How To Train Your Dragon: A Loss That Shouldn't Be
Chapter 3: Ghosts & Delusions

The days just seemed to fly by after the attack. In between the business of the island working to thaw and repair their homes from the Bewilderbeast's attack and the addition of yet even more dragons to their little hideaway, Berk was thriving with activity. Even today, the largest of the Rumblehorns and Monstrous Nightmares were doing a fair share of heavy lifting, carrying great logs of timber between them in order to focus on repairing the rooftops. The Deadly Nadders and Gronckles worked together to repair the damaged waterway systems, their spikes and molten breath essentially welding sections together. Even the smallest Hobblegrunts and Terrible Terrors did their part, scuttling into the tighter spaces that needed attention and softening the joins of new arches to bend them into place. Indeed, Berk hadn't seen such a level of cooperation between human and dragon since that first time five years ago when they had all moved in. A sight to behold and one that a certain Dragon Master would've been proud of. If he had been here to see it. That little fact still occasionally gnawed at the back of Viking minds, even though it had been a few weeks since they had lost him. They had just begun to carve out a statue to honor him near the entrance to the Great Hall, the structure as high as the doors and yet somehow not imposing like the other statues off shore. With a map carved under one arm and a gaze that stared off towards the ocean, the statue was a gentle presence, like a protector rather than a great warrior. It was to act as a reminder of Hiccup's adventurous spirit and what he had achieved to make Berk reach this point. Toothless didn't agree. As he sat on a particular high ridge, overseeing the village from above like he was looking over the subjects of a kingdom, the Night Fury scowled at the statue. He hated it. Too much of a nasty reminder the real thing wasn't here.

One would be forgiven for thinking that Toothless was treating the island like his realm after he had attained a near royal status as the new Alpha. But Toothless had no real interest in using his authority in that manner. It would make him no better than Drago to wield that sort of control. The dragon had chosen a much more relaxed method of leadership, occasionally interjecting in affairs to direct certain dragons to certain tasks or aid in the collection of food for them all. He had done everything he could think that an Alpha should do to protect those under his care and command. He'd swallowed his nerves and the lingering negativity that clung to his heart even after all this time when necessary, doing so in some notion it would help. Maybe it was because he was hoping that keeping his mind active and busy would distract him from the fact he was having to do this alone. Maybe it was in some vain hope that doing what was expected of him as a good dragon would reward him again. That somehow the Viking gods in the unseen realm of Valhalla would allow Hiccup to speak with him once more.

'Hiccup... why won't you talk to me again...? Will they not let you...?'

Toothless had been asking himself that question on repeat for a few days. Ever since he had heard his Viking speak to him, encourage him to take down Drago and his Bewilderbeast in the moment he had needed it most, the Night Fury had tried to make him do it again. He had fulfilled his duties, he had put on a brave face, he'd done it all. That had been fruitless, so he had decided to scour the island for something instead, thinking that maybe something about Berk itself was letting him communicate. Valka had partially scolded him for not resting after burning his throat, Astrid had done even more so. And Gothi... well, who knew that she could be so intimidating for a mute. But still, he had searched and spied and investigated anything he could. He traveled to the forests, to the workshop, to the Great Hall, to the Training Arena. He found no trace of his Hiccup, not anywhere. There was only one place he hadn't looked. But he didn't want to go back there. It was too painful to even consider. Despite all of that, the Night Fury was convinced he had heard something that day. It wasn't just his brain playing tricks on him, those words had been directed purposely at him. They had sounded too genuine, too real for it to be anyone else but his beloved Viking. Naturally, there was no way he could prove it or explain it to the others. And even if it was the case, then how come he hadn't heard that voice since? Why hadn't Hiccup responded to his pleas? Toothless sighed to himself as he began to make his way back to the village with graceful leaps down the rock. He was thinking too much again. Thinking had led to too many sleepless nights for him. It was kind of pathetic. The great Alpha of the dragons, their protector and commander, broken by merely thinking about a human boy. And he knew Hiccup didn't like seeing him in this way. He shook his head as he reached village level, walking past all the hustle and bustle of the repair projects in order to find something that would take his mind of it. Keep busy, keep distracted, keep yourself from thinking. It was all the dragon could do.

