirt every time she washed it. I wouldn't be surprised if she sprayed the cologne on his pillow too. "Why don't we go into the front room?"

We walked hand in hand threw the doorway to the right into the front room. The coffee table and the couch were covered in 2 years of dating pictures and her wedding and honeymoon pictures. "What's all this?" I guessed that she'd been reminiscing and missing him.

"Oh nothing." She said putting a mechanical smile on her face. She walked over to the far side of the couch to the ottoman, "I brought these out so I could make a scrapbook. It might be fun."

I looked at her feet and saw her push a box of tissues out of sight. I looked at her eyes and saw that they were bloodshot and the bags under her eyes were becoming darker. I frowned at her. "Wanda, just because you hide the box doesn't mean you haven't been crying. And just because you can smell his cologne doesn't mean it'll make you sleep."

Her smile faulted, "What are you talking about Mel? I'm just fine. I'm great even."

I put my hands on my hips and stared at her, "Just because you say it doesn't make it true." Her smile disappeared to be replaced by a sad frown. I softened too and made my way toward her trying not to step on the pictures, not an easy task. When I got to her I sat her down on the ottoman and grabbed both her hands in mine, "It's me Wanda. It's just us girls. I'm your sister for god's sake; you don't have to put on that fake bull shit 'I'm great' act. I'm your sister, be real with me."

She took in a raddling breath and moisture gathered at the bottom of her eyes. "When I'm real I always cry."

"Then cry. You can cry in front of me. Hell if anyone has excuses to cry you do." I said kneeling down in front of her.

She let it go. She blinked and the tears over flowed. She flung her arms around my neck and cried into my shoulder. I tried to look out the window, Ian had told me he could spy on her from that window, she needed to cry without an audience. "Let's go upstairs huh? It'll be comfy up there."

I didn't really give her time to respond and she was crying too hard to speak anything coherent. I stood up and she did to, being still attached to me. I was taller so she went onto her tippy toes to keep her arms around me. I picked her up 'bridal style' with one hand on her waist and one under her knee. She had always been small and light and I'd always been pretty strong. But since she hadn't eaten well the last two months they'd been apart she was even thinner than before. I carried her around the circle of pictures to the landing. I, with great skill and effort, locked the front door before carrying her upstairs into her and Ian's bedroom. Speaking with Ian last night I tried not to imagine anything that went on, on that bed but I laid on her side of the bed with her in my arms and held her while she cried.

I wasn't sure exactly how long she cried but I held her the whole time stroking her hair and rubbing her back. She liked that, ever since she was a baby I remember that our mother rubbed her back when she had nightmares or when we couldn't calm her down rubbing her back always helped. She did calm down and eventually stopped crying.

"Do you feel better?" I asked.

"No." she said sticking out her lower lip in a childlike pout.

I tried to think of something. I looked around the room looking for idea's and eventually ended up looking at my feet. I got an idea, "I know. How about I give you a mani-pedi."

"I don't know." She said in the same childlike pout.

I smiled, "Oh come on Wanda you used to love having me paint your nails. You said it made you feel pretty."

"I don't want to feel pretty." She pouted.

"How about I paint your nails and you tell me everything about why you're upset." I suggested.

She thought for a moment. "Okay."

I got up and started to walk towards her adjoined bathroom, "The nail polish is still in the closet right?" I asked almost to the door.

"Oh Mel. I have the color I want." She said opening her bedside table and pulling out a beautiful blue color and tossing it to me.

I looked at the label; it had been a piece of paper taped on top of the label. The paper read 'Ian's Eyes' it was obviously written by Wanda I recognized her handwriting. "You want this one?" I asked holding it up.

She nodded, "Well I can't see his eyes every morning so I have to have the color somewhere in the house right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Ok." At least she admitted one thing that was bothering her. But it'd take a lot more prying and coaxing to get her to let it all out. I nodded and walked over to drag a stool from the bathroom to the foot of the bed and grab toe and fingernail clippers as well as a filer, a buffer and a clear coat polish. I took everything and and set her feet on the stool while she laid on her back and breathed.

"So, Wanda, no bull shit this time. How are you?" I asked using the toe nail clippers to take off a little bit of nail off her toenails.