"Alright, that's one more down, NEXT!"
Gobber's workshop was booming today. Apart from the usual saddle building and maintenance, he was now knee deep in requests for brand new ones to be fitted to all the new species of dragon that had come to rest on Berk. And that had come with its own share of problems. With so many spines in all the most difficult places, how could anyone be expected to keep up with demand? Not to mention, the armored dragons from Drago's army were now slowly being demilitarized since the iron from them could be used for extra parts in future. He was just glad he had an extra pair of hands in both Stoick and Valka that day. No job too small to serve your people and all that. Right now, the pair of them were moving one of the largest pieces off a Raincutter, holding onto the edges of a steel helmet that had been fastened to the dragon's head. The object crashed to the ground with the other fragments of metal, just as Gobber looked up from hacking away at a semi-molten piece of his own.
"Grump! What have I told you about the forge fire?!" Grump himself looked up from his lazy stupor, rolling his eyes somewhat at the notion of having to do work. He coughed in a violent burst of flame, at least having gained some more control over his fire to actually set the forge furnace ablaze instead of half the shop. Gobber shook his head with a light chuckle. Some things never changed. Stoick let out a sigh of relief at having let the metal piece down, smiling softly towards his wife as she wiped her own brow. He took a few steps towards her and gently rested a hand on her shoulder.
"We make a good team, eh Val?" he mused aloud. Valka snickered, nudging her husband's chest with her much smaller fist.
"Even if I was the one doing most of the lifting?" she joked. She faced him properly, holding onto his bulky frame. "I know I haven't really said it enough over the last few weeks, but... thank you, Stoick. For convincing me to come back."
"For you, my dear, anything," Stoick said simply, brushing a hand over her cheek. Indeed, he was eternally grateful that she had decided to come back to his side once more. The recent times would've been torture to cope with without her support. At the same time, he also knew it was just as difficult for her as it was for him. It had always broken the chief's heart to see his wife in distress, ever since Hiccup had been born. All those years ago when it looked like he wouldn't make it, it seemed laughable looking back on it given what he had accomplished.
'I wonder what he'd make of all this,' Stoick wondered mentally, the thought of his son causing his positive expression to falter. Valka noticed it immediately, her own gentle smile threatening to disappear. To both of them, it still hurt. No amount of time would ever change that. But they would learn to cope. Valka decided to change the subject, tugging at her husband's arm to see to the next dragon waiting patiently in line.
"Come on, love, we still have work to do." Stoick blinked, breaking his concentration on his sad thoughts. Being occupied with the daily grind was a welcome distraction as he followed his partner's order.

As the orders came in and the busy nature of the day continued relentlessly, Valka decided to take a break on one of the nearby seats. She was content for the moment watching Gobber and Stoick work, taking a large swig of water from a mug. She had to admit to herself that it hadn't been easy to reaccustom to such heavy lifting after 20 years. After all, the dragons had taken care of most of those tasks for her in the past. But every Viking had to do their part, so she wasn't complaining. If anything, it made her feel like she was properly part of Berk again. Valka stretched her arms upwards, hoping silently that nothing would crack when she did so. That would show her age terribly. Thankfully, nothing did. However, something else did grab her attention when she heard the unmistakable crooning noise of a dragon coming up to her side. It seemed to have come up incredibly quickly. She turned her head, greeted by the sight of one such creature.
"Oh, hello beautiful," Valka cooed to Toothless, gesturing out her hands to rub around his head and bring him closer. "What brings you down here?" The Night Fury didn't seem to notice her words at first. It appeared he was looking around the workshop, almost like he was trying to spot something amid the whirring blades, raging furnace and racks of tools. Valka's expression hardened into one of concern, eventually touching Toothless' snout to get his attention. With a surprised blink, he hummed in response to her touches, at least showing that he still appreciated her company as much as he did back at the Sanctuary. That was an encouraging sign.
"Were you looking for something, Toothless?" she inquired, trying to follow his line of sight into the mess of the shop. Toothless was sure she wouldn't have seen anything even if he was able to answer her. No one ever did except for him. But he could've sworn that from a distance... there had been a glimpse of something in the reflection of a shield hung up on the wall. A person.