She took a breath, "Sometimes it's hard to tell." She exhaled, "Sometimes I feel like I could be happy but then the sadness overshadows it." I nodded. I could see that. "Have you see Ian?"

"Yep." I said grabbing the filer, "He says he's doing fine and he says he thinks of you sometimes."

I felt her toes twitch, "Really? He said that?"

"Direct quote." I said opening the bottle of polish.

She sighed heavily, "Damn Mel. Why hasn't he come home yet? I mean it's not like I sprayed 'Ian repellant'. I mean wouldn't he at least want to come over and talk to me? I mean it's not like we were married for four years. He's gotta miss me more than 'I think about you sometimes.' I mean I do. I miss him so much."

I rolled my eyes. He misses you so much. He's just too afraid that you hate him to come. "Maybe he will."

"Yea right. He didn't even come when he needed his clothes. I mean he sent Jared in to get his things. He wasn't even in the car." I nodded while Wanda started to get passionate and mad. "And when I went to give him the divorce papers which he clearly wanted," subtle with the sarcasm, "he wouldn't even come and get them from me. He had Sunny pass them over from me to him."

"Maybe he's afraid that your beautiful gray eyes will make him cry like a baby. Maybe he's afraid you're still mad at him." As if, it's been two months.

"I've seen him cry before." She stated. "And I love him too much to still be mad at him."

"You know what you should do?" I said.

"What?"

"Text him that." I said blowing on the foot I'd just finished, "Text him 'I'm not mad anymore.' Or better yet 'Ian I love you.' I bet that'll get him over here in minutes." Seconds if he's outside being your stalker again.

"No. I can't Mel." She said lifting up the foot I'd finished to look at it while I started the other one. "He's enjoying his new life to much. If he likes it and it makes him happy then what kind of a person would I be if I tried to convince him to leave it."

He HATES this new life. I wanted to yell. But that wouldn't be fair to the promise of not telling Wanda anything but the 'doing fine' and 'I think of you sometimes' stuff. "What makes you think he likes his new life?"

She didn't respond right away and I brought the brush to her pinkie toe when she finally answered, "I saw him. I've seen him a couple times. Sometimes I do a drive by of Kyle's to see if he's there."

"Not you too." I whispered blowing on her other finished foot.

"Did you say something Mel?" she asked sitting up.

"Nope." I said innocently.

She frowned; it didn't look natural on her. "Like I was saying I've seen him in his new life. He hangs out with Aaron and Brant at the mall and they check out girls. You should see his face. I watched as he was talking to Aaron one time. It was obviously about a girl and it looked like Ian was talking about her boobs." We both cringed but for different reasons. I knew who's boobs he was talking about. "And while Brant was watching other girls Aaron seemed interested in Ian's opinion or whatever it was."

I rolled my eyes and reached for the clear coat and she laid onto her back again. "God. I love him so much Mel. I almost told him so once. We saw each other at the store. I just stared into his gorgeous eyes for a minute and I was about to tell him I loved him and wanted him to come home when Aaron and Brant went to the cart with a bunch of junk food and I swear I heard Brant tell Ian "Dude Ian I'm totally gonna get you laid tonight." And I couldn't take it so I flipped my hair to hide the fact that I was crying and left. I didn't even buy the food. I just kinda abandoned the cart by the doors."

I patted her ankle in what I hoped was a comforting manner. She was on a rant now and I wasn't about to stop her. She needed this. I didn't want her going catatonic. Or become a alcoholic like Ian was.

"I miss him so much. God you know it totally killed me to go to the court house and get the divorce papers. Then I sat outside Kyle's trying to gather the courage to give them to him. But he hasn't signed them and I still have to sign them before we can turn them in." She took a deep breath as I finished the clear coat on her left foot and I blew on it to dry. "But I don't want to sign them Mel. I don't want to have either of us sign them I just want him to come home."

I sighed for what seemed the millionth time, "Why don't you call and tell him that." I suggested, Just make the first step and get it over with.

"I can't." she said hitting the bed with her fists, "I can't because he's got to still be angry at me. Plus he likes checking out other girls." I heard tears coming into her voice.

"What other girls could be prettier than you?" I said putting a scoff in there like it was insulting for her to even consider that. He didn't like it at all he just wanted to come home to her.

"Yea. That's what Burns said too." She said lifting her feet up after I blew on the other to dry the clear coat.

"Oh speaking of Burns. Ian drove by and he saw Burns was over." I laughed, "He thought you and Burns were together."

Wanda laughed too, "What'd you say?"

"I let him finish his story and then laughed at him and told him Burns was gay." I smirked, "He said that it made more sense now."

Wanda laughed but the smile that came with the laughter didn't really register, it was too forced. When she stopped laughing she turned to lay on her stomach carful not to ruin my work on her toes. I grabbed the three sided buffer and started on her left hand first. "Burns just popped in on me. He was so sweet. He brought me a fake wooden rose and we sat on the couch and talked. I was telling him how much I loved Ian and how much I missed him when he grabbed my hand. I didn't care ya know because he's gay and my heart and love belongs to Ian."

I nodded and mhm'd at all the right places while she continued.

"Of course when I got far enough into explaining how much this separation was hurting I got really upset and he had me sit next to him while he held my hand. And that's really all I needed you know? Someone to hold my hand and to physically be there."

I looked up at her suddenly concerned, "I've been here for you enough right? I mean I want you to know that I'm here."

She waved my concerns away with her free hand, the one not getting buffered. "Mel you've been my rock. I think I needed a man though. Not that Burns is really the man I wanted but he did his job. He comforted me."

I looked at her lifting a eyebrow, "What kind of comfort?"

She went pink, "Mel! He held my hand and gave me hugs and kissed me on the cheek. Nothing more." She hit me lightly with her right hand and I grabbed it and began buffering that one.

"Though I have to say I've been pretty…. Well horny these past couple of weeks."

Oh no not Wanda too. I internally groaned. I tried to focus on her nails but the words still came.

"It's not like Ian and I did it as much as you and Jared do but we never went months without it. Or at least not months without some sort of oral."

"I don't really want to hear all the fun details." I said hoping that it didn't sound like I was brushing her off. If she needed to talk about it I'd have to listen.

"I know." She said kicking her feet back and forth with her toes pointed, "But you try going two months without having sex with Jared and see how you fair. It's kind of terrible. I mean Ian and I had a relationship that was more than just physical." She got a faraway look in her eyes, "But when it got physical it really got physical."

I groaned and tried to tune her out focusing entirely on the strokes of the nail polish.. "I mean I thought he was so amazing the night we met. I know I was drunk but oh god he was so amazing and I wanted him so bad. But then I found out who he was and I cried myself to sleep after I kicked him out. I mean I was so devastated that I didn't even want to go to classes the next day."

"No." I said in mock sarcasm. She caught onto it but she didn't call me on it.

"Yea. Imagine. College Wanda not wanting to go to classes. Anyway I just wanted to avoid him and try to forget him. But I couldn't. And I saw him when I got on campus. He was in jean shorts and a gray v-neck. He looked so hot." Her voice was reminiscent. "I was amazed because he had flower. I went to walk past him but he stopped me. He told me that he really did like me and he wasn't just trying to have sex with me like I'd thought."

I snorted. I remembered what Ian had been like before he met Wanda. Mister Captain of the soccer team. Brant's captain and partner in their sexual conquests. But it seemed like the day she'd accepted that he was sorry he almost transformed into a different man entirely.

"It took pretty much the entire day for him to entirely convince me but there was one thing that he did that convinced me. And it was right after he gave me the flowers."

She had my attention, "What did he do?"

She looked at me with a smile on her face. "I hid under the bleachers when he went to the track for his run. There were a couple of the girls I knew for sure that he'd been with. Jealousy ripped through me like crazy and I watched as one of them approached him and went to stroke his bare chest and…." Her smile widened, "He stopped her."

I smiled too, "Really?"

She nodded, "Yea. She approached him as confident as anything and when she put her hands on his chest he grabbed her hands and put them by her side and I heard part of their conversation."

"What was it?" I really wanted to know. She actually hadn't told me about this before.