'That couldn't have been a person... but...'

Toothless had rushed to try and catch the mystery figure but had seemed to be too late to do so. Now he saw nothing except what Valka saw. The dragon crooned to himself at being too slow, his eyes drifting towards the ground. He grimaced at himself, feeling like he was chasing ghosts. He felt like he had seen this same thing a thousand times over already. Why did it keep happening?

'Stupid Toothless, stupid...'

Valka, guessing that Toothless' neck was what was giving him trouble and making him wince like that, decided to do a bit of inspection to distract his thoughts. As she ran her fingertips over Toothless' jaws to open them and inspect the damaged tissue at the back of his throat, they brushed across the many ridges and spikes surrounding his head. The dragon's eyes followed them as she moved. She could tell they were becoming stiffer like spines, some of the bases for new ones just starting to form under the surface of the scale. Seems that becoming the Alpha had led to a miniature growth spurt, the former Dragon Thief smiling softly to herself. Something about that fact of growing up made her feel a little warm inside, probably the mothering aspect taking over.
"Let's see how that throat of yours is healing, eh? Open up, now," she ordered calmly. As Toothless obeyed and opened his mouth, she watched as the Night Fury's teeth slid away into his gums, allowing her to see at the back of his neck. It was still a little raw looking with that red color, but much better than the hours immediately following the battle. "Ah, another few salve applications and you'll be as good as new. That Gothi can work wonders with those potions of hers..." Valka concluded, seeming satisfied with his progress as she rubbed over his tongue. Toothless snorted as she eventually retracted her hands from his mouth, licking over his lower jawline to settle back to normal. Valka smiled at him, gently rubbing behind one of his ear plates, an affection that was returned with a light pushing of his head. Toothless considered Valka to be one of his primary sources of comfort nowadays. The way she interacted and spoke with him along with the other dragons... well, it was obvious where his Hiccup had gotten it from.

'She has such a nice aura. Just like you do... did.'