"He said, "No Jen. We're not doing that anymore." I was so surprised I felt my jaw drop. Then she said something like, "What is it Ian? Meet some other slut that you like better?" and he smiled at her and he said "I met someone who makes me want to be exclusive. I don't want to fool around with anyone but her." She got really upset. It was kinda funny. I sat there under the bleachers and laughed as she screamed at him and pushed him. And then she asked him who this girl was and he smiled at her and said "You'd like that wouldn't you. But I'm not going to tell you because she doesn't deserve to feel your fiery because I love her." That shocked both me and Jen. He'd said he loved me."

"Turns out he did." I said resuming my painting of her nails.

"Yea. But oh my god I waited for a month before I accept that he wasn't just looking for sex."

I groaned again and started a second coat of the blue.

"It was kinda funny because he was totally blue-balled for two weeks of that month. And I used that as a test. If he and I saw each other and he wasn't so blue-balled then I'd call it off." She paused, "But god I wanted to jump him. I had to hold myself back a lot. Then after the month was over I had him spend the night at the house. You were with Jared and mom and dad were out for the weekend."

I was very concentrated on the nail polish. I REALLY didn't want to hear what came next.

"I realized that I loved him. I mean it was only a month but he really cared and took care of me. Oh my god Mel. Ian and I's night together was the best sex I've ever had. And I mean ever. I mean it's like Ian and I were…. Welded together. I mean I kept expecting him to moan or scream some other girls name but it was almost like he'd forgotten about any other girl than me. He moaned my name and I screamed his. God that man is so good with his-"

"Yea. I get it." I cut in. "Please don't finish that sentence sis."

She laughed at me, "You said I could always tell you anything."

I nodded, "Ok. Anything but your sex with Ian."

Her face fell. "Why do you make it seem like there will be more sex for us?"

I shrugged grabbing the clear coat, "Because you guys are made for each other."

Wanda sniffed and I looked up to see tears in her eyes, "If we're so made for each other why isn't he here?"

I didn't flinch, "Because you screamed at him to leave and never come back."

She put her head in her hands. She was careful to not smudge her nails. "I didn't mean it!" She sobbed. "All I want is for him to come home where he belongs."

I sighed and sat next to her on the bed. She buried her face into the comforter and she let her arms droop over the edge. "Wanda." I said, she didn't look up. "Wonderer." Still didn't see those gray eyes. I took a deep breath. "Wonderer Stephanie Marie Stryder O'Shea!"

She looked us, "What?" she said her face in its pouting mode.

"Why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something to change your situation. Be the first one to say I'm sorry. Or at least tell him you want to talk. I'll even text it for you. You both can't keep going on like this."

She frowned and propped herself up on her elbows, "Both of us going on like what?"

I rolled my eyes, "You are so depressed you bought a nail polish that is the same color as his eyes. Ian spends most of his time at the bar you guys met at. I swear if this goes on for one more month Jared and I are going to be arranging your guy's funerals. Because you guys will probably be so suicidal if this continues."

She looked down at the blankets. "Mel. Don't get mad but…. I'm gonna tell you something."

"What is it?" I asked worried. This can't be good.

"I was shaving the other day and I kept cutting myself with the razor…. And…. It felt good."

I stared at her. This was the last straw. Something's gotta give. I couldn't let this go on.

"Wanda." I said laying beside her, "That's not a good thing. You have to do something about this separation before that becomes a regular thing."

She laid her head on the bed, "Nothing's changed you know…. The fire of my love for Ian is still burning big and bright. And even if it takes forever; I'm going to be here; waiting for him."

I remembered Ian saying something like that…. "You know sometime when you see her you should tell her that I still love her. And even if it takes forever tell her I'll still be here." I took a deep breath, "Wanda. If you want to cry then please cry. But promise me something."

She looked at me, "What?"

"You won't cut yourself on purpose and you won't mess up your nails."

She smiled, "Ok. I promise Mel. To both."

I smiled at her and knelt on the ground to finish her nails, "Everything will work out in the end. I promise."

And I sat there. Painting her nails and holding her hand while she fell apart. The only person who could put her back together was falling apart himself. What a mess.

Another chapter finished. It's so exciting to write this. But I do wish I'd get more feedback and more fav's and fallows. Oh well. It's depressing I get it. But hey spread the word. And look forward to jumping into Wanda's head next chapter.