As the Night Fury's expression soured at thinking that, Valka picked up on it. Toothless usually sought her out whenever his thoughts were getting to him. It was obvious for anyone to see, especially with the looks that he gave her. Every so often, he seemed to be at a loss of what to do and within minutes he would be close to her. She had assumed it was just the pressures of being the Alpha at first and she was the only one with the sort of experience Hiccup had with dragons. But because he always went to her, it was clearly something else. Just like them, the Night Fury was still hurting, just not from his wounds. He just wanted something, anything that reminded him of his Hiccup. He was tired of being alone. Valka was more than happy to be that support if it was needed. Doing so gave her a sense of a continued connection to her son, the one that she had only just managed to reconcile after 20 years apart. Now, caring for his dragon in this way even though he was no longer around helped to keep his memory alive inside of her. But Toothless seemed like he needed more than just that hint of a link. He needed his rider back home and Valka knew she couldn't work miracles like that. The Night Fury's previous promise to himself of finding a way to bring him back had seemed more impossible the more he thought about it. And that's what worried Valka. It had been weeks since Hiccup had died, nearly approaching a month. Toothless had not changed at all since. He was still nearly emotionless most of the time and when he wasn't, they weren't good feelings he expressed. She honestly wasn't sure to do. She had helped her own dragons when they were presented with injury or pain, even some form of grief when one of their own was captured or killed. But Toothless was a special case. She couldn't think of what to say or do to make it better.
"Wait there, boy," Valka said, raising her palm to keep the Night Fury still. Given how he didn't have his usual energy, it wasn't a hard feat to accomplish. Toothless did as he was told, sitting with his wings and tail tucked around himself. He felt an odd itch on his brow and licked one of his paws before rubbing at the spot like a cat. Valka smiled sadly at his behavior before she sprang to her feet, grabbing her staff and taking a few steps the other way to talk to Stoick. She needed help. The chief himself had just finished seeing someone off with a new saddle when his wife grabbed his attention with a light touch to his back.
"Stoick? Could we talk?"
"Of course, my dear," the giant of a man replied, following Valka's lead off to the side. Her voice was hushed, occasionally glancing over her shoulder at Toothless. The dragon just sat there, not even distracted by the noises of the day in the distance.
"I'd just like you to lend me your ear. I... I'm a little stumped to be honest."
"About what? Coming home? Val, I know it's probably difficult being back here after all this time, but you're settling in fine."
"Oh, no, it's not about me," she assured him, though she did squeeze one of his arms in gratitude for his concern. He had always been one to jump to conclusions quickly. "It's... I don't know what to do about Toothless." Stoick frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, he... just seems lost. Like there's nothing much of him left. He does his part for the other dragons as the Alpha, but everything of that sweet creature I met a month ago isn't there anymore. He keeps coming to me for some sort of relief from... being alone and I have no idea what to do." Valka's sentence trailed off as Stoick suddenly hugged her tightly to his chest. He could tell this was starting to eat her up inside. To be someone who had been among dragons for years longer than anyone else on Berk and not figure out how to help one of them meant a lot to his wife. Especially since this situation involved their son. He had known about that compassion since the days of the Dragon War and that's why he loved her. Stoick looked down at Valka, meeting eye to eye.
"Val, I won't pretend to know what the answer is. But if there is anyone who knows, it'll be you. You just need to think on what you know and trust your instincts. And, in time, Toothless will be back his normal self. It might take a while, but you'll see." Valka would've liked to say she believed him and she did to a degree. But how often had she dealt with dragons that had developed a bond between a human as strongly as Toothless and Hiccup? She sighed, thankful Stoick's frame was large enough to hide her face as she bit her lower lip.
"I wish he was here," she said simply. Stoick, freezing at the audible mention of Hiccup, nodded his head too as he stroked over the back of her head.
"Me too, Val. Me too."

A few moments later, Valka emerged from the bowels of the shop. Toothless was still that there waiting for her, perking up an ear when he heard the subtle vibrations of the beads in her staff. The Viking sighed, glancing over the dragon. He looked exhausted more than anything else. Maybe something to help him sleep properly would go him some good. It seemed like a trip to Gothi was on the table again, Valka settling on the idea as she knelt down in front of the Night Fury.
"Well, you're almost all healed. Let's go get one last bit of salve to get you back in shape, eh?" she suggested, trying to keep Toothless' spirits up with her tone. The dragon nodded his head, even daring a trace of a smile. He felt very grateful that she was trying to help. He followed her obediently as Valka walked past him, leading him through the winding streets of Berk and up the path to Gothi's perched house.

Valka lightly rapped her fingers against Gothi's door, the slightly cool breeze making the altitude feel much higher than it was. Why the elder chose to be so high above ground like this, she couldn't say. But Valka had to admit she liked the view. It took a few more minutes of patient waiting for Gothi to show herself, the old woman's tiny body stumbling her way out with a nearly toothless grin. Valka bowed her head as a sign of respect, gesturing towards the Night Fury before she spoke in a quietened voice.
"Thank you for taking the time to see me, elder. I just need something to aid in sleep. Specifically for him," Valka explained, gesturing her staff towards Toothless. Gothi looked past Valka's taller frame, her eyes squinting as she looked the dragon over. She hobbled a little closer, using her own staff for support to peer over him. Toothless, sensing her eyes upon him, looked at her a little unnerved. As much of a help as Gothi had been to his injuries, something about her overall demeanor towards most of the things she did kind of creeped him out.
"His throat's healing nicely, if that's what you're wondering," Valka spoke up, trying to be of help. She kind of had to partially agree with Toothless on this one. As Gothi continued to stare over him, the former Dragon Thief found this particular inspection to be a little unsettling. What was she looking for? Gothi ceased her inspection, seeming to be satisfied with what she found when returning to the small table of different bottles she kept outside. Even as her bony old hands did their work to fix up the sleeping salve, she continued to stare at Toothless. The Night Fury stared back, rumbling a little awkwardly at her intense gaze. But then he noticed something peculiar. The elder wasn't actually staring at him. She was staring slightly to his left side, like there was something hovering over or near his shoulder. But there couldn't be. The dragon didn't feel any presence looming and it certainly wasn't giving him a sense of danger. He turned his head, trying to see what the old woman was seeing but found nothing. Still, Gothi's stare did not break. She eventually finished mixing up her salve and handed the concoction in a small bottle to Valka. Valka bowed again in silent thanks, gesturing with her staff to Toothless that he should follow her back down to the village. Toothless huffed as his own way of showing gratitude, but continued to stare at Gothi as he walked. The old lady kept looking nearby him, following the... whatever she was staring at even as the dragon headed down the ramp. Toothless shivered, seemingly utterly puzzled. There wasn't actually anything there.
Right?

As Valka and Toothless walked back towards the Haddock household through the center of the village, they were surprised to see some spots on the ground were unusually damp. Some puddles had even formed, the source of the water having come from the nearby well in streams over its edge. The explanation for it was rather simple, one that made Valka roll her eyes. She knew it was probably the twins. They'd kept talking about making an exploding well gag for days. She moved her hand, gesturing Toothless to keep following her despite the mess as her shoes made a light splash in one particularly large puddle. As the dragon did as he was told, focusing his head on his current task, his own claw pressed into that same water when he moved. And something caught his eye. He didn't see it clearly and he didn't see it for long. But just like the shield in the workshop earlier, Toothless saw something reflected in the surface of the water. Something that had no place being there. There had been no one walking beside him when the reflection did just that, vanishing out of sight before he could make out any details. Toothless blinked, crooning in a confused manner as he peered at the small puddle. All he saw was his own face and the sky above staring back at him.

'Maybe I just didn't notice them next to me...?'

He shook his head. He was more tired than he thought, a sudden yawn seizing him as he pressed onward back home. The journey continued, just as two of the more burly Vikings hurried past with a fresh steel beam of Gronckle Iron for one of the nearby reconstruction projects. Most of the new houses were being reinforced in this way specifically thanks to the attack. But that wasn't a concern of Toothless'. What was a concern was when he saw the same thing again. He could tell this time it was a person, reflected ever so briefly in the shiny surface of the metal before disappearing from view when it moved. Toothless saw more of them too. Tall, black and red clothing, messy hair. No... it couldn't be. His mind wouldn't be cruel enough to him to start making hallucinations a thing, would it?

'No, it's not real. I'm just tired, that's all. I just need to rest...'

Even despite what he was thinking, Toothless couldn't help but emit a worried whining sound as they walked onward. Valka, hearing his sound of distress, stopped mid-step and turned back towards the Night Fury.
"Toothless? Are you alright?" she asked, her hands reaching for the usual spots around his head to keep him calm. They didn't seem to be working, the dragon's behaviour anxious. His eyes were flicking around, wondering when the next fleeting glimpse of this phantom would appear. Valka, noticeably worried as her brow formed lines from her frown, gently pulled at Toothless to keep him walking.
"Almost home now, come on," she said sweetly. Toothless had no other choice but to follow her. The workshop was the only other building between them and the small inclined path towards the house. Quieter now than earlier. But that only made what he saw next all the more obvious. With no other distractions of machinery noise or other dragons, Toothless found himself staring at the exact same shield he'd seen before. And in its reflection was the exact same man. The figure only stood inches away from his side in the shield, his eyes on the house they were supposed to be travelling to. His clothing of black leather with symbols of red was tarnished and worn, parts of it frayed and burned like he had been in some sort of grand fight. One of his hands rested against his stomach, a gruesome blackened wound still somehow managing to bleed over his fingers as he walked. He didn't seem to be in any pain. If anything, it was like the injury was just an messy inconvenience. The figure's hair wasn't even blowing in the sea breeze rolling in off the waves. But his face. Toothless knew it. Even with those weary, bloodshot eyes, it was unmistakable as to who it was. As if right on cue, the figure paused when he realized they weren't walking anymore. He began to turn his head in confusion, first at Toothless and then directly into the shield. The dragon and man made eye contact. Toothless' eyes began to well over, the Night Fury shell shocked as to what he was seeing. The reflection seemed equally as misty eyed, though more so in a way to show he was overjoyed that he could be seen. The dragon's jaws fell open, just as fresh tears rolled off his cheeks to the ground. A single step forward towards the shield was the only warning he would give.
Just as Hiccup began to mouth his name.

"Toothless...?"

The Night Fury pounced with a desperate cry, a sound that broke the relative quiet of the late afternoon. Valka spun around on the spot, just in time to see Toothless frantically leaping towards the shield in the workshop and tearing at it with his claws. The metal fell to the ground, the dragon's claws batting and scratching at it as if it would somehow set his Hiccup free. But it was to no avail when he realized the reflection was gone. Toothless only saw himself looking back in the shield as his beloved other half had once again disappeared. And it made him hurt. It made him ache until he couldn't stand it. It made him angry enough to lose control.

'NO! NO, NO, NO! COME BACK!'

The dragon's tail began to whip around wildly, fierce roars piercing the air as his claws starting to grab at anything metal to destroy it, to tear it to pieces as if it would somehow set his Viking free from the other side. The workshop was effectively being destroyed as Toothless thrashed about, shields and swords and the scrap metal from Drago's armor being flung about at random and threatening to cause some serious damage. The sudden racket caused Stoick and Gobber to hurry from the depths of the building to see, the chief suddenly leaping forward automatically. He'd dealt with out of control dragons before. But with Toothless, there was no guarantee he'd be able to succeed.
"Toothless! Toothless, stop!" Stoick cried, his burly frame suddenly lunging forward to try and pin the dragon down to the ground. Gobber took the initiative and got to the other side, grabbing at one of the Night Fury's wings even as he howled in defiance.

'NO, LET ME GO! HE NEEDS ME! HICCUP! HICCUP!'

Valka covered her mouth with her hand in shock at the Night Fury's behavior. It reminded her too much of the time that this situation had happened with a much more brutal outcome. Spurred on by instinct, she twirled her staff around her head, making it look effortless as the vibrating frequency of the head resonated in the air. It slammed into the ground and Toothless' ears picked up on it, his frantic flailing starting to slow as the sound began to calm him down. And it was then that Valka saw the dragon was not angry. He was not doing this in some sort of draconian rage, he was not letting out all of his pent up aggression after a month of keeping it held back. Toothless was terribly, terribly upset. His teared up eyes said it all. What on earth had he seen to make him lose control like this? By now, a substantial crowd was beginning to form, staring in shock at the Alpha having to be restrained in such a way. They'd never see Toothless act like this before. The dragon roared again, the sound breaking into a whimper as both Stoick and Gobber held him back.

'Please, I saw him! He saw me! I need to save him!'

Valka hurried over in a feral like stance, keeping her body low to the ground and towards Toothless' head. She used the same hand gesture she had done when they had first met, a gentle outstretching of her palm before rolling her wrist off to the side and down to the ground. Toothless' panicked eyes followed it before they rolled back into his skull, his head falling to the ground with a last tired whine. Quickly uncorking the bottle that Gothi had given her, Valka hoisted up Toothless' upper jaw and poured the mixture onto his tongue. That should keep him unconscious for the rest of the day if it worked right. Stoick and Gobber panted as they rose to their feet, exhausted from having to hold him down even for such a short amount of time. The chief shot his wife a grateful look as he got his breath back. The other riders had now assembled as part of the crowd, just as Astrid returned from a training exercise in the Arena. She hurried over to Fishlegs.
"What just happened?" she asked. "I thought heard a dragon all the way back there."
"Toothless, he... he kind of snapped. Started tearing up the shop!" Fishlegs replied.
"Like, seriously, totally lost it," Tuffnut carried on. "He has a problem with metal or somethin', 'cause he was just going crazy on all of it."
"And we usually condone random destruction, but this was just weird," Ruffnut finished. Astrid frowned with worry. Had the pressure just been too much for Toothless? Or had something else set him off? Stoick meanwhile finally managed to speak, looking towards Valka as if expecting an explanation for why he'd had to restrain a Night Fury.
"What... was that?"
"I-I don't know," Valka admitted. "I didn't see anything, he just started lunging. Something must've spooked him."
"Well if you could make sure you give me some ample warning before he destroys the shop next time?!" Gobber grumbled, shaking his head at the now sated dragon. Stoick scowled at his friend and shouted over to Spitelout and some other nearby Vikings to help carry Toothless back into the house. Valka in particular was more than a little shaken by it. Toothless was the Alpha and the Alpha needed to keep control. If he couldn't keep control of himself, then what chance did the rest of the dragons have...?

"No, stop! He was just trying to help me!"
It was no use. No matter how much he had tried to yell at Toothless to stop when he was wrecking the shields, no matter how he had hurt his voice trying to stop his father and Gobber being too rough with his dragon, he had been powerless to stop them. He knelt by Toothless as Valka sedated him, his heart breaking at seeing the dragon so utterly broken in turn.
"Toothless... b-bud..." He had to hold back tears of his own, slamming into the ground in anger with his fist. Naturally, no one would hear or feel that. They hadn't been able to do that to anything. He had only managed to break through one time, way back when he had tried to help Toothless conquer Drago. He didn't know how he had managed that, but he hadn't since. Despite all that had happened, he hadn't just faded away. After he had been struck down, he had found himself staring at his own body, bleeding and burning as Drago walked away. He had watched his own funeral take place, he had seen Toothless try to run after him in a futile gesture. He had been there when his parents had taken the time to mourn him for 3 days straight after the battle. He had been there when Astrid had locked herself away to give herself the time to grieve.
And without fail, he had been there every time Toothless had cried himself to sleep. That was the worst thing he'd seen.
In each instance, he had been unable to speak or interact with any of them. He was a literal ghost, trapped in a plain of existence that had him so close and yet so far away from everyone he loved.

It was like a form of torture, being forced to watch your loved ones weep for you whilst you were always mere inches away but unable to tell them you were still there. The Vikings had always described death as being a grand occasion, where the heartiest of all warriors would be hand picked by Odin or Freyja to spend the rest of eternity in pleasure and glory until the day of Ragnarok. They had said it was something all Vikings aspired to be chosen for, lest they be cast to the endless realm of the giantess Hel. He had found no such stories. He had found no such reward for falling in battle. He had found no sign of the gods they had held dear. Instead, he had been doomed to wander his home as a phantom, wounds and all. A shade that wanted only to be with those he loved again but could never achieve it. He wondered if the gods had punished him for his alliance with the dragons in this way. All the more reason to hate them. His heart had soared when Toothless had somehow managed to see him in that shield. It had quickly shattered when he couldn't a mere second afterwards. And now here he was. The young man, the former Dragon Master of Berk, a broken shadow of what he once was.

As Hiccup slumped down against the walls of the workshop to the ground, his head fell forward into the arm resting along his knees. His free hand clenched at the dirt in his rage whilst he wept freely. He had never wanted to do this to his parents. He'd never wanted to do this to the other riders and the villagers. He had never wanted to this to Astrid. And he especially had never wanted to do this to Toothless.

"Toothless... oh, gods, whatever else is out there, please... let him forgive me